2741/Beetlemania

Beetlemania
Date of Scene:	07 October 2017
Location:	Constitution Plaza, Metropolis
Synopsis:	The Blue Beetle expands his get-rich-quick schemes to rock and roll. It doesn't go so well.
Cast of Characters:	Blue Beetle (Kord), Punisher, Hoodlum, Kaydin LeGraize

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Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
THE RECENT PAST

"I'm tellin' ya, buddy boy, this is the /ticket/ to the /big bucks/!" an overweight man in a leisure suit and numerous gold chains says as he gnaws on the end of a robusto cigar.

Sighing, the Blue Beetle strokes his chin. "It /would/ fund some important work that needs to be done ..." The hero pauses for a moment before nodding. "Alright, let's make this happen."


THE PRESENT

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, humans, metahumans, and ... whatever else ... bring your hands together for the greatest up-and-coming rock band of the new millennium!" An announcer with an Ed Sullivan-esque microphone strides back and forth across the stage set up outside Constitution Plaza. Behind him, a quartet of musicians is obscured in shadow.

"I give you..." the announcer pauses, and the crowd--perhaps about sixty people, all in all, waits with a mix of visible expressions: genuine interest, ironically feigned interest, schadenfreude, boredom, and--rage?

"...the BEETLES!" the announcer shouts, and a set of lights illuminate the musicians.

On the bass is the Blue Beetle. The other three musicians are orangutans in mop-top wigs with fake guitars and a toy drum set. On a nearby stereo system, a track begins playing, to which the orangutans begin moving around.

"I hate my life," the Beetle mumbles under his breath as he, too, pantomimes playing music.


In the crowd, a handful of individuals with PETA shirts begin booing and shouting insults.

Nearby, a second small crowd with ALF shirts begins shouting its own insults.

A third group, with AIM shirts on, moves closer to the stage.

Punisher has posed:
    Frank Castle hadn't been looking for any kind of concert or show, but apparently he found it. He is dressed in a long black trench coat at the moment and stands near the back of the small crowd. His own expression is simply a raised eyebrow as he watches the man with the apes up on stage. "What the hell...." he asks under his breath as he wonders what he wandered into. It is that Watching a Trainwreck mentality that causes him to take a few steps closer to the stage.

Hoodlum has posed:
She's got a trenchcoat on today. What is Clarine's aim here? Did she somehow investigate and find out that AIM would be here? Maybe she did some detective work? Or maybe she was visiting Metropolis to take a look at possible graduate or medical schools? No. She came because she heard there were chimps. She's wearing a t-shirt underneath that trenchcoat that says 'I <3 Monkeys' and is holding a giant stuffed banana in her left arm. The girl is cheering, too,"OH. MY. GOD. IT'S SO CUTE! I WANNA HUG THE MONK-" Oh darnit. The ancient murder machine buried in the back of her skull is shouting "Shenanigans" at her. So the woman sighs, stops cheering, and grabs the hatchet hidden up the back of the bannana without pulling it out.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
As the 'band' continues 'playing' its 'music', two of the three protesting groups slowly become aware of each other's presence--at which point they turn their attentions toward one another.

"What the hell, Darrell?" a young woman in an ALF shirt shouts. "You knew this was /our/ turf! Come /on/!"

"No way, Christineth," a stocky twenty-something man responds. "Look at this travesty! We've got the better resources to take these torturers /down/."

Similar bickering peppers the crowd; the visual effect is that a kind of mosh pit appears to form, although it's pushing and shoving as a result of posturing rather than due to the music.

The third group of protestors--those in AIM shirts--almost in unison remove their purses and backpacks to retrieve canisters of ... something ... and then toss them casually at the stage, lobbed like water balloons.

They're not water balloons, though, although they break as easily as water balloons!

The canisters shatter on impact, dousing the orangutans in a sickly purple liquid.

"Oh, God! What's that?! It's hideous! Won't someone think of the animals?!" another crowd member shrieks.

Then, there's a loud hissing, and the orangutans' skin begins to bubble, and the creatures start to grow in size, unevenly and toward grotesque proportion.

Naturally, the crowd begins to panic--and the AIM agents attempt to disappear into its depths.

Punisher has posed:
    Frank was watching the stage, perplexed and mezmerized, as the apes continued to play so he didn't see the AIM folks moving closer. He is further back just outside the pushing and shoving. This isn't his fight. He isn't getting involved in that, but then the canisters are thrown. "Damn," he whispers under his breath as his hand slips into his trenchcoat, thumbing back the hammer of a .45 stuffed in the pocket. He looks and sees the orangutans begin to grow, but then he is looking towards the crowd, trying to spot who is leaving. He begins to move along the outside of the crowd, trying to circle towards the folks that seem to want to get out while the getting is good.

