7159/Harley's Mistake

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Harley's Mistake
Date of Scene: 07 April 2019
Location: Unknown
Synopsis: Harley unintentionally attacks a SHIELD Safehouse occupied by Phil Coulson. The R&D Duo Fitz and Simmons responds as backup, and they capture Harley.
Cast of Characters: Phil Coulson, Harley Quinn, Jemma Simmons




Phil Coulson has posed:
The safehouse down at the docks area was built into an 'abandoned' warehouse. On record, the owner has never bothered to do anything with it, so appearances all suggest this is nothing more than another decaying bit of scenery in the ever expensive decaying scenery of Gotham.

Or it would, if there wasn't the occasional SHIELD Agent coming and going. Covertly, of course... but anyone who cares to check it out will see them occasionally around it, with the inside obscured by fogged over windows.

Phil Coulson has been doing routine checkups on various SHIELD Operations, and has been using this specific safehouse as his current base. With a couple other SHIELD Agents on the team he came with, things are quiet.

Harley Quinn has posed:
Well, they are quiet for at least a bit. Things happen in Gotham and when Harley Quinn's looking for something she's able to generally bully her way into finding it. Some poor sap who's tied up still with his feet in a tank full of Piranhas let her know about some security schmucks they'd seen coming and going irregularly in this place down by the docks. Water isn't a place for Hyenas, so a non-descript Ice Cream truck ... pulls up a little down thee way from the abandoned warehouse, in the middle of the night, playing that infamous Ice Cream Truck tune.

It's a flawless plan. And outsteps a blonde woman, hair pulled back into a ponytail, some glasses on her face, and a travel container filled with ice cream cones. Yes. Seriously. It's a plan only a deranged psychopath would think would actually work. She's got on some coveralls, with a v-neck, because you can't go out unless you are looking your best. And a kind baby blue schmock on over it with a nametag of Mike.

Heading toward the door of this abandoned warehouse, she just kind of walks up to the main door, bends forward a bit and knocks. One hand has a tray full of triple decker cones, and her other hand is quite free. "Ice cream cones, someone order some ice cream? You scream, we all scream..." Then she lets out a Yrrrrrhghhhhg, scream before chuckling a little, "Just a wee bit of industry humor. Hello?"

Phil Coulson has posed:
In the safehouse, Coulson has been checking out some delivery schedules for supply runs in the city from the office computer when one of the hidden security cameras watching the outside beeps with motion detection. "Huh. Okay then." Phil muses as he sits. Probably just some random trying to get a rise out of someone in the area. This is Gotham, it happens.

Then the driver comes out though, Phil squints at her, "That looks familiar..." Typing, More Typing. Soon, the camera is running facial recognition on Harley... and the hit is almost immediate.

"Just when I was really hoping for a quiet day." Coulson grumbles as he starts to hit the transceiver on his shoulder, "We have one of the Gotham crazies outside. Do not approach. Repeat, do not approach. That is Harleen Quinzel out there, a known associate of the Joker."

A moment passes as he watches her over the camera, "One hell of a security breach if she found this place."

Harley Quinn has posed:
There's more knocking, "Excuse me, hello? Ice cream deliverey here." She shouts a bit louder, and then starts to move over toward the fogged up windows, and she's holding her hand up over her eyes trying to look in. She brings up an arm and tries to wipe away some of the fogged quality, which clearly doesn't work as they were designed that way. "Helloooooooo? Ice cream!" She growls out the words this time, "I said Ice cream!" And she starts pounding on the glass.

"Fine, you don't like ice cream huh?" And she starts to storm off. Was it that easy to get rid of Harley? Just refuse the gift. She stomps like a little kid who's been grounded, and throws the ice cream on the ground, muttering, "Won't open for ice cream..."

With that she climbs back into her Ice Cream truck, does some things inside before she comes back out dressed just as herself a few minutes later. White face, colored hair, tossed off the coveralls and schmock, and coming back out.

A pop gun at her hip, a boxing glove gun on her other side, and a really big mallet in her hands. She starts stomping back, hunched over a bit as she comes, tense. "Mallet scream. I got yer mallet scream here!" Stomp stomp stomp back toward the door. She does pause a moment and says, "I mallet, you mallet, we all mallet for mallet scream? No. That needs work." And she seems taken aback for a moment as she starts to try and figure out a song for Mallet Scream, a bit back from the door. Though she is setting down on the ground a little wind up toy, one of those monkeys with symbols and a drum, that starts marching toward the door and making a racket.

