6755/Titans: You What Now

Titans: You What Now
Date of Scene:	04 March 2019
Location:	Unknown
Synopsis:	Summary needed
Cast of Characters:	Stardust, Beast Boy, 87

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Stardust has posed:
There's always that nagging doubt, as a Titan, that when the authorities call on your for help it's because the Justice League and the Avengers were busy that day. This time that isn't so; the Titans have been brought in for their specific expertise with a paricular villain, but in this case that's equally depressing.

    In the center of Central Park, surrounded by police tape and quite a few police, is a brand new statue. Nobody knows how it got there. It's a singularly ugly statue of a dull-looking, scrawny man with either a really badly carved hat or an appalling haircut. It's fourteen foot tall, and gleaming garishly in fake gold plate.

    The officer in charge looks like she doesn't want to be there, and obviously wishes the Titans weren't either, even though she called them. "It took us a while to figure out, but... well see for yourself." She holds out a piece of paper with a series of symbols on it. A bale of hay, picture of a necktie, the letter 'T', a pair of hands, a jar of herbs, the number 4, a picture of a stack of bills, a picture of someone's back. "It's addressed to you, apparently," she says with a pained frown.

    Stardust takes the paper, studies it a while, then holds it out to whoever else might want a look. "Fuck. Not again."

"The Rebus, right?"

"Yep. We nabbed him a couple of times. I guess he doesn't like us. How did he escape? AGAIN? I mean he's completely hopeless at everything else, but good at escaping from jail? How does that work? Also, why is there a statue of him?"

"We were hoping you might be able to answer that."

Stardust responds with a shake of her head and turns to the other two. "Well. I suggest we do nothing and wait for him to trip over his feet, what do you two think?"

Beast Boy has posed:
     Gar had been eyeing the statue, seemingly getting weirded out. "I'm guessing he left a...yeah he did."

  "Hay Tie-t-hands, spice for stacks back? No that's not it, I'm crappy at this."

  The statue is again looked at, there got to be something here he's missing.

Vorpal (87) has posed:
Vorpal looks at the statue with a look that can best be described as horrified fascination. It is the look that listeners no doubt gave Florence Foster Jenkins, on her debut. It is the look that he is giving that statue.

"I don't know art but I know what I like. This isn't it." He turns around to face Colette and Gar, and then edges over to look at the message over her shoulder.

"The Rebus. It's like being given clues by an emoji-happy teenager. Let's see..." He narrows his eyes. "I- I am all up for wordplay, but this is a long way from Wonderland-level clever. I should bill him for the time spent untangling this nonsense, it's that bad."

Stardust has posed:
     "Cash back. He's offering us some kind of cash-back deal on something." Stardust is too busy rolling her eyes to care much. The Titans are left to inspect the statue in peace, the officer in charge wandering off to find some aspirin.

    Stardust circles the statue, returning with a shrug. "Apparently the sculptor doesn't know art either," she says to Vorpal. "How'd he get a statue, anyhow? And how'd he get it here? He's some kind of low-level psychic type. How did he even carry this thing? Seriously, this guy is just annoying." Bored of the statue, she turns to look around the park, peering at trees in case one might have a terrible villain hidden in it, watching.

    "Soooo. Vorp. You know how Robin is our glorious leader, but has this unfortunate habit of stabbing people and not realizing that's not great for team bonding? I was figuring that the fundamental problem is he's great at tactics and strategy, but terrible at being an actual normal human being. Which is a problem for a leader. So, we need to have a number two. Someone who's job it is to basically tell Robin when he's being a jerk. Head and heart, that kind of thing. Anyway, I've been meaning to tell you for a while. I nominated you. Everyone agreed. Robin says okay."

Beast Boy has posed:
     Gar looks to the rebus again. "Spice for cash back? Did he rob a bank?" He holds his forehead, already confused it seems. "Man, call me when you need animal stuff." He says with a laugh, and poking Vorpal's shoulder. "Hey! Congrats!

Vorpal (87) has posed:
Vorpal halts mid-inspection and slowly looks up at Colette. When Gar pokes him in the shoulder, he bats at the green youth and says "No, no, no congrats! What? What? I don't think... what on earth..."

Panic mode engaged. The Cheshire backs away, and then quickly paces around, tail swishing behind his back. "What on earth made you suggest -me- for that? I can't even sort out my own life, and you want me to-"

He shakes his head, "What did I ever do to you?"

