5745/Misfired Coffee

Misfired Coffee
Date of Scene:	08 November 2018
Location:	New York City
Synopsis:	Wherein there is toaster strudel, discussions of ninjas and tourneys.
Cast of Characters:	Deadpool, Black Widow (Romanoff)

---

Deadpool has posed:
    The television is still on. It's the next day, and it's still on. The show has been changed, though, at some point. It is now some Rom-Com; it isn't overly important exactly which movie, so let's not get hung up on that.

Is the room empty?

IS IT?!

Someone will just have to go see.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
At some point the night before, Natasha had wandered off to bed while leaving Wade to his own devices. He seemed to be doing well so she had reached the point she wasn't afraid he'd collapse at any moment.

As morning arrived, Natasha got out of bed and was heading for the shower when she heard the television. She changed her course, to enter the living room instead.

Only to find...

Deadpool has posed:
The important thing is that Wade is still present. He has, at some point, gone out to get Subway sandwiches, and has two of them nearby, one clearly having been eaten, or at least chewed. He is laying fully across the couch (and therefore out of view from behind the couch) with his head curled on his arm.

He's found a blanket to bundle under, and due to the blanket, may or may not be wearing any clothing. He does have his mask on: holes and all. He washed it. That didn't help with the holes in the skull. A quick look will prove that he's healed wonderfully, though: because his awful cancer-fucked skin is on display in the holes.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Coming around the end of the couch, Natasha pauses as she sees him. A quick assessment of his head that is showing through the holes in the mask provides her the answer she was seeking. He's healed. The bone grew back. Or at least the skin has and it seems to be supported so the skull must have as well. It was truly amazing what his powers could do.

With a faint smile and a shake of her head, she moves toward the kitchen where she puts on some coffee to brew. Then back to the living room. She picks up the remote and turns off the television since he is sleeping and not watching it.

Deadpool has posed:
"I am not asleeeeeeep," Wade says sleepily as she 'steals' the remote. If he was watching, he was watching through a hole in his skull, he was turned the wrong way. He waggles his hand at her for the remote, with a huge sound of sucking air against his mask with the giant yawn that follows. "Also I was going to make breakfast in the form of toaster strudels. I forget if I got that far. But I hope they are strawberry. Just push the button down," Wade continues descriptively, with one finger held up and then slooooowly lowered, as if she really needed to be told how to work her own toaster.

But low and behold, there ARE two toaster treats in the toaster. One has the wrapper off.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"I thought you were," Natasha offers by way of explanation as she puts the remote in his seeking fingers so he can once again drive the ship. "Toaster strudels?" She should've known there would be something like that left in the freezer. It wasn't somethings he had known about before he came along.

Back to the kitchen again, bare feet making no sound. Once there, she giggles a bit as she pulls out the strudel that is still wrapped in order to remove the outer packaging. Then it goes into the toaster. As she pushes the button down, she can't help smiling at the way he had demonstrated the act for her.

As she waits for the strudels to pop up, she checks on the coffee. Not much longer.

Deadpool has posed:
Not to worry, her teacher of toaster pressure was watching to be sure she did everything properly. He sat up sometime around when she got to the toaster and unwrapped things. He's crossed his arms over the back of the couch loosely, chin on one bare forearm. He has a t-shirt on that probably is not his. It's a LITTLE stretched out.

    Wade flips the remote backwards to aim behind him while observing her, to mute the television without actually looking. "How did we /sleeeeeep/?" Wade asks, overly friendly. It's a manner that suggests he might have drugged her at some point.

He didn't.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Glancing over her shoulder at her audience, Natasha arches a brow at his posture and his tone. Then she turns back to the coffee pot as she pulls down a cup from the cabinet just above the machine. It has the SHIELD emblem on it. Probably taken from the break room.

"Did you want a cup of coffee?" Caffeine and Wade? Why did she even ask?

Deadpool has posed:
"I have a sandwich I can trade for it," Wade suggests. "But I think it's worth more than just one cup. It is a /really/ good sandwich," he bargains smoothly, pointing behind him again towards the coffee table. "Best meats. And I didn't lick it."

Wade climbs over the couch abruptly and directly, throwing off the blanket in a theatrical manner. He does still have his spongebob pants on, and socks, as well as the rest. It clashes a little with his mask. Of course. "I resisted temptation. I'm being the best lately."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"You don't have to trade your sandwich for it," Natasha tells him as she pulls down another cup. It has a unicorn on it. The toaster pops up the strudels at the same moment the coffee finishes running through the machine.

She focuses on the coffee, pouring both cups. She goes to the fridge to get some creamer and pulls over a stainless steel storage container that was on the shelf. It is opened to reveal sugar. Drawer opened to get out a spoon and she sets up their coffees the way they both like them.

