5816/In Nomine Patris et Filiae et... stercus sancti!

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In Nomine Patris et Filiae et... stercus sancti!
Date of Scene: 20 November 2018
Location: Unknown
Synopsis: Raven tells the unvarnished truth about herself, and suggests Colette is probably doomed.
Cast of Characters: Stardust, Raven




Stardust has posed:
It's the next morning. Early. A time Colette is not often to be found at the tower, but she actually stayed overnight for once. Gone are the days when virtually all of the Titans lived at the tower. She's been there for breakfast often enough to have a rough idea of what time Raven normally makes her way downstairs for a morning coffee, and has decided to pre-empt Raven's choice as to whether she continues her life as if nothing had happened, or wants to stay to herself for a day or two.

    There is a gentle knocking at Raven's door, and a smell of coffee in the air. "Rae? You up? It's Colette. I brought you coffee." It's not loud. Has Colette turned over a new leaf? Unlikely. Maybe it's just that it's still early, the tower is quiet, and even Colette doesn't do loud this early.

Raven has posed:
    Raven is, admittedly, somewhat unwilling to answer. To be truthful, Raven isn't entirely willing to even remain at the tower, but for the moment, she can't exactly debate that it is necessary.

    She hasn't slept, of course- that much will be certain when she opens the door. Raven's eyes are normal...ish. They aren't glowing red, and aren't looking murderous. So that's a plus. The lights to her room are off, and overpowering even the smell of coffee will be a rather pleasant and pervasive incense. Despite the lack of any light- natural or otherwise, whatever Raven does to her windows to stop the light coming through has been restored- Raven's hood is still up, obscuring her features somewhat. Her hands are, as usual, in her pockets.

    "Yes?" she asnwers- her tone showing little inflection.

Stardust has posed:
"I brought you coffee," Colette repeats. "I did just say that." She has in fact brought two cups with her, one of which she holds out to Raven. "Also, I thought you might want me to update you on what the Portal Voice said last time it turned up. Because maybe that's relevant to your thoughts. And, um. Maybe you just want to talk in general. Though, probably not. Or if you do, probably not with me. That's cool. But, you know, if you do." The stream of words grind to a halt for a moment, and Colette blinks a few times, then nods her head to herself. "Oh yeah. Also if you want to talk about it... as in /it/... with someone who might have a bit of insight into your situation. By which I don't mean me. Uh. I mean I know a guy. Kind of."

Raven has posed:
    "I noticed. I do not have any apprehensions that you brought me coffee to only bring me coffee." she notes, taking a moment to look straight at the cup. The look that she gives it almost seems to convey the thought that it might just be poisoned. She doesn't grab it, just yet. Instead, as Colette speaks, she just stares at it, as if its family committed some atrocity that the coffee is trying to hide, and Raven- Raven knows. Then, seemingly from nowhere, Colette finishes speaking and Raven's gaze flits upwards.

    "I think I have gotten the gist of it. More or less. It has not been... Especially clear. As far as talking goes, talking to -people-, I do not necessarily feel like that is necessary. There is nothing for me to talk about. Much less for me to discuss with one of your exes or friends-with-benefits." The scathing words are back, at least, even though the stress seems to have made her a -little- more hateful than normal.

Stardust has posed:
    Colette holds the coffee a little closer. "It's just coffee. There are no strings attached. If you want to take it and tell me to go away, that's fine. I'm not a Fae, so you can accept a drink from me without being bound to my realm for a hundred and one years, it's fine. But hey, just in case, I offer this drink freely and place no geas nor compulsion upon you. I've been doing some research, that works." She smiles wryly. "But if you don't want it, that's cool."

    Colette takes a step back, as if preparing to leave. "Personally I think that what you feel is necessary and what is actually necessary aren't quite the same things, Rae. Because you close yourself off all the time, and I think we just established that's not really working for you. But I never said anything about exes or friends. Strictly speaking, I don't think it really counts as 'people' either. More like pain-in-my-ass intergalactic know-it-alls. If you're not interested, cool. Wasn't my idea."