Stardust has posed:
"What kind of bank sells spices, Gar?" Stardust shakes her head. "That makes no sense. Maybe he's kidnapped some rare herbs and spices, and is demanding a ransom? Or he wants rare herbs and spices, and he's offering to give the cash back from a bank robbery? Is there really no other super team we can kind of dump this job on? This guy is such a jerk."

    "Either of you guys deal with him before?" Stardust stops searching the treeline to look back at the other two. "If not, well... power wise he's kind of an illusion guy. Only they aren't proper illusions, like Vorps. It's a mental confusion thing. He can kind of swap the way your mind perceives things, but only in a limited way. So like last time I fought him, he made the whole crowd of civilians look exactly the same as his goons. Only it was kind of pointless, because they were all clearing out at the time, and they were still clearing out when they looked like his goons. So we just had to punch the ones that weren't running away. So keep your eyes open for someone that looks different from how they are behaving, if you get what I mean."

    Stardust turns slowly to Vorpal and stares at him. "I don't want you to sort out anything, Vorp. That's not the point. That's Robin's job. You don't have to be the leader. You get to be the guy who tells the leader when he's going off the rails. Who brings a bit of empathy and human understanding to the table to balance out Robin's Vulcan brain. And you're perfect for that. You and Robin are pretty much opposites, so that works. And he trusts you. Which, take my word for this, is a rare quality."

    She tilts her head slowly to one side, eyes still fixed on Vorpal. "Besides. If it's not you, who? I mean going by seniority it's you, Raven or Moon Moon. Or... wait, actually..." she turns suddenly to Gar. "Animal! I mean... yes, that's a pretty good idea. You could become a bloodhound. I mean... statue. He's been here. To deliver the statue. So we can track him back to his lair, right? Spice... Dollar... Back. Spicey... money... back. Season... buck... back. Hmm."

    "Oh for heaven's sake. HERB. Not spice. THYME. T-H-Y-M-E. Do I have to spell it out for you?" The statue screeches. "Thyme four pay back. It's not hard, Titans!"

Beast Boy has posed:
     Gar turns to look at the statue and gives a raspberry. "That's so stupid, could have just used a watch!" Beast Boy it seems was unamused by the whole rebus. "Come on then!"

Vorpal (87) has posed:
"Robin ain't a Vulcan, he's more like a Romulan. Vulcans usually don't stab first, ask questions later..."

Vorpal's reply is derailed by the outburst from the statue. "Oh for cryin' out loud," the Cheshire cat groans, "Not only are you the poor man's Riddler... you are also a park mime statue? That's one of the unforgivable crimes."

The Cheshire cat snaps his fingers and disappears. His disembodied voice, though, echoes throughout the area.

"What is the verdict for second-handed mimes?"

"From another corner, a different, high-pitched voice answers, "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

"Music to my ears!"

From around the bend, there is a strange, metallic sound. Soon, the cause of the sound becomes evident as an enormous axe comes into view, appearing to be dragged across the floor by some invisible hand....

Stardust has posed:
"Vulcan, Romulan, whatever. I just meant the logic thing. The point is the same. Robin needs..." Stardusts train of thought is interrupted by the expostulating statue, which she just stares at in disbelief.

    "Oh you Teen Titans are so ANNOYING! Now look what you did, you made me blow my cover. Well there's one way to make sure THAT doesn't happen again!" Barking with laughter, the statue-Rebus starts firing blasts of energy towards the Titans, dirt and pebbles erupting in front of Gar and Stardust.

    With his cover blown, the psychic confusion no longer holds very strongly, and everyone can start to see the true form of the Rebus, firing a Parademon blaster. As the Titans dive out of the way, Rebus continues his aggrieved rant. "And as for a clock, my foolish green friend, I needed that for the next message. Which was going to be projected... oh... five minutes from now, if you weren't so damnably ANNOYING. But you spoiled my fun, and now I'm going to spoil yours!"

    Cops dive for cover and the cost of relandscaping skyrockets as the Rebus continues his rather poorly aimed volleys. One stray shot hits Stardust and knocks her into a furrow in the ground, much to the Rebus' pleasure. In the excitement he doesn't notice the giant axe until it's almost upon him. With a scream of mixed fear and anger he turns the blaster on the axe, peppering it with blasts.

