10248/Cookie Confessions

Cookie Confessions
Date of Scene:	29 November 2019
Location:	Kitty's Room (North Halls), Xavier's School
Synopsis:	Jason delivers a highly addictive substace to Kitty (it's cookies, relax narcs) and they have a heart to heart and both leave knowing they'll always be there for each other.
Cast of Characters:	Red Hood, Shadowcat

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Red Hood has posed:
After the talk with Lucifer and having Carrie drop in on him at the cave, Jason had taken some time back at the brownstone to think things over... it wasn't working all that well on his own, and Carrie had been right the people he usually talked to about these things were her and Kitty, though Jason would add Babs and Stephanie to that list as well.

However it had been a while since he'd talked to Kitty so he pulled his phone out to text her only to be interupted by a knock at his door, Mrs. Sheenan, pushing her cookies again. Not that much pushing is involved and she had spares because her children were 'watching their weight', something she says with an eyeroll and scorn, before leaving Jason with a box of cookies.

He smiles as he taps out the message to Kitty.

Jason >> Hey you busy? I need to get out of Gotham for a bit and I have cookies.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty's text comes back quickly >> Never too busy for you. I'm at the school. We've got a Thanksgiving feast going on though it's winding down by now. Football game is on. Since when did we start having 3 of them on Thanksgiving anyway! Get your skinny butt over here. And bring the cookies!

Once the text is sent, Kitty goes over to Lockheed, giving the little dragon a double finger ruffle along his bare skin atop his head. "Jason's coming by. He's been going through some things. If you happen to sense much, if you're worried about, maybe give me a little head bump or something, ok?" she asks the empathic dragon. Lockheed gives her a nod, resulting in a smile from Kitty.

She calls to those watching the gate to let them know Jason is on his way. Scott Summers cleared him to be at the school months back, when a few students were kidnapped and Jason's detective skills helped track the person responsible. Actually he was allowed down into the X-men base, even.

Red Hood has posed:
Jason smiles at the response.

Jason >> I think you spelt manly butt wrong. On my way.

And then he's locking up the place and heading to his car with the box of cookies under his arm. The drive was nice, it was Thanksgiving so people were mostly working on their second or third food coma of the night leaving the roads blissfully clear giving Jason a chance to let his Mustang do his thing on the empty (if slightly icy) streets.

A short time later, Jason had avoided major accidents and parked his car at the school after being allowed through the gates. Once parked, he makes his way up the familar way to Kitty's room and knocks on the door.

"Cookie delivery for Miss Pryde," he calls with a smile in his voice.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty checks Jason's reply on her phone. It makes her grin and she murmurs, "He does have a manly butt," before putting the phone away and cleaning up her room a bit. She hasn't been staying here, just breezing in and out for the most part, grabbing clothing or sometimes moving something back into her closet here.

When Jason makes it to the door she goes over and pulls it open. "Hey stranger," she tells him, the brunette's face lighting up with the kind of smile that lets someone know the other is glad to see them. "Come on in. I got some drinks," she says, motioning over to where she's got some milk in glasses, sitting over on the window sill with the window up to help keep them cold. She's got a little mini-fridge in there she could have used. But using the window just felt right.

Kitty offers Jason a quick but tight hug if he wants it before moving to let him into the room. Lockheed pops up onto his feet where he's sitting on the bed. "I must have done something right to get cookies," she says. "Because you know you didn't have to bring them just to come see me," she adds as she motions to the chairs in the room.

Red Hood has posed:
"Hey," Jason greets. He looks a little better than he did on Halloween, though not as bright as happy as he'd been when they first met. As far as mere physical appearance he's in his usual winter get up, hoodie, jeans, leather coat. He smiles when he sees her, Kitty's warm welcome reflected back in his expression. He hugs her quick and lets her go, before giving Lockheed a little wave. "Heya Lock," he greets the dragon.

"Well you're you, doesn't that deserve cookies on its own?" Jason teases as he flops into one of the chairs. "And I was planning on just coming to see you but then Mrs. Sheenan came by with some extra cookies, and I figured I'd bring them since it's been awhile since your last fix."

