12609/Scientific Progress Goes 'MWOOP!'

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Scientific Progress Goes 'MWOOP!'
Date of Scene: 03 January 2021
Location: Tony's Office - Stark Tower
Synopsis: Intrigue! Fashion! The Naaaaaaaail Gun!
Cast of Characters: Iron Man, Pepper Potts




Iron Man has posed:
"I swear to god, Dummy, and I don't do that often, because I'm an athiest, but I'm gonna make an exception this time, and swear to god that if you bolt my faceplate closed again... I'm gonna..."

"Mwoop!?"

"What do you mean 'I' bolted it closed? You're defective, after I wipe your memory I'm going to melt you with acid."

"Mwoooooooop..."

The ever-dutiful robot assistant opens and closes his fingers/face, picking up what looks like some sort of rivet gun that Nerf would make in the Year 3000. The wide, clumsy arc that the giant arm follows ends up bringing the rivet gun up and over, until it's roughly level with Tony Stark's completely unprotected face.

The sun peaks in through the enormous windows that take up the majority of the wall space in Tony's office, but despite the fact that it's mid-day, the CEO of one of the world's biggest tech conglomerates is standing on a plastic stool, in his pajamas, with a coffee cup in one hand and battery-powered drill in the other.

"That's it, a little closer, try to point it right up my nose this time."

"Mwoop!"

Pepper Potts has posed:
"Tony, I really need you to sign the acquisiton forms for Nadel Tech, there was a meeting this afternoon and..." Pepper's started speaking the moment she entered the room, her mind running a thousand miles an hour faster than things normally happen around here. But that's typical. That means it takes her just a few moments to process what is happening and just how close Dummy is to putting Tony's eye out with that thing.

"Tony! What... What in *hell* are you doing and why is he putting that up your NOSE? You could ask for *help* on occasion, you know." Pepper's now double timing it over to his side on her impossibly high heeled pumps. No one should run in those, but she's gotten used to it over the years. She lets out a little huff as she stands there, now trying to assess the situation.

"I'm here. Tell me how to help so I can get you out of that thing and actually get these papers signed." Her voice is both annoyed but also slightly resigned to the fact that this isn't the first time she's been suit-nurse. At least she's not reaching into his chest again.

Iron Man has posed:
"You've done it now, Dummy. Fun police are here, better flush your drugs."

"Mwoop!?"

As per usual, Tony looks as if he's guilty of something. But also as per usual, the thing that she thinks he's guilty of may not be exactly the thing that he's guilty of. He's habitually guilty of Something Else, which is really the only way to get away with things.

"Oh hi Pepper! Everything's under control here, just testing out the RDF System, which I just invented, it's gonna make us like a trillion dollars, might not sell it though..."

"Mwoop!"

"Don't listen to him, Pepper, it's perfectly safe and... actually, yes, there IS something that I could use help with, now that you're here."

Tony holds out his hand, offering her the coffee cup which is completely empty and may have even had coffee in it. But it was probably something else.

"Could you take that, please, and flip the record over? Dummy was supposed to do it earlier, but he's worthless."

"MWOOP!"

Pepper Potts has posed:
The coffee cup is taken before she even realizes what she's doing. She lets out a little, slightly frustrated breath and gives it a little sniff as she steps over to set it aside. She's *not* refilling it with whatever he had in there. "I wasn't actually worried about it being dangerous until you said it was perfectly safe and now I'm worried." She flatly deadpans at him, but the concern is clear, lined behind her voice. She's almost always worried.

She does, however, head over to the record player and she flips the 78 over, setting the needle back on the outside of the threads so it'll start up again. She's learned it's better to just do the thing than argue about it, she gets far more done.

"There. You have music, coffee cup is gone. Now, how can I *actually* help before you fry yourself or Dumm-E to death, hm?" The stubborn look in her pale eyes says she's not budging from his office otherwise, arms folding across her chest as she looks a bit closer over the pieces the robot's working upon.

Iron Man has posed:
As the needle drops, the McIntosh tube amp starts to belt out Side B of Husker Du's Zen Arcade. It's... jarring, but it's perfect music to listen to while you get your face impaled with a rivet gun.

Dummy doesn't like it.

