1156/Attack of the D-listers!

Attack of the D-listers!
Date of Scene:	26 June 2017
Location:	Metropolis Stadium
Synopsis:	Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, and Dragonfly try to stop Condiment King and Calendar Man! Things go about as well as you'd expect.
Cast of Characters:	Booster Gold, Blue Beetle (Kord), Dragonfly (Arazello)

---

Booster Gold has posed:
"Sir! Condiment King and Calendar Man-- they've taken over the Metropolis Racetrack!" shouts a young rookie in Metropolis.

"...the whole stadium?" asks the Lieutenant.

"Well, no. Just the eastern wing of the second level. So a souvenier shop, a deli stand, and...." he flips through his notes. "A janitorial closet."

"Those two are Batman villains. Is he availalbe?" the LT asks someone.

"Batman's Gotham only. How about the League?"

There's some back and forth.

Justice League: "Who?"
Avengers: "We're busy with real villains."
Defenders: "This sounds more like a mental health issues."
Suicide Squad: "I'm sorry, but no one is here by that name."

The Lieutenant gets to the last name on the list and pinches his brow, heavily. He mutters a profound oath under his breath. He dials the number, already cringing.

Booster Gold picks up on the second ring. "SUPERBUDDIES INC., go for Booster!"

Five minutes later, Booster Gold and Ted Kord are flying towards the scene of the crime, a glorious blur of blue and gold in parallel!

"Dragonfly, this is Booster Gold! Booster Gold to Dragonfly!" Booster says into his wrist communicator-- which Ted has augmented to override every 'mute' option possible on any device in Dragonfly's proximity. "SUPERBUDDIES are go! Condiment King and Calendar Man have occupied the Metropolis Stadium! Rally with me and BLUE BEETLE en route, and we'll give those two LOSERS a sound thrashing!"

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
The Bug's currently on autopilot, and Ted Kord--secretly THE BLUE BEETLE--is sitting on the floor of the ship's cabin, tugging his costume's pants on. "It's the Beetle's time to shine!" he says, clapping his hands together.

"I don't know about you, forever-friend, but I've got a feeling that /this/ will be the caper that brings the Superbuddies into the spotlight!" Blue Beetle adds, adjusting his mask as he stands.

"Skeets is on streaming video for the adoring public, right?" he asks. "How do I look?"

The elastic waistband of Beetle's tightie-whities is sticking out from under his nearly-as-tight costume.

Not waiting for an answer, the 'azure insect' grabs his skyhook line and prepares to drop down into the stadium.

"Wait'll they get a load of me!" he cackles.

Dragonfly (Arazello) has posed:
    It's a beautiful day for shopping and people-watching, both of which Nancy is spending her all-too-spare time doing today. So what's on the agenda? Lunch at Calibri's. Slow saunter into Soho to find something eye-catching for the next off chance she gets invited to something non-corporate. Maybe a good afternoon's browse of the fleas. All in all a wonderful way to spen...
    Her reverie is interrupted as every mobile device in audible range calls for her hated alter ego. On behalf of the hated Booster Gold, no less.
    "Ignore?... or?..."
    She sighs and looks around for a place out of view for a few seconds' worth, finds it in a parking garage and, a flash of light, a crack of thunder, and the acrid scent of ozone later she's up in the air in her black tights. Looking very unimpressed.
    Hey, at least she didn't have to ditch her shopping.
    "Your waistband's showing," she calls out to Blue Beetle as she plummets past him to the ground. "Might wanna do something about that," she adds. "Before the cameras ge... Oh, too late."

Booster Gold has posed:
Fortunately, Booster-- and his ego-- will never know how much Dragonfly hates him.

He soars past her and grins at the insect-looking heroine, rolling over in mid-flight and showboating a little with one knee and elbow propped against an imaginary surface. "Why, hell-O there," he tells her, with his smarmiest of grins. "Nice of you to join the party!"

He blinks at Ted, and waves off Skeets. "Ted! Code 12, buddy!" he mutters at Blue Beetle over the comms-- and then, the three of them SMASH through the skylight, in a totally dramatic entrance that sends glass flying in a cavalcade of light.

ACTION HERO POSE TIME! Ted, with his Gadgets! Dragonfly, hovering menacingly! Booster, chest out, full of Canadian pride!

He looks around the area, confused. "I-- where are they?" he says, baffled. "There's no one here. The cop said they'd taken over the east wing," he remarks, looking around and missing the giant NORTH WING signage stencilled to the brick behind him.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
The Blue Beetle's entrance is /slightly/ less dramatic than those of his best buddy and their flying acquaintance (does 'frenemy' count yet?), as he crashes through the glass in mid-pants-adjustment.

Luckily, he's able to unholster his BB gun before they hit the ground.