He offers up the box with a grin.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty's face lights up. "Oh, she's such a dear. Did her daughter come in town this year?" she asks. Kitty smiles and opens up the box. She gets out two cookies and puts them on a little metal plate and then puts on a serious looking pot holder glove. She holds the metal plate out and Lockheed breathes a little fire on the bottom of it.

Kitty slides the cookies off onto a plate and then sets the plate in a little insulated holder, removing the globe. She brings the plate of warmed cookies over and offers one to Jason as she takes a seat in the one beside him.

"These are so good," she says, taking a slow bite to help drag the enjoyment out. "Mmmm. Delicious. Please tell her I said thank you," Kitty says. "So how's everything else going?" she asks in a casual enough tone. She gets up to get the glasses of milk and bring them over, closing the window in the process.

Red Hood has posed:
Jason can't help but smile at the little display of 'Cooking with Lockheed'. "I really need a dragon," Jason declares. "I mean you've got one, Damian's got one... I feel left out." The bite of his complaint is nullfied by the laughter in his voice.

"And yeah her daughter is around for the holidays, which is good, she needs some help around her place this time of year."

Jason takes one of the cookies from the plate tking a much more Jason bite of the cookie, but takes time to chew and savour all the same.

And there's the question, "I'm lost," Jason admits, not bothering to dick around with hiding things and putting up a front, Kitty knew him the best out of anyone, so there was no point. "Ever since Bruce," he makes a face, "Actually to be truthful, since just before we called it quits," he says. "And don't worry, this isn't a prelude to me begging you to take me back or anything, wouldn't do that to you, just, telling it like it is."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty smiles over to Lockheed and says, "Well, I'm still not sure where Damian got his. But it's along trip to where I got Lockheed. And... ah, you really don't want to deal with the sleazoids," she says, her expression suggesting despite the odd name, that she really means that last part. "Maybe a little German shepherd puppy instead?" she suggests.

Kitty takes another small bite of the cookie while she listens to Jason. His serious mien is noted quickly, Kitty's face touched with concern. But mainly? She just shows interest in what he's saying, listening and nodding so that he knows that she's hearing what he says. Just the tiniest of shake of her head is given at the end, that Jason needn't worry she'd taken his visit wrong.

"You're lost," she repeats quietly. "Where is it that you feel like you're at right now?" she asks him, turning on her side in her chair and facing Jason a little more.

Red Hood has posed:
"Infinity Island probably," Jason says of Damian's dragon. "It's one of the places his Mom keeps all her cool shit," he says before breaking into a grin, "Please tell me the Sleazoid thing is a universal translator error, and they didn't really pick that name for themselves."

He shakes his head about the dog, "Not really a dog guy, too much responsibility, I've thought about a cat though."

Well before he moved into the cave.

The shake of Kitty's head is appreciated, it meant there would be a whole lot less awkward and despite the earnestness of the Kitty's question, Jason can't help but smile a little, "Right, I forgot I was talking to a guidance counsellor," he says before his face levels into something more serious as he leans back in his chair. "Hmm, not quite hellbound, but still a mess. Really did think I was going to hell for a bit, we've been dealing with this guy who calls himself Lucifer and..."

He goes into the whole story, Batman dying, apparently going to hell and being sent back, as well as the thing with the demons.

"... Anyhow, at the end of the fight, I saw this Lucifer guy's face, his real face... and yeah, I don't think he's joking about being the Devil... and that was freaking me out for a bit, but then I talked to the guy and he doesn't seem that bad, actually he's a lot like me in some ways we sort of bonded over our daddy issues," a smirk at that. "Anyhow, he told me just because Batman went to hell it didn't mean I would, despite my past, but, I dunno, not sure where that leaves me. I'm still messed up Kitty, still not right, he said that too, that coming back like I did, would make keeping on the right path harder than for others... and I dunno, been trying to contain the damage that might cause for a while now."

He pauses realizing he's been talking for awhile now, "Any of that make sense?"

