7610/Don't Let'em See You Cry

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Don't Let'em See You Cry
Date of Scene: 24 May 2019
Location: Unknown
Synopsis: Bucky catches a distraught Peggy on the jogging path. He manages, with the help of Lili Marlene, to talk her down off an emotional cliff.
Cast of Characters: Winter Soldier, Peggy Carter




Winter Soldier has posed:
The Triskelion is an island, with one land link. But with the vagaries of its architecture, there are grounds of a sort. Landscaped bits in the open air, between the buildings. And that's where Lili gets walked - even beautifully trained service dogs have their moments. At the moment, Buck's playing fetch with her. He throws the ball, she brings it back. He throws, she brings. It never gets old. He's not smiling, but there's pleasure in his face, nonetheless.

Peggy Carter has posed:
She couldn't go punching bags again. Not with that tape, not with having beat the crap out of her knuckles earlier. But running? She could always run. Now it's not traditional running with tears down her face, not exactly the most calming of exercises, but it's what she can do now. So, she went down the hall, down the stairs, and out to run. At least she's still in the right outfit for it. She might almost look normal if the splotchiness of her face wasn't quite appropriate for having been on a long run, and the choppiness of her breath a bit more ragged than her normally fit self. She has no clue how long she plans on running, but the end is no where in site. Except for there is Bucky. And the dog. Maybe she can get away with just jogging past with a little wave. Maybe he wouldn't notice.

Winter Soldier has posed:
Buck catches the ball, and doesn't throw it. Lili dances in restrained impatience, doing a little trot in place like a dressage horse. But then he makes some gesture at her, and indicates Peggy with a flick of a finger. Whereupon the Shepherd takes off after her, settling in with an easy pace.....only...she's trying to urge Peggy back towards Bucky. Yes, Peggy, you're being herded.

Peggy Carter has posed:
Oh no. Bucky she could wave and just keep running. Bucky would understand. But a cute dog of German Shepard fluff and insistently wagging tail? How could Peggy ignore THAT? She blinks bloodshot eyes down to the dog and gives a crackled little laugh and shake of her head. "Not now, Lili. I...I'm running." She's lying. To a dog. Is this how far Peggy has fallen in trying to get herself together and failing horribly?

With a quick motion of the back of her wrist against eyes, wiping away tears and TRYING to make it look like she's wiping away sweat, she turns back to Bucky and gives a little wave while he's still a bit further off, "Just... just running, Buck. I really shouldn't stop." It's a poor lie.

Winter Soldier has posed:
He looks so different, these days. The arm, the muscle mass, the long hair, the grimness.....but sometimes, there are flashes of the old Bucky. And now there's one of them, because he gives her the same look he used to give Steve, when Steve was being Difficult. "C'mon," he says. "Take a break. C'mere, throw the ball for Lili, my arm's tired." Now who's being a crap liar? Lili gives her a beseeching look. Peggy, throw the ball. Throw it. THROW IT.

Peggy Carter has posed:
"...that is a bald faced like, James Buchanan Barnes. Your arm could lift a train." Peggy states flatly, but she knows that look. She's stopped and she's not getting away now, especially now that it's going to be impossible to hide the redness in her eyes from Bucky. Even her breath is still a little crackly and while she's not letting herself actively cry more, her dark eyes are still glassy. The tears are right on the edge there, even as she's fighting to pull herself together.

She does take the ball, because poor Lili doesn't deserve to get teased and caught up in all of these emotions when she's supposed to be out playing. Giving it a little shake, she then tosses it down the grass, a good distance, for the pup to follow as Peggy steps a foot closer to Barnes and then stops. She looks a wreck.

Winter Soldier has posed:
He motions her over to him, as Lili dashes to get the ball...then picks it up and starts chomping it, in triumph. Buck is too busy to motion her back, for he's reached over with his human arm to pull her into a hug. With the other hand, he comes out with a clean hankie, which he presses into her hand, in turn.

