7219/Innocent robots and Dickbushes

Innocent robots and Dickbushes
Date of Scene:	12 April 2019
Location:	Unknown
Synopsis:	Jessica tests a gun, and Deadpool carves up a bush. Steve and Bruce evade the situation.
Cast of Characters:	Spider-Woman (Drew), Deadpool, Hulk, Captain America

---

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Jessica is standing at an island in the kitchen with a black case, somewhat like a briefcase. She opens it carefully, examining the contents again - the gun that Johnny Storm gave her. It'll have to go to Tony and Cap, and she has every intention of giving it to them. So far, nothing she has aimed it at has been affected in any way. But the true test is right in front of her. Across the island: the refrigerator. Carefully, she takes out the gun and flips up the sensor-siting mechanism that Johnny had found. Narrowing her eyes, she levels the gun aimed at the fridge. It probably won't do anything. It'll probably be fine. If it blows the fridge to smithereens? That's fine by Jess, too. "Any last words?" she asks the refrigerator as she aims the gun carefully from across the island.

Much to the refrigerator's apparent relief, as it makes a sound akin to a sigh, Jessica is distracted by a sound outside, lowering the gun. "I'll...be back. Don't you go anywhere..." Jess carries the gun out toward the patio and steps out into the back yard to investigate the sound, buying the refrigerator just a few more moments of safety and sanctity.

Deadpool has posed:
The noise? It's Wade. Outside the window. In a bush. For reasons.

"Are you CERTAIN Johnny-Fridge-o-dare-5 is, indeed, not alive?" Wade asks as Jessica comes outside onto the patio. Mayhem attracts the mercenary, very often. Or other things. As if that mattered. He's here, and probably unwanted. That's a win.

Deadpool starts to come out of the bush next to the window, putting two guns away into holsters at his sides evenly, cheerfully.

Hulk has posed:
    Wandering down the stairs from his room, Bruce Banner heads onto the first floor, and peaks out the window. "What tha...?" Spotting a few people outisde, Bruce hovers at the door for a few moments before deciding to open the door. Stopping himself for a second, Bruce frowns and then sighs. "Oh what the hell..." He then steps outside, knowing he was going to regret this.

Captain America has posed:
The empty briefcase in the kitchen is reason for pause. Steve frowns down at it, still holding his near-finished coffee, and looks around. A small squint as he listens hard...to hear voices outside, apparently out back. The mug makes a quiet clunk in the deep reservoir of the sink, doomed to be rinsed out later. After all, there's a mysterious item apparently in use somewhere on the Mansion's grounds.

He can identify the voices even before he steps out onto the back patio. It's just cool enough to merit a long-sleeved button-down in blue-on-white plaid tucked into the khaki slacks. Someone was just headed to deskwork at the Triskelion, apparently.

"New addition to the arsenal...?" Steve asks this of Jessica in particular, eyeing the unknown gun-like weapon in her hands. Bruce is given a quiet nod and Wade?

The Merc gets the usual vaguely-suspicious look, as if chaos is but a single sentence away with him around.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Yeah, it's alive," Jess replies to Wade as she examines it, her brow furrowing at the little radar viewer on the gun. "Huh..."

Bruce, exiting to join them, brings a smile, and Jess gives an easy wave, as if she were not possibly holding some sort of experimental weapon. More likely than not, she'd wager, but her eyes go back to the radar on the gun. "It's cool, he's with me," she remarks offhandedly, nodding to Deadpool.

Then Steve joins them, and Jess startles. "I uh....Well, it was apparently from Reed. Johnny Storm gave it to me, and I was GOING to turn it over to you and Tony, but I was just...." She's again distracted by the readout on the radar, and she lifts her gaze to look around them. "This is the first time anything has shown up. There are drones on the radar thingy. And the smart fridge was there, before. Not that it's all THAT smart. If it was SMART it would learn to shut up in the middle of the night BEFORE I come down with the baseball bat."

Deadpool has posed:
"I was in the bush, because of the...." A security drone approaches and begins to repeat some kind of ultimatum about trespassing in the yard. It appears Wade's security clearance(s) don't involve some of the newly deployed security drones: or at least don't save them from reminding him that he's unwelcome. Deadpool doesn't look up, he just bats a hand back and towards the robot. "... pest."

Wade ignores the bot suddenly, spotting Steve, and waves a hand broadly and cheerfully at him! "Stevie! Sleep well?" And then there's another person, Bruce. He gets a wave too from the red and black suited mercenary. At least he didn't still have his guns actively in his hands anymore.