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Not gonna be a quiet day." Phil continues, before he stands up, hitting the transceiver on his shoulder again, "back away from the door. With their track record, Harleen probably just put down a bomb to explode the front door. ICERs out."

Coulson is getting his own ICER out as he walks out onto the stairs leading down into the warehouse itself. The two agents have taken cover behind some metallic crates designed to be cover, and are waiting. "Here's hoping I'm wrong." A moment passes, before he continues, "Oh who am I kidding, these Gothamites are crazy."

Harley Quinn has posed:
The little clamoring toy just starts to move forward, slowly, painfully so, and it just clambers and eventually starts running into the door. It's slowing down as the wind up portion is coming to its end. In 3... 2... 1...

Then the door is being smashed through by a heavy mallet, and a body slamming Harley Quinn as she busts through at the same time the little wind up toy shoots confetti into the air and two sparklers come out of its side. Not a bomb.

Instead the Crazy woman is tumbling into the room, rolling, doing a few acrobatic flips through the confetti and holds up her arms, as she finishes her little acrobatics routine.

"I just wanna say, you all are crazy. Who doesn't like ice cream? I mean, all of you can't be lactose intolerant." That's when the sparklers burn down, and gas starts to expel from the monkey's mouth, high pressured cannisters inside make it shoot out along the floor and starting to fill up the area near the entrance rather quickly with some kind of nerve toxin. Designed to make someone go unconscious and then paralyzed, and then unable to breathe. It washes over her within moments.

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Well, it's a kind of bomb." Coulson notes as he fires ICER rounds in Harley's direction... before his eyes go wide as the toxin starts to go through the air. The two agents are just fast enough away to get out of the radius of the toxin, but the cloud itself is obscuring Harley enough that Coulsons ammo is peppering the ground... but not her.

"Fall back to the office." Coulson orders the two, his ICER remaining aimed in the direction of the front door. "Tell the locals we need backup."

Harley Quinn has posed:
And it's a dandy hop around, twirl, kick up and jump. Moving around in acrobatic confusion, Harley seems to be utilizing this warehouse as a parkour type amusement park. As she's going along though she's stopping here and there at containers. And she's dipping in and out of view, with a few laughs along the way that echo in the warehouse as she screams out 'Wheee' and other such nonsense.

Though it does look, for sure, like she's looking for something. If there are guns, weapons, ammo, she'll just be ignoring it. She's really hunting for something else, but it's a big warehouse, so she starts to make her way after the agents, they probably know where things are. "This little piggy had roast beef..." She rolls over a crate, "This little piggy had none. Such a sad tale. And this little piggy ran alllllll the way to an office." She's a really hard target once she gets moving.

Phil Coulson has posed:
Phil Coulson is a decent shot, but there's just too much cover for him to seriously consider hitting Harley... and really, all he needs to do is wait for backup. Meanwhile, he's already in the office typing into the computer there to activate the few traps inside the warehouse. It's a safehouse, so they're more to provide cover for retreat than anything... but it's better than nothing.

Sleep gas starts to filter into the warehouse from multiple angles. It's enough to cover the whole warehouse.

The crates outside are mostly fake, when Harley tries to open them. Even the 'wooden' ones are simply painted to look that way. No actual supplies as of yet.

Harley Quinn has posed:
Going to open one crate, it just has... nothing inside of it. And then another one, and then she's smashing another. "What?!" She growls even through the sleeping gas, as it fills up the warehouse, it doesn't seem to be slowing the woman down at all. Breaking things, smashing this, and then that over there, until finally she's at the office panting. "Okay mister playing with my mind. Where's all the bomb triggers?"

Coming to the window, she's knocking on them, and from the cameras it's easy to tell she's clearly frustrated, angry in fact. Her facial expressions are rather clear, "Wait, is this some kind of big time gag? I mean, an entire warehouse filled with nothing?" A big smile gets on her face, stretching slowly as her eyes light up. "That's hilarious. Really. I mean, who stocks a warehouse full of nothing? A terrible return on investment if you ask me."

A pause after that and then she's tapping the door with her mallet. "Knock knock." She waits...

Phil Coulson has posed:
Tapping the door gets no response. In fact, it's all quiet again, with Phil sneaking his way across the warehouse over to his two agents so he can whisper. He points to one agent, then to another, sending them non-verbally to two corners of the office. Then, he takes center position of the officer, his ICER out and aimed at the door, awaiting the Crazy Woman to come inside.

