6247/The Date: AKA Frankie Avalon

The Date: AKA Frankie Avalon
Date of Scene:	22 January 2019
Location:	Unknown
Synopsis:	Castiel learns that May wants him to take her to a fancy dinner from Darcy. Likely Darcy is going to help him learn how to treat May like a lady. Or this is what happens when Darcy's giving a bit of free reign with debriefing.
Cast of Characters:	Darcy Lewis, Castiel

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Darcy Lewis has posed:
We're going to start this off by saying: It's all May's fault.

No, seriously.

And right now, Darcy is pretty sure that May has a sick sense of humor or this is one of those 'I pissed her off years ago and she's just now taking out her revenge on me' moments. Either way, Darcy's got a table in the Food Court set aside with all the place settings for a rather upscale dining establishment. As she waits for the Man of the Hour, she grumbles lightly to herself.

Castiel has posed:
Castiel has no clue why he's been called in. This is probably a good thing. The text, via May, just said to show up, and head to the Food Court. Like Castiel was going to show up and head to anything - he just arrives in the Food Court, glowering at those who take the time to startle or stare. Really, it's their own fault, he's been telling them about this whole security breach for ages now, he can't be blamed for using it.

Oh, right. He's been told to look for Darcy. Which, were he anyone else, and savvier in the ways of all things to look out for when it comes to human interdynamics (or, just plain old knowing Darcy any better), he'd have been worried, or quite possibly skipped this enforced 'you will show up here and do as you've been told or I'll be very disappointed in you' text from May.

Fine. Those weren't her actual words, but Cas actually *does* grok Agent May, and he knows an implied dire warning the lies between the lines when he sees one.

Approaching Darcy and the table, the trenchcoated man stuffs his hands into his pockets and hunches his shoulders forward as he eyes the table suspiciously.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Castiel's approach draws Darcy's attention and pulls a forced (because this has been a hell week and her getting a 'you will get Castiel ready for a date night dinner' text from May was the last thing she was ready for) smile.

"Hey, Angel. What's the Good Word?" she quips, tossing that opening gambit to see what he knows about what's about to happen before just diving right now. It's always best to test the waters.

Castiel has posed:
Castiel's scowl migrates into a frown of thought, drawing those bushy brows of his into a forest of contemplation. He's not entirely certain she's not making a joke here - Good Word? Get it? After all, he is an angel, albeit Fallen. Or Tossed. Or, you know, sent into the corner to think about what he'd done.

Still, there was the text from May. And now that table in front of Darcy..

"If you are referring to the word of the Lord, I do not think that is what Agent May sent me here for." The frown relaxes back into its usual scowl. "You are expecting company for a meal. Though I do not understand why you have set the table. Or why I have been asked to come here."

He's not stupid. In fact, by virtue of what he is, stupid is really an impossibility. But there are times where his naiveity could masquerade as stupid, and as of three seconds ago, Castiel still hasn't put together that Darcy has set the table for him.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Hey! He got the joke. Darcy's lips kick up in a smirk of a grin, amused by this fact.

"You have to learn how to treat a lady whilst out to dinner with her in the appearance of courtship," Darcy announces, hands settling to her hips. "You're going to sit with me, on a date, and I'm going to make sure you know how not to stick your foot in your- ...make a bigger ass of yourself than you usually do in social situations."

Castiel has posed:
Date Castiel gets (now) as he's seen enough of that in movies. Modern movies make a BIG deal about dates. He might not understand all the whys and wherefores and what is going on, because, let's face it, there are a ton of undercurrents to dates depending on a huge number of factors even before you factor in what the expected outcome of the date should be. Framkly, he's not entire certain why such a huge deal and preamble to getting to the copulating part, however, he's willing to admit he's not human, so there are things he may never get on that front. But thos courtship thing? No clue.

Darcy's words create a dance of varying scowls along Castiel's brow. Date. Courtship. Wait.. appearance of (is it not an actual one?). Foot in his.. what? Bigger ass?

