15081/Attack of the Adorable Landsharks

Attack of the Adorable Landsharks
Date of Scene:	14 May 2023
Location:	Tealboro, Hell's Gate
Synopsis:	Starfire, Hawkeye (of the Bishop flavor) and America thwart a not-so-wild attack of landsharks on Hell's Gate. A cute and completely non-threatening pet for the Titans is discovered. Metropolis remains a terrible place to establish proof of concept for AIM ideas.
Cast of Characters:	Miss America, Hawkeye (Bishop), Starfire

---

Miss America has posed:
So there's an army of landsharks invading Metropolis docks.

How could this have happened?!

*Before the Happening*

"I don't want to."

"Look. I know. But we've been in crunch time for weeks now. I'm tired. And the boss is gonna be -pissed- if we don't finish."

"Yeah. But I don't want to."

Two individuals in the signature banana-yellow beekeeper suits of AIM stare at a field of crates. One of them - the taller - scratches the back of their head, while the short gesticulates at them. -Emphatically-.

"It doesn't matter! We're almost at the deadline! We don't even have a proof of concept yet! We need proof of concept!"

"Yeah but -- New York City? I hate New York City. Why can't we just do like Maine or something. Or Florida!"

"It's gotta be one of the big ones otherwise no one's gonna care. You know that."

"Okay. Why not Metropolis?"

"Metropolis has Superman. We're not gonna get a good proof of concept with Superman. It's like you don't even read the SupermanFeats channel on the Slack."

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"... New York has the Spider-people."

"..."

"And it feels really bad when they make fun of my work."

"Oh my god."

"It does!! This is serious!"

"You're seriously oh my god! We need a viable proof of concept! Viable! Proof of concept! If we don't, the boss is going to have our hides! Literally! They have that Hide Extractor!"

"Ohhh yeahhh. They invented that."

"Yeah. That's why they got the promotion."

"Yeah. And we're stuck here in crunch."

"Yeah. So..."

"Fine."

"We use New York City?"

"Yes fine we'll use New York City!! Tomorrow!"

-Thank- you."

*NOW AT THE HAPPENING*

Two individuals in AIM beekeeper suits watch on video as an army of sharks with adorable stubby legs leap out of the waters of Metropolis to start rampaging through the docks.

"What the hell, dude! You promised! New York City!"

"I am -not- letting Spider-people hurt my feelings. My feelings are just as important as yours."

"UGH!"

---

So yeah anyway that's why there's all these landsharks running around causing problems and wrecking precious important/exports at the docks of Hell's Gate. There's quite a few of them. They're honestly kind of cute.

Bbbbuuut they're also destroying public property - in an oddly well-coordinated way?? MYSTERIOUS - and making people panic and it seems like they're -probably- going to start biting people any second now so -someone- or -someones- should deal with that.

But who has the courage to face LANDSHARKS...?!

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Most detective work can be tedious as hell. Luckily she also has friends to help while the downtime away by doing actual Hero stuff, interrupting a stakeout in Metropolis is welcome. But Landsharks eating people is probably not a good idea even if they might be dodgy people. The AIM uniforms kinda give that way and she was just trying to get video of dodgy dock working deals. Arranging drug storage and all that. The quadrupedal sharks. That's why she even has her own uniform.

Sure these days it's symmetrical, and while very tight and clingy and fasionable for something that could pass for biker leathers. Mostly pants and a jacket in purple with black padding. It is functional and protective.

"Okay, they are cute, but damn." she mutters and grabs a phone from her jacket, unzipping just enough a purple tank is visible.

Texting quickly: 'OMG landsharks are real. Might be out of my weight class.' It includes a selfy with a landshark. Badly timed as it attacks a forklift and flips it over. The send button is hit and a bunch of her friends are probably getting their phone beeping in due time.

Jumping down from a roof, to a sea container, too the ground. Kate is already drawing her bow, loading up tranquilizer arrows. Hopefully they can do the job. You never know with critters like this. They might have better metabolisms than your average feral mutant. Or denser skin to puncture and inject as she starts lining up her shots.

Starfire has posed:
Koriand'r has the courage to face the Landsharks. Possibly not the heart to blast them, but she will absolutely face them and make all sorts of cooing noises and try to talk them out of eating things. Which won't work because Landsharks in a posse are eating machines with no fear, empathy or restraint.

Kind of like Gar when he's hungry, to be honest.