"Fry myself to death? Pepper Pepper Pepper... how many times have I ever ACTUALLY fried myself to death? This'll be just like all those other times, and you'll feel extremely silly.

Says the guy in his pajamas.

But there's really no arguing with her when she's making that face, so Tony lets out a sight that lasts about four seconds, takes a step back, and waves Dum-E off. The poor robot is really confused.

"Now you've REALLY done it, Dummy! She doesn't like you."

"Mwoop?"

"No, I don't like you either."

He sets down the drill, and makes his way over to the world's most overqualified executive assistant (don't call her a secretary...)

"It's actually pretty safe, I think, but more importantly, it's going to be awesome. You know how the forcefields always have trouble with intercepting ballistic attacks? Well... last night I was having this crazy dream, and I'm pretty sure I figured it out. So... I'm just going to have Dummy fire the rivet gun at me to see if it works."

Pepper Potts has posed:
A slight sigh escapes her lips and she looks over to the robot. "You know that's not true, Dum-E. I like you very much. You're helpful and sweet, don't listen to him about that." Pepper's voice as genuine empthy for the robot behind it. She's always been fond of the thing, and pitied it a bit when Tony gets in moods like this.

Then she's gazing back to Tony, her arms still not unfolded as she waits for him to fess up to what is going on. "That's a lot of big talk for a man in his pajamas. Did you even *shower* today?" She asks, head tilted with that familiar, stubborn smirk.

And then the actual plan comes out. Her green eyes shoot wide with shock and she looks between the pair, a strangled, disapproving sound just barely escaping her throat. "God, Tony! You don't START with a RIVET GUN! Maybe a nerd dart or just some light BUCK SHOT. BUT A RIVET GUN?!"

Iron Man has posed:
"Yeah, okay, I'll just go get some buckshot in Manhattan at 11 AM on a Sunday. I think they sell that right next to the gasoline and crusty old copies of Maxim."

Tony gets a good chuckle out of the suggestion, as if she just asked him why none of the phones in the office have cords. Even Dum-E laughs a bit.

"Mwoo-hoo-hoop!"

Tony cranes his neck a bit, smelling the armpit of his t-shirt, and by extension, the armpit of himself. Judging by his expression, the answer to her first question is 'no.'

"I don't have time to go around, picking up less-lethal ammunition Pepper! I'm a JOB CREATOR... the rivet gun's handy, the rivet gun stays. I'll note your objections when I write my memoirs, and history will not look kindly upon you."

Pepper Potts has posed:
Pep looks as exhausted as ever, perhaps even a little MORE than usual, as he objects to her entirely reasonable request. "Anthony Stark. You are one of the richest, most brilliant men in the world. You could get non-lethal ammo here within an hour if you really wanted to. You just don't want to and I'm going to be the one cleaning up all your blood off the floor." Again. Though nothing has been lethal yet, he's correct in that, Pepper clearly fears the day.

With her objections noted and logged, she steps just to the side and out of the way as she stares at the two. "If you are determined to do this, you're a grown adult. I can't stop you. But I'm calling the hospital the moment this goes wrong and if you're out of commission for weeks or a month, that's on you." Her worry and frustration both mix intensely in her chest, Pepper trying not to let them get the better of her but that's the only emotion on her face right now. She tries to stay clear, but she's pacing now, just out of shooting distance. Too much restless energy to stay put.

Iron Man has posed:
"Fine..."

It's always strange seeing a fifty year old man with a mustache adopt a tone that sounds more like a sulking teenager. But it's especially strange when that fifty year old man is, as we've already covered, one of the richest, most brilliant men in the world.

"Put it away, Dummy... we'll do it the Safe Way, you know, in case my face is ovulating or whatever."

With a disappointed 'Mwoooooooo....', Dum-E's arm/body lowers, and the primitive robot wheels away to go... clean things, or whatever it is that he does when he's not helping/hindering Tony.

"See? I value your opinions. You had an opinion, probably an incorrect one, but I valued it anyway... that's a sign of... emotion... uh... validation?"

Tony looks a bit flummoxed, as if he's trying to figure out exactly which concept he's trying to convey.