"The best?" she asks curiously. "What did you resist?"

Deadpool has posed:
"That would be telling," Wade announces in his mercurial way. He comes over, observing her with the coffee mugs, and starts to correct how he wants his coffee... and then doesn't have to. She gets it right. He should have more faith. "With--- yes. And.... right." He points as she correctly does it. Mind reading. Or experience.

"Did I tell you that I almost won my martial arts competition?" Wade asks, honestly unable to remember if he mentioned it. "I was sad you weren't there in my cheering section."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Once his coffee is made, Natasha slides the unicorn cup his direction. Then she moves to the toaster. A saucer is pulled out of the cabinet above then she puts the toaster strudels on top of it. It is also moved over toward him, along with the little packets of icing to go on top. She can't even begin to guess what design he might want so that's the best course of action.

"No, you didn't even tell me you were in a martial arts competition. Tell me it ended better than your bet last night?"

Deadpool has posed:
"Sure did. I got to the actual /final/ battle. I'm pretty good, as it turns out. All of your faith in me is properly placed," Wade explains. He accepts his cup, and then begins to draw with the icing. It's phallic things today, while he chatters. No surprises probably. "Lots of people were taking it VERY SERIOUS," Wade prattles. "Extremely honor-bound and specific. They got all funky about me using weapons, all defensive of their very specific fisticuffs. Which was fine. Except that I really do like to pew pew and snikt-snikt and slash-slish. Slish-slash? Both. So I did get to the final round. Last guy was sneaky and did good. Good on him. Little kid, though. Didn't touch me, or I him. Platonic fight."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha leans against the counter as she listens, cradling her cup of coffee in both hands. She raises it up to her lips and gently blows across the surface before taking a careful sip. Not that the air flow really helps but it's habit.

As he explains the fight, she nods her head a bit at the idea of them taking it seriously. That would be the case for a tournament, in her experience. So no weapons and they had some sort of honor. She is filing it all away.

Until he gets to the end. Sneaky, did good, little kid. The final two words have her laughing before she can stop herself, almost snorting coffee up her nose. She coughs a bit as she sets the cup down hurriedly then eyes Wade. "Platonic fight? How was there a winner if you didn't touch?"

Deadpool has posed:
"See, we had to agree on terms," Wade explains while picking up a knife out of the silverware drawer to fix his artwork. He got a little carried away and it doesn't look so good anymore. The knife is used to carefully fix something on the design. "So we decided that whoever cut off the first body part would win. Pretty good idea. I was still trying to coax him to just pay me. I mean. I was mostly there just for the money, to give to the kids that have cancer." Right.

"Anyway he cut off his finger. Sneaky kid. I respect that though. Good idea. They sewed it back on him I think, I didn't hang out after that."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"That's pretty smart," Natasha has to agree as she recovers from the misfired coffee. She picks up her cup again but is a bit more cautious when sipping, making sure he isn't talking when she does. Or is just starting to talk so hopefully not enough to give her burns in her sinus cavities.

"How much did he win in the tournament?" A loss of a finger might be worth it depending on the dollar amount involved. If they hadn't been able to attach it back on his person.

Deadpool has posed:
    "See I thought there was a BIG cash prize. Turns out? NO PRIZE!" Deadpool says, as if he couldn't even see the logic of any of it. "For a super serious cereal contest, it was just /for fun/. Or bragging rights. Or whatever. Anyway, I did place a bunch of bets. And I sold some puppies to Elektra-whats-her-face. So I made out really damn well. Also, I have lots of new contracts," Deadpool says, clearly pleased. He draws his mask up across his nose bridge to eat his toasty goodie.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
    Something in that combination of sentences stands out more than the rest. He was in a competition with no prize. Which is strange for a tourney with martial arts. Usually they were all about trophies or monetary rewards. So why was this one different?

Then the two things centered for her. Elektra. That would be the woman who had recently died. "What did Elektra have to do with the tourney and where did puppies come in?"

Really? She's kind of afraid of the answer.

Deadpool has posed:
    "So Elektra was part of the people who set it up... I guess. I wasn't REALLY paying a huge amount of attention, but it was her show and set-up. Which means I blame her mostly for the absolutely shitty 'prizes', or lack thereof," Wade says, snorting. He coughs, wipes some frosting off his nose and jaw, and licks it off his hand and fingers. It's slightly suggestive. Everything is, with him, when it can be.

    "Puppies. Right. So I made a puppy-vest," Wade describes. "It was a vest... of puppies. So that I'd be hard to hit. They didn't let me wear it, but I made sure Elektra /bought/ it off me. They were very expensive puppies. I shall miss Captain Pooper. But not ALL of the things he did."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
This is exactly why Natasha did not sip her coffee again. She knew there would be an answer like that.