"I am not an ass," Castiel says flatly. "And why are we making appearances? If I wanted a date, should I not just have a date?"

May's text comes to mind. Mostly the fact that May sent it. Causing the angel to offer a cautious (for him), "Why am I going on a date. Does Agent May like me that way? Am I supposed to pretend I do not know this and ask her out." He turns his head ever so slightly to one side, looking sidelong at Darcy. "She is a very scary lady. I do not think I wish to date her." As though that freed both himself and Darcy from any further obligation this evening.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
"You are too an ass. You dont mean to be. And you're apologetic, which is adorable. But you're an ass," Darcy retorts, arms folding over her chest.

"Of course you can have a date if you wanted a date, but aren't you a Ken doll? You probably have no drive. Sad, because if you stopped scowling you might actually be handsome. But, you're a scowling ass who now needs to know how to treat a lady while on a date, so sayeth the May." This is a declaration from on high, as far as Darcy is concerned. Of course, when Castiel starts wondering WHY and hints that May wants him, Darcy's attempt at 'stoic' (whatever that really is) fails in favor of her doubling over with the giggles.

"Oh, Cas.. cas.. Of course she wants to date you! Why els would she ask ME to get you date ready. Now.. You ready for this? Because she's a scary woman. You wanna tell her 'No'?"

Castiel has posed:
those unkempt brows remain in a knotted line as the angel tilts his shoulders in an uneven line at Darcy, looking perplexed as if he's trying to figure out if she just told him off or complimented him, or perhaps a little bit of both, and not knowing which, not knowing how to respond.

"Why would I want a date?" Castiel defaults to the easier thing than responding to the issue of his being an ass or not. Or adorable, which he feels he really should highly protest, but isn't sure how to. "And what is a Ken doll?"

Because apparently Ken's lack of anatomy didn't come up in the story of Genesis.

When it's declared that May has issued this order full and firmly, about the date training, Castiel is no less perplexed, but certainly slightly.. concerned (which says a lot, when one of the foremost warriors of the Lord is concerned about one small asian lady declaring he should learn how to take her on a proper date.. at least that's his current interpretation of the matter). "May.. wishes to date me?"

Flashes of 'dating' on movies he's seen leave him standing there in thought, then moving to a suddenly more aright stature. "You are saying that May wishes to..." He makes a vague gesture with his hands, which is totally blunted by the very nature of them being shoved in his trenchcoat pockets, but if seen would vaguely equate to a semi-question of 'May wants to do.. things... with me?' - for some ambiguous value of things he's seen in the theatre.

He clears his throat. "I would rather tell Michael to shove his wings in an unmentionable place."

Score one for May's reputation - even Castiel isn't about to say no.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy is giggling on the inside so hard it's leaking out a bit, and more when Castiel gets to the May wants to THINGS with me. Darcy steps over to toss her arm about the taller angel, meaning to lure him toward the table.

"Alright, then. To help you avoid telling Wrath to shove it up his ass.... You are going to fake date me until I deem you can actual date May and not give the game away to anyone else that you're anything less than a lovesick theology nerd who's fallen head over heels for a hot asian cougar."

Just remember May: This... was your idea.

Castiel has posed:
"This fake date," Castiel says with some suspicion, "We are not doing.. things.. are we?"

It suddenly occurs to him that maybe, just maybe, this is where that Ken doll question was leading to.

So distracted is he that he's easily caught and led to the table, where he awkwardly goes to take a seat. His hands leave his pockets and everything.

Darcy Lewis has posed:
With her angel sat, Darcy goes to get the meal that she had the Cafeteria cater. Salads, since they don't go gross when cold and she had no idea how long convincing... cohorsing Castiel's cooperation was going to take. Meals served, Darcy delicately settles herself across from him.