Raven has posed:
    Raven's hand finally leaves one of her pockets, and it's then noticeable that her fingertips- not merely the nails, but the skin as well- are a grayish black. It's easily determined- she's been drawing since she got back, probably. She holds the coffee in her hand for a time. As if for some reason an answer as to whether or not she actually wanted this will present itself from the coffee now that it is in her grasp. She doesn't drink, yet. Not because it's coffee, or because it's Colette.

    "The less I feel, the better. You asked whether it was anger... That's just the shortest road. It's anything. Any emotion at all. Fear. Anger. Despair. Love. Anything I happen to feel could be the doorway that he uses to get into me." she notes, finally taking a very short sip. By now, she's looking at the coffee instead of Colette.

    "I don't think that I should speak to the entities that comprise the device that gives you your powers." Since when did she -know- that? "I do not believe it will be constructive for them."

Stardust has posed:
Colette stops retreating, and looks back at Raven for a few moments in silence. Possibly wondering when exactly Raven got hold of the coffee. And how. Probably spooky magic things. When she starts talking, it's quite slow, careful and precise. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she's having two conversations at once.

    "They say... that they think that it might be constructive for -you-. They say that... that it's not as simple as a door and a key. That he could... he could come here whenever he wanted, but it wouldn't do him much good. He needs more than a door, and that makes you more than a key. They say that..." she stops, winces slightly and shrugs. "Then they start getting vague. Something about a source. No. The Source. Capital letters. They also say it doesn't concern me, and that I should keep an eye on you but leave you alone." She tilts her head, gives a half smile and then looks up the corridor. "So hey, you guys have something in common, at least."

    Colette turns back to Raven, but takes another step away. "So, you read the report on the latest vistitation then? Listened to the logs? All that stuff about possible futures? You know, the way you reacted... I wondered if Portal Voice actually was your father. A trap, maybe you sensed something. But one thing I noticed. He's been using people's real names. Like, Brick, Vorp, Robin. Their actual names. I think that's his way of saying he already knows us, so we should trust him. Two exceptions, you and me. He called us Stardust and Raven. So probably not. I figure your dad would know your real name."

Raven has posed:
    If Raven was going to use magic to summon anything into her hand, it'd probably be coffee. Or a weapon, but that's... A little less likely, somehow. Her gaze is intense, when it leaves the cup and returns to Colette. The way her eyes pierce the darkness of the hood is otherworldly, and highlights her inhuman nature. She watches Colette during the pauses, and her presence has... Weight to it. The Titans are as a whole inured to it, as Raven just sort of Shows Up and is mean to them. It's easy to write off her presence as this sort of... Mean Girl Aura.

    "That is incorrect." There is a momentary pause, afterwards. Raven is not entirely sure of what to say, perhaps. "Tell them... That I respect their input. Their knowledge would likely be helpful. Perhaps enlightening. I did not read a book about what I am. I did not hear it second-hand from others. I was not born here, on Earth." Another pause. Raven has reached the end of what she considers particularly... Comfortable to talk about. Colette is about to find out why, but it is not going to be pleasant.

    "My mother was human. She had a challenging life here." Was is telling, but Raven is speaking again before Colette can say anything about that. "At one point, she hit a low. She met someone, and this man, he... Seduced her. She found out later that he was not who, and not what, he said he was. My father, Trigon, he is something -like- a demon."

Stardust has posed:
It's perhaps a little surprising at first, but Colette has always faced Raven's Mean Girl Aura with considerable equanimity. Often she snarks back, but always very light-hearted snarks. She's never seemed upset by it. Maybe it's her tendency to recklessness; a better word than fearlessness in her case for sure, though she never seems intimidated by anything. Maybe it's having a rather critical alien intelligence in her head and she's just inured to it, maybe she just ran with the mean girl crowd and it's normal for her. Whatever it is, as usual, Colette's not shying away.

    Nor, for the moment, is she talking much. Which is a lot less usual for her, it's true. But if Raven wants to talk, Colette's determination to let her overcomes her determination to comment on... everything, all the time. There are no interruptions, just the occasional nod of her head, as if recognizing more pieces of a jigsaw and beginning to see how they fit togethr. When Raven finishes, Colette simply asks "So he took her to Azarath, where you were born? Is that his home dimension?"