But NEW gun. "Oh, it's new? Fun. I love munitions testing. Does it make kidneys turn inside-out?" Deadpool asks.

"SECURITY WARNING---" begins the robot.

"Did you not HEAR that I'm with her?" Deadpool sighs at the bot, gesturing with both hands to Jessica. "Maybe if it sees us make out," he offers to her.

"Reed? Like Mr. Fantastic? Can I see?" Wade asks, changing the subject, immediately extending a hand to see if she'll just hand him the neat gun. It could happen. He's being very nice and all. Smiling. The mask sort of shows it.

Hulk has posed:
    Stepping into the backyard on the patio, Bruce Banner looks around carefully, making sure there were no surprises. Nodding back at Captain America, Bruce relaxes a bit knowing that Steve was there. It was strange. Steve always instilled confidence in him. It was something Bruce relied on to help him calm himself.

    "Oh! Hi Jessica!" Bruce returns the wave with his frown turning into an easy smile with Jessica. "Glad to hear it. I was a bit worried, because, you know...?" Bruce waves at the gun, and he shrugs. Listening to the history, Bruce moves a bit forward, studying what they were holding with a casual curiousity. You know what they say about that and the cat after all.

    Blinking at Wade, Bruce returns the wave, although a bit hesitant at first. "Hi." Is all he says to DP. Taking his glasses out of his left shirt pocket, Bruce puts them on and says, "Interesting."

Captain America has posed:
The grounds-bot's interaction with Wade is enough to draw up a ghost of a smile from the Captain as he stands there, basically acting the part of Avenger-Dad. At least he hasn't said to put the thing away before it shoots someone's eye out.

"Reed's on speed-dial via JARVIS, Jessica, so if you find a concern with the gun, call him up. He should be able to answer any questions. In the meanwhile, if any rose bushes get crisped, just...let Tony know sooner than later." Just like holes in the wall, busted lights, etc. Whomever does the interior and exterior repairs around the Mansion must be thrilled to get called in -- it's a lucrative business. A trill in his pocket means Steve pulling out his phone and bringing it to his ear.

"Rogers. Right, be there in half an hour." A pause. "No, traffic won't allow for twenty, be realistic. I know. If only. Over and out."

Yes, the Captain just said that as he hangs up. "Keep me updated on what it does?" It's a distracted request even as he turns to jog back into the mansion, intent on grabbing up his motorcycle jacket and helmet. Work calls! Literally.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"JARVIS..." Jessica calls into the air toward the mansion, as if that somehow makes it easier for him to hear her. "Would you make this drone leave Wade alone? All I have is insect repellent."

"Now then..." No, she wasn't calling Reed. That would be SO much easier, wouldn't it? Jessica turns the gun on the drone hovering near Wade, then narrows her eyes and lowers it. "No, that'd stir up a swarm of them, for sure." Instead, Jess follows the radar on the gun to find and aim at a drone busily trimming the hedge out on the lawn. "Well, it certainly knows there's something THERE," she says, giving a backward look to make sure no one's going to get in her way. "I'm gonna see what this thing does when it /sees/ something." Slowly, carefully, she pulls the trigger.

Deadpool has posed:
Jessica ignoring Wade's request to let him see the gun doesn't quite /stop/ him. He comes along, doing a begging grabby-hands. Over and over. "Pleeease. Please please," Wade says, very convincingly.

On the upside the personal pest assigned to Wade does back off, for whatever reason. "Aw, my personal escort," Wade laments as it buzzes away. "I felt important." He looks at the hedge-trimmer robot. "How much do these cost anyway? I barely have half of a roomba. And it's crazy."

Then Jessica fires! The gun makes a really eerie vibrating noise.

Deadpool covers his crotch with both hands. Just habit.

The gun then fires, with a long stream of spiraling violet and silver energy, in a long spike, that impacts the trimmerbot. The bush-cutting drone trembles, spazzing out, making a screaming-like shrill sound, and starts to cut the bush in a crazy, confused frenzy.

"You made it into Edward Scissorbot."

Hulk has posed:
    Bruce Banner watches as the Captain does his thing, and then regards him as he leaves. "Well, that was quick. Hope everything is okay." Bruce then returns his attention to the situation at hand. "So. Then. What were we talking about? Ah yes!" Looking at the gun froma distance, Bruce listens to Jessica and Deadpool discuss things further, and winces as she starts to pull the trigger.