"Not unless you want to. Experience, after all, is part of living and while Eve might have been suddenly ashamed of her body, I ain't a prude like that," she quips, grinning and watching for the effect of those words on him. She's gauging him, seeing where Human Myth and Celestial Truth merge. She studied for this, reading up on as much Christian mythos as she could in the few short weeks May gave her to organize this.

"Tomorrow night, we'll meet out at a restaurant in town. You're going to walk me in and hold the door open for me. We'll practice that a bit tonight. And you're going to pull my chair out and gently push it back in as I sit. For now, basic table manners... and small talk.. and end of meal niceities, I think. We'll see where the night takes us." She ends this in a wink, becuase she's realized she's got him thinking about Ken dolls and human anatomy.

Castiel has posed:
Castiel glowers faintly at Darcy. "What is this prude?" It sounds suspiciously like prunes, which he'd found, even though he had no need to eat, where not as advised as one might think as a foodstuff. For many reasons. Thankfully, being who and what he was, it was dealt with rather more simply than the straight human response.

His hands are rested heavily upon the table. Mostly as a by-product of the fact that he not only has zero table manners to speak of (the body had no memories of fancy restaurants to draw body memories from), but diners, such as the boys frequented, didn't call for anything remotely close to table manners, and were often more of a free-for-all you snooze, you lose your fries kinda deal.

"Why would I pull out your chair only to push it back? It's a chair. Are you afraid it will not hold you?" He peers thoughtfully. "You do not look to be of a mass sufficient to collapse most chairs."

Darcy Lewis has posed:
"Prude, someone concerned about what people are going to think of them. In this context, about sex and sexuality. I'm of the 'YES' pursuasion, myself. So, if you said yes, I'd really think it over," Darcy says, answering that first one as she eyes his hands.

"See the cloth wrapped about something? That's the silverware. Carefully unwrap and drape the cloth over your lap. And don't thunk your hands on the table like they are anacondas. No one likes anacondas on the table before dessert," she states. How very etiquette guru of her, right? Not really.

"Because, it's chivalrous and polite. You are woeing her... or tonight, me. So, you will have to learn to be polite and charming. Pulling my chair out and then pushing it back in for me as I sit shows that you are thoughtful; you know I want to sit and are doing the work of pulling the chair free so I do not have to. Pushing it back in shows that you're paying attention to me, since you have to time the when and the how so I don't miss and fall on the floor or have you shove the chair into the backs of my knees and hurt me. Both things are good qualities one human likes in another, and since dates are a way to show this person you are interested in that you're a good catch, you have to have these things on display."

Castiel has posed:
Darcy's explanation of prude, surprisingly, makes sense to the angel and he nods. "If that is a prude, then I am not a prude." He also might not be sexually active or promiscuous, but it isn't out of any moral disinclination or horror at the thought. "Humans make entirely too much fuss about the procreative act."

Of course that whole Garden of Eden story didn't help matters much. Somehow the myth of the apple managed to get twined in with copulation and things went downhill from there for countless centuries of humankind.

"Silverware," Castiel repeats dumbly, picking up the napkin, which promptly unrolls, depositing his fork, knife, and spoon onto the floor with a noisy clatter. "I did not thunk. Snakes," he protests, "do not thunk." A pause. "They are acceptable at dessert?" Because that was news to him. Human lore he'd never before encountered.

"Chivalry," Castiel intones, "was created by ladies of the court as entertainment and as an ideal. In reality, it had to do with the code of conduct of knights upon the battlefield, and their obligations towards and from their squires." Trust a warrior to go off on this tangent, despite what current context might make of the word. "And why would a chair show I am paying attention? I am eating with you, am I not? Is that not enough attention?"

Darcy Lewis has posed:
"Oh, I agree completely. Though, to be honest, I don't use it at all for procreation. It's fun, it feels good, and I enjoy it," Darcy states, eyes watching Castial fumble the silverware. She had a feeling that might happen, so she smiles. Catching his attention, she demonstrates the unwrap and drape, then reaches over for a freashly rolled set of silverware from a bin on a near by chair. This is held out to Castiel for him to try.