Like Booster, the Beetle looks around in confusion before the realization hits him.

"Booster, you /dummy/! I've been here before. We are definitely in the /west/ wing right now! We've got to make it all the way across the stadium!" He shakes his head with a smug smirk on his face.

Then, the Beetle takes off running toward the west wing.

Dragonfly (Arazello) has posed:
    Dragonfly's nose bridge is going to get squished to a knife's edge today.
    "Trust my dragon senses," she says, pointing to the east wing. Where the big, clearly-visible direction sign points. "They're that way. I can ... uh ... sense their malevolant magnetism ... or something." She heads that direction after taking a quick side trip to pick up the Beetle. By the scruff of his neck. "This way ... uh ... prey bug," she mutters under her breath.

Booster Gold has posed:
Booster looks confused.

His Best Pal Forver, galloping towards... one direction. Dragonfly going in the other. Both of them /absolutely certain/ that they're venturing the right way.

"But... aren't we... are we..." he says, pointing after Dragonfly, then after Blue, then twisting in a circle.

He still misses the big sign.

<<Sir, I think you should listen to Miss Dragonfly,>> Skeets ventures. <<She seems to know where she's going, and my compa-->>

"Well, that settles it, follow the hot chick!" Booster says, dusting his hands and pushing Skeets away mid-sentence. "Let's go, Dragonlady!" he booms, lifting into the air and flying off in a gold blur. He over accelerates in the narrow corridor and slams into an overhead light, fails to bank, and breaks a display of expensive donors who gave expensive bricks, or something.

"I'm right behind you, good amiga!" Booster shouts-- and he starts jogging along at a good clip, hustling as quickly as he can.

Condiment King and Calendar Man are having an argument near the food lobby. They have several hostages who look more bored and weary than scared, and the two of them are almost blind to the world.

"No, that's-- no! Hulk Hogan was in Muppets from Space with Bill Paxton, who was in Murder the First with Kevin Bacon!"

"You IDIOT!" rages Calendar Man at Condiment King. "That was Bill PARETTA who was in Murder the First!"

"Don't call me idiot, you flopping lunatic!" Condiment King rages. He aims his squirt gun at Calendar Man. "Or I'll ruin your whole outfit!"

Calendar Man gasps. "You wouldn't DARE," he says, grabbing his sonic emitter and aiming it at CK.

The hostages just look boreder. One of them actually yawns and checks the time.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
His cheeks red--whether from shame or the sudden burst of physical activity, it's difficult to say--the Blue Beetle slides briefly across the hallway floor before turning 180 degrees to chase after Booster and Dragonfly.

"I hate--*huff*--the both--*chuff*--of--*huff*--you!" he sputters out between heaving gasps of air and something that roughly passes for sprinting.

Before long, though, he's close enough to hear the villains' argument. Shuffling up to a corner, the gadgeteer peeks around to see and assess the situation.

"Booster," the Beetle says with an exasperated sigh, "these morons can't even get a movie title correctly. I mean, it's 'Murder /in/ the First', ugh!"

Dragonfly (Arazello) has posed:
    "I'm not with them," Dragonfly apologizes as she passes behind Booster and winces at the damage. The stunned passer-by just nods in blank incomprehension and adopts the better part of valour as a strategy. "No, really, I'm not!" she calls behind her for emphasis. "Please believe me! Make sure people know!"
    She glares in Booster's direction and catches up to him as he reaches the food lobby, pausing in mid-air, reflexively "seating" herself cross-legged and observing before making a move.
    "OK, this looks like a simple one-two," she opines to Booster. "The threat, such as it is, is in those two armed lunatics. You and I can close that gap before they're aware we're here; take them out of the way of the hostages, maybe take them out completely. Then Beetle can scuttle in behind and start evacuating the hostages, protecting them from stray shots and the like."
    She turns her head to see Booster's reaction to her suggestion...
    ...only to see his backside as he floats forward, posing heroically for Skeets' camera, smiling broadly before saying, "Evil-doers BEWARE! The Superbuddies have a date to clean the stains of your vileness!"

Booster Gold has posed:
Condiment King and Calendar Man stare at Booster, just... agog.

"Is he for real?" one of the civilians asks them.

Calendar Man shrugs at her a little helplessly, and she shrugs back.

"Wow, what kind of D-listers are they sending?" Condiment King asks, half raising his gun at Booster. A little blorble of red ketchup hits the ground.

"D-lister? I'm BOOSTER GOLD! And these are the SUPERBUDDIES!" Booster says, swinging a hand at his allies. "We're the real deal, chief! We're heroes! We're hip! We're here to kick butt!"

<<And get it all on YouTube!>> Skeets adds, swirling around in a gold-plated blur.