Hoodlum has posed:
... "Those are big monkeys." The girl pulls what appears to be a domino mask from her coat, slips it on over her face, and pulls her hatchet out from the banana, which gets dropped on the floor. The hatchet is tossed towards the thigh of one of the fleeing AIM members. Then a sword, improbably large considering it was hiding in her trenchcoat, is drawn out, and she goes stomping in the direction of the stage, sword held high. "I'm about to fight giant mutant monkeys. This is... a really low point for my career as a vigilante. I REALLY need to up my game or something."

Kaydin LeGraize has posed:
    A blur moves amongst the crowd and soon a teenager slows down enough to be seen to stare at the apes playing. He continues to stare long enough to see the cannisters get lobbed and he acks as he sees the apes growing in size. "That cant be good." He says as he tries to catch one of the guys leaving, moving fast enough to try and catch the various people and ends up grabbing frank.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
The three doused orangutans flail and thrash about as their limbs elongate, their muscles pop and twist. Soon, three twelve-foot-tall creatures in mussed black mop wigs smash at the stage and fling their instruments at the crowd.

Then, they leap into it, chomping and slashing and grabbing.

It's pure hell after that--people fleeing in all directions, some snagged by an orangutan and tossed elsewhere like an afterthought before landing in wet thuds on the concrete.

"Help!" one of the audience members shouts.

A guitar is used like a makeshift club on one PETA protester, who drops like a rock and rolls on the ground. ["Rock and roll," get it? - Ed.]

The Blue Beetle is temporarily stunned, having just looked up from his studious bass playing. "What the--?!" he shouts, before looking around and gritting his teeth. "Everybody's got something to destroy, except me..." the costumed hero-turned-rockstar sighs and then reaches for his utility belt.

The AIM instigators appear to have shared tactics--don't get caught alone and don't cluster together with the other AIM agents. As a result, they're spreading out in almost all directions in an attempt to maximize the success of their retreat.

One is not very lucky in her sprinting away, as she catches a hatchet in the thigh and skids across the ground, crying out in pain.

Hoodlum has posed:
The girl pulls her foot back and boots the screeching AIM agent in the face in a particularly vicious aside as she stomps to the stage. She has to dodge more than a few thrown instruments and implements. She'll have to try to collar the unconcsious one after she gets done doing battle with the... whatever they are now. Space-Apes? Mutant Monkies?" Who knows? She's an immortal, with a few hundred other peoples' brains in her head. None of them with in-context information on how to fight REGULAR apes, let alone mutant ones. So the only thing she really has is dodge, bob, and weave until she approaches one of the beasts and bring her sword down in a two-handed slash at its skull. "EVERYONE PROCEED IN AN ORDERLY FASHION TO THE NEAREST CLOSED BUILDING AND SHELTER IN PLACE. DON'T WORRY, I'M A PROFESSIONAL." Professional student, anyway.

Kaydin LeGraize has posed:
    Kaydin has been busy. It isnt easy dragging people away from the beasts as they begin their rampage but he does it, moving with superhuman speed and only really seen in a blur. Once the people were out of the way he begins to circle the apes. "Hey!" He calls out as he weaves and dodges the apes. To him, they moved at a snail's pace, so he could really decide what to do with them. He then appears besides Ted Kord. "Got a plan?" He asks in a slightly hurried tone.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
The Blue Beetle runs toward the nearest of the orangutans--who, luckily, has its back turned to him--and quickly jumps up on its back. He swings his bass guitar around the front of its neck and tries to perform a makeshift sleeper hold on the creature.

It gasps for breath, hacking and coughing, and stamps about angrily, kicking a person here and crushing someone's foot there, until it finally passes out--slumping forward on the ground. It makes contact with a loud *BLUMPT* sound.

The other two orangutans continue their own frenzied rampages.

One of the two bares its teeth at Clarine before its head is split open. It, too, slumps to the ground.

The remaining orangutan swats at some speeding figure that seems to materialize near the Beetle.

"Uh ... spay and neuter them?" he replies to Kaydin with a deep exhale. "I don't normally fight mutant primates. Well, not ones this hairy. Confine how you can, and we'll try to deal with a cure or treatment."

Meanwhile, most of the AIM agents have made it out of the plaza toward their various coordinated withdrawal sites.

Hoodlum has posed:
"Good news! They're not, like, super-tough or anything. Their heads just kind of... you know... split right open." Well. That was, for the incredibly unsentimental vigilante, a rather sad, but useful end to the orangutan-threat. The woman makes her way towards one of the remaining orangutans and faces it down with her sword in another two handed grip. "So... you're saying not to just... kill them right? FINE!" She darts in, trying to drag that blade across the back of the mutant's thigh. "Are these things endangered? I'd feel really bad if they're endangered. Who were those guys anyway!?"

