10112/What is a wolf without a wolf

What is a wolf without a wolf
Date of Scene:	19 November 2019
Location:	Andrea's Room (East Halls), Xavier's School
Synopsis:	Bandaids can't fix bulletholes.
Cast of Characters:	Rage, Icarus

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Rage has posed:
Girls are still weird, and Andrea has of course sent Jay a few text messages throughout the day. Only two of them had pictures of her though. She wanted his opinion on this sweater she got from the mall and if they worked with 'this' part of jeans, or 'these' pair of jeans. Now, she is sitting in her bedroom with her journal, scribbling away into it, dressed in said sweater and a third pair of jeans. Seems like she gave up on the other two.

Also, she skipped all her classes for the day for some reason, though faculty of course won't spill the beans. Gwen may have skipped the first two classes as well if anyone noticed.

Icarus has posed:
Unless those jeans were different colors or a pair was bell bottoms, he couldn't tell there were different pairs of jeans. So Jay did what boys do. He just made stuff up and pulled it out of the ether. Thus when he shows up, if one of those indicators is there, he'll think the jeans she has on is one of the pairs he voted on. Probably the pair he picked even!

He didn't even have classes with Andrea so he wasn't aware of her skipping (unless she'd shared it in a text). A knock on the door announces his arrival.

Rage has posed:
They were exactly the same color! Just a bit low riding off the hip rather than higher waisted. He probably doesn't even know the difference. Sure, these are the ones that /you/ picked out. It was a close call. The sound of knocking causes Andrea to glance upwards, then calls over. "It's open!" She closes her notebook and puts it to the side, then rolls off the bed with her bare feet.

Icarus has posed:
"Good choice on the jeans," Jay says as he comes in, smiling like he did something right. Never realizing these were not the same jeans he had seen a picture of. He leaves the door open but kicks the door most of the way closed. Gives them privacy but doesn't have the staff upset he's doing something improper in there. "Just checking in. See how you're doing."

Rage has posed:
"I'm fine." Andrea says with a grin. "Guess word got around I wasn't in class, huh?" She says as she walks over to him, curling her arms about him for a hug, reaching out with her foot to nudge the door the rest of the way shut. Thunk. She plants her cheek into his chest, then closes her eyes as she breathes in his familiar scent. "I'm still trying to adjust from last night."

Icarus has posed:
"You mentioned something about it but obviously text wasn't the right way to share. Tell me about it?" Jay gives her a hug, wrapping his wings around her automatically cause--well, she liked it. And he liked making her happy. Not that he disliked doing it. It felt nice having her there.

Rage has posed:
"I was hanging out with Gwen last night, and Miss Frost came over to talk therapy with me and a follow up on my mental issues. She went inside my head with Gwen and encountered Rage. Emma put her in a tiny box and locked her in it. I no longer hear her in my head. It's like she's gone." Andrea says as she props her chin on his chest, peering up at him. Her arms tighten about his waist. "I feel different now. She's no longer there in the back of my head, snarling at me or yelling or .. anything. It's just quiet."

Icarus has posed:
Jay frowns immediately, thankfully well above her head so she can't see it in that feather cocoon of wings. What is with this place? This is not how he remembers Xavier's being when his brother was a student. But now, this seems to be the way they are dealing with things.

"Is that good or bad from your point of view? Are you glad she's gone or feeling like they took off a limb?" He feels like he just had this conversation, which he did.

Rage has posed:
"I was able to shift to a wolf today without an issue and I shifted back without any resistance." Andrea says as she sneaks her fingers beneath Jay's shirt, then curls them about to settle on the small of his back. Her palms are warm as usual, as if they always were ticked up a few numbers. She rubs her cheek in against his chest again. "It's just different. That's all. It's been awhile since I felt like this."

Icarus has posed:
"I notice you didn't answer the question," Jay says as he keeps his arms around her, letting her rest there. She finds comfort that way when she's anxious. Which makes him have to wonder if she is as unhappy about this as Brad had been with his powers blocked. "Are you happy with the change?"

Rage has posed:
"I don't know. I slept in until about ten in the morning and then woke up and took a shower with Gwen who filled me in on it." Andrea says as she tightens the hold about him. "It's just different. I'll need some time to see what happens. It wasn't normal though, Jay. The voice in my head. I don't want to be crazy, or have someone telling me to kill and hurt and be strong all the time. But now that she's not there, it feels lonely. Sometimes I'd just talk to her, which really meant I was talking to myself. She was a construct of emotional pain and it wasn't healthy for me."

Icarus has posed:
"Was that the official verdict of Ms. Frost? That she was actually a construct and not just a part of yourself?" Jay asks, pulling back just enough to look down at her and hopefully see her facial expression.