Shadowcat has posed:
After Jason commented on the alien's names, Kitty said, "Ah, actually most people call them the Brood. They..." Kitty trails off before telling him about the whole egg implantation thing again. No need to make his nightmares worse. "They were sleazoids to us though, just... because that's what someone called them when we first saw them," she says with a shrug and a grin. Same old Kitty, same old grin.

She returns his smile about the guidance counselor bit. "Nah, just talking to me," she assures him, giving Jason a little soft smile.

She sits quietly then. Once Jason starts talking, she just lets him talk and say what is on his mind. And what he needs to say. She nods at times but doesn't interrupt even when questions might occur to her. "We both know what it's like to have something inside of us, that wants us to go down that path," Kitty tells him. Her own, the fragment of a psychotic ninja sorcerer's mind, planted in her head in attempt to take her body for himself. Still there, still needing to be kept down, though the ninja is dead.

"It sounds like you felt like you had no hope of salvation before. But now... it sort of sounds like you're back where you were before. Or am I wrong?" she asks. "Having to make the right decisions. Believing its worth it?"

Red Hood has posed:
"Ah, that makes sense," Jason says, unknowingly glad of the fact he didn't know anything about the Brood. Kitty was right though he didn't need that in his nightmare. "I gotta say, Kit, talking to you does put things into perspective, here I think demons and the Devil are the peak of weird and then you remind me you dealt with aliens and own a space dragon."

There's a smile for it just being Kitty he was talking to not counsellor Pryde, and he listens when she speaks.

"Sort of, certainly more hope than I had before the talk, it just seemed unfair, y'know, living a crap life, having what happened to me happen and then get sent to Hell. I'd been counting on some guy getting the drop on me and taking me out as my exit strategy until I thought I'd go to Hell after. So, good to know it's not a lock but at the same time I'm weighed down by the darkness, Kitty, it doesn't play fair, I mean when we were together, I'd been walking the right path for years, Hell, I even faced, the Joke, the /Joker/, had him dead to rights and let him live, I thought I was good, that maybe it was fixed I didn't have to let the darkness win..." he lets out a sigh. "Then it turned out I was wrong. That's what's eating at me, what if I put in all that effort and I fail even bigger next time, what if people get hurt," by that he means good people, "What if I bring heat down on Bruce. I've stopped wearing his symbol as a precaution, but I dunno. I feel stuck between throwing myself fully into the job and just going until the darkness trips me up once and for all, and walking away entirely, so the temptation isn't there. I know both are extremes but they seem like choices I can handle."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty gets up from her seat, but just to move to sitting on the arm of her chair. She crosses her legs, one resting on the knee of the other. "Sounds like it was a lot easier, writing yourself off and just waiting for it to happen," Kitty says quietly. "I'm sure that had a seductive call to it. Just accept you're lost, right? And then you just letting it happen becomes something noble, saving someone else, right?" Kitty asks.

She crosses her arms looking thoughtful, eyes off to the side before swinging back to Jason. "Do you spend any time thinking about the good you bring your family? Your friends?" she asks. Kitty pauses a moment, trying to put her thoughts into words. "I know you like to chafe with people. But surely you can think of times, MANY times, the two of us, that you could see how much you meant and how much good you brought into my life. Even if we're not together, do you ever let yourself see the good you bring into the lives of the others?"

Red Hood has posed:
"Trust me, it's not easy," Jason says, firmly but without anger. "Don't you think I want a regular life, to feel like I'm loved?" to be honest he wasn't sure if he did any more or if it was just an echo from his past. "But I'm no good Kitty, I came back broken, I dunno, maybe I had my shot when I was a kid, and after..." his death, "... I came back wrong."

Those were his fears laid bare, to about the only person he would trust to see them.

He takes in the other things, the thing about the good he did in the lives of others, he had to admit it was true, "Yeah, but I ended up hurting you anyhow despite how good we had it, right? I slipped and all the good times turned to pain. I didn't want that for us, and I don't want that for anyone else."

