15140/The Wade in the Willows or The Merc in the Magic Box

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The Wade in the Willows or The Merc in the Magic Box
Date of Scene: 26 May 2023
Location: The Magic Box, Sunnydale
Synopsis: How many licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The World May Never Know.
Cast of Characters: Deadpool, Willow Rosenberg




Deadpool has posed:
There was the ring of the bell as a new customer entered the Magic Box. He politely and quietly closed the door behind him with his red gloved hand. He saw the sign that read that backpacks should be left behind the counter with staff, and so he began to unhook his katana straps, and strode, boots making a thump as he walked, and he set them down on the countertop, "here you go miss," said the masked man, who wore some kind of black and red Kevlar outfit, which colour aside, looked like it could have been out of some modern war movie. He had a number of guns and knives on his person, but he had clearly removed the items from his back. "Hey, do you have one of those spinner racks they used to have for comic books, but not comic books, as this is a magic shop, but like beginner spell books, magical magazines, or even magic-adjacent magazines. Like we all know that Emma Watson is doing well, but what about Rupert Grint? What's he been in lately? What a funny name."
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
Oh dear. Him. Deadpool. Wade.

Now it's not that he is a problem (which, in a way he was), but you never could tell what trouble will follow him. Thank goodness, the store was empty right now!

"Giles. His name is Giles." That much she was able to fill him in. But the rest? Well she could tell him about the books, but what kind? New Age Magic? Which wasn't *real* magic at all. Or *magic* magic? And did she want to be responsible for Wade puttering about there?

Oh, good grief he still was taking off his weapons!

At this point Willow came over and flipped the sign and added 'gone for lunch', because she really didn't want her regulars seeing this.

"You would have to buy the book rack somewhere else? Unless you meant you wanted to *see* a book rack with that kind of books on it. In which case I *think* you want something like this?" She handed him their number one seller of New Age Philosophy. "Or this." A primer for novice pagans.
Deadpool has posed:
Yes. Him. Deadpool. He's such a scamp. One minute he's turning you inside out, your outsides in, your entrails becoming your extrails, and the next, he's giving a speech that Chaucer would be proud of.

"Giles? Oh, is Rupert Giles your boss? Employee? Study partner? Casual friend that you'd like to become more than friends? A stalker? A baker? A candlestick maker?"

Even as he was going through his laundry list of thoughts, she was heading to close it for lunch, and he made an 'oooh' sound, "I see what you're doing," and he put his hands to his chest, as if he were covering his nipples through the thick kelvar, "don't objectify me!"

But when he was offered actual books, he dropped that act, and began trying to pick them up, but it was hard with gloves. He would try several times, failing each one, "wait, don't help me, my tailor says I need the practice."
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
Rupert Giles was ever so much more than an employer. Even a friend. Well he was both of them! But more. He was a mentor. And a substitute parent as well. Not that Willow was orphaned! Just, there were some aspects of her life she couldn't talk to her parents about. Ever.

"You could say so? He's not in the country now. We are keeping the store afloat while he is gone.."

Willow *blinked* not necessarily understanding him. "Objectifying you? How so?" She holds the books, waiting for him to take them, or to tell her where she should put them.
Deadpool has posed:
"He got into Swedish Hair Metal? The same thing happened to an aunt of mine. One day, it's all Shania Twain and Johnny Cash, and the next it's Wig Wam and HammerFall." He shook his head, looking sad. How did his eyes move? The ones on his mask. They were expressive? Was it magic or technology, but it seemed to move with his tone of voice and presumably his facial expression beneath it. How could that possibly be comfortable?

"Oh, no, you're not getting a Right Said Fred performance from me that easily," referencing their famous song, I'm Too Sexy. He continued to try and pick up the books, but these ones were too thin and he was having trouble with his gloves on the glass.
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
"Do you want me to hold the books? I can open them, and let you see if there are the types you want? Usually the person has a preference one way or the other."

As for what he was talking about, Willow had no clue. Still she nodded politely. He was a customer! And kind of a friend (in a roundabout way).
Deadpool has posed:
Looking at the covers of the books, Wade said, "nah, I trust you. Add them to my tab. At worst, they'll be good practice for flipping pages in gloves." But then he rested an elbow on the glass, framing his masked chin with his hand, and he leaned over, "so, what about curses? What do you have for people that drive through four way intersections, cross when it says not to walk, and oh yeah, the Karen situation? Is there like a spell to make Karens, and Kevins, I'm not sexist, like, not be so Karen or Kevin-ish?"
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
"You know, you should have a Kindle. Much easier to manipulate, you know. And these books happen to be on there." These books.

Wait a minute..

Did Giles even *have* credit??

But before Willow could ring up the fact that theory didn't have credit, Wade was off blathering about curses. Willow had no idea how to answer the litany of questions. "I don't think those are curses?"
Deadpool has posed:
"Oh, no, a kindle's good for stuff you don't really care about, like a payment due letter, but not a book. Books need to be physical, and musty, and old. The best books are tangible. They make better firewood too, for when you're feeling a bit fascist." Sensing that much of what he was saying was going over Willow's head, he slowed down, so he could confuse her at a level that she was comfortable with.
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
At that, Willow couldn't help but smile. "Well, yes books are made to be musty. But if you have troubles, isn't that a better thing than no books at all?"

Though she thinks of something that might be able to use physical books.. "I have an idea? Would you like to hear it?"
Deadpool has posed:
"I like ideas, I get plenty of them, I usually share them, whether or not anyone wants to hear them, but you're so sweet to ask, so yes, I'd like to hear your idea." He got back up, no longer leaning against the glass of the countertop. "And how will I learn if I gave up this easily? If at first you don't succeed, try until you get a different result. That's the way the saying goes, isn't it?"
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
"Well, you've got gloves - right?" Willow waited until he nodded. "Quilters have special thimbles for their fingers, sometimes metal - which aren't helpful. But some are made of different materials that leave some feeling in the fingers. Usually they are made of rubber. We could get you several thimbles to try! I bet you could turn the pages that way."
Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool beamed through his mask, "oh, that's a great idea. Do you sell thimbles?" He would try that, and if it didn't work, he'd give the thimbles to his tailor in the hopes that he could incorporate them into the next version of his uniform gloves. And then suddenly a song began to play from his hip. It was I'm Shipping Up to Boston by Dropkick Murphys. "Excuse me," and he reached for the phone, answering it. And almost all of it had to be censored by beeps. It was hard to understand. He was making fun of someone with a Boston accent, there was something about a goat, and a ring? Hard to tell. Closing the phone, he returned to his natural accent, "sorry, you were saying?"
Willow Rosenberg has posed:
"There is a tailor.. actually I think I have some. I'll just throw them in with your books." Willow is pretty certain that that was the best way to handle the situation, rather than turning Wade out on the public unsuspectingly. She was certain Giles had some in the back for just those purposes for himself.

After she had retrieved them, and put them in the bag with the books, she said the total. It wasn't very expensive. "How would you like to pay?"
Deadpool has posed:
Wade reached into one of his pockets, he had so many, and pulled out a black credit card, which had a Batman symbol. It said Deadpool yellow letters, that it was good through forever, and it was a GothCard. Was this legitimate? Only one way to find out.