Pepper Potts has posed:
The strawberry blonde blinks in what is momentary, genuine confusion, as if she can't see what is before her eyes. He *listened* to her? He actually did? Pepper stares at him for a few heartbeats, then closes the distance between them fairly quickly. One hand comes up, brushing the back of her palm against his cheek, then forehead, as if checking for a temperature. "That is you... right? You're not feverish and delirious, are you? I think this is the first time in... a very long while that you listened to me on a risk. At least, one to your personal body."

Pepper's expression is both relieved and a little grateful. Even as he's scrambling to figure out what he's trying to tell her, she's touched never the less. A softer smile settles on her features and then she turns to the computer, typing in a few things.

"I am fairly certain I can get some foam ballistic rounds, not just nerf darts. We can have them here within a few hours and then you can run your tests on a few levels."

Iron Man has posed:
The cheek of Tony Stark is both stubbly and clammy, but his forehead is running a little hot. Probably because his enormous brain burns so many calories. Or possibly because he's an unhealthy drunk who mostly lives off of junk food and has his robots exercise for him.

"Yeah, that sounds like such a great idea. What would I do without you, Pepper? Don't answer that. You'll sound conceited."

Looking back over his shoulder at the retreating Dum-E, Tony frowns a bit, causing his mustache to distort. When he looks back around, a fraction of a second later, he's got the tell-tale signs of An Idea burning in his eyes.

"You know what though? I could really go for a cheesesteak. Can you call that one guy, and get my jet prepped? We're going to Philly in... how long does it take them to prep the jet, a half hour?"

"Also, might want to change your outfit. I think they wear tracksuits in Philly. Do you have any Adidas?"

Pepper Potts has posed:
Pep is distracted for a few moments, putting in the order for the range of test ballistics they could actually find useful in this situation. Once it's done, though, she looks back up to him, her mind musing over the way he actually felt beneath her touch. Without responding to the question of Philly, she steps back over to his side.

"Are you...feeling alright, Tony?" She's reaching for his forehead again, to give it an actual evaluating touch instead of that tease she had a few minutes ago. She's studying his eyes a bit deeper, checking to see how glassy they are. "It'll take as long to get the jet together as it takes to *get* to Philly... we can get a cheesesteak here. And they wear other things there than track suits, I promise."

But she doesn't look like she's getting ready to move. No, she standing there with a deeper wash of concern across her face than the teasing panic that was there before.

Iron Man has posed:
"Who me? Of course I'm alright, I'm the living personification of both the American Dream and the Ayn Rand Ideal Man. But I haven't invented anything good all year, and people are saying terrible things about me on Twitter just because that one singer said that I was emotionally distant, even though we only dated like four days."

His temperature once again checked, Tony wanders off, a bit dismissively, or possibly just distractedly. He tends to be one or the other nearly all of the time, and occasionally he's both simultaneously.

"And of course I'm too classy to tweet back and tell everyone that she actually uses waaaaay too much autotune. So now I'm the bad guy. Meanwhile Carol told me a few days ago that the Joint Chiefs are actually thinking about giving a contract to HAMMER of all people, and Forbes dropped me down two places on their 500 list this year. So no, maybe I'm not alright... but I'm taking the jet to Philly and then... we can talk about whatever it was you were talking about when you first came in."

Pepper Potts has posed:
The flicker of something behind Pepper's eyes when he mentions that singer is not entirely hidden. It's edging on jealousy, but emotions she's worked many years on keeping schooled and there is no reason these months should be any different. Even if it was quite a long year. "You were too good for her anyway. She was a bitch to get out of the place." Pepper mutters. It's rare she uses such strong language but it's clear she does NOT like that woman.

She then follows him back over towards his desk, expression softening as the man dares actually start to talk about what's bothering him. She quietly picks up her phone, making the orders to get the jet ready, even if it will take a bit. "I'm not changing clothes. We can go to Philadelphia if you really want. And the mess with Forbes will be fine. I'm handling it already. That's a part of this acquisition -- the research group is doing really interesting work into the new Quantum discoveries that have been happening. You can make your mark this year in astrophysics."

Iron Man has posed:
"Oh right, I forgot we bought that company. That was a good idea, by the way, I mean, I never would have bought it because I just couldn't get past the CEO's teeth... but you can apparently overlook things like that, and that's really a rare gift."