    Backing up, Bruce takes his glasses off, and puts them back in his shirt pocket. "Well. Fascinating. I think I'll head back in." Bruce thumbs back towards the door over his shoulder. "Maybe Tony and I can take a look at it after your...experiments." With a weak smile, Bruce waves first to Jessica, and then to Wade. "It was good to meet you!" Then, he turns, and heads inside.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Dude...." Jess lowers the gun and looks at it. "Was it set to 'Awwww...FREAK OUT?" or something? She turns the gun over in her hands, looking at it, and finally looks at Wade appraisingly. "Here. But you have to give it back. I'll web you up and stuff you in my closet if you don't." She hands him the gun, carefully wiping her prints off with her sleeves as she does. "If that thing IS supposed to help with the sentinels, I don't see how making it kill mutants harder and faster is going to really accomplish anybody's goals, except maybe Trask's..."

Deadpool has posed:
"I have an idea," Wade assures her. He accepts the gun, looks it over and the switches, and then approaches the scissor-insane robot entirely fearlessly, running towards it in an even, tactical sideways lope, and then, with the gun slightly tilted 'gangster' style, depresses the trigger and holds it down.

The little robot begins to twitch and make the strange sound, but stops moving. Deadpool beams, still holding the trigger down and holding the robot in the beam. "Look look!" he calls to her. And then points at the robot. As if she weren't already looking. The robot seems relatively paralyzed within the beam.

Deadpool then stops, releasing the trigger, and the robot seems to be lost, scissoring at the grass to one side, then back, disoriented. "Maybe it melts its little robo-mind."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Oh..." Jessica replies thoughtfully, approachig the drone. "Well /that's/ convenient. In retrospect...maybe I should have called Reed." Jessica scoops up the little robot, effectively scalping one spot on the lawn. "Tony should take a look at him, too. See what it did to him. And I...don't really think I should shoot the fridge now, because it'd just make it all morose and mopey."

Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool examines the gun, thoughtfully. "No no, one more time," Deadpool asks, clearly sighting with the gun at the little robot, his tone sliding deadly. It may read pretty clearly that he may shoot at it regardless of if she decides to drop it or not. At least he warned her. Sort of.

"Pew pew," he says, just before starting to depress the trigger again.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Jess nearly panics, but she doesn't just drop the drone. She puts it down swiftly, and moves aside, however. Because while she doesn't really THINK he will shoot her along with the drone, she trusts no one. "What more can you do to the poor thing? It's practically drooling, as it is..."

Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool has a different test in mind. He holds the gun's energy beam on the drone, watching it twitch crazily, and then promptly adjusts the gun backwards and fans his other hand directly through and into the beam, in a manner reserved for crazy regenerating mercenaries.

"Huh. So that burns," he says, pulling the hand out and shaking it, gripping and ungripping the fingers, and lowering the gun, stopping firing. "Maybe radiation," he guesses, still shaking the hand out in the same manner someone might do if they'd grabbed a hot saucepan.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Waade!!" Jess frowns and reaches to snatch the gun back, if she can get it. "I didn't give it to you so you could shoot yourself with it. But if that's radiation, we're gonna create some big messes if we use it on sentinels. Somebody's gonna have to move giant defunct piles of radioactive sentinel." She looks back at the drone. "I was JUST CARRYING that..."

Deadpool has posed:
"Lots of burning feels the same, might not be radiation," Wade bargains, dodging her first grab for the gun, but then flipping it around to give it to her via the handle -- but only after a cowboy-style spin of it in his uninjured hand.

"It didn't thake my hand /off/. Don't bash my testing methods! FOR SCIENCE!"

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"You don't know that hand won't fall off later," Jess replies, taking the gun from him. "I'm still gonna give the drone back to Tony. I mean, he'll probably want to give it a proper burial or something." Which for Tony means he'll probably rehabilitate the thing and teach it to talk, just so that it can guilt Jessica daily with her misdeed. "Either way, I guess it's best if I don't destroy any more drones or robots. They're like....his friends, or something. I hope this one wasn't a bestie."

Deadpool has posed:
"Iron man makes friends with robots?" Deadpool asks, amused and charmed, it sounds like. "I cannot picture it. Maybe femme-bots," he says, head tilted up and back, arms crossing over his chest. He's forgotten about the hand injury, it appears. Or it wasn't that bad.