Harley Quinn has posed:
Knock knock. More tapping, "When I say Knock knock, ya supposed to say Who's there?" Harley informs, instructing really, "I can't believe you've never heard one of these before." And she then taps the door again, "Knock knock." And she waits.

A few long moments go by before she hits the door again, harder this time, "Knock knock!" And she's waiting, and then gets angry enough to hit the door with a hard swing of her mallet. "Knock knock!" She yells as she's hammering it with her mallet, presumably until the door breaks down.

Phil Coulson has posed:
Well, nothing for it then.

"Who's there?" Phil responds as Harley is trying to knock down the door.

You never know, maybe it'll buy him time, right?

Harley Quinn has posed:
Well, there's a response. Phil is answering the door so she stops smashing her mallet against the door. "Cow says." And she's already offering out a little giggle of laughter from the other side of the door. She waits though to hear if Phil responds again.

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Moo?" Phil answers, uncertainly.

In his ear, the receiver confirms finally. "Response team two minutes out from local HQ."

Two minutes. He only needed to keep her busy for two minutes.

Harley Quinn has posed:
There's a groan as Harley is completely distracted now by the Knock Knock jokes. "No! You say, whatever I said, and then add who at the end." She rolls her eyes, "What are you like 2 years old? I mean, even a 3 year old knows how to do knock knock jokes."

So she takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, "Alright. So, we're startin' over. Knock knock." She tap taps the door and waits.

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Who's there?" Phil continues. The psychosis of the average Gotham Crazy never ceases to amaze... but at least she's fixated on it.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Cow says." Harley responds, and she's grinning again, starting to laugh lightly, a few chest laugh. She can barely contain it.

Phil Coulson has posed:
It's very, very tempting to make her start over again... but Gotham Crazy is fickle, and Phil doesn't want to set her off.

"Cow says who?" Phil responds, his ICER still aimed at the door in the office still. No footsteps to give away his position.

Harley Quinn has posed:
Currently, Harley Quinn is at the door to an office inside of a SHIELD warehouse. She's smashed open dozens of boxes inside of the warehouse. Sleeping gas had filled up the Warehouse but is probably beginning to level out on the floor to being ankle deep or so. And she's doing some kind of laughing giggle at the door to the office.

One hip has a big boxing glove gun on it, while the other hip has a pop gun pistol of exaggerated proportions. She's holding her giant mallet and is ... going through a knock knock joke? "No! A cow says Mooo!" And she breaks out laughing, leaning against the door with a loud manic laugh. "You fell for it. You really don't know nothing do you?" A pause before her voice gets more growly, "Tell me where them bomb triggers are! I just need a few!"

Phil Coulson has posed:
"I'm afraid Bombs R Us is down the street. Might want to try there." Phil quips through the door back to Harley, glancing at his watch.

Any time now... "We're just a bunch of squatters looking for a place to stay the night." The two agents in the corners remain where they are as well, their ICERs aimed for the door alongside Coulson.

Harley Quinn has posed:
Starting to walk away at the whole Bombs R Us thing, Harley says, "Oh, my mistake-" And then she pauses, "Hey, waitaminute. No Squatters have fancy guns and sleep gas!" She turns back, twisting her body back as far as she can, legs forming a bit of an X as she does so. Gripping to the very end of her heavy large mallet that no one of her stature should be able to wield, and then she untwists. Mallet hits door, door crushes inward and then flies in. As she moves quick after that, "Hand 'em over! Or else." She's appearing at the door now, with her mallet slung over her back, and two guns up, going John Woo styled - with her boxing glove gun and pop gun. "Freeze, or I'll shoot."

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Well, it was worth a shot." Coulson offers in amused reply. As soon as that mallet breaks the door though, ICER rounds start to pelt the wall... and Harley. Of course, since Harley is immune to their effect, they don't do any serious damage beyond /painful/ stings. The two agents are immediately diving for cover behind the desks in the office as Harley breaks in.

Coulson, being the one out in the open as the big fat target, obviously isn't expecting her to be immune to the ICER rounds, from the way he wearily sighs, "of course they don't work." Coulson gives with a resigned voice.

He's had his shot... and he failed. He's about to put up his hands in surrender, when he gets the order to freeze... and he does so.

Can't hand anything over when he can't move.