Raven has posed:
    Raven doesn't shake her head, but her gaze does return to the coffee. "No. Trigon does not usually... Reside, in any dimension but his own. Azarath was home to a number of... Monks. A very peaceful people. Arella was found by them, they... Gave her a home. I was born on Azarath, but there is a reason that I am here." It's probably pretty obvious what she's going to say. Foreshadowing, in this instance, is not her strong suit.

    "When I say that I wasn't told my nature second hand, it is because they... Did try to tell me. They tried to get me to overcome it. I did. But it can't... He can't be shut away forever. I know what I am more from experience. When I reached a certain point in my life, when I was old enough, when I... Felt." There is another pause, then. Raven's face doesn't show it, but a more expressive person would be crying here. Raven merely contemplates the coffee.

    "I killed them. Not... Directly. But I am aware that if I had let it all in, I could have. Instead, I just did what is in my nature. I did what I was supposed to do, and I... Let him in. He did what he does. Azarath does not exist, anymore. Not really. But it was my fault. I didn't do as I was told. I let it happen. It wasn't Him."

Stardust has posed:
"Was it your choice,To let him in? Or was it a mistake?" Unusually, Colette's response is succinct, and whip-fast. Like the question was planned in advance, and she was just waiting for the right moment to ask it.

    "Were you the finger that pulled the trigger, knowing what the trigger would do?" Colette regards Raven impassively, revealing neither judgement nor sympathy. "Or the guard that looked the wrong way? Or just the trigger, pulled by others? You said you're a key. A key does not chose to open the door."

Raven has posed:
    "You don't quite understand." She begins, clutching the cup with both hands now. "The matter of choice is elementary. The idea of mistake is incidental. It doesn't matter if you kill a thousand people by mistake. They're still dead. Did I -know- what was going to happen?"

    There is a short pause, there. The way that Raven tells this story is not exactly rehearsed. It's been a while since she's said anything about it -to- anyone, and that she doesn't like talking about it is a little obvious.

    "Yes. I had been told. It's... Hard to consider, when someone says that... That one lapse in judgment can cause... What it did. I didn't respect it, but none of that matters. What matters is the consequences, what matters is that like it or not, it was -my- fault. I got overconfident, I didn't 'look the wrong way' I didn't -choose- to open the door, but I -chose- not to give it the level of attention it deserved. I chose to listen to the wrong voice." The writing on the wall, of course- is that every decision she makes, everything she feels, everything she lets herself experience in a raw fashion... It could all be His whispers.

Stardust has posed:
"But you didn't want it to happen, right?" Colette asks."Your fault by error of judgement rather than choice, yes?" She tilts her head to the side speculatively. "A thousand people dead is bad however it happens. But how they died is absolutely revelant. Because there is a difference between being evil and being a tool of evil. And I don't think you're evil, Rae."

    Colette looks away down the corridor, in the direction of the living quarters, then looks back. "You're not the only Titan to have done things in their past that they regret, that have cost lives. Some even chose to cause those deaths willingly. But you know what, Rae? Thing about the Titans is, we're all kinda... young. Inexperienced. Prone to mistakes. And when we make mistakes, it's worse than when other people do. But then, when we try to do good, we do more good than other people, too. Whatever happened in the past, that doesn't mean you're not a good person. I'd say the fact that you try so hard, and are willing to sacrifice so much, to avoid the same thing happening again? That means you are."

Raven has posed:
    "Of course I didn't -want- to kill my mother." There is a level of... Venom, there. This message, Raven feels, is mildly childish. Almost as if it's not one that Raven thinks she needs to learn. "You act as if the difference is a matter of action and inaction. The truth is a matter of nature. I can not, I -will- not run away from, -deny- the fact that I am half -Him.- It has meaning. It is -me.-"

    The coffee cup, at that point, is gone. legitimately just... Not there, anymore. When it disappeared is probably relevant to Colette, but it will remain a mystery, as is where exactly it went. Apparently, Raven is no longer in the mood.