Virtually all of Tony's compliments sound backhanded, even the genuine ones, which is one of the many reasons that he has a handler in the first place.

"So..."

He looks at her expectantly, letting the 'sooooo' drag out for several seconds as he watches her face. An eyebrow raises, and he starts to look uncomfortable.

"Are you calling the pilot? I mean, I can call the pilot, but I don't usually do that because I have a highly-paid assistant who wants me to eat a New York cheesesteak like some sort of animal..."

Pepper Potts has posed:
"Yes, yes...I'm calling the pilot. It'll still be 30 minutes by the time he gets there and we have pre-flight checks, so hold your horses. If you really want a Philly cheese steak, you're going to have to be patient." Pepper smirks flatly to him as he comments about being some sort of animal. She shakes her head gently to him. "And we have the best food in the world in this city."

With that reassurance, she walks back to the desk where she set down the tablet upon first walking into the room. She scoops it up again, steeling herself against the backhanded compliments. She's used to stubborn headedly pushing through them all. "So. We have 30 minutes. Sign these things and you can act like the acqusition was your idea all you want. But you have to do it, first." Pepper's got all the little lines highlighted where he needs to sign.

Iron Man has posed:
"What is this? This isn't a Stark tablet... throw it away. No wait, don't, I want to take it apart."

Running his finger over the screen, Tony fills in a few extremely lazy signatures in the places that have already been highlighted. But after the first two he looks as if he's already about to give up. Inevitably, his head starts turning away from the screen, and the signing pauses.

"Have you always done your hair like that? I like it, it's... longer than last week, right? Interesting choices with the bangs. Very... trimmed, do you put that on your expense account, or just take it out of like... petty cash? Where do we keep the petty cash, by the way? You might need it to pay the guy in Philly, I don't think he takes Bitcoin."

Pepper Potts has posed:
"TONY." Pepper breathes out, even as he's giving her an almost compliment with no other motivation or sting to it. She really just needs the papers side. "Four. More. Signatures. Here..." She reaches one carefully manicured nail out, the French tip highlighting the next place he needs to sign. She doesn't respond about anything else, desperately trying to keep him on task.

"And here." She's also dangerously close. Close enough that the wonderfully expensive Malaysian amber oil she uses as perfurm is still clearly on the air around them and even some of the vanilla from her shampoo can be smelled. This is closer than boss and EA should ever get, but then they've been closer than that for a long time. "And here."

Then her nail comes down to the last one. "Final signature. Then we can find your cheesesteak. And I don't charge my hair cuts to the company, that's why I have a salary. I can grab petty cash, though...and I've got the company card. We can pay for your dinner, I promise." Pepper smirks to him, neutral toned lips pulled into that dry, bemused line.

Iron Man has posed:
"What? I'm signing it, I said I would sign it, I'm actively signing it..."

His attention momentarily back on the task, he does a quick squiggle with his finger, and there's one signature down.

His fingers are actually manicured as well, but there's engine grease under the cuticles and callouses in the spots where he holds his power tools. Judging by the smudge he's leaving behind on the screen, he probably had pizza for breakfast again. If that's not what it is, we don't want to know.

Another lazy squiggle, another signature down. But if she wants his attention to stay on the task, she should really stay further away and also wear more burlap. He's about to put down a third lazy squiggle when he looks up, then down, but not down at the datapad, just sort of... generally down, checking her out.

"Dinner? We're not getting there until DINNER!? You gotta get a move on. If I starve to death I'm giving you a terrible reference. You'll have to work at a..." There's a visible shudder, as if the idea is too horrible to utter.

"... nonprofit or something."

Pepper Potts has posed:
"You aren't going to starve to death. It's already late afternoon. We're getting there for dinner. Now *last signature*, Tony." Pepper insists, her green eyes a bit too wide, fully having to restrain herself by the 'tempted to strangle' mode. And it turns out she's now having dinner with him? There goes her evening.

But, she's not letting up. She lets his eyes wander over her neat little frame. This afternoon, it's a pale cream silk shirt tied at her slender throat, the bespoke herringbone gray suit with matching pencil skirt. Silk stockings with back seams. Spike heeled Gucci shoes. It's a perfectly corporate bland but incredibly well tailored outfit that gives her some semblance of curves, when she's generally all willowy, lanky length.