Jemma Simmons has posed:
    At the moment the door seems to splinter before the might of the harlequin with the giant mallet, a drone is seen flying in. Or...more like heard, as it takes a position high in the warehouse, the camera positioned to watch the proceedings with interest. Another drone is seen flying low, disrupting the sleeping gas, dispersing it from the floor. While the aerial show is occurring, a cool voice...female, with a British accent...sounds through the SHIELD radio.

    "Agent Simmons on site. Will be inbound shortly."

    Jemma shifts to another channel...one that she has with a nearby van, within which is the operator of the drones, one Leo Fitz. "Fitz, there's a ice cream truck in front of the warehouse. Can you tell what is inside with Doc?"

    Fitz shifts, launching another one of his D.W.A.R.F.s out of the van, using the infra-red scanning to take a peek inside. "Hmm...looks like a person inside...and two animals? Ya might wanna be careful, Jemma, sounds like something not all dat friendly, yeah?"

    "Yes, thank you for your grasp on the obvious, Fitz." Jemma approaches the ice cream truck carefully, venturing to take a peek into the window...and promptly recoils as a pair of teeth snap in front of her. "Hyenas? Who in their right mind keeps hyenas in a ice cream truck!" She scrambles back, calling back to Fitz. "Send Snow over here. Try to tranquilize those two hyenas while I head into the warehouse." From the sound of her voice, there is no arguing, even as a 4th drone, armed with remote operated ICER rounds, drifts over to the open service window on the truck. No arguing from the drone operator, but a final parting comment, before Jemma deems to step inside.

    "Be careful in there, yeah?"

    "Yes, Fitz, I will be careful." Her own ICER out, Jemma switches to the party line. "Just had to deal with a couple of pets, sir. Going in now."

Harley Quinn has posed:
The gunshots pelt Harley as she's just standing there, "I said, Freeze.. St-stop, shootin' me, jeez. These things, what are they? They tickle." And she's squirming as she's getting shot by toxin rich bullet capsules. And then when they finally stop shooting her she glares, "Okay, now, if ya would please... freeze. Thank you."

This said to Phil as he's holding up his hands and she smiles in response, "Oh, wow, that never really seems ta work." A pause and she gets a little confused, perhaps introspective some, "Well, I ain't never had someone actually stop doing what they was doing when I said to freeze. What happens next?" She looks over to Phil, "You got any advice. If ya were in my shoes, what would be next. I never listen, do I read you your rights first even though I ain't planning on taking you in anywhere. Or do I hit you over the head to knock you out? Though that just hurts, don't it? I ain't gonna be mean like that."

There's a lot of thought coming into this whole thing. She's completely unaware of the knocking out of her best super-cuddly-wuddly-loveable pets out at the ice cream truck. "Hmmmm. Well, I'm afta some bomb triggers. You know, the kind when someone doesn't go fast enough it goes boom. Like in that movie. If ya be a doll and help out, I promise I won't kill ya."

Phil Coulson has posed:
It's like a circus act, and Coulson is dancing to the tune. "Well, since the ICER rounds don't work-" pointedly stated very loud. Loud enough for the backup to hear him, "-not much I can do about you."

Phil gives a glance back to the agents, "Stand down, agents. She's got us." His tone has a completely believable air of 'we're done for' to it.

Say what you will about the dinosaur, Phil seems to be a decent improv actor.

"Oh. We don't have any of those here. Just a few backup weapons and some armor." Phil offers with a bit of genuine information, "go ahead and take em if you like. I can probably see about finding some for you, if you spare my life."

Jemma Simmons has posed:
    There might be just a fraction of a frown on Jemma's face as she overhears the fact that the ICER rounds do not work. And, of course, that's the pistol she has with her at the moment. She just manages to duck into the warehouse, hiding behind one of the previously opened crates of nothing. Leaning against the crate with her back, she taps her comm and whispers to her partner in the van. "Do we have anything except the ICERS with us?"

    Fitz's voice comes back, also whispering for some reason. "I...brought along my freeze gun. But I haven't tested it fully yet. Just got it ta not crack and explode on firing it." He pauses...then sighs through the comm. "Sendin' it over to ya now via Snow. Just...don't shoot it if ya can help it."

    A sigh, and a shake of the head as Jemma just sits there. "Great. what a pair we make. Okay. I'll see what I can do." The drone does manage to fly in, landing next to Jemma gently with the (highly) prototype weapon strapped to it.