Peggy Carter has posed:
Hugging. No one had really done that to Peggy since she returned. She and Steve were entirely too awkward around each other and she didn't know a single other person around, other than Bucky, and they hadn't really gotten to it. Not that they were ever that touchy in the field either. Soldiers didn't hug. But suddenly, here he is, pulling her into that hug and her body stiffens for just a heartbeat or two. She still was stuck in the soldiers don't cry but. But then she just sinks into it. She probably needs it more than she realizes, especially after that. She leans against him and just shakes a minute, raw knuckled hand wrapping around that hankie she doesn't quite use yet.

Winter Soldier has posed:
He doesn't quite descend to the kind of wordless crooning parents use on their children. Merely holds her against him - she can feel that heartbeat, so immensely slow, behind his ribs. Can feel some of the metal supports woven into him, to make that arm truly part of his body.

No, they were never that touchy, back in the day. Not with her heart so very clearly given to Steve, and the mores of the time. Now ....he just rubs her back. Lili, sending distress, abandons her ball to come lean against Peggy's legs. "Listen," he says, after a moment. "I dunno where they got you housed, but....I live here. I've got a spare room you can sleep in, if you want. I don't use it."

Peggy Carter has posed:
"...I... I just have been in one of the... guest rooms here. Didn't even think of finding housing. It hasn't..." Felt real yet? Felt like it was going to stick? Maybe she's been planning on a big send off on the next mission, go out fighting? Probably a weird, uncomfortable mix of all of those, where Peggy has only looked a day or two ahead, not dared think of making a life here. She remains leaned against him, taking in a slow, deep breath of his scent and letting that gentle, heavy thrum of his heart help center her some. Maybe if she stopped crying he wouldn't ask her more about it. Her hankie holding hand comes down to slightly pat Lili's head, but she's mainly just letting herself lean into the hug and breathe a few minutes.

Winter Soldier has posed:
He smells like....well, like warm metal, as one might expect. Of soap and shampoo and all the things one uses to keep clean. "It's hard to think ahead," Sympathy, behind that calm. "But this is about as safe as it gets, here. Yeah, it's kinna like living in Fort Knox, but..." A shrug. "Anyway, if you want to, the offer's open. It's not fancy, but sometimes it helps to have someone you know at hand." He hasn't asked her why she was crying - she'll say when she's ready, if she is.

Peggy Carter has posed:
"I... I think I might like that, James." Peggy almost never called him James. Only when it was horribly serious. When they were figuring out, or trying to figure out, what HYDRA had done to him when Steve got him back from across enemy lines. Once when they were pinned behind heavy gun fire and both of them thought they really might not survive. A few other times but that was over a decade. It means a lot to her, the offer, for her to use just his first name. "Not worried about being safe. But... it'd be nice to... not be alone." That last word catches her breath a bit. She didn't even want to say it. It was too keenly the very feeling she was drowning in. Loneliness.

Winter Soldier has posed:
He was always 'Barnes'. Never 'Bucky', that was Steve's childhood nickname for him. Lili's still pressing her face confidingly into Peggy's legs....and Buck's holding her. Gently, she can move or withdraw if she chooses, but....not moving. Then he smiles, faintly, looking down at Lili, who has apparently decided that Peggy is her charge, as well.

Peggy Carter has posed:
The lean into her legs isn't quite expected and after a few moments of shaking breath, Peggy gently forces herself back to try and gather herself up in a more respectable fashion, but also to reach fingertips down to gently giving a massaging scratch through Lili's scruff. It's one of those deep but gentle rubs, strength and love behind her hand as she touches the loyal canine. She still looks a splotchy mess, her eyes glassy with those tears she's still trying so hard to simply put away but not entirely succeeding. "I shan't be in your hair too much. I'll... try to find somewhere else in a few weeks. Just get through this mission and then figure things out." If she makes it through. They've all gotten that look in their eyes before, the look that says they are willing to do something dumb.

Winter Soldier has posed:
Buck doesn't try and keep her against him, but nor does he move away. Lili's sticking like glue, however, looking up at Peggy, ears forward. Human, you smell distressed. "Peggy," he says, patiently. "C'mon. Don't worry about it. I'm not talking about you sleeping in my bathtub 'cause I've got no spare room. And God knows there's plenty of housing in the Triskelion. Also, you're not allowed to do anything dumb because you're grieving and in shock. I know that look - remember, I was an NCO before Erskine ever jammed Steve in to the Science Toaster. Don't make me talk to May."