Or healing.

"Did we do a successful test, though? I helped." It's important to get credit. "Heroing and stuff."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"I'd call it a successful test, for our part. For the poor drone, more an unprovoked attack. But yeah...And you were more successful than I was. All I did was make the thing successfully ruin that bush..." The bush in question looks more like someone got carried away and trimmed it for hours. There's little left that can be called a bush. "I'll make sure Tony knows. And yeah I think he does sorta make friends with them? More like...he's got some sort of affection for them. He'll keep them and rehabilitate and repurpose, and they'll still be puttering around long past their expiration date."

Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool looks at the bush thoughtfully. He approaches it, drawing one of the shiny long katana from his back. "I've always wanted to do this," he admits with a playful tone, and begins to spin the blade, and then abruptly launches into a series of precise, quick slashes.

If anyone wondered if Wade was good with a blade, there's no more mystery for that, at all. Bits of leaves drift away as he unevenly attempts to be artistic.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Jessica laughs. "Well-done. I think you killed it. Or at least killed its will to live." She tilts her head, looking the bush over appraisingly. "I guess you could call that artistic, in a strictly avante garde kind of way. Maybe Tony will like it, even. Maybe he'll put a little black wrought iron fence around it with a plaque with your name on it, as the artist. Then he can show it off to everyone who visits." She lifts an imaginary drink and sips from it, arms crossed nonchalantly in an imitation of Tony. "I'm not big on bush art," he'll say. "But this one strikes me, it REALLY strikes me."

Deadpool has posed:
Wade's mood changes, and he suddenly decapitates the whole top of the bush. It suddenly looks a lot more phallic without the top, and just the lower, erect section and some ignored blobs at the bottom. Wade skims it visually, deciding his work is done, and slips the blade away back into the sheath at his back.

"I take it back, I /have/ shaved bushes, just never on this scale, or with a katana," Wade admits, tapping a finger to his cheek near his mouth. He bounces over to look at the trembling robot, finally.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Open-mouthed, Jessica stares at the bush, looking around to see if anybody has seen. No sign of Bruce watching from inside, at least. And Cap won't be back for a while, yet. There's some time. And there's a poor, debilitated robot to attend. But, perhaps more importantly, there is a large shrubbery penis in the back yard. "Never saw anything like /that/ at Disney World," she utters as she turns back to Wade and the downed drone.

Deadpool has posed:
"My work is done, then. Does it need a helmet?" Deadpool wonders. "Maybe some eyes? It's not really a snowman, that's probably overkill," he says, with a yawn, and starting to look at the other bushes.

"Okay, I'm gonna scoot. Have a good robot-time. I'm all healed by the way. My hand is back in business," he says, with a demonstrative hand-jerking motion. In case she was concerned for him.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Thank God," she deadpans, looking back at the bush. "No, I think maybe a helmet would be a bad idea. I'll...I'll put a scarf on it, so it doesn't get cold without all its y'know...foliage and stuff." Maybe that'll disguise it a little. Some google-eyes on the little tufts at the bottom...it just...might work. "You...uh, be safe, right? Don't ..." There's nothing that she can tell him not to do that he won't immediately go do, possibly because he was already planning to. "Don't get into trouble, I might need you later."

Deadpool has posed:
"Need me? Really? For what?" Wade says, suddenly razor-sharp focused on that. "Steve already counter-hired me to /not/ hunt the missing scientist, so if it's about that, I'm sorry, but I need to stick with my promise to captain America," says Wade in a very, very apologetic tone. "If it's to be a target to get shot at, well, I'll consider it. Depends. I mean, it hurts."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Y'know. Like. Stuff," Jess replies, tearing her gaze away from the ghastly bush to look back at Wade. "No, I don't need you to hunt anyone. I meant like, something more personal." She still has designs on that fridge, after all. "Or maybe to point to the doll and tell Tony how the drone killer ray felt when it hit you." Not that he'd need the doll for that, but it'd give him something to focus on. "Or if nothing else, so I can blame you for the phallus in the back yard and you can back me up."

Deadpool has posed:
"Personal," Wade echoes in a normal voice. He then sashsays over, flipping one hand up across his neck as if he were tossing thick hair off over his shoulder, other hand placed high on opposite hip. He attempts to slide into her personal space on one side, bump her hip with his.