Luckily for Kate, Kori isn't far away. Why's she in Metropolis? MIND YOUR BUSINESS. It's only a few moments later that the alien princess arrives, not at all in uniform for combat. More like she's dressed for a casual date in jeans, wedge sandals and a flowy white shirt. "I got your message! They are adorable and I do not want to hurt them!"

Even as one tears a shipping container in half and hucks it at her, forcing her to weave in the air. "I hope my star bolts have a stun setting!" Which she tries out! She holds back a lot, lifting a hand and zotting out some green energy at the one who just threw something at her.

Miss America has posed:
Shark skin is tough stuff. Keratin has a way of doing that. Fortunately, though, these landsharks have Standard Shark Skin toughness instead of freakish genemod toughness, and while that still means they're pretty well-protected

        *shnk shnk shnk!*

... they're still vulnerable to gimmick arrows.

Tranq arrows do their duty, hitting their mark on several of the landsharks currently kind of -- stomping on that flipped forklift with their cute, chubby little pawsies. Awwww -- oh god wait they're turning to look at Kate now and they have SO MANY ROWS OF TEETH--

Fortunately, just before they can charge, the trio of sharks kind of wobble, make dismayed shark sounds, and topple over as those tranquilizers kick in. Three down! So, so many more to go.

Meanwhile, KORI's star bolts at the very -least- seem to be working. Pelted with a bright green bolt, the shark attacking her is launched off its stubby little feet, toppling head-over-heels to crash into a nearby crate of fish, burying it under a sea of bluefish. It's out like a light. But at least it'll have a big meal to distract itself with if it wakes up??

That, of course, is far from the end of the danger. Near Kori, several landsharks are trying to crawl their way up onto a boat currently filled with dock workers shouting for help.

And near KATE -- another terrible (adorable) landshark comes charging out from between two larger unloading crates, ramming its big, cute nose right into her midsection to try to knock her off her feet. Its maw opens up to get a good chomp in -- when suddenly, someone grabs it by the tail, and -yanks- it so hard it goes flying through the air to land, shark-squealing, harmlessly in the nearby waters.

"Hey, Princess," is America Chavez's casual greeting for Kate after so long an absence, dressed ever-casual in a stars-and-stripes tanktop-and-denim-short-shorts combo, one brow lifted. She looks around her, slowly.

"Damn. These sharks are cute as fuck." Kori is -right-. "Need some help?"

Meanwhile -- those gathered might notice one shark, larger than the rest, that the others seem to be gathered around -- outfitted with something on its head. Some manner of device, emitting a periodic red flash and a soft, beeping noise...?

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
There's arrows flying. Kate kind of tries to see how long a single arrow might take for it's doped up payload to kick in or of it needs more. Or even aiming the arrow to make it into a mouth where softer spots can be stuck by needles.

It's actually amazing how often many predatory animals can be ridiculously cute. Even non mammals. Case in point Landsharks.

Dorbs they might be, Kate still has to keep on her toes. Stick and move, luckily she's always been a kind of a jock, so staying fit and in shape means she can keep some distance for the most part. Olympic level gymnastics letting her dodge when critters get too close.

Having friends definitely helps so there's some visible relief when she hears and then sees Starfire arrive. "Hey! Wow, you look amazing!" so Kate's eyes do have a tendency to roam and get distracted. "If the outfit gets damaged or messed up, I'll so buy you a replacement! I may splurge for shopping anyway" she offers and grins.

Thankfully doping sharks is a valid tactic but Tamaranian Princesses can be almost awesomely distracting.

Another being flung about is more help in the form of America turning up. It's been a while and admittedly the Utopian woman is as worthy of checking out as Kori. "Hey Chica, wow, this is I wasn't expecting. You okay, you look like. Umm..." she trails offm nibbling her lower lip before getting her mind back on track. "So yes, need help. Landsharks, so cute, need coralling. I may not have enough tranquilisers.

The bigger one with the thing on it's head beeping gets a squinty frown.

That one gets two arrows with dart tips. Just in case. "Wanna take bets there's been some experimenting and cruelty. Animal testing is not cool!" she states. She does drop money on animal shelters and foster organizations. What group might try rescue Landsharks?

Starfire has posed:
Kori winces every time a starbolt sends a landshark sailing. She's really trying hard not to kill them, they are so stinking cute and she wants four. Maybe she'll just ask Gar to turn into one.

We'll not get into the dehumanization issues about this. That's a philosophical discussion for another time. There's people being menaced on a boat!

Kori blasts through the air, her hair rippling like living flame as she travels towards the boat. She starts blasting again, still wincing as she does so, trying to knock the critters senseless and into the water where they'll be safe. And the people will be too!