"Woah, I'm on YouTube?" Condiment King asks, jaw dropping. "That's awesome!"

"You amateur!" Calendar Man barks-- and he raises his megaphone at the trio. Sound waves of incredible percussive force wave out at them, bending the air, and Booster steps back with a grunt of surprise as his force field fails to mitigate all but the bulk of the impact.

"....!" he yells at Blue Beetle-- but nothing can be heard!

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
Although Blue Beetle nods intently in response to Dragonfly's sound tactics, once Booster begins his play, all the strategy's thrown out the window.

"Come on, lady, let's do this!" he screams before running out toward the hostages.

The Beetle's delayed rush means that he misses the Calendar Man's sonic barrage. However, Blue Beetle provides his own, firing his air gun wildly as he leaps into the air, stepping onto a small table and then diving for cover behind a food stand.

*POOM* *POOM* *POOM* goes the air gun.

Napkin containers explode. Salt shakers go flying. Nacho cheese defies gravity. The hostages are coated in snacks.

Dragonfly (Arazello) has posed:
    "I'm not with th..." The rest of that sentence is cut off by the sound waves that send Dragonfly soaring back into the stairwell as she is taken by surprise. Smashing upside-down into the railing, she's momentarily pinned, embedded into the metal bars that have bent to form-fit her like her outfit. "That's IT!" she yells, unheard over the unholy noise, but hey, that one deaf hostage can almost certainly read her lips, right? Even when upside-down?
    She gestures with one arm and the force blast released her, directing to each side of her like rain hitting an umbrella. She stares at Calendar Man as she starts to slowly fly toward him, removing her glasses and fixing her bug eyes on him as she approaches.
    "I hope you're not too attached to those limbs."

Booster Gold has posed:
Ted's barrage is met with the Condiment King's cannon of saucy surprises, and almost in slow-motion, he leaps in the same direction as Ted does.

*PLURT* *PLURT* *PLURT* goes the gun (albeit a little muffled) and a stream of ketchup, mayo, and mustard flies at Ted. All three miss. The mayo sticks a salt shaker to the wall-- a glue projectile! The mustard slaps against a tile and hisses with a bubble of carbolic acid!

The ketchup splatters against something and does nothing important. It looks like ketchup.

Condiment King and Ted engage each other in a wild gunfight from less than ten feet away, hiding behind an upturned table and a rolling souvenier cart, respectively. It's a gunfight for the ages! Mostly because neither of them are really taking the time to aim, and it's just making an absolutely ungodly mess as they shoot at one another.

Booster staggers as the sonic gun stops ringing his ears, and Calendar Man aims it at Dragonfly.

"...!" Booster says-- but it seems he's been muted by the weapon. Heroically, he flings himself in front of Dragonfly, holding back the surge of sound with one outstretched hand like he's trying to force a cap back on a fire hydrant. He leaaaans into it dramatically, his force field flickering.

"...!" he says. "..." "...." "..." He makes an impassioned gesture at Dragonfly. "...." And he points at Calendar Man. Whatever he's saying sure looks like a roundly resonate speech.

Skeets looks at Dragonfly, and makes a dippy-bob gesture that resembles a shrug at her.

"..., ...., ...," Booster yells, his chest swelling-- almost close enough to grab Calendar Man, still speaking to Dragonfly---

"..and look, I mean, let's just get some wine, some Netflix, and just see where the eveni-- oh, am I back on?" he asks, blinking as he can hear his own voice again. "Oh, that's good."

Calendar Man stares at Booster, then looks at Dragonfly.

"Please, /please/, if one of you is gonna arrest me-- don't let it be him," the older villain tells her, mustering as much dignity as possible.

Condiment King frowns at his gun from cover, and whacks it, and then curses under his breath. "Hey, Blue Guy! Time out! My gun's not working!" he requests, fiddling with the weapon.

Dragonfly (Arazello) has posed:
    "Yeah, I'll take the collar here," Dragonfly says. Her tone is dead even. Devoid of mercy, but devoid of the momentary rage as well. Nobody deserved being collared by Booster Gold. "Boost, darling," she says with a saccharine smile. "Your buddy needs help. You've cowed this one enough for li'l ol' me to handle I think."
    Her head swivels over to gaze at Calendar Man. "He'll behave now, won't he? Because he doesn't want his limbs rearranged in impromptu public surgical procedures."
    She leans casually on a concrete pillar, clenching her hand briefly and pulling it away with a large chunk of reinforced concrete inside. You can still even see a piece of snapped rebar.
    "So you'll be good, right, sugar?" she asks the man with a tight, mirthless smile.
    Behind her a crack spreads out from the too-large chunk she took out of the pillar.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
From his own cover, the Blue Beetle weighs his options quietly for a moment.