Peggy Carter has posed:
When did dogs get so smart? Peggy looks down at the still firmly pressing Lili and she arches a brow as she combs fingernails back through the shepard's fur. "...Don't look at me like that, young lady. I know that stare." Peggy mutters to the dog, half teasing, but half surprised at just how instinctive the creature seems to be. She's seen dogs run messages and sniff for bombs before, but nothing like this. It's also easier to look at the dog than it is to look up to Buck as he calls her out on that very same look they've all had before. She lets the full of her palm smooth across Lili's ears. Too smart for her own good or not, the dog did help.

"...I'm not going to do anything *dumb*. The mission is too essential. I'll just make certain I do... every last thing in my power to make certain it succeeds. It's partially my fault you all are in this situation in the first place. I... I need to damn well clean up my own mess." There it is. Another layer to it all. The things she can't say out loud because they are where suspicious ears might hear, but there is guilt about HYDRA's infiltration. To a woman who fought them her whole life? It must seem like she failed.

Winter Soldier has posed:
"Ah ah ah...." Buck says, lifting a finger. "No. No, no, no. We all do that. You've got that smell on you....and that is what that lady there is trained to recognize," His nod indicates Lili. "She's a service dog, but not for purely physical stuff, like a seeing eye dog. She knows how to mitigate kinds of emotional distress - she can wake me up when I'm having a nightmare. PTSD - that's what they call combat fatigue now. Let her help you, too. Hell, if you stay with me, leave your door open, she'll come find you when you're having a dark night. Right, girl?" Realizing she's being talked to, Lili twinkles up at them.

Peggy Carter has posed:
That seems impossible. Peggy stares at Bucky for a few heartbeats, distracted from her tears by the fact he seems to have a miracle dog who can scent emotions. Surely he was putting her on? But just a quiet study of his face and she's almost certain he's not. She still knows him, possibly better than anyone but Steve, after all this time. Her brow furrows, dark eyes dropping to the canine once more and she sinks to one knee, letting her fingernails gently scratch up and down Lili's side. "How very remarkable you are, Miss Lili Marlene. That... does not seem possible, but I've never known Lieutenant Barnes to be a liar, so..." She ruffles ears and then looks up at Bucky again, bittersweet smile tugging at the corner of her mouth, "I don't think I'm that bad off. I'll be through it in a few days, it's... fine. But thank you. Both you and she are quite sweet." That damnable British composure, never daring to let someone see you bleed. It was bad enough he saw the tears.

Winter Soldier has posed:
Now there's a funny, sad little smile, as he meets her gaze. What a change he is from the laughing boy she knew, toting a Tommy gun through occupied Europe. "I didn't believe it at first, but it makes sense. Think of how well a dog smells, how keen their senses are. I guess she smells the way our scent changes, when we're hurt or upset. And I'm still technically just Sergeant Barnes. Frozen at the rank I was when I got lost."

He shrugs, philosophical. "Peggy, that's not true. You're not fine. You're not anywhere close. You got shot fifty years into the future, away from your husband and family and the job you knew. You ended up in some weird future version of SHIELD....but somehow Steve and I are still alive, even if I'm some version of Frankenstein's monster. Peg, we're whatcha got. Let us be that. Let us help you. Don't crumple up and burn away - the fight's still going on. You know our enemy is still in the field, even if the rest of the world doesn't."

Peggy Carter has posed:
He'd never stood up to her like that before, either. Of course, she'd never fed him quite the line of bullshit she just did there, Peggy always respectful and honest about their odds out in the field, but it's a different show of courage to call a friend on their bullshit like that. Or maybe they just didn't talk about emotions this way back in the day, everyone too busy being a stuff, unflappable soldier. Part of her is still quite back in those days, so his complete openness about it all is a bit jarring. She gives Lili's ears one last loving ruffle before standing once again and fully facing Bucky. The expression on her face is a quiet war, torn between giving or doubling down on the brave face.