"And you'd never get rid of me. You couldn't tie your shoes without me, Mr. Stark." A confident little smile cuts across her lips as she says that.

Iron Man has posed:
"Well, uh, obviously, Miss Potts. If I wanted to wear shoes with laces, like some sort of caveman, I'd build a robot to tie them for me."

Finally, the last signature is lazily scribbled across the screen, though the expression on Tony's face makes it seem that he's accomplished some sort of Herculean task. To be fair though, his idea of what constitutes a 'Herculean Task' has lowered considerably ever since he went barhopping with Hercules.

"MWOOP!"

The look of satisfaction is replaced with one of disgust as the clumsy robot chimes in.

"Yeah, Dummy, I'd just let you do it. It'd be a lot of fun to spend eight years getting my shoes tied. Go clean something."

Perhaps its a good sign for Pepper's job security that despite all of his threats and abuse, he still hasn't actually replaced Dum-E. She's certainly far more useful than his butter-fingered robot.

"We done with this computer thing? Because the glare is giving me eyestrain, I feel like I'm looking through a window into the past. I changed my mind, throw it away."

Pepper Potts has posed:
As he puts that final signature on, Pepper's shoulders drop in a sigh of momentary relief. She's taking the tablet back even as he asks her to take it away, because she really doesn't want him handling it any longer. He might end up wiping all the good work they've done. Instead, she starts sending off the document to the company already, finalizing the plans she's been working on for weeks. "You're done with it. I'm not. And it *is* Stark Tech, just from like... 7 years ago. But I like it. I use it. And I'm keeping it. It's good for signatures." Pepper insists with a little huff to her tone. She's not a luddite, but the things of her job that she's grown accustomed to over the whole time she's been there? She likes to keep.

A few more taps of her fingertips, and she's sent it all off. As if she just ran a marathon, she flops back into one of the seats across from his desk and crosses slim legs, letting out a breath of pure relief. "Done. Acquisition complete. We'll be moving their top people onto level 40 by the end of this week and... we keep pivoting into astrophysics. Not as exciting as weapons. Far more the future."

Iron Man has posed:
She managed to get him to finish signing an entire contract before Side B of Zen Arcade is complete? Must be some sort of record, but there's no way to really verify it.

As she makes herself comfortable, Tony stays away from his desk, instead heading over to the branded refridgerator that's been plugged in over near the record player, and totally ruins the whole feng shui of the room. It's garishly tacky, covered in red and gold plastic, with a completely transparent door, and is clearly meant to be set up in grocery stores or at some sort of convention center.

Right across the top, the illuminated signage says 'Avenger Fuel.'

"Well, let's just hope the shareholders love it. Because our endorsement deals have been GARBAGE the past few years."

He opens up the transparent door, grabs a can, and cracks it open. Immediately, the room smells like chemicals.

"Like this stuff... why did I think it'd be a good idea to insist on shares in the company instead of a licensing fee? Look at it, this guy isn't even an Avenger! No wonder nobody bought it."

After taking a sip, he turns the can around to show the image of D-Man that's been plastered on the can. But it's the same flavor as all the other ones.

Pepper Potts has posed:
"...Get rid of it, Tony. I'll get you your own nice cooler with some actually healthy things in there. They can still have creatine or... caffiene, or whatever you need to keep going. But that stuff is awful and no, no one bought it. Put it in the dump where it belongs." Pepper is practically begging it of him, especially as she smells that chemical mix on the air. Her freckled nose slightly wrinkles -- the one evidence that it's late in her day, because her make up has worn off just enough that her freckles are showing through.

The last email is sent and she swipes the tablet closed, resting it on the edge of his desk and sinking back in her chair just a little deeper. "Besides, it's not about endorsment deals. It's about... science. Right? Research. That's half the reason I'm juggling all these meetings, so you can keep up the work..."

Iron Man has posed:
"Oh sure, research is fun, I really get a kick out of it, but we really gotta sell these mouth-breathers on the idea that Tony Stark is, maybe not a messiah, necessarily, because religious connotation makes us seem archaic, but like... what do the Buddhists have instead of a messiah? That's the kind of thing that makes Joe Six Pack buy more shares of Stark and stock up his minifridge with stuff with my face on it."