He turns his head away then, wiping at his eyes, too proud to let even Kitty see his eyes glisten with unshed tears.

Shadowcat has posed:
The school is quieter than normal, with some of the students and staff gone to be with their families. Not that the staff hall that Kitty is in is usually loud. But there is quiet as Jason turns away, dealing with the turbulent thoughts that have him in his grip.

"We didn't end because you slipped. We ended because you wanted to protect me from what might happen. I would have stuck with you. We would have got through it together," Kitty says gently. There's no recrimination in it. There's no blame.

"You haven't fallen, have you? If you had, you wouldn't be here trying to work things out," Kitty says quietly. She moves around in front of Jason, kneeling between his feet and reaching up to hold his cheeks unless he pulls away, so she can look into his eyes. "You deserve a good life, Jason. That piece of shit Joker did things to you and hurt you. And you have persevered. And you still want to do the right thing. You wanted to protect me. You want to protect Bruce and your family. There's so much good in you if you would let yourself see it. I hoped to help you accept that. And I failed. But I still have hope you'll find that, Jason."

Red Hood has posed:
The quiet is welcome as he wipes the tears with the back of his hand and tries to get his composure back. After a few long slow breathes he turns, not able to meet Kitty's eyes at first, "I did slip Kitty, I killed a guy." The words come out leaden, ringing with a booming finality in his ears.

"I had to, I didn't want what was going on with me drag Ogun back into your life more than he always is, if you fell I'd never forgive myself Kitty."

When she kneels in front of him, and takes his face in her hands he lifts his eyes to hers. "Not yet," he says of falling. The other words break him and the tears run freely. "I don't, I really don't," he says. "I hurt so many people, Kitty. How is it right that I have a good life after that, how do I deserve peace?" Bruce had wished him that as well, peace, and it had angered him, he didn't know what to do with it, it was like submerging someone who only knew cold it a hot bath, peace and happiness burned, but the cold of the darkness felt soothing, and familiar even as it froze the best parts of him.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty's hands move from Jason's cheeks, down to find his own hands. To hold and to squeeze as she looks up to him. "You do deserve peace, Jason. Every new moment is another choice to decide what to do. We can't go back, only forward. Figuring out how to accept our mistakes? It's so tough. It's far easier to forgive someone else than it is to forgive ourselves."

Kitty gives Jason's hands another squeeze. "I hope you can find that though. I hoped if you knew how I saw you it might help. But I know that you're still hurting. I know I'm not the only one who sees the worthiness of your soul. Your family and friends see it too."

Kitty brings his hands to her lips and kisses the backs of his curled fingers for a moment. "I pray for you Jason. I pray for you all the time. I wish I could give you that peace. But you need to find it yourself. It might come from inside. It might be with someone else's help. BUt I pray you find it."

Red Hood has posed:
Jason squeezes Kitty's small hands in his own, which is all the answer he gives at first, unable to speak to deserving peace, but at least he's not arguing the point anymore. The words had gotten in, but they hadn't taken root in his heart or his brain, that would take time and effort.

"It does help to know how you see me Kitty, I mean I know I have a hard time believing it, but that you believe good things about me, it helps," he promises her.

He accepts the kissing of his hands without protest, fingers wrapping around hers when she does it, "I know," he says of her wishing she could give him peace. "And thank you. I'm sorry I hurt you Kitty, that I had to do what I did. But I want you to be happy too, alright, whatever happens with me."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty looks back up to Jason. "I'm at peace, Jason. I'm ok. I know why you did it, and I understand and I don't blame you," she tells him quietly. "I just want you to find that kind of peace now. I want you to be happy. Because you deserve it."

She sits quietly then, just holding his hands and letting him feel her there. Her eyes hold to his, as if she could will him to see reflected in her gaze the esteem she holds him in. The person that she thinks he is.

"I'm glad that you reached out," she says quietly. She knows what a huge thing that was for him to do. "I know you didn't find the answer here you need. But don't stop looking. Please?" she asks him.