"Don't worry, I am here to help you! Just relax and I will drive them away!"

Hopefully. She's not in a place to see the big one with the dinglehopper on its head. That's a Kate and America problem. They can handle it, right?

Miss America has posed:
AROUND KORI, poor sharks are a-blasted; what a menace she is! It's alright, though: they look mostly unharmed as they go flying, hitting the water's surface with a splash.

And it's as Koriand'r is securing the boat that she might notice something else there.

Something -- yipping...?

If the space princess of Tamaran takes a look down, she'll be able to see the tiniest, sweetest baby landshark bouncing excitedly around her. How'd it get here?! Is it part of the indiscriminate rampage?! It's so cute!! Look at it, circling all-friendly like around Kori!

It also tries to pounce and gnaw at her ankles with its baby sharkteeth every now and then too but you know, invulnerable space alien. Soooo cuuuute!

Wiping off her hands, America Chavez looks at Kate Bishop with a perfect brow-arched poker face as the private investigator stumbles through the words. 'You okay, you look like. Umm...'

"Amazing," America helpfully supplies with that effortless nonchalance despite the huge gap in time.

"The word you're looking for's amazing."

Be she ever-so-humble.

Forever-dry teasing aside, America takes stock of the situation. A frown settles on her lips, eyes falling on that bigger landshark for a few, thoughtful seconds.

"Hey. I think we gotta--"

Kate shoots a pair of tranq darts at it.

"--Yeah."

And that's about when something unusual happens. The big shark snarls and lurches forward several steps, shaking its big, sharky head. The device at its head beeps a little more frantically. And at the same time...

... every single other landshark at the docks seems to wobble too. Even the baby near Koriand'r -- the little shark tumbles over itself, stopping looking briefly disoriented as if recovering from a daydream.

America blinks. She looks over to where Kori is. Then sidelong at Kate.

"Hey. I'm gonna bait them--"

The big landshark stops stumbling. It turns its baleful black gaze upon Kate. Two tranqs wasn't enough, it seems. America pauses.

"--You're gonna bait them to the east end of the docks. I got a plan."

Which is about when America launches into the air, just when a horde of landsharks come sprinting for Kate, the big one in the lead.

"I got you covered! Run, chica!"

Not -- encouraging.

"Space princess! Kori!" shouts America as she rises, eyes beginning to glow bright blue. "We need to get that device off the big fucker's head!"

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
It's really difficult to not be distracted. Kate might not have ADD, but she does have that trick where she starts noticing everything go on around her. Whether it's pertinent like America and Kori being awesome. "Amazing works!" she nods emphatically.

There seems to be a plan going on. But the other pertinent thing she noticed was the reaction of other landsharks when the darts hit the big one. Maybe she can use that for dosing all of them at once via mind link tech.

There's a quick look at her quiver as she counts how many darts she has left. She has the things attention so might as well use that.

The chica hauls that ass of hers as quickly as she can.

Eastbound and down.

Fast as she is, she's probably not as fast as a Landshark over a long enough distance. And scaling sea containers and trucks to get some added height does not speed the process up.

Eventually she gets enough room she loads four darts, and lets them loose at the big beepy headed shark. She could shoot five but she only has a few more dart arrows left. And those get shot into the shark as well. Leaving it looking like a pincusion.

"Hopefully we can knock out the rest by knocking out the big one!" she yells out as she moves.

Even if it doesn't knock the big guy out, there should be a landshark about to get very very mellow. She already saw them get the munchies.

Starfire has posed:
As she clears the ship, Kori is about to zip off again to help her dear friends with their shark problem when she feels a bite on her ankle. She peers down, and her glowing green eyes shoot wide. "Oh...Oh my," she stammers as she's gnawed on. Those jeans are designer. They're not cheap. She doesn't care. She isn't exactly invulnerable, but she's tougher than most. Thus, she kneels down, reaching out to scoop up the CUTE LITTLE BABY as it stumbles, letting her go!

"You are the most adorable earth creature I have ever seen! Do you want to come with me?" Kori, well, cuddles the hell out of the landshark pup, only looking up when America calls for her. "I have got you. Do not be scared, little one!" She ascends again, and rockets back, holding the pup in both arms.

She hovers over the pitched battle with the big ones, realizing she has no hands to blast with. Luckily, she can shoot starbolts from her EYES. She looks at the blinky device and unleashes eye beams at it, the green energy lancing out at whatever might be controlling this poor creature.