"You had on a vest of puppies?" She is trying to envision this and what she mentally sees is amusing to say the least. She does have to chuckle slightly at the name of the puppy he liked the most.

"You had a vest. With puppies in it. They wouldn't hit you with it on?" This is the moment that it may become apparent such a tactic wouldn't have really mattered to Natasha. She's apparently heartless.

Deadpool has posed:
    "Well they made me remove it," Deadpool clarifies smoothly. "Which was fine. I was paid for the vest. My opponent then tried to pay me to simply give up. We couldn't agree on a price, so we just kept fighting. Really though, I think he was trying to distract me," Deadpool says. And then breaks into a manic laugh. The laugh just goes on and on. He grabs the counter. Can't handle it. Puts the strudel bit down, and slowly laughs his way to the floor tile.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Usually distracting Deadpool isn't really a challenge. As he loses it and begins to laugh, Natasha shakes her head a bit and takes that safe sip of coffee. No nose snorts this time. She arches a brow when he hits the floor.

"I think I missed the joke," she murmurs. That isn't that uncommon with him either but she finds herself smiling for no reason other than how amused he seems at whatever set him off.

Deadpool has posed:
    From the counter edge, one finger is extended upwards into her view. He needs just one more minute. A flurry of Wade giggles follow. He then sighs heavily, bonks his shoulder on the cabinet, and stands up. He lost his mask somewhere in the laughter, it is more of a hat now. It's not very fetching.

    "No. Okay. Yeah. So. It worked... heeeh hee.... out." He slurps coffee from his special mug, eyes mock-wide at her with innocence. "DP got paid."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"Despite there being no prize money. I have to say that was well played on your part." Natasha takes her coffee cup and heads to the dining table. It's a glass number with metal legs and seats. Soft cushions in red are on the seats themselves so they are more comfortable. She settles in with her cup, cradling it in both hands.

"You said you got contracts there too? What sort of people were in attendance?" This may be curiosity, it may be her working. One never knows.

Deadpool has posed:
    Wade does not follow her, he flips around to face her and does a quick little bounce to hop to sit on the counter. He's bouncy and athletic. He kicks his feet a little bit like a child, coffee cupped in both hands at his thighs.

    "WELL PLAYED," Wade echoes, like a movie announcer. "So there were lots of martial arts people but also like, criminal underworld lords and things. And also uhhh, Daredevil. I'm being paid very well to not-kill some people for him. Moderately punish. The not-kill flag cost extra."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
That catches her interest. Her green eyes are focused back to him. Thankfully she can see into the kitchen from the table. "Daredevil?" That is someone she does know. In addition to knowing him, she knows he doesn't have a lot of money. So how did he...wait. Elektra's death. There was something in the paper about him having inherited. That would explain how he had money to afford Wade's prices.

It still left the question though. "Is this like a lawyer confidence thing or are you able to share your targets?"

Deadpool has posed:
    "I don't ... think it's confidence," Wade says, slowly now, pausing. An egg could be fried on his head for how hard he appears to be really making his brain work to try to figure this out. He is trying SO HARD. He stares at her vacantly for a few long uncomfortable seconds. "I'm shooting ninja limbs. Hand. I mean, they are hand. I do shoot their hands. Fuck I messed this up."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
She laughs. Outright before she can stop herself. The explanation is too funny for her to sit there and play it straight. "He hired you to shoot members of The Hand?"

She knows all about them. She died due to them in the past. Of course, she got better. Thanks to some ancient secrets someone knew.

"I didn't realize the Hand was being a problem at the moment." She's out of touch with the streets. Spending too much time with SHIELD and the Avengers. Maybe she needs to correct that.

Deadpool has posed:
    Wade is pleased with causing her to laugh and 'break character', and slurps his coffee in a loud way while she assesses the information he gave her. He kicks his feet a little more, stretching a heel out idly.

    "Yep. Some bosses, hostages. Things like that. I was very heroic. Except for the part with the van. But seriously, some ninjas need to be trained better, to know to leap out of the way when a van comes towards them. Don't just lay there and bleed from the gunshot injuries." Pssh, logical!

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha opens her mouth. Then she shuts it. There are no words. Only Wade would think you could just get up from gunshot wounds. Maybe her Little Uncle as well. But most normal people? It didn't happen.

"So you've already done the job? Did this have anything at all to do with the crowbar or was that seriously just a bet of some sort?" she asks.

Deadpool has posed:
"He could have /rolled/," Wade says, anticipating her question when she opens her mouth, gesturing with both hands in a motion of a sort of flopping spin motion. He shrugs some and sits with the coffee warmed in his palms.