Rather than dispose of the dubiously-healthy beverage, Tony begins to chug it as if he's worried it might be snatched from his hand at any moment. He even takes a few steps back, but it doesn't take very long to finish the contents of an energy drink, so he's probably safe.

And if not, he's got a whole warehouse full of them somewhere. The only ones that anybody bought were the ones with Thor on them, and that's probably only because they convinced him to pose without a shirt.

"Not sure where I was going with that, but the point is, I think, if there's a point to anything, which I would say... how would you really know? But I guess the point that I was trying to make in that moment is that I want you to take over Public Relations for the Avengers and get us some better endorsements."

Pepper Potts has posed:
That was not another job she was expecting to be assigned today. Just as she managed to do what she felt was impossible and is going to be in the middle of making sure this merger of staff and ideas goes over well. And now another task on her plate. Pepper stares flatly at him, a flicker of exhaustion across her face.

"And does this new assignment come with new...Pay? Or perhaps an assistant to manage some duties here? I'm already here 12 hours most days..." Pepper isn't saying no, but she's also got that look that says she's worried about dropping the ball somewhere along the way. And she is tired.

But she has no clue how to say no to Tony. But she's not jumping on board yet.

Iron Man has posed:
"Yeah, sure... I guess. I don't have time to think of every little thing, but I don't see why you can't just delegate all the stuff you're too busy to do. That's what I do."

Let's just hope she doesn't bring up the time that he had her fly to Florida and play golf for him...

Now that he's fueled up, with Avenger Fuel, no less, Tony looks like he's ready to go sit on a plane for a few hours. The record finally ends, and it's quiet enough for him to speak in a less animated fashion, but... he doesn't do that.

"We'll discuss it on the jet, but you'll love it. Can't be that hard to convince Cap to wear a pair of Nikes once in a while. Man his age needs comfortable shoes..."

And with that, he's heading toward the big metallic doors that he installed for no other reason than that they open with a 'whoosh' and nobody else has a set of doors on their office exactly like that. Elon's been seething with jealousy since he saw them.

Pepper Potts has posed:
"You know, I don't *have* to go with you to dinner. I could stay behind and finish this work..." Pepper offers, partially to give him the freedom NOT to have her on his back the whole time, partially because she rather needs the time to work. But, even as she's slightly wiggling out of it, she's following him. Pepper already knows the answers to all this.

Besides, chances are she hasn't eaten all day and it's not like she had anyone to go home to. So, she follows after him double time, heels clicking on the marble flooring outside of his office as she double times to keep up with his confident stride. "And I'll talk to the Avengers...this week. Warn them first, though. I don't want to completely stick my nose in it..."

Iron Man has posed:
"Ha. If anybody will be trying to stick his nose in it, it'll be Thor. That guy... thinks he's such a ladies man. I mean, he is, but only because he's so handsome. Just wanna punch him..."

The doors whoosh open, and Tony fumbles around in the pockets of his pajama pants as he makes his way past the receptionists desk. He pauses in front of the desk, still fumbling with his pockets.

"Say Brenda, did I..."

'Brenda' points to the sunglasses that are sitting right in front of her on the desk. Right next to the nameplate that definitely does not say 'Brenda.'

"Thanks Brenda. You're a rock star."

Putting the sunglasses on, he looks over his shoulder to make sure that Pepper is still following him, though the 'clack' 'clack' 'clack' of her heels should be enough to reassure him of that.

"You're not by any chance attracted to Thor, are you? Because, fair warning, I heard that he has genital warts the size of your fists."

Pepper Potts has posed:
"Cora, thank you. Really." Pepper, of course, notices the nameplate. She gives the other woman an apologetic smile as they swing past, but she's still certainly on Tony's heels. She likes Cora, though, and would rather not piss the woman off. Not that everyone isn't used to what Tony is like. They all knew, after all these years.

Then he's going on about Thor and Pepper gives a little start of breath, "TONY. That's...not something you SAY about someone. Just because Thor is quite charming, and handsome, AND sweet... no. I'm not attracted to him! Not...really." Not entirely. But she doesn't elaborate as they disappear onto the plane and towards Philadelphia. And a very expensive cheeseteak.