Rage has posed:
Tilting her chin upwards, Andrea says, "It's what therapists has said in the past. I didn't start hearing her in my head until I started going through all of this trauma. Getting shot and stabbed. The breakup. Stress over tours. Terrorists. It was like my mind just popped one day and it started out as a whisper, then grew louder and louder, and then I found her taking control of me. I was like a puppet." She stares up into his eyes. "I just want to feel normal again and happy and not always feel so angry and aggressive for no reason. If this helps, then I'll be happy. At least no one is screaming in my head about red winged chickens. She didn't like you... or Mason... or anyone. She had cute nicknames for everyone."

Icarus has posed:
"Red winged chicken, huh? So you calling me a chicken was part of you that was sort of taking over? Or did you just decide you liked it?" Jay asks in that teasing tone as he grins down at her. "Well if you are feeling normal, and that is what you wanted, then that is wonderful. I'm happy for you."

Rage has posed:
"I coooould.. totally blame it on her..." Andrea says as she gives him a grin in return. "I talked with Brad today and helped reset some expectations for him. We're getting a haircut later so that we can take pictures of him, bring his sexy out." She says with a grin. "He's really cute. Has a nice body. He was not lying when he said he was a joke who played the drums."

Icarus has posed:
"Yeah, saw him yesterday," Jay says as he makes a bit of a face, moving his wings back and motioning that they go sit down instead of hovering by the doorway. "I was not happy with how that situation went for him. He isn't happy with his powers blocked. If he could see? I think he'd be happy. But he's still blind without his powers. Really blind, in that he can't sense stuff around him. It isn't good for him. I told him use the nullifier only a few hours a day to try to work his eyes into being used to things again. See if that helps."

Rage has posed:
"His eyes have become damaged from being blind for so long. He said he can see fuzzy globs, which is a good sign. It means that /for now/, he needs to give the process a chance, to see if his eyes heal. From there, we can isolate what the root cause is and why his invisibility powers make him blind." Andrea says as she heads for the bed, taking him by the hand for a squeeze. "It's like taking any type of medicine. You don't pop a pill and suddenly you're fixed. What's not good for him, is not listening to Doctor McCoy who knows what he is doing." She says firmly to him. "If Doc and Jean has a chance to fix everything about him, so that he has what he wants, his powers /and/ sight, we need to trust them to give this a shot. If he doesn't let his eyes /heal/, he won't get his sight back."

Icarus has posed:
"But they aren't going to heal if they are overworked on day one. He needs to be eased into it. His eyes were causing him pain last night, having to deal with all the light when he wasn't used to it. And it caused him discomfort and upset, having to fumble around without his TK. Like he was when he first had gotten his powers. I just think that he needs to take the exposure slower. He was really stressed out last night, I felt like. When I turned that thing off, he was able to relax." Jay has his opinion and it will apparently differ from everyone else.

Rage has posed:
There is a frustrated noise from Andrea as she looks at him for a long moment, then shrugs her shoulders upwards. She glances off to the side for a moment. "So, how was your day?" She says as she changes the topic, brushing her hair away from her face.

Icarus has posed:
"It was a day. Just a little confused by the school after how Brad was handled and now you. But yours made you happy at least. It's just different from what I remember Sam doing when he came here. But hey, I am just here to try to get me to move beyond depression." He snorts a bit. "Guess it sort of is working. I've made friends. I'm..." He stops before he says something, looking at Andrea and swallowing hard. "Learning that I can try to move on, try to find happiness again." Then he looks away again, down at his hands. "Slowly."

Rage has posed:
Staring back at him, Andrea tilts her head to one side. "Why can't you look at me when you talk about this?" She asks softly to him. "Be honest with yourself. You like me. You said that you did. You have feelings for me. I'm falling head over paws for you, but it's hard as hell since I feel like we dance in circles instead of dancing with each other." She lets out a breath. "But I hate feeling like I'm dangling. What if someone asks me out? Do I turn them away because of how I feel about you? What if you can't push yourself over the edge?"

Icarus has posed:
Hearing her mention going out with someone feels a bit like a punch to the gut. Then Jay realizes that he has no right to react that way. He pushes it down. Way back and down where it is hidden in the darkness. "If someone asks you out and you want to go, do you. It's that simple. I know that I'm not helping here." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm in a place that still needs work for me to get through. Honestly? That isn't fair to you to keep you dangling on the hope that I might be able to fix myself. If I ever can. That's the hardest part. I do like you. I think you are amazing and beautiful and a great person. But I also know that I'm broken right now and I don't want to keep you from living your life waiting to see."