Kaydin LeGraize has posed:
    Kaydin runs, grabbing a guitar and circles the orangutans. With some speed he lets out a yell. "EL KABONG!" Kaydin yells as he slams the guitar on one of their heads with enough force to knock a person out and break the guitar. With this he looks for something else he can hit them with.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
"THEY'RE KILLING THE ORANGUTANS!" a fleeing PETA protester screams in a blood-curdling voice, and many of the ALF and PETA crews stop and turn to witness Clarine's murder of the rampaging monster. "THIS INSANITY MUST STOP--NOW!"

The protesters look for random items that they can weaponize, and they slowly congregate and begin toward the stage. As they near, some begin throwing their found objects at Hoodlum--pieces of broken stage, chunks of rubble, and assorted garbage.

"Nobody hurts a living thing on our watch!" they shout, more or less, across a dozen different voices. "You're dead meat!"

"Look!" cries another, pointing toward the unconscious orangutan that the Blue Beetle choked out. "They killed a second one, too!"

Just then, of course, Kaydin smashes a guitar on the third, which groans in pain and attempts, in a slow, confused daze, to grasp at the speedster.

"They're ALL dead!"

Rubbing his temples, the Beetle sighs. "What did I expect? These 'Beetles' are really just monkeys, after all." He reaches into a holster at his hip and retrieves ... a cell phone. "Okay, Phone Buddy, call Louie," he says and waits a moment. "Louie. It's the Beetle. We have a small problem, and I need to make sure I can get my plaza performance deposit back."

Something that smells like a used diaper hits him in the side of the head. It leaves a trail as it slides down his shoulder and arm before plopping on the ground.

Hoodlum has posed:
A piece of torn rebar attached to a bit of rubble lands itself in her gut. Wedged between her kidneys and some major vessels, there's a lot of blood. She knows from centuries of absorbed memories that it's not a fatal wound. But it really, really hurts. And also, they're throwing things at her. "I'm a living thing. You just hurt me! You don't see the problem here? They were LITERALLY just trying to kill you like a few second ago." The woman draws the bit of rebar out of her abdomen, pulls a piece of cloth from one of her pockets, and tucks it into the hole. Then she's shielding her face with her forearm as she pulls a bottle of water out and splashes her bottle of water on the pool of blood. Then she runs back, still being pelted by trash and rubble. She grabs the downed AIM woman with her hatchet by the back of the neck, stows her sword, and starts running. "Time to go!"

Kaydin LeGraize has posed:
    Kaydin ducks and dodges the grasping hands as they come for him. Moving in again with whats left of the guitar and smacks him in the face. Grant this was normal human strength, not speed assisted so probably wouldnt do much. He then notices the woman bleeding out and was going to try and help but she runs off. Naturally this is what distracted him from saving the man from a diaper hat. He runs over, and gives a nervous chuckle. "Sorry about that." He says as he offers him a napkin.

Blue Beetle (Kord) has posed:
As Clarine counters the protesters, some of them pause and look at one another. "She ... she makes kind of a point, you know."
"But we're fighting for those who /can't/ articulate their sentience!"
"I suppose ... but do we want to rely on violent action as our own argument?"

As the debate continues, other protesters continue assailing the heroes with whatever crap they can find.

The injured AIM provocateuse being dragged away by Clarine attempts to fight, but does so futilely, as she's clearly experiencing intense pain from the hatchet wound she sustained.

Blue Beetle manages to aim his gun--which fires powerful bursts of compressed air--to explode a large bag of what must be a combination of Big Belly Burger remnants and chemical waste, which showers back down on the individual who threw it. He grins as Kaydin returns. "Bullseye," he brags.

In the distance, the sounds of Metropolis PD sirens can be heard growing louder.

"Thank goodness!" a frightened audience member shouts from behind a trash can. "Help is coming!"

Hoodlum has posed:
Clarine can't resist quipping,"You just assaulted a human being unprovoked. You know they're going to arrest you all, right?" Troublemaker. If she hadn't already cut off his head, she'd kill Marquez for something like that. Still... she makes a split decision. She drops the 'captive' near Beetle and Kaydin, reclaims her hatchet (likely provoking another scream), and murmurs to the two heroes,"I would stick around, but I have like... a dozen arrest warrants, I'm pretty sure. But... uh... it was totally great to meet you. I really hope you fix the monkies. Er... Well... other than the one I killed. I mean..." Suddenly she realizes saying all this to professional heroes is MAYBE not the best way to conduct herself. She's bad at heroes. So she waves her hand and tries the Jedi Mind Trick,"This is not the vigilante you're looking for." Not being a Jedi, it does nothing. So instead she starts running again. Hopefully to exit, stage left.