"/Personal/?" Wade prompts, flirtatious.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Well..." she says, idly hip-bumping Wade and completely missing his insinuations, "I mean I need your help with a couple of things...You're the only one who can help me." She looks up at Wade and practically reads his expression through his mask. "I mean...I need something only you can give me." Somebody throw Jess a shovel?

"Please...?" She asks, considering leaving the insinuation in hopes that he'd actually come back, but she realizes that dangling Steve would probably get him back faster. "You're adorable when you're sexually charged, you know..." Jessica laughs. "But that isn't the reason I need you, necessarily..."

Deadpool has posed:
"~Help me Deadpooliekins, you're my only hope,~" Wadepool quotes in a high voice, extending hands to attempt to pet the 'droid' still in her possession. He's about as flirtatiously subtle as a porno with the motion of hand.

"I mean, what I had to do is not even that important. And you smell like pheromones and popcorn. I could eat. How could this only be just me? I mean, I've got endurance, but like, I'm not the only person, let alone Avenger, that can do certain things, so I'm curious what I'm the /best/ at, because I'm arrogant about certain things but how would you KNOW?" Wade's chatterboxiness doesn't dampen his attempt to snuggle.

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Jessica's gaze flits from Wade down to the drone he's petting in a nearly obscene fashion, and back up again. "Sh--should I give you guys a little privacy?" She smirks. "Well, I mean...I'm looking for a little ass," she says, then corrects herself. "Actually a big ass. Really big. Like, I heard you had one. Sentinelish." She arches a brow. "Whaddya say, wanna be my wingman? I could really use some help getting it."

Deadpool has posed:
"Oh, I don't have that one anymore," Wade answers, following exactly what Jessica's referring to, apparently. "I have pictures of it though," he says, as if that'd help, and releases the robot to pull his phone out, swipe it to unlock, and begins to skim through his pictures quickly, intent.

"Logan's got it now, I think," he adds. "Logan often ends up with my ass in some manner. Sometimes against his will."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Sometimes Jessica wonders if that's the only way anyone ends up with Wade's ass: against their will. "Now, I don't think that's necessarily true. I think you sell yourself short sometimes. And...really long, other times. Like the bush..." She shrugs. "You're funny, and charming and...extremely....weird...," she adds distractedly as she can't help noticing that on either side of the sentinel butt pictures are Deadpool butt pictures. Perhaps for comparison? Who knows...

"So ok...so the Sentinel butt is no longer in reach. I don't...really think pictures of it are going to help me much, then, but thanks for the offer."

Deadpool has posed:
"Depends. What did you want it for? Could have been just to look at it. Then pictures are picture-perfect. They're worth a thousand of my words. When they're my pictures, anyway," Wade chatters.

"I am all of the things and a barrel of monkeys, yes. Does this mean you don't want to make out? I still don't see how sentinel ass is a personal request, but I respect people's kinks."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"I just have a friend who is trying to study them. In depth. And if the derriere is all I could get, I was willing to try to get it for him." Jess pauses to consider Wade's other question. "Well I figured, if you weren't busy later, maybe I could pop some popcorn...burn it just a little...and if you wanted to come by, maybe you could help me with a little problem I've got..." She cuts her eyes back toward the back door for a split second. "You see, the refrigerator wants to kill me..."

Deadpool has posed:
"Oh, does it?" Wade asks, entirely without question about the whole of the situation. It happens, probably. "Did you leave leftovers in it to smell? I do that. My appliances aren't sentinent though. Must be nice. I mean. Until they do want to murder you," Wade appends. He nods some, but does remember he needs to go. "I'll come by. Sure. But I don't really want burned popcorn. I'll take the unburned one with a lot of butter." He grins, putting his phone away.

And then starts to bound off over the lawn. "Bye-eeee."

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Bye Wade. Be....careful." Jessica picks up the drone, still shuddering, and somewhere inside, her compassion switch hits overload. Even she's not sure how or why she feels sorry for the robot. "Maybe Tony can fix ya, lil fella."

"Miss Drew, it has come to my attention that a number of the drones on the property have begun to malfunction or behave strangely," JARVIS' voice comes, calm, polite, and disembodied.

"Oh...crap..." Jess looks at the little robot, and the gun in her hand. "I think it's best if I quaratine this guy....and put the gun in its case. It looks pretty well-shielded, don't you think? Maybe it'll calm everything down..."

Steadfast and true comes JARVIS' reply: "You're right as rain, Miss Drew."