    "No it's like ongoing job. And I'm actually suspecting it happened when I picked a fight with the pit crew at a race track. The crowbar. So ... I mean, we can guess all day if you want, but I think the truth, while out there, evades today."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
It is less than 24 hours since he had that hunk of metal through his brain. To be honest, she might never learn the truth. It doesn't really matter except she wouldn't be adverse to finding who did it and returning the favor.

She tended to be protective of those she cared about.

"So Daredevil pays you, and quite well at that, so that you will stop Hand members but not kill them? He knows they will commit suicide rather than be captured so why bother?" She shakes her head. "That's something he and I never did see eye-to-eye on. He feels that killing is wrong." She actually rolls her eyes.

Deadpool has posed:
    Wade drinks his coffee, or starts to, but finds it empty. He places the mug near his hip and drapes his hands loosely against his spongebob squarepants-claid knees. He picks a little bit at the edge of a particularly gross looking skin protrusion on his left wrist, then stops and re-plops his palms.

    "We didn't have a heart to heart about what he knows. I am mostly trying to not kill them, because he's the client. Even if in this case, the client is SO WRONG. But hey. I have another contract that is super murder-death, of which IS super secret squirrel, so I'm still happy. Thank you or your concern over my well-being though, Nattie."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha gives a shrug as though it's nothing as she takes a final sip of her coffee. "He has his viewpoint. Hopefully your other contract isn't one that will put SHIELD on your heels."

She pushes to her feet and heads to the sink in the kitchen. There she takes a moment to hand wash her cup. In truth, she never uses many dishes so the dishwasher was overkill. It was a simple matter to clean up the few items.

She motioned to the pot. "Did you want some more?" While there isn't anything in the carafe at the moment, she could make more. She usually only brewed one cup for herself. Doing two today was due to the company.

Deadpool has posed:
    Wade scooches along the counter on his butt sideways. Scoot scoot scoot. Why? To put another toaster yummy in the toaster. He presses the buttod down with the exact same gesture he'd made at her earlier, with a single finger, and then relaxes back. "Naw. I'd take some OJ if you have it," Wade suggests, as his brain goes in a weird direction. It happens a lot. "Otherwise I'm a-ok." Finger and thumb in a circle.

    "Are you murdering anyone lately? For SHIELD or otherwise?" he asks, conversationally.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"Not at the moment. They've had me more on assignments where they want people to spill their secrets. Or to bring people in that have been on the run," Natasha admits as she moves to the fridge and looks inside. She finds a carton of orange juice.

Taking it out, she shakes the carton. It will mix up what's inside and lets her know how much is left. She takes a cup out of the cabinet and pours the last of the orange juice inside. It's about three-quarters full. This is offered to Wade.

Deadpool has posed:
    "OOooh. Secret-squeezing. And I wasn't invited?" Wade laments. He hops off the counter to get the cup as it is offered, even before she approaches fully. He chugs it like it's a hard drink and sets the cup down firm with a clink. "Yeeees. Restore those missing bits," Wade talks to himself. And then reorients on her.

    "What shall we do today?" He invites, as if this were normal. "Tanning salon napping? Water-skii-testing?"

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
The empty carton goes in the recycling bin under the sink. Right next to the trash can. She smirks as she takes his cup and glass, moving to the sink with them both and quickly washing them. She doesn't let out the soapy water yet, since he still has a plate and apparently more strudel in his future.

"Today, I have to go to work. I'm not sure what you have planned."

Deadpool has posed:
    "Fuck my strudel is burning," Deadpool diverts, pouncing on the toaster and forcing it to eject the strudel. He snatches it, hot-hot-hots it, and puts it on the plate. He begins to draw a white rainbow that looks more like a lower case letter 'n' due to a fuckup.

    "I think I will not-murder ninjas some more. Browse Amazon. Fix my stupid suit. Yeah. A plan." As if he'll follow up on all of those things. He approaches her smartly. And eats the overly hot strudel even if his rainbow isn't finished. "I'll get out of your hair." With that, Wade attempts to pat her shoulder once, and starts to strut away.

    "Do you want to keep the crowbar?"

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"Only if you don't want it as a memento of who knows whatever it was," Natasha says as she takes the plate he left behind. She finishes up her cleaning then lets the water out of the sink and rinses it clean.

The crowbar may have some prints on it after all. Unlikely but possible.

Deadpool has posed:
    "You asked me to washhhh iiiit," Deadpool laments. "It is not a good momento anymore. Unless I find a psychic. I might. I should shop for one. They don't like my palms, though -- the palm reader sorts. I'm like a etch-a-sketch," he describes, looking at his disaster of palms. He shrugs though, and pulls his mask back down, it was getting itchy on his nose.

    Wade starts to collect his things, humming some nonsense. "I'll leave it for you to remember me by. And these pants."