3504/Yes, Castiel, There is a Santa Claus

Yes, Castiel, There is a Santa Claus
Date of Scene:	28 December 2017
Location:	Unknown
Synopsis:	Darcy confronts Castiel on the unorthodox answers to his Secret Santa survey. The expected hilarity ensues. Castiel decides he likes Darcy.
Cast of Characters:	Darcy Lewis, Castiel, Melinda May

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Darcy Lewis has posed:
Having been collecting responses for the office Secret Santa, Darcy was expecting some odd answers. Some of the odd answers were entirely odd in a very expected sort of way. The answers she got from one SHIELD asset,Castiel, however, were odd for an entirely different reason. Her work station was setup to alert her when he came into the building.

"Hey, Castiel? Hi. Im Darcy. Got a moment?" she begins, polite and pleasant enough as she tracks him down in the Triskelion and makes her approach.

Castiel has posed:
Castiel's arrivals at the Triskelion are always abrupt. Almost entirely unplanned things. But at least now he has reason to drop in from time to time.. Only he's really not sure why he's being approached by a completely unfamiliar person. Last he'd experienced the folks at SHIELD were happier if he kept himself to the WAND areas and didn't trouble the rest of them.

"You are Darcy," he repeats, craggy eyebrows knitting into a line of inquiry. "I have many moments. They are not transferable." The nuance of the question lost upon him where the literal is not.

Though after a long moment, he seems at least aware that this Darcy wishes to speak with him on some matter.

"You wish my attention. Is there a matter that SHIELD needs my help with? Agent May has told you of me?"

Castiel has posed:
It seems the most logical of conclusions at this juncture given the very few members of the SHIELD team he is familiar with, and which of those might suggest his help.

He doesn't look any less perplexed, though, standing there with his shoulders squared at a slight angle to his body, hunched forward enough to draw the line of his oversized trench coat tight along the line of his back while leaving it to hang off off his front in such a manner to look like the thing does not fit him. Hands balled up and thrust deep within the coat's pockets.

He looks perpetually like he might be planning to lean in and share a secret, only he does not move from this stance. Not even a waver.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy blinks at the way Castiel speaks. Her head pulls back and away a bit before she plops a hand on her hip.

"Transferrable or not, I'm taking some of yours right now," she states in reply to the 'wish your attention'. Noe Schitte-Sherlock.

"No to both of those questions. I'm organizing the Secret Santa, and your answers are fucking non-sensical as hell, dude. I want to know what gives."

Castiel has posed:
Ah. That he understands - the I want some of your attention now'. He's given that enough times on his own that it's easily translatable. Mind, Castiel doesn't do the hand on hip portion. Usually with him it's an intense glower.

"I do not understand? I answered your questions?" The angel looks somewhat perplexed, brows knitting together in a craggy line, leaning forward slightly so that his trench coat draws across the line of his shoulders. "There were things that you asked that I do not understand. You wished to know about when I was a kid? I was never a kid."

It was only one of the questions he didn't have an applicable answer to, or a frame of human reference.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
"How the fuck were you never a kid, dude? Test tube baby? Shitty parents? And what's with the angel line? You are not cute enough to gigglewink your way into being a holy terror. That is 100% my department." Darcy retorts. She does hand on hip, papers crumpling against her skirt as she pokes at Castiel with her other hand.

Castiel has posed:
"I do not understand the fuck?"

Theres an elongated pause. "Test tube baby?"

The man seems truly perplexed by Darcys words. Holy, though, he does understand. "I am not a terror, unless you suggest that there are those who fear an Angel of the lord."

The poke he looks at with a blink, not even being budged a bit by the gesture. Standing his ground as it were.

"You are not an angel."

Of course Darcy isnt. However, one would suspect she and Castiel are on different wavelengths with regard to that word. How little do either of them know.

"I am."

Darcy Lewis has posed:
That this odd little man doesn't understand the fuck has Darcy blinking once. The fuck seriously dude. And then he goes on about being a literal angel and that she isn't and Darcy is beginning to suspect the different pages they are on. She settles her weight back to herself, arms folding.