"I'm using the word anaconda - a big snake - as a euphemism for your dick. You should be flattered. I, in essence, said you have a fat long cock. And if you want to do the Things, then usually after dessert, mostly not after the first date, and only if she consents and makes it clear it's something she'd like. Or he... You might want to date males after you date May. I dunno. There's way too much Michael/Gabriel/Lucifer slash fic in the world," she comments, again watching Cas with the silverware.

"For far too many women... no. No, it's not. We're flightly sometimes jealous creatures. We must has all your attentions."

Castiel has posed:
There's a grumble of discontent as another set of silverware is handed over to the angel. Possibly because it came from a bin of like sets, negating any hope that this dinner date, and attempts to civilize him, could be thwarted by dropping silverware on the floor and forcing Darcy to give up on this venture.

"If by dick, you mean my penis, then I do not understand why anyone would put their penis on the table. And human penises are not that large." He tilts his head ever so slightly to one side, drawing upon memory. "Horses. And elephants."

Of course none of that is helping. "If humans were meant to copulate only to procreate, then they would have heats like other mammals. Sometimes I do not understand how it is that things can be so very badly mangled by your kind." He shakes his head, dismissing those thoughts and turning his attention back upon Darcy. "I still do not see how a chair conveys my attention. I would think a conversation, and engaging you as an intelligent being would show that more handily." He shrugs after a moment. "Or calling you an ass."

Because, of course, that was his way with the boys - he showed his very nascent understanding of how to demonstrate affection in that gruff and slightly disaffected manner he'd arrived on earth with after his 'fall' (little f fall - he still had most of his Grace, after all).

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Darcy chuckles at the talk of human junk, letting Cas talk himself about and back to the chair.

"Because we girls like our partners to be thoughtful of us. It's silly and small, but it's a thing," Darcy say, waiting for Cas to unwrap his silverware. Thank GOD for the salad meal choice. Can you image a yummy steak right now?

"Well, of course. You're right that a good conversation and engaging me as an intelligent member of the race is the best way to keep our attention. And while i like being called an ass, I'm sure telling Mikey whatfor would be far more pleasant than what would happen to you if you called May an ass. Audience, Cas. Audience. You're trying to woo me here, remember?"

Castiel has posed:
"I would not call May an ass," Castiel remarks dryly. He had. Once. And it was made clear, in no uncertain terms, via *the look* that he wasn't ever going to do that again, was he? Just like he wasn't going to teleport into her bedroom in the middle of the night without asking. Or buttdial her.

Okay, the buttdial thing wasn't an explicit direction, and might be out of his control, but the other two were fairly firm.

"I do not think that Agent May is the type of woman who needs chairs pushed for her. She seems very much the sort who would rather be attended to with conversation and acknowledging her strengths." He leans ever so slightly forward, as if May might actually be listening to this conversation. "I think she would be very much insulted that I thought she could not push a chair on her own."

He sits back and manages, barely, and with some juggling, to open his silverware without dropping it all on the floor. Only the knife is sacrificed to the floor gods, and with a sigh, Castiel holds out his hand, knowing what is coming next: another set.

"I do not see how it is possible to learn how to woo Agent May by practicing on you. You are not Agent May. You are all the procreative acts and the ass mouth. She is not."

Darcy Lewis has posed:
Heaven's Littlest Angel learns quickly. Darcy hands over the silverware with a soft, patient smile.

"True. But I also know that while May is very much all hard edges she has a soft side. She's a woman, of the old sense. She may not outwardly want you to get her chair, or do it becuase you're trying to say she's incapable.. You know she's fully capable. She knows you know. But that you do it anyway shows that you're willing to help her no matter her strengths and weaknesses... That whole 'in sickness and in health' thing? Starts with the small things of pulling out a chair."