Rage has posed:
"Then give this a chance, please." Andrea says to him softly, almost as if she was quietly pleading. "That night we kissed was magical. It meant something to me, and I know it meant something to you. You know that I'd turn any guy away who asked me out. I already have turned guys away." She rubs the back of her neck. "I've told them that I'm already with someone. I got asked out by Steven Ryker from that boy band Fate. He's /hot/. He is cool with mutants. I gave him a polite decline. Told myself that I was nuts." She says with a soft laugh. "But I know what my heart wants. My heart wants you." She shifts some to face him, leaning forward to rub her cheek against his shoulder.

Icarus has posed:
He has to close his eyes as he wraps his arms and wings around her again. While he understands, while he knows what he feels, he also knows there are a couple of major obstacles he hasn't overcome yet. Ones that are going to stand in the way of their moving forward. "Andrea." He pauses, clearing his throat a bit and trying to get the emotion clear so he can speak. "I care about you. I would in a heartbeat but you know when we kissed, when we've moved forward, I've ended up feeling so much guilt that I couldn't even function for two days." He brushes his lips against the top of her head. "I don't know what to do at this point because obviously, my heart is still damaged."

Rage has posed:
"That's because it was sudden and you weren't prepared for it." Andrea says as she brushes her hand along his chest slowly, tracing her fingers over his shirt. "We are all damaged, Jay, but we will continue to be damaged if we do not move forward. I'm just as much a mess as you are. I may not have a dead boyfriend in my past, but the stuff that I've done, what I've had to go through." She says as she takes his hand, then brings it to her, guiding it under her shirt so that he can feel the knots of scars along her stomach and hip. Her body is warm to the touch, a few degrees higher as always. "If I kiss you right now, are you going to freak out?"

Icarus has posed:
He frowns a little as she moves his hand under her shirt but it is just to feel those scars. "Those are from when you got hurt. Thought your healing fixed stuff like that up if given time? How'd you end up with scars?" He asks automatically even as he tried to extricate his hand from that location. That would be bad, to have staff show up when his hand is under her shirt. Even though it was completely innocent.

"Yes, if you kissed me I would," he admits. "Because it would make all the feelings come right back to the front but then later on, I'd feel all the guilt for betraying...her." A ghost. Someone who is no longer there but is so much there for him.

Rage has posed:
"I don't heal like that. My regen isn't like Laura's or Logan's. I have to rely on other people to heal me. I can heal a bruise or a cut. I can't heal someone gutting me open and tearing my intestines out. It's slow." Andrea says as she lets out a soft sigh. "I'm not as strong as you may think I am." Her hand on his chest continues to circle slowly. At the rest? She just softly sighs, her brows furrowing with a bit of anguish.

Icarus has posed:
"You are stronger than you think you are," Jay counters. "I don't mean physically but yeah, I thought that given time you would heal. So the scars would go away. Not that they matter. You're beautiful no matter what." He sighs and starts to get up, making ready to leave the room. Things have gone down the rabbit hole and he doesn't want to disappoint her even further. "I'm sorry, Andrea. In time, hopefully I'll be able to just leap in with both feet. Until then, I understand if you need..more."

Rage has posed:
As he rises up to leave, Andrea feels a pain in her chest. She's upset. Angry. Frustrated. She clenches her fists together tightly for a moment, then lets it out in a long sigh. "Okay, then, I'm done.. with this." She gives a motion of her hand up in the air. "I can't do this anymore. I can't compete with the perfect dead girl and I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough." She brushes her hand under her eye, working out an itch angrily before it becomes tears. "And it's not fair of me to apply pressure to you either. I never should have went down this road in the first place. This is my fault."

Icarus has posed:
"You are not at fault, Andrea. It's mine. I shouldn't have done or said so many things. They just ...Dammit." Jay swearing is an oddity. He doesn't do it very often and the vehemence behind the expletive is strong. "I like you and I didn't want to hurt you. I wish I was stronger. Better. I'm not. You are amazing and perfect. And I'm just...weak."

He turns and heads for the door, not even wiping at his face because, if he does, she'll know he's crying. Better to just get out of the room and give her space, time. Let her find what she deserves instead of a red winged chicken. Funny, it seemed fitting for a name now...

Rage has posed:
Sniffing loudly, Andrea rasps out, "I can't even get angry." She says, squeezing her fists tighter. "Come on.. say something you dumb bitch.. say /anything/."

<<PLEASE. WHERE ARE YOU!?>>

As she is met with silence, she slumps back down on the bed and turns around, grabbing her pillow and hugging it to her chest.