Beast Boy has posed:
     Gar gives a raspberry before he starts to shift into an emeraldback gorilla. "Dude, you're the one leaving crappy clues." He yells as he starts to charge at Rebus, specifically at that parademon blaster he was shooting off at everyone and everything.

Vorpal (87) has posed:
The axe is, of course, pure smoke and mirrors, an intangible illusion- albeit an admirably convincing one. Vorpal's entire ruse rested around the very distracting apparition, while his unassuming invisible self could find a good vantage point.

This he did, although it isn't as great a vantage point as he had hoped- even invisible, he needs to dive for cover, lest a stray blast hit him. He takes cover behind an ice cream cart, hastily abandoned by its owner when all hell broke loose- it will be enough, for his purpose.

He speaks into his comm quietly, "Distraction number two coming, guys."

Vorpal touches the cart and infuses it with his chaos magic. He whispers a very simple phrase to it: "That guy LOVES ice cream!"

At once, the cart develops a great deal of life, rearing up on its little wheels and careening towards the rollicking Rebus. "YOU. LIKE. ICE. CREAM. YOU. LOVE. ICE. CREAM!" it screams, its lid jumping up and down in lieu of a mouth. An assorted array of dairy projectiles is propelled from its opening maw, directed at the Rebus.

Stardust has posed:
    The blasts of the Parademon weapon pepper the illusionary axe, putting momentary holes in it that Vorpal's chaos magic heals over. After a few shots he realizes that the axe is a distraction, and swings around to face the oncoming Green Gorilla.

    Stardust picks herself up from the small crater she formed hitting the ground, and dusts herself off with a distinct look of annoyance on her face. She takes off, flying low to the ground to intercept him, ready to roll out of the way of any more shots heading her way. "Guys?" She calls out. "You know the 'no killing' rule? Can we make an exception? Pleeease?"

    The Rebus manages to get a couple of poorly-aimed snapshots off in Beast Boy's direction, before the rain of incoming lactose overdose registers on his conciousness, and he rather irrationally turns to start blasting ice cream cones from the sky. Realizing he's now somewhat surrounded and has an angry Stardust and a chest-thumping Beast Boy bearing down on him at speed, he decides discretion is the better part of valor and... takes off. As the last shreds of his illusion fade, it can be seen that he's wearing some kind of jet pack.

    The Rebus is not noted for his technological prowess. Where would he get such a device from?

Beast Boy has posed:
     The taking off of Rebus has the gorilla Beast Boy looking up with an unsure look. "I'm on it!" He calls out, shifting forms again to a green peregrine falcon. He flaps his wings as hard as he can to try and keep up as Rebus takes flight.

  "I agree with Dusty Springfield, Vorp. Can we just this once? Pleeeeeease?" He asks in the most obnoxious way he can. Of course he wouldn't actually kill the terrible villain, but the world did need saving from the terrible ploys.

Vorpal (87) has posed:
Vorpal sighs. "Why am I suddenly the moral compass of the team? This is a bad sign. And Gar, I don't date killers- it's hell to get the blood out of the uniform."

He watches Gar take off after the Rebus, and he looks at Colette.

"We should probably make sure he doesn't hurt him too much. Care to give me a lift?"

Stardust has posed:
    "Pleeeeease?" Stardust echoes as she swings past Vorpal, grabs him up easily in one arm, and arcs skywards after Beast Boy. "He's so annoying and his puzzles are bad. Death would be a mercy!" Of course she doesn't mean it either and wouldn't actually kill the Rebus, however much she's having fun making him nervous about the possibility.

Probably.

    "Oh really, you know, I think I much preferred the OLD teen Titans," The Rebus calls down. He swings about, still powering skywards, but adjusting his position so he can take pot-shots at the Titans. "They were REAL heroes. They would never have talked that way, and they were much less ANNOYING than you lot of... amateurs!"

    Between the Titans having to dodge blasts from the Parademon blaster and the efficiency of the Rebus' jet pack, the gap between pursuers and pursued is growing. To complicate matters, some of the police on the ground start firing on the Rebus. Given the quantities of jet fuel on his back, that's unlikely to end well if anyone finds their mark. "Uh Vorp, think you could magic up something to stop him?" Stardust asks. "Like... above him, since he's too busy shooting at us to look where he's going? Gar, think you could mouse up and gnaw through those straps if I give you a helping hand reaching him?" She holds out her spare hand towards Gar, offering to throw him, apparently.