"okay. prove it."

Castiel has posed:
Proving it is something Castiel excels at, even if he's beginning to find it tedious to have to continually do so. Somehow he imagined his being human would entail less of proving his divine nature. Even if he does rather stick out like a sore thumb amongst his fellow man - a point that had been made to him by Mercy (an all too aptly named creature)..

"If you insist," he murmurs in his gravelly tones, drawing himself up to full height and letting his full ethereal self shine forth. The sheer *presence* of power about him isn't something that can be denied, nor is the holy of his nature. He might not be the most social and congenial of fellows, but he still is what he is, and there are those who would not have needed the display.

"You wish to see more?"

He holds himself in the near fullness of his power, waiting to see if they can move along. Though, truth be told, he is not enjoying the conversation that they are having. This Darcy seems.. well, irritable.

The host of his nature has fond memories of needing a drink in situations like this.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Hit full front by the ANGEL OF THE LORD aura, Darcy pulls her head back a bit and blinks once. She's silent a moment, before a sly grin creeps to her face.

"Hell yes, but I'm sure May'll be unhappy if I talked you into indecent exposure in middle of SHIELD HQ.... So, it'll have to wait. For the moment, I totes believe you're an angel-angel. But I'm still going to argue that I'm the sweet little angel here. See the halo? Don't mind the horns. They are structural support only," Darcy babbles happily. Because all of this sounds amusing and blasphemous and?

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy Lewis says, "Oh. I'm going to Hell. Look, nevermind. You seemed really confused about some of these questions, so if I can help?" she offers, holding up the christmas questionnaire."

Castiel has posed:
As simply as he is other, Castiel is nothing but 'mortal' again. Or at least the shell of a mortal, standing out in a crowd only by virtue of his eccentricities.

He's a pause, considering Darcy, shoulders an awkward angle to the rest of him, with his trench coat a tight line across them, his blue eyes a concerted study of her. Her words not something he is familiar with.

"I do not know this indecent exposure that Agent May would be unha--"

The angel stops, and straightens again as the gist of the sly grin and the surface thoughts off of Darcy come together in a blinding flash of understanding (that is utterly helped by the visual her mind has provided).

"You are wishing to know if I am anatomically and correctly endowed. I assure you the host body is fully human male. If you wish a demonstration?"

Those papers, though, draw his attention away. He scowls at them. If looks could kill, they'd be up in flames right now.

"I did not enjoy those."

Melinda May has posed:
Having been notified by Security of a sudden appearance in one of the WAND office areas, May had them stand down and went to go investigate herself. Because she's already fairly certain she knows who it is that is really testing Security's patience.

Arriving just in time to hear Castiel's comment about his vessel being 'anatomically and correctly endowed', it takes just about every last bit of her self control to not facepalm loud enough to be heard in San Diego. "Lewis, Castiel, that is enough of that discussion." Her tone of voice makes it clear that she will tolerate NO arguments.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy jumps faintly at the sound of May's voice, having not heard or expected her Ninja Nanny's arrival. There's a light gasp that goes with the jump before Darcy is turning to look. She holds her hands up in a surrender motion, and takes one step back and away from May... putting her right up in front of the grumpiest angel.

"I am getting you a cat bell for Christmas, I swear to God, May!" Darcy blurts out.

"Topic changed! Topic changed!" Darcy peers up at Castiel. "Right, Metatron? Right! Let's go get coffee."

That's not going to work, is it?

Castiel has posed:
May's arrival is taken in stride. Castiel has been snuck up on before by better than she - only some few, and albeit they were of the demonic and angelic sort, but still..

"I do not understand," he begins after her admonition. "I merely offered to demonstrate to this one that the body is, indeed, human male. She believes that somehow there is some plastic plate in place there? Is this so common for males, then? I have not encountered such a thing."

Truly perplexed. Of course, he's never encountered Barbie dolls, so perhaps he can be forgiven on this one.

"I am not Metatron." With absolute sincerity. Totally deadpan.