    "It does not... -Make- me Evil, by nature. But it means that I have the -capacity- for a greater horror than any you have ever known, and to assume that the equivalent of a saturday morning cartoon message is going to nullify that, in any way, is foolish. It is not your fault, but if it happens, if I relax enough to cause this again, choice doesn't matter. Intent doesn't matter. It -will- be my -fault.-"

Stardust has posed:
"True." Rarely has Colette been so fast to actually accede to a point. "Because clearly you have learned a way to avoid it. So you have a responsibility to do so, and when something in that portal made you thnk your efforts were failing, no wonder you react badly. I actually get that, Rae. I'm not completely stupid. And if you hate my 'saturday morning cartoon' philosophy? Well I'm glad it's so obvious to you, if you're genuinely able to /feel/ it's true as well as know it's true. Not all our team-mates can." It might possibly be that the 'saturday morning cartoon' comment did finally worm its way past her so far impenetrable guard and actually annoy her slightly. "

    "On the other hand," she continues, "Maybe there's a danger in relying on something that works. Because maybe that means you're not looking for a better solution." She punctuates the comment with shrug and a projected lower lip, emphasising the maybe. She's clearly not attempting to offer that better solution.

    Colette nods her head in the direction of Raven's door. "So, were you drawing? Looks like you've got charcoal on your hands. I'm sorry if you didn't mean us to see that. Those drawings. I mean it didn't feel good having to look through your stuff for clues. But we didn't really have much choice." She bites her lip, then adds "You're really good you know. I'd like... it would be nice to see more of your work. Some time."

Raven has posed:
    Getting through Colette's armor isn't, and wasn't, ever really Raven's point. "I didn't react badly. I reacted the way I needed to. It is still possible, -highly- possible, that my presence here is what causes it. Me -being- here is whhat results in him coming through. You said that the voice calls you Stardust, and me Raven, but that it calls the others by their real names. Raven -is- my name. Perhaps, in this future, the part of you that -isn't- Stardust no longer exists."

    Raven probably understands that implying that possibility is likely a little jarring and frightening than she intends it to be. At the very least, she's talking about something Colette may think about on occasion, or worry about idly. If she didn't, Colette... Probably will now. Raven has that effect on people. Her head turns for a moment, and though she seems to be looking into her hood, it's clear that she's seeing into the room beyond where it traps her field of vision.

    "I was. It... Helps me express." That's... Pretty telling. More than she'd like to admit, Raven draws women. She wasn't really going to -not- have any genuinely creepy habits from a non-occult standpoint. "It is safer that way."

Stardust has posed:
"You reacted badly," Colette disagrees. "Because you didn't stop to find out what was actually happening before you reacted to it. Suppose it was leaving that caused him to come through? It's not impossible, you know. Leaving behind a home. Something that felt like stability. Something you actually care about, and I know you care about the Titans." A momentary grin crosses her face. "In the abstract, if not so much the individual members, anyway. Maybe not having that anchor is what could lead you to lose control.

    Colette takes in a deep breath and exhales it slowly. "Yeah, that had occurred to me to. That maybe the codenames meant that the two of us were... will be dead in the future. Before whoever Portal Voice is became involved in the Titans. Never knew... will know... us personally. Well. I guess if Raven is your real name, then that's only one of us to worry about." She looks away momentarily, then turns back with a half-shrug "Maybe that future me tried to kick your father's ass and you're right it's suicide." She grins slightly. "To be honest I wouldn't put it past me." Raven doesn't need to spread her wings to tell that Colette's confidence isn't entirely rock-solid here. There's a definite note of bravado. "Still, what's the point of voices from the future if you can't squeeze a few answers out of them that help you avoid the bad futures, huh?"

    Colette's shoulders ease, and she smiles, taking a half step back. "Well. It's good. Your drawing. If it helps you, even better. I won't ask to see what you're drawing. I know artists hate to show their work before it's done. But if you feel like showing a few of your favorite drawings some time... you have a talent. I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd like to see some more."