6222/It's an innuendo

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It's an innuendo
Date of Scene: 19 January 2019
Location: Unknown
Synopsis: The all-America side of beefcake attracts more visitors.
Cast of Characters: Deadpool, Captain America, Wasp (van Dyne), Spider-Woman (Drew)

Deadpool has posed:
Sprawled on Steve's couch is an unusual (and slowly becoming more usual) sight. Wade is in his suit, as always, and is relaxed on the couch with a blanket he found somewhere, snuggled up and 'watching' a movie. He's not really watching it, because he has rolled onto his stomach and passed out, one hand on the floor, feet off the couch sticking out from the blanket, and is snoring quietly.

The light from the movie (some kind of animated thing with ponies) flutters over his snoozing form, which is quite peaceful. Idyllic, really, considering the source.

"FRIENDSHIP IS CAAAAARING~~" sings the movie softly. Wade mumbles something into his forearm at the television.

Captain America has posed:
"Look, I don't -- " Steve tucks the cellphone to his ear and holds it there as he opens his bedroom door without looking inside. "The article is already public, there's no reason to -- I sincerely don't care. Why should I? The world knows where I get my coffee on Tuesdays," he snarks to whomever it is on the other end of the line. Knowing the layout of the room, he throws his leather bomber jacket onto the nearby chair tucked into his desk without turning on the light. "It's done, it can't be taken back. Yes, the show was great. Yes. I didn't get a chance to shake his hand, but -- "

And that's when Steve realizes that there's an interloper on his couch. Under his blanket. Watching something on his TV. "...I gotta go." He hangs up the phone and sticks it in the pocket of his jeans. A short sigh and he flicks on the bedroom light. It might be blinding, relatively speaking. "Wade. You have ten seconds to get up off that couch and move yourself outside of my bedroom."

Steve folds his arms. "One."

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
Janet's sitting on Jessica's shoulder, legs crossed and palms behind her for balance. This is a little less remarkable a feat of agility due to the fact she's about twelve inches tall at the moment, and looking wholly unbothered by her diminutive stature.

"Oh, it was so much *fun*," she tells Jessica, her voice a little tinny but wholly understandable. "You saw the pictures, right? I mean, Steve? Tuxedo? The tabloids didn't do him justice, trust me. I wanted to do a little turn on the catwalk but he--" She spots Cap at the other end of the hallway, and hushes her voice to a low murmur at the sound of his stentorian voice of anger.

"Ohohoh, the boyfriend's back," she whispers at Jessica. "C'mon, let's go watch. Gay fights are the cutest."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Ooh, hang on Little Bit, I'm goin' in..." Jessica's words are hushed as she hastens down the hallway toward Cap's door. "Think they got back together?" She whispers, as she cracks the door open so they can peer inside.

Deadpool has posed:

"Ten more minutes," Deadpool begs, pulling a couch pillow over his head and burrowing under it partially with a groan of distress. "I wass haffing a good dreamf," comes the muffled voice of the merc from under the pillow, curling his legs up a little more into a semi-fetal position.

"Mmmmmmmmhhhhhhh-mmmrrnnr," he adds by way of explanation from under the pillow, sounding truly unhappy. The sadness just drips through the pillow. So lonely and mistreated!

"Whyyyyy, I was behaving; good behavior gets treats," he says, entirely limp now; his upper torso has started to ooze off the couch towards the floor, one arm flung out in a woebegone manner, while the other still hugs the pillow to his face. Steve is pretty literally required to yell at the pillow where Wade's head should be.

"With hand in hand with your friend, you can be the best of friiiiends~!<3" continues the cutesy movie.

Captain America has posed:
The sappy music dies an abrupt death as Steve walks over and snatches up the remote. The TV screen blacks out and the audio turns off. He places it aside, out of immediate reach, and frowns down at the Merc.

"I'm not rewarding this behavior. Two," the Captain continues his countdown. "And I will drag you off this property kicking and screaming if I reach ten." By his steely tone, he's in earnesty about this threat. "Three." At this time, he's still oblivious to the two women outside in the hallway privy to this debacle.

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
Jessica and Janet make an adorable pair of Mystery-Gang esque investigators. Jess has the door cracked and is leaning sideways to peer in as stealthily as she can, and Janet's perched atop Jessica's head with a cable of that thick hair in her hands for balance. Her tiny eyes are wide enough to make out the green in her iris. "Ooooooh," she says softly, and looks down Jessica's forehead at her, sharing the exclamation with the other woman. She swings down Jessica's temple to whisper in her ear. " 'See how he gets all swolt and ... boomy? Big barrel chest? I told you, he's *totally* the top," she whispers gleefully, her tinny voice inaudible more than past Jessica's reach. "Wade's one of those 'power bottom' types."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"If there was any remaining doubt, I think we learned last night that his bottom is definitely powerful," Jessica agrees in a whisper. "But I'm confused, Steve doesn't even /have/ bunk beds." Her own green eyes glance up to Janet questioningly. "Either way, I think Wade's the wide receiver..."