Melinda May has posed:
May turns the flattest of looks on Darcy, but only for a moment. "Castiel, she was thinking of a movie, a fictional story with extremely inaccurate depictions of angels. Disregard it and you do NOT need to prove to her that you are different from fictional characters. Now." She looks between the pair again. "Lewis. Why are you here?"

Darcy Lewis has posed:
"I said nothing!" Darcy chimes in, as it becomes clear that Castiel is still going on about pantsing himself in the middle of HQ.

"I'm here because his Secret Santa form made no fucking sense and how was anyone supposed to work with this shit?" Darcy grouses, holding out the paper for a heartbeat before yanking it back and tucking it protectively against her chest.

"Which I am not showing you in case you draw him!!!"

Castiel has posed:
Again there is that perplexed look from Castiel, the angel shoving his hands deep within his pockets, shoulders hunched forwards slightly. "You did not need to say anything," he tells Darcy. "You were thinking it. It was clear in your mind. The man was lacking essential human features of genetalia. I do not think a drawing is necessary."

Which draws his attention to Agent May. "Metatron is not a movie." Surprisingly, the angel has seen movies. Many movies. And had an opinion upon them. "He is one of the Choir who speaks for I Am. His voice is a thunderous whisper in the ears of the Righteous."

The angel pauses for a long moment, looking thoughtful. "I would not ask him about his anatomy, though."

His comment ending upon a bland look for Darcy. "I answered the questions. I can not help it if you did not like the truth."

Melinda May has posed:
May just... gives up. Maybe if they stop mentioning Metatron that topic can just DIE already. And she can already see these two devolving into a shouting match over that stupid secret santa question list. And that will NOT be allowed to happen.

"Perhaps we should move to a less public area and discuss those questions. It's possible that a clarification about why they were being asked will help give Lewis answers that will better suit her needs." She gestures for Darcy to lead them to the nearest conference room, then looks at Castiel, clearly expecting him to follow the younger agent.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
"Thinking!? Oh my fucking God! Dude! You read my mind?! Rude as fuck, man! I've been harassed. May! I'm fucking calling HR, I swear to Zombie Jesus. People should not just goin around reading minds!" Darcy starts to get worked up which has to be something new for May to see given how little really seems to phase Lewis.

"And of COURSE he's not a movie, you dumbfuck. He's a character IN a movie! Yes yes. Voice of God. I know that crap. But in that movie, angels don't have dicks!"

Slightly flushed, Darcy huffs and leads the way into a conference room. She holds the door open, because that's polite, and when everyone is in the room, she closes the door and drops herself to a chair. UGH! Stupid angels.

Castiel has posed:
Castiel bristles, "I was not reading your mind. You were thinking loudly." Which was true. She was't. But he feels compelled to clarify, "Very loudly." Indeed, those pictures...

"I do not understand Dumb fuck, you ass." He frowns, but shuffles along after the woman. "That movie would be wrong," is muttered underneath his breath.

Melinda May has posed:
"No. More. Cussing. Both of you." She makes sure both CHILDREN are inside the conference room and the door closed. "Sit down. Of course that movie was wrong, Castiel. It was FICTION." She anunciates that last word a bit emphatically, hopefuly to get her point across. "It was intentionally wrong for amusement and shock value. Now that is the END of that topic." Her glance toward Darcy makes it clear that she'd better let that topic end. Right now. "Darcy, which questions did you need clarification on? Start with the first one."

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Dropped into the chair, Darcy doesn't retort to being called an ass only because May makes her stop. She was ready though, May could SEE it. If Castiel's listening in... none of it is polite enough to type out, but Darcy's is focusing on cussing him out in her head thinking as LOUDLY as she can. Because May can't control what she thinks. MUAHAHAHAHA!

The questionaire is broguth forward and Darcy reads: "What do you love most about your job?... Stopping the Apocolypse doesnt' help anyone know what you want for Christmas!" You fucking nerfherding quifftaster.

Castiel has posed:
Oh, he can hear Darcy, and while Castiel was perfectly willing to behave, there were some things he couldn't stop. Like hearing her so very obviously *loudly* thought thoughts. (Okay, he could, but it would involve blanking a Darcy sized space in his awareness of the world, and he wasn't about to do that, either).