"I just have to remember what my former mentor, Professor Dan Garrett, once told me," he mutters.

IN TED'S MIND, SOME TIME AGO...

"Ted, my boy," Dan Garrett says, holding a pipe in his hand, "if there's one thing I can absolutely tell you from my time as the Blue Beetle...if a criminal tells you they want a time out, what they really want is a punch. In the face. And if their name is stupid, kick 'em in the ol' mommy-daddy place, too."

"Thanks, Dan!" a younger Ted Kord says cheerfully, eyes wide in awe of his hero.

BACK TO NOW...

"Uhh...yeah, sure thing, pal!" Blue Beetle says, before launching himself over the table he's hiding behind to try and kick Condiment King squarely in the teeth. While he's in midair, he also aims his air gun at the villain's crotch.

As the Beetle begins his move, however, he has to balance himself momentarily on a puddle of ketchup. Will it be his untimely undoing?!

Booster Gold has posed:
"Young lady, I--" Calendar Man's eyes bulge. Not at the casual superstrength-- but the crack creeping up the concrete pillar. "That's-- that's a load bearing beam," he says, backing up an alarmed pace. The crack grows longer. And longer. And louder.

"Gee whiz, thanks pal," Condiment King says, standing up with relief. "I think it's the valv-HRRRRK," he gasps, eyes bulging behind his mask. He falls over backwards, holding his face. "MY MOUF! MY MOUF! YOU HUMFERUFFER!" he cries out, rolling back and forth in visible pain with a cracked jaw. He whimpers and moans, clearly knocked out of the fight by Ted's dirty pool.

Booster's jaw drops at Blue Beetle. "TED!" he bellows at his friend. "The guy was SURRENDERING! Do you not know what Time Out means?" he asks, dumbstuck. He clucks his tongue and gives Ted a look of /supreme/ disapproval.

The ketchup smears a little under Ted's foot. Somewhere, Chekov sighs in relief.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
Perplexed, Blue Beetle looks back and forth between Booster Gold and Condiment King. "Whaaaat?!" he cries, confused. "The guy wanted a detente! Now he'll need...a /dentist/!"

The Blue Beetle stands proudly, hands on his hips, while he poses for the cameras. Then, he pivots back toward the Condiment King, and he slips on the ketchup, landing on his rear. "Ow!" the hero cries.

His air gun goes off in the Condiment King's direction. Again.

Dragonfly (Arazello) has posed:
    "Don't even START trying to run away, buster!" Dragonfly exclaims irritably. She reaches forward to grab Calendar man before he can scramble out of arm's reach, pulling him up to stare him eye to eye. "This is not shaping up to be my best day and I may just start taking it out on other people!"
    It's probably for the best that she did this as a piece of the high arch above the food court crashes down where the man would have been had he been allowed to scramble back. And, for that matter, where Dragonfly is. A man-sized chunk of concrete hits the back of her head with sizable force, scattering debris like shrapnel around the food court.
    "Oops! Time to evacuate!" she shouts, keeping her grip on the front of Calendar Man's costume while ignobly grabbing as many people as she can with an arm gesture and just sending them sliding along the floor outside of the danger zone.
    Another piece of concrete hits her in the head. This time, however, it isn't ignored and doesn't spall into a hundred pieces. It takes her down like a pole-axed steer as she drops atop the villain in her charge.
    Condiment King whines in a suspiciously high voice, "Now that was just GRATUITOUS!"

Booster Gold has posed:
"No-- the-- concrete-- young lady!" The Calendar Man looks more and more panicked as the rooftop starts to come down around them. The hostages get clear, and the rest are flung far by Dragonfly's telekinesis. They start running, then screaming, as the sections around the little area collapse in a chain. Shoddy contracting combined with casual destriction seem to be doing more than a little bit of damage to the structural supports, and a chain reaction drops more and more ceiling.

Booster soars forward, grabbing Ted by the back of his belt-- except he grabs a handful of Ted's tighty-whities, still sticking out-- and hauls on Condiment King's ankle.

"Oh for the love of--" he groans at Dragonfly as she drops, too, and lands atop her.

Just as the ceiling collapses for fifty yards in every direction, Booster shoots out of an expanding dust cloud with Condiment King in his left hand, Blue Beetle hauled along with the atomic wedgie of a lifetime, and his sturdy gold-plated thighs wrapped around Dragonfly's midsection.

They land in a giant heap, right next to Calendar Man and the detective putting handcuffs on him.

Booster coughs twice, looking around blearily-- then holds up Condiment King at one of the cops nearby.

"Book 'em, Danno!"

Booster Gold has posed:
Somewhere, Chekov starts laughing maniacally. And you thought we'd forgotten!