Deadpool has posed:
"Hey, okay, cool. You know how countdowns excite me, so let's stop with the ultimatum and power launch for a second," says an entirely and very eerily rational Wade. It is like a switch was thrown, as his unpredictability swings wildly into 'possibly acceptable.' He pulls the pillow down to his lap, and sits up on the couch with a jerk of torso. Sets the pillow next to him on the couch.

Adjusts it.

Picks a bit of lint off with two fingers, and brushes it aside.

And folds one leg over the other at the knee. He folds his hands calmly.

"How was your day, Steve? How would you rate it? I'm sure it's better than a 'four', but if not, I'm here to put a little Wade into it," Wade asks, friendly, relaxed, almost like a normal person, and cheekily anticipating that the countdown is likely going to hit 'four'. There's a semblance of actual effort in it, as well. The crazy lunatic might be actually /trying./ For some reason.

Captain America has posed:
About the time that the imaginary bit of lint is flung from the pillow, Steve is barely refraining from tapping his combat boot's toe on the carpeted floor. Instead, he rubs at his eyes with his hand spanned across his face. The mask of stoic patience is beginning to fracture.

A grit-grit of his teeth and he speaks again, his voice markedly evenly -- almost dangerously even. "My day was fine, Wade, thank you for asking. It rated above a four." A half-step closer to the Merc means that another full step yet will cause him to loom. "Nine..." the Captain then growls, blatantly skipping a handful of numbers.

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
"Oh, you dear, sweet, sheltered child," Janet tells Jessica. Even though Spider-Woman is her senior by a solid five years, at least. She pats Jessica's hair. "It's okay. We'll make a pitcher of margaritas and go online and I'll educate you about the finer points of gay hookup culture. I've been in the fashion industry long enough to pick up the broad strokes."

"Ooh, he's up to nine. I wonder what's gonna happen," Janet murmurs, still half-perched near Jessica's ear. "I bet they have some really *angry* sex. Wade's probably just whipping him up."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Every teapot has its tipping point. Janet just found Jessica's. At her comment, Jess gives an involuntary yet very audible dry heave. She almost falls forward, and the door lurches open a little. Her eyes wide, she holds her breath. "Maybe he'll think it was just the house...settling," she whispers quietly.

But the image, along with Wade's manic and bloody visage the night before, couple with the lingering and wafting aroma that has moved in like that guy who crashes on your couch and never leaves. It's a lot to take in. Jessica hiccups.

Deadpool has posed:
"I am /trying/ to be a good friend even if you are really being the shittiest of friends to a person in need. Even the pony movie called you on this; the movie you missed that I wanted to Netflix and Chill about," Deadpool prattles, going off the mental train rails. Like always.

Then suddenly he's back 'on' track, and stares at Steve. Serious voice. Quiet.

Deadpool gets up to deliver the line, tossing the blanket off with only a moderate florish (it wasn't a big florish, so shit might be about to go DOWN) and will narrow his eyes at the all American blonde hero, the eyes on his mask moving towards white slits. "I know I'm frustrating. But there is Cancer. In. My. Head," Deadpool says with a very pointed set of jabs of finger at his own head. "And on my head and under my head and every other position related or unrelated to my head. So if I could get a little fucking SLACK occasionally on my method of /not/ murdering, that might be GOOD of you."

Captain America has posed:
The last number melts on Steve's tongue in a sour twist. Even if his frown lessens noticeably, he doesn't back down an inch from the suited superhero, despite the distance between them being potentially negligible.

"I know and you have my sympathies. I read your file. But that does not give you the right to enter my room without my explicit permission. If you want to watch a movie, there's the entertainment room downstairs." The man points towards the door and glances towards it --

-- in time to see Jessica and her wee compatriot doing more than simply listening at the keyhole. His brows slowly rise...then his eyes narrow almost thoughtfully. "Wade." His tone takes on a suddenly mild joviality. "You know who makes great popcorn? Jessica." He gestures more dramatically towards the door. "And Janet! She's excellent at explaining why the costume designers made their decisions whether you want to hear it or not. Why you don't you go downstairs with them and I'll be down there eventually? You can get the movie going again without me." How logical he sounds.

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
Busted. Janet tries to look nonchalant, examining her nails. Because it IS a public hallway, and it's not creepy at all peeking into Steve's room to try and catch him in a tete a tete with his 'not-boyfriend'.