Hopefully those AIM guys are gone, or they're going to be in so much trouble.

"Kate! America! I found a BABY LANDSHARK!"

Miss America has posed:
Kate Bishop is very popular today.

Unfortunately, she's very popular with a whole horde of ravenous landsharks aggressively waddling at her with intent to devour.

-Fortunately-, even if she's not quite as fast as an aggressively waddling landshark (how are they faster on land, not their native environment?! such terrible power), those tranq darts at least seem to be slowing the big one down... and the others seem to be slower in response, too. It gives Kate the headstart she needs to get one over on the proverbial pack. She gains distance -- but those terrible, wonderful, sharky monsters are closing the distance. Faster, and faster, and faster...!

By the time Kate arrives at the piers at the east end of the docks, those sharks are crawling over crates and leaping across the distance towards her: the leader's predatory fixation commands the lot of them, sending -all- those sharks barreling in a mass like Train to Busan meets Jaws.

Three things happen in rapid succession, then:

    1) Kate boops the snoot of the big, lead shark with not one, not two, but FOUR whole arrows, sending it into a sudden, lethargic forward tumble.

    2) Just as it's about to tumble into -Kate-, a red, white and blue streak blurs past; Kate finds herself scooped into America's arms just seconds before the sluggish shark snaps its jaws. A giant, glowing blue star blooms in front of the sharks in America's wake as she takes to the skies.

    3) Koriand'r (and her loyal sidekick, pup, yipping and kicking excitably in her arms) EYEBOLTS with pinpoint accuracy, blasting the blinking device at the lead shark's head as it blinks and stares at the star in front of it, puzzled. There is a sudden, electrical jolt, causing the shark to thrash--

--as behind it, the advancing horde of its kindred suddenly feel that -same- jolt, and all of them start to fall, stumble, or otherwise -crash- into the head shark as their (relative) wits are restored to them.

The last sight of the land sharks is all of them tumbling like some ridiculous domino chain straight into America's waiting star portal, overlooking what seems to be vast, endless oceans somewhere... far enough away to not be their problem anymore.

It's when the last landshark leaps through with a yelp that the portal shuts and America is left holding Kate, and Kori is left holding --

"Huh," America exhales, staring at the babylandshark, enthusiastically squirming in Kori's arms and -- kind of -- snapping at her cutely once in a while.

"You gonna house train that thing?"

It's her way of saying 'not it.'

    \<span style="color:xterm226"\>MEANWHILE\</span\>

What DID happen to those AIM goons?

There's a boat off the coast of Metropolis, currently speeding away with some sort of fusion engines it absolutely does not look like it should have. As it does, the two AIM minions watch as the last of the landsharks vanish through a portal.

"... Well. Um. It proved the concept, right?"

"Yeah. It proved that the concept sucks."



"I told you it didn't matter if we went for Metropolis."

"Oh shut up. Now we gotta go back to the drawing board. Maybe like internalize it, or... ugghhh, that's gonna take so much time!"

"... You ever think of unionizing?"

"Yeah. But remember the Hide Extractor--" "--the Hide Extractor right. Man. That was messy last time."

"Oh well. Back to the drawing-- huh?"

A star blooms over the ship.

And the AIM goons scramble to flee as they're greeted to a deluge of landsharks falling from the skies.

"I HATE THIS JOB--"

so yeah that's what happened.

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
So clearly there will be shopping. If the baby landshark bit Kori's thigh she could probably get away with it being fashionable. Shredded cuffs and ankles on one leg is just damage and wear and tear on account of pets.

Kate might has a few nicks and scuffs but all that leather is holding at least. Looking up from trying to not be eaten to see Kori with baby landshark in her arms being cuddled gets a giggle and a 'daww sound.

"If you need a pet sitter!" she offers and giggles while she goe back to making sure she doesn't get eaten alive by what may or may not be Mommy Shark.

Which does not actually chomp her as America scoops her up and takes off so that giant ass teeth don't make a meal out of Kate. at least when the head gear is blasted off and it comes to a crashing halt it, and hopefully the rest of the sharks are nice and stoned so they can sleep off being hauled away.

While she hangs on to America with one arm and maybe America supporing her with the pan-planar woman's own strength. A text is sent to the Metropolis PD with the sight of lots of sleeping sharks and the wreckage around them.

"You know this little guys really is dorbs. You gotta come up with a good cool name for him. Like Razormaw, or Fluffy." she suggests to the Tameranian. "He looks like a Jeff!" she adds and chuckles.