"When did you get... so... So bloody emotional. What happened to pick up a gun and go in shooting, pretending that there isn't a very large chance we won't be coming back? Stiff upper lip, and all that?" It isn't exactly anger, the accusation. It's just a woman who very much isn't used to things like psych evaluations and emotional honesty. No one questioned the director 50 years ago if she was fine. No one dared.

Winter Soldier has posed:
"I died," he says, simply. "I had all my illusions, all my pride stripped away. I thought that the worst could happen in that war was that I could die, and it almost happened like I wanted. Over, quick," He snaps his human fingers to emphasize it, "And then buried where I fell, if there was anything left to bury." Then he spreads both hands. "But that didn't end the story. All the time....Steve was frozen, you were building SHIELD and then this.....I was in their hands, and they were using me to do the most horrible things they could think of. And even then, I didn't just die. I ended up here, free.....but I've got all the things I did hanging around my neck. I've had to do a lot of thinking, because the old crutches are gone."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Well, ask a hard question, get just as hard an answer. Peggy doesn't cut in, doesn't protest even once. But some of that defensiveness which had kicked up on her peaches and cream features slowly falls away. She listens with an earnest patience, though a new ache comes behind her eyes at the thought of it all. She remembers those days, remembered the moment she saw his eyes behind that mask. The gun across the room, but then that knife between her ribs. The last time she breathed the name James and they stood this close for this long. But, it was her mission that left him at the bottom of that cliff, even if Steve had been at his side. Her mission put him there.

Slowly, her fingertips reach for those outturned hands and she just takes his palms, even as those memories haunt behind her eyes. "I... I'm sorry, James. I can't even imagine the hell you were in. I... I suppose we've all been through our own little hell. I just feel like... part of mine is only starting."

Winter Soldier has posed:
Gentle, he takes them in turn, holds them. As if he'd draw her back to him, across some gulf. "Hell, I'm all kindsa sorry about all of it. I've got a choice every day. I can walk down that bridge and into Manhattan and turn myself into the FBI and you can bet your bottom dollar that they'll have me executed within the year. And they're just first in line - I could check out any day I wanted to. Or I can keep fighting. Because the fight I set out to win isn't done."

Remember the way his face changed - that pitiless gaze going fractured and confused to the point of near madness, as memory warred with programming. "It stinks, Peggy. I'm not even gonna bother and deny it - it's gonna be bad, real bad, before it gets better. This is a messed up future you landed in, and neither of us is here by choice. But don't you check out on me, either."

Peggy Carter has posed:
For a few moments it is like he's pulling her across that gulf. And he doesn't pull punches about what's ahead. Or this world. She just holds on tightly to those hands, not shying away one bit from the metal one, and gives the smallest of nods. "... Alright. Neither of us... Neither checks out. Past mistakes be damned." Peggy rasps out, that far more of a show of forgiveness (and her own apology) than something formal from her. She brushes her thumb across the side of his metal hand and takes in one last shaky breath. "I... should go clean up. I feel like I've been running for hours. May got me a few things, I'll move them in tomorrow morning. Thanks again, Buck. Really." She squeezes his hands one last time before letting go.

Winter Soldier has posed:
Another crooked little smile from him, with a hint of the old impishness. "Yeah," he says. "I'll see you there. We'll go shopping this weekend, if you want." Then he reaches up, and in what would've been intense daring back in their day, pats her on the cheek with the human hand. Lili thumps her tail, and groans approval.

Peggy Carter has posed:
The touch is unexpected but not unwelcome. Peg's breath stops, just a moment, old instincts still there. But she's got a lot of new habits to learn and so after that initial shock, a smile trickles across her lips. She closes her eyes and just lets herself lean into it for a single heartbeat. Lonely, yes. Lost. But not alone. Her hand reaches up, wrapping overtop of his and giving a faint squeeze before she fully pulls away. "...James Barnes, offering to go clothes shopping with a woman whom he's NOT trying to get in the skirts of. What has the world come to?" Peggy teases him lightly, tossing a wink across her shoulder before heading in a light jog off back down the path.