2640/Wandering Again

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Wandering Again
Date of Scene: 30 September 2017
Location: Unknown
Synopsis: Summary needed
Cast of Characters: Phage, Katherine




Phage has posed:
Places change. Even if no one notices. Even if all the effort's put in to keep it just as it always was. Details get missed. Peoples ideas override the issue. As people want to matter. Want to mean something. Just... achieve some measure of personal success. As that's what makes people happy. Most of the time.

Problem is people change too. Get better, get worse or, like Carl Mach, get nowhere fast. He's been walking for who knows how long. Even the park doesn't seem the same place he once knew. Things change. Move on. That's the problem though.

The world's moved on without him, all he can do, can be, doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. Can't be useful. Can't be anything but a ghost, a shadow of a shattered fragment of his former self in a self imposed prison, without walls, borders or boundaries. Something that'll be that hair's breadth short of grasping into the world.

He sits on a park bench, takes out a pack of cigarettes and begins to smoke. "It's not a good day to admit you'll never be good enough for anybody. Better to admit it though and accept existing." Mach admits to himself. Which one is a more confusing issue lately. Not that even it helped.

Katherine has posed:
Walking through the very same park, Katherine is wandering about and smiling. She seems happy, or at least content, as she's walking with her bare feet plodding along against the ground. "Okay, so then... yep, and no..." She is squinting her eyes some as she talks aloud, tapping at her bottom lip, "No no... well, if I manage to crack this this evening that'd be good... though, that's pretty tricky. Great. Got it." And she's twirling about as she walks, happier now than she was when she entered the park. Coming to the same bench that Carl is just sitting down at, she falls into the seat, stretches out her arms and says, "Ahhhhhh, done. That was super easy." With a little shake of her head she notices Carl and grins to him, "Hello! Is your evening going as well as mine? I hope so. It's good to be great at something, important, knowing that... because of what you did today, there's a good chance the entire world will be different tomorrow. Better." She sighs out after taking in a deep breath.

Phage has posed:
Mach takes a deep draw on the cigarette. He barely exhales, letting smoke cloud and curl freely from him. He then says, "To answer your question. No. I doubt it." He pauses, breathes and adds, "Funny you should mention it though. Being good at something. Important enough to change the world for the better... I wouldn't have the first clue. What feels like many lifetimes ago I used to be sometimes useful to some people. But actually able to make a difference? Never mind the world... just the slightest difference to anything? Forget it. A faded freak is all I was, am, and may not even be lucky enough to still be. One of the few things I know. Not everybody gets to be..." he shakes his head. He doesn't know where that thought was going. He doesn't care. Strangely calm. Almost comforting. Accepting his place'll be, somewhere near as makes no difference, last, half a distraction for the shortest time, makes it easier somehow.

Katherine has posed:
Turning her body some so she can face Carl on the bench some more, Katherine continues to smile a bit in his direction despite his more upset words. "Everyone is useful. You are walking around with nothing but potential, potential energy, quantum computing capacity within your brain, the trillions upon trillions of bytes of data stored within your DNA. Every human being is a carrier of the entirety of the history of all of humanity." She offers a bit and then taps at her lower lip, "Maybe you do not like metaphor, or poetry, or science... hmmmm, is there something specific that has gotten you down? I am a very good listener, and I am willing to help if listening will help. Perhaps I can identify a way in which your biological uniqueness is still very much important and that could alleviate some of your depression?" Tilting her head a little to the side, she smiles some more, "Or, I could go and get you an ice cream, or chocolate. That helps 92.7 percent of people online when they are feeling down."

Phage has posed:
Mach takes another draw and a second before adding, "Not depressed, down or otherwise out. Mistake most people make." Mach explains. "That's imply I'd had any movement in any direction. It's... the reason why probability theory is wrong. The idea that pulling one, two, three, four, five and six, in order, out of a mixed up buncha numbers is equally likely as any other six numbers you draw? It's bunk."

Taking in the smoke is comforting. Not right. It does help. So it's not wrong either. Maybe it'll never feel good again. Maybe he'll never feel again. Right now it's not exactly an issue. As... even in his thoughts it's something he won't say. "Some people are the people the world turn on. Don't need money, power or fame. Anything they do will be golden. Then there's the other end of the scale. Me. Wouldn't matter what length I went to, what I learned, who I am... never gonna be given the luck of the lady. Always drawing dead. It's not even a bad thing either."

He holds for a moment then, too numb to remember why not he shares the thought. "Not everyone matters, or is special, or important, or will be remembered or has a greater reason to be. They just randomly are. Never to be in the foreground, affect anything or even be effected by anything. Just... wished I'd never wasted so much time and life trying to pretend otherwise. I wish I could be down. Then I could do something wild, stupid, give up, lash out... but I won't. I can't. Just not me. Instead I'll keep going. 'cause there's nothing else to do."

Katherine has posed:
Listening, Katherine makes notes of things that are being said, "Oh, probability, yes. I understand probability. There is no likelihood when dealing with numbers alone, they are just metaphysical objects. 7, is a concept, it is not a physical or natural thing. 7 ducks, on the other hand, that's some thing." She mentions and nods her head a few times, "So if you were thinking that there'd be 1 duck then 2 ducks then 3, and thinking the probability for that, well, it actually gets very difficult to have more than 1 duck show up next. With Quantum probability there are... options, but not in the normal naturalistic understanding." She quirks her mouth a bit to the side.

"You are illustrating all of the classic signs of depression. According to the internet psychological forums and journals, you have many of the characteristics associated with depression. Including the denial of having it. Though that kind of gets into a weird feedbcak loop... doesn't it?" She laughs a little, "Sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I am Katherine. It is nice to meet you. But you are wrong about people. All people are unique based upon a traditional 4 dimensional understanding of the Universe. And each one also causes new effects, and causes the convergence of effects to actually happen. Without people, every person, the very natura of the universe would be different. And as such, your existence, no matter what you feel about it, has universal consequences."