    Well, backup was called. Just...happened to be the R&D department.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"But this guy I picked up off the street and tortured with some fish, said this place had some security folks comin' in and out. He promised me there'd be bomb triggers." Harley states in the direction of Phil. Her pop gun is pointed cork toward her own head as she pushes it up against one of her pigtails and rubs it back and forth like she's scratching her head, "Normally, you torture some mook and they give you information turns out ta be true close to a hundred percent of the time."

A little sigh, and Harley shakes her head a little, "Well, you've been swell. Ya listen, and you even offering a consolation prize. I mean, that's totally different. Right about now some kinda masked fella would be jumping in and just kind of punching me, or hitting me with some kind of nocturnal animal shaped ridiculousness." Says the woman with very dangerous gag weapons in her hand. "You... now, you promise ya can get me triggers like I'm explainin'?" She shakes her guns and points them quickly around at the people in the office in a comically threatening gesture. "Else I'll be coming back 'ere and makin' your lives worse than a roller coaster that stops upside down, and them straps ain't holding you in cause your a thin little girl... got it?"

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Ok." Is all Phil replies to Harley. Lucky for him, he has a backup beretta in his back holster that Harley hasn't seen yet... but he's going to have to wait for a clean shot to hit her. "Oh, I'm not the Batman. Isn't he a myth?"

There's even an amused smile to his lips at the joke. Harley likes jokes, right? Play it up.

Jemma Simmons has posed:
    "Alright, Fitz. Wish me luck."

    An odd thing to say in the middle of this particular situation. But, considering that Jemma is holding barely tested tech in her hands about to go up against what clearly is a person of slightly questionable sanity immune to the only other weapon she had with her...it seems appropriate. With a sigh, she leaves her cover, training the certainly high-tech looking handgun towards the individual in the red motley, as Jemma slowly approaches the office. She doesn't say anything over the comms, but it would be of note that one of the two drones inside is following her motions explicitly, not letting her out of sight.

    It is only a manner of moments before Coulson can see Jemma behind Harley. But she doesn't announce herself. Not yet.

    And...it may be right about now that Jemma thinks the lab is so much safer than the field. Maybe...

Harley Quinn has posed:
With a bit of a gasp, Harley is commenting to Phil as she points her cork gun in his direction, "A myth?! A myth ain't punching you in the face, tying you up and shippin' you off to Arkham, 27, 28... 30 some odd times." She lets out an exasperated commentary about her dealings with the Bat. "Anywho, you seem like a fella I can trust. And I have an impeccable sense of character." With that though she's stepping backwards, and she might be catching Jemma in the corner of her eye. She gets all wiggly and throws up her hands like she's startled, "Sneak up on a girl. Give her a heart attack, jeez."

And then she's got her hands up, and she then slowly puts them on her head, and looks to Jemma with a smile, looking over to Phil she calls out a bit, "Now this, this is pretty familiar." Back to Jemma, "When you put the cuffs on me, could you make sure they are extra tight? Last time, the fella he left them a little loose. That's just... he should've been fired for lack of good work ethic."

Phil Coulson has posed:
"Well, this has turned into a hell of a non-quiet day." Phil quips aloud, before he looks to the two agents in the back corners, "go get the cuffs from the trunk." Coulson gestures to one agent. Then the other, "You go secure the armory, make sure nothings been taken." Finally, he pulls out his beretta, and walks over to Harley with it in idle position. "Hands behind your hand, and on your knees."

Phil looks around Harley and looks to Jemma, "Good work, Agent. I've read a bit about you." Phil gives Jemma a warm smile as the agent brings the cuffs around, and Phil starts to put them on Harley once the Beretta is holstered once again, "We can talk freely once I have Ms. Quinzel secured."

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Ooooooh." Harley smiles and kind of shrugs a little bit, "Is this going to be one of -those- kinds of arrests? I mean, Mistah J might get a bit upset, though if he's in a voyeuristic mood he might just give ya directions." And with that though she's got her hands on her head, dropping her guns, "Oh, make sure that you get my mallet, may need like two of ya to pick it up. You all look a bit scrawny for Gotham." And she complies with the demands, giving a small wiggle of her fingers once her wrists are cuffed, "Now you, you've done this before. Just don't go sneakin' into my cell later, when I'm sleeping, and defenseless." She winks big, twice to Phil. And then she'll probably be escorted out, and if people are taking her mallet it is very heavy, surprisingly so, and she wielded it so easily. As she's moving away with the help of an agent she calls back over her shoulder, "It's Harley, Harley Quinn. Don't write me down as Quinzel, it'll be bad for my licensing."