Red Hood has posed:
It's the same words that burn him sooth him when applied to others. There is a sense of satisfaction knowing that despite it all, what he did had worked, Kitty was safe, happy and at peace. "I'm glad," he says. "And thank you for being understanding."

The look in Kitty's eyes, the regard for him, that belief in him, it burns in its way but Jason endures it for her sake, to at least try and accept it.

"I've been meaning to since I got back, I've just been busy," scared and he knows she knows what he means. "I am glad I came though," he says and takes a breath. "And I promise I'll try to keep looking." It wasn't exactly what she asked of him but its what he could promise and still not lie to her.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty had long ago becoming proficient at noting what Jason said and what he left out. "And Mrs. Sheehan's cookies aren't a bad distraction when you need one," she says with a faint smile. Kitty lets go of Jason's hands to get up and go over and get more cookies. Repeating the heating process with Lockheed then returning with them.

She sits on the edge of her chair, facing him as she hands the cookie over. "What do you think you'll do next?" she asks him quietly, her head tilting to the side.

Red Hood has posed:
"True," Jason says happy for the change of subject, though as Kitty rises, he stops her for just a moment, leaning forward to kiss her cheek if she'll let him, a chaste thing, but full of the gratitude he couldn't put into words.

He settles back then considering her question. "Sit down to dinner with the family, make some apologies, then I'm thinking Starling for a few days, see Roy, plan my next move without all the Gotham bullshit. Just need time to think."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty Pryde does accept the kiss to her cheek, giving Jason a smile and resting her hand on his shoulder for a moment. A soft squeeze and then Kitty taking a seat again. "That sounds like a good idea. A chance to get away and think," she says. "It's beautiful up there. Can get away from everyone up there, if you want. Heck, there's even sasquatch if you know where to look," she says with a soft chuckle.

Is she kidding? With her weird life, it's tough to say.

Kitty says, "Anytime you need to talk though, I'm here. Phone, in person, whatever," she tells him.

Red Hood has posed:
Jason smiles at the squeeze of his shoulder, and lets himself breath deeply, taking comfort in knowing Kitty was there for him. Though the smile takes on a more curious and amused aspect as he asks, "Wait, for real?" then it becomes a smirk. "Let me guess, friend of Logan's?" he teases.

They were both hairy and Canadian, right?

"And I appreciate that Kitty, I'm here for you too, I know I'm going through some shit, but I'll always be ready to listen," he says as he reaches out to grab a fresh cookie from the tray. "Besides, I'm your connect for these cookies, so, you know, incentive to reach out," he says with genuine humour even if it was still subdued.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty gives a soft laugh and says, "Ah, no. Doug, actually." Doug is not only known to Jason as a mutant, but Carrie went on a date with him at one point. "It was, actually kind of sad. He was communicating with them when we stopped to check on him. And some hunters killed the mother, leaving two little young ones. We brought them back briefly, until we were able to locate more of their kind to take them to," she explains, running fingers through her hair. Yes, her life is weird.

"You're my dealer," she agrees on the cookies. "First one free, right?" She grins over to Jason, just like the old days. "I know you're there for me. I've never doubted that," Kitty tells him. One of those looks, letting Jason see in her eyes how Kitty sees him.

Red Hood has posed:
"Really?" Jason asks around another bite of his cookie. See, like he tried to warn Steph, these were habit forming. "Like went on a date with Carrie, Doug?" Jason asks. "How does the Bigfoot whisperer only score a single date with a girl?" Though the rest of the story has him frowning, "Sorry to hear that," he says about the dead Sasquatch. "Good you found some more to take them in."

Then he smiles, bemusedly. "I can't believe we're sitting here talking about Sasquatch. like that friend of yours said, you're guys' lives are super weird." Though somehow there was a comfort in that, as different as things got, some things wouldn't change.

It makes it easier to smile back to her too, and accept that look and her words. He might not be ready to believe he deserved peace but he was willing to believe Kitty trusted him to be there for her no matter what. It was a start.

"Thanks," he smiles before offering her the tray of cookies again. After all what sort of dealer would he be if he didn't?