But those words. Some of them were definitely of the sort May had just told them to stop.

And in a response worthy of the Winchesters, Castiel minced, hitting Darcy's words and tones perfectly but for the fact that they were in his low gravel of a voice, "Thinking at me!? Rude as fuck, man! I've been harassed. May! I'm fucking calling HR, I swear to Zombie Jesus." Only he has to stop at the end to tilt his head slightly, "Though I do not understand a nerfherding quifftaster."

He stands beside a chair, not taking it as Darcy quips his questionnaire back at him and for May. "I answered, did I not? That is my job. I am a Warrior and a Guardian, charged with stopping the Apocalypse. Self-appointed champion of man."

Melinda May has posed:
May is THIS close to snatching ALL of those papers out of Darcy's hand. She doesn't have to be able to hear the younger woman's thoughts to know that she's thinking all kinds of vile things at Castiel, and then he speaks up and proves her right.

snapping a hand out and snatching the entire stack of papers out of Darcy's hands (and not caring if she gives her a papercut or three in the process). "ENOUGH. Castiel, sit down in that chair. Now. Lewis, as you have no doubt guessed, pop culture references and colloquialisms are lost on Castiel. If you cannot control youself, these are ALL going into the nearest secure document incinerator. Do you understand me, Agent?"

She's starting to sound just the tiniest bit honestly angry.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Double whammy. Darcy's lips part, lower jaw dropping open as first Castiel then May react.

Holy shitballs.

"Yes, ma'am," Darcy says. Her tone is soft and contrite and at least she's not thinking as loudly any more. Oh boy... May is pissed.

Castiel has posed:
Castiel is mollified enough to take a seat as told to. "I am sorry," he says quietly to Agent May, knowing he's stepped beyond bounds in the way that any warrior knows when he's pissed off his commander - not that May is his commander.. It's complicated.

"I answered the questions. They were... unusual."

Melinda May has posed:
May takes a second to regain a bit more composure before she addresses Castiel, leaving Darcy to sit and ponder exactly how far she's overstepped.

"Castiel, there is a tradition this time of year of exchanging gifts with friends and family. In workplaces, the tradition has been changed slightly so that receipients don't know who will be giving their gifts, to avoid complaints of favoritism or the opposite. Lewis's questionnaire was intended to help someone try and determine what might be a gift that you would find amusing or useful." She reaches into her jacket and pulls a pen, flipping the stack of paper over to write on the backside of whatever the last page happens to be while handing Darcy back ONE single page. "If we ask you these questions again, and you think of replies in the context I juset offered, that would be helpful."

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy reaches out to take the questionnaire, staying quiet. Even her mind's subdued. She reads over the questions and the answers froM Castiel and picks on one that seems like a miscommunicaiton.

"What is your favorite pastime? A pasttime is something you like to do that isn't really work," Darcy says, trying trying to explain and be polite and calm and nice about it, after having been all riled up.

Castiel has posed:
There's a long consideration from the angel, his form at the table a strict upright posture, the blue of his eyes a frown and a furrow of brow upon Darcy. "What I do that is not work. I like the boilermakers. I am to watch the movies. I have tried the subway, but I do not like them. They smell."

A pause.

"Bad."

Castiel has posed:
The process continues to be painfully slow for a time until the trio manage to come to understandings with one another. And slowly, but surely, Castiel begins to give answers that are useful to Darcy, as well as begin to understand more about these humans he has chosen to live amongst.

And, perhaps in one of the odder twists of fate, he sees in Darcy an ally. Someone who might be able to help him navigate this percarious new situation he finds himself in. By the end of it, she's left with a remark May has already encountered and should understand well:

"I would leave my mark upon you."

Though, it's less a 'would leave' than 'have left'. A thing Darcy will just have to learn about...

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy Lewis has nothing adult to say or think to Castiel's closing remark. So, with a glance at May, Darcy says nothing as she collects her papers and heads out.

Adult supervision.... Yup.