But when Steve tries to aim Deadpool at Janet, the fashionista gives him a wicked glare then flashes a beatific smile at Wade. "Aww, of course! Costumes, popcorn, you name it!" she encourages Wade. "Steve's just stalling of course, he doesn't want to give you your present, uh... early," she says.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Oooh, there's a present?" Jessica looks from Janet, to Steve, to Wade. "Can I guess? Is iiiit....bigger than a breadbox? Is it bigger than a really BIG breadbox?" Jess ' nerves have subsided, and her gagging hiccups abated. "I mean...a REALLY big one..."

Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool's unreadable as he aims a bit of a look towards the people at the door. He was aware of them in his way, and resisted the urge to pull weapons on them. Itchy itchy itchyyyyy.

"It feels a bit like you're trying to scrape me off. I am really experienced with getting scraped off," Wade explains, lifting one hand to cradle his chin against the edge of thumb and one raised forefinger.

"Also, true fax, I am actually really close to saying fuck it and having a grenade party because I'm frustrated. Help me----" Deadpool pauses, both hands lifted to his chest,"---to help your apartment." Out the hands go towards Steve, attempting to place them on his upper chest, palms flat. His tone is earnest, like a man truly seeking redemption. With Wade that could well be true, he lives in the moment. When Wade is actually standing up straight, he's the same height as Steve. Looks right into his eyyyyyes and everything.


"/Present/?" Wade asks. "Dawwwwww," he says, flipping moods, and attempts to hug Steve, his head burrowed to the blonde's chest. "I'm going to pretend to go along with this because I want to. But you're not a good liar. I like that about you. Also, I don't need another giant spanking paddle. Someone else gave me one. It was weird, even by my standards."

Captain America has posed:
Steve levels a flat look at the wee fashionista before he manages to compose himself to the solemnity he was attempting before. "No, the present is not bigger than a really big breadbox," he mutters mostly to himself. He glances over at Wade and his eyes harden at the apparent option that becomes available involving grenades and his bedroom. It's almost an old-fashioned high noon stare-down between the two men, one in a t-shirt and the other in skin-tight spandex.

Hugs, however, are better than the explosive destruction of his room and Steve, ever the pragmatist at times, simply stands unmoving in the embrace. It seems the better response than attempting to flail. Past encounters are steadily teaching him that the calmer he is, the calmer the Merc is in turn...generally speaking.

"It is weird," agrees the Captain quietly as to the spanking paddle. The faintest touch of pink blossoms on his cheeks. "And I don't have a present for you. However, if you sincerely want to watch a movie, we can go downstairs and watch a movie. Jessica and Janet will come along...won't you, ladies?" He pins both of them with a significant stare.

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
"Awwwwwww!" Janet's not even trying to stay quiet, and is fairly hugging Jessica's hair and leaning against her temple. She dabs at her eyes a little with the edge of her thumb, careful as ever not to smudge her makeup. "It's so cute," she says, with a hoarse little whisper full of overwhelmed Feels.

"Look, don't mind us, we were just ... Where were we going?" she asks Jessica, having forgotten in the two minutes since they left the hallway. "I forget. But we don't want to be a pair of spare wheels," she tells Steve-- and the strange man burrowing against his pectorals. "I mean, y'know. All you need for a bike ride is two wheels, after all," she remarks, with a sly innuendo.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Is that innuendo?" Jess asks blatantly as Janet dabs at her eyes. "I mean I can usually pick up on these things, but I'm confused about that one. Or maybe it's euphemism. I get those confused, honestly." Jess is easily enough confused, but when you all all that stuff up, she is just in over her head.

Deadpool has posed:
The calm behavior with Wade does appear to be exactly the ticket. For now. Deadpool burrows his face into Steve's non-resisting neck, but doesn't do anything else, just finishes the squeezing hug and then pulls his head away, looking to the next interesting thing: the girls.

"Okay," Deadpool says, in a sudden agreeableness. "Don't be long. You might want to consider a shower. Think of me."

Wade lands an overly friendly swat at Steve's butt and then jogs to the door. "Hey, new gal pals. Let's do this," Wade encourages.

"By the way, Jessica. Jessica, right? You smell like you roll in sex pheromones. Like not even a little, but a lot. It's kind of amazeballs. I wasn't sure it was you until now, but now I'm sure. It's like a new level of horny. Is it a special spray you wear, or? Pretty sure I might be able to power-wash something (or somebody) if this keeps up. And that's not appropriate if we're watching cute ponies. I'm not a creeper."

Captain America has posed:
"It's an innuendo," the Captain confirms for Jessica, semi-lost as she is. The fashionista's comment in question is enough to draw a glower out from that stoic facade. "Janet, I've tried everything but outright telling you, and there's no time like the present. I -- " He pauses as Wade begins to detach himself. Okay, calm, remain calm -- don't react -- don't --

And his ass is slapped. Steve jolts in place and immediately steps backwards away from the Merc. He winces towards the two women, but doesn't feel badly for the redirecting...at least, not right off the bat.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Nooo, GODDD..." Jess groans. "It's one of my super powers. It's why every time I go on a date I don't have to wait till the end to find out what base he wants to get to. And it's whyy-yo my GOD is that what I think it is?" Jess is transfixed. "You better be playing quiddich. On a broomstick."

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
"THAT'S what that is?" Janet yelps, half-buried in Jessica's raven hair. "I thought you just had really good shampoo! God I've been kicking myself for an hour trying to figure out where I can buy some!" she remarks.

When Wade gets a little *too* close, though, she drops off Jess' shoulder and hovers in front of Wade, wings buzzing angrily. Glowering, sullen viridian light pulses around her fingers, to go with the tiny Tinkerbelle scowl on her heart-shaped face. "Hey, that's close enough, buster," Janet warns Wade. She points a finger at his forehead. "Don't get handsy, or I'll zap you into next week. No toca la nada!"

Deadpool has posed:
"Well it's not going to shoot bullets. ----Okay, are you going to like, shut that shit off, or is this going to be an interesting time going forward?" Wade asks, attempting to loop an arm around her shoulder, next, but Janet gets between them. He doesn't chase. "Because my focus is already scattered, so you're asking a lot of me here with this 'power.'"

He orients to the waspish Janet, and then considers. On the upside, Steve has seemed to have pushed Wade off onto the women. For good or ill. Does he feel guilty yet?

"I'm not doing anything. Just be glad you're not telepathic. I have a lot knocking around in 'ere, even if the blood's all elsewhere."

Deadpool suddenly fishes in his various pouches. He removes a few random items -- a red stapler, some deodorant that probably isn't Steve's, a tv remote, and then a little green scent-tree on a string. He attempts to bestow it on Jessica as if it were expensive jewelry.

Captain America has posed:
At this point, Steve is having a serious case of guilt ferrets -- you know, the kind that squirm and wriggle and nibble at your conscience until you go mad. He rubs at his eyes again and then steps over to the general vicinity of the group, just in time to see the car deoderizer proffered towards Jessica in particular. His personal space apparently reaches an arm's length from everyone involved. He holds up a hand towards the petite fashionista with her glowing fingertips.

"Janet, don't hit him, that probably excites him." Already, this close to the grouping, his voice has gone a touch tight. "Don't...don't escalate. Jessica, you could go make popcorn?" He gives her a possible 'out' in the question and then swallows hard.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"I can't just shut it offff," Jessica laments mournfully. "If I could, I wouldn't ever turn it on!" She's stepping back from the kerfuffle as Steve offers a solution. "Oh! Kitchen. Alone!" She's already heading for the door. "I'll go make popcorn! See you laaaater. Byyye..." Her voice is trailing off quieter and more distant. Before she even reaches the door. Then with a ZIP, she's out the door and it slams behind her. All the way down the hall, Jessica can be heard singing.

"Aww byyy myseeelf. I wanna be...all byyy myseeelf..."

Wasp (van Dyne) has posed:
Janet is a bristling little Thumbelina, and glowers as angrily as she can at Wade. Steve's worried, calm voice breaks through her furious mien, and she dips backwards sharply a few inches. Those wings can maneuver like a housefly, and she shoots daggers at Steve with a glance.

"Fine. Me. Not escalating," she remarks, rather tartly. The bioplasma flickers out of existence. With Jessica gone, the slightly overprotective, tiniest Avenger zips away from Wade to grow to full size. "I guess since Jessica's excused herself, *I'll* be on my way as well," she says, with a sort of cold haughtiness. Deadpool gets the edge of a wintry breeze, but the full chill of an icy glare is levelled right on Steve. "So you boys ... have fun," she says, feigning nonchalance without any sincerity at all. "Just try not to burn the place down." Abruptly she flickers out of sight and buzzing wings mark her exit from the scene of the little domestic dispute.

Deadpool has posed:
Wade watches the girls leave. He cocks his head a little bit, and turns on his heel towards Steve. His expression is flat, much like earlier when he defended himself during the end of the countdown. He sets his hands at the sides of his belt, taps his fingers on it a few times.

Then the shoulders drop. "You're not going to let me stay, are ya. No -- don't say it. Let me have this." He lifts two fingers to the mouth of his mask, as if to kiss them, and moves them to Steve's face. He waggles a wave, fiddles with something at a wrist, and abruptly ... teleports away.

It might explain a lot about how he's been getting in and out so quickly.