8228/The Sarcasm Sisters Scare Steve

The Sarcasm Sisters Scare Steve
Date of Scene:	09 July 2019
Location:	Josie's Bar, Hell's Kitchen
Synopsis:	Karen and Kate are comparing crappy Mondays; Steve arrives to empty the pub's kitchen of their nachos. They chat, and a plot is hatched to feed Bucky the messiest hamburger on Josie's menu in order to film the predicted food mess. Money changes hands, even.
Cast of Characters:	Karen Page, Hawkeye (Bishop), Captain America

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Karen Page has posed:
Mondays suck. That's just a fact of life. The Monday after a major holiday is even WORSE. But the day is winding down finally, and Karen is at the usual watering hole: Josie's Bar. She's got a tumbler with about one finger of whiskey in it waiting for her on the table, and she's gesturing expansively at Kate who's sitting across from her with her back to the door.

"...and then Mrs. De La Costa comes in with those empanada things. I thought we'd finally got past accepting food as payment! You know how big a pain in the ass it is to try and balance the monthly office finances with a line item that reads 'three dozen empanadas'?"

She waves her hands as if fending something off. "Now don't get me wrong. The empanadas are fucking deep fried heaven, but..." Her hands finally fall into her lap. "I know why Matt does it, but he doesn't have to beat his head against Quicken every day."

She scoops up her tumbler. "Your turn. How fucked up was your day today?"

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Kate just levels a gaze at Karen that says 'try me bitch' - only without the bitch, because Kate didn't say such things. "Let's see. Lucky left a present that I stepped in. After I'd already showered. And dressed. In my socks. Then there was a dump truck blocking my car because someone else had popped into the bodega 'for just a minute' and double parked. Plus the Miltons want to go from every other Friday to every Friday and like I don't have better things to do with my life than sit outside a Motel 6 and watch them have an affair with each other - and let me tell you, Mrs. Milton does not look pretty in a French Maid's outfit. Oh, and the washroom at work was out of toilet paper. Ask me when I noticed."

Kate sighs deeply.

"I need a drink. Heck, I need two."

Captain America has posed:
Mondays do suck. Interestingly enough, however, the blond man walking in through the front door to Josie's seems no worse for the wear for it being Monday. Maybe his wasn't so terrible -- Tuesday will no doubt sneak up and attempt to assassinate him...though hopefully not literally. In his motorcycle jacket and a white tanktop over jeans and combat boots, Steve breezes by the booth on his way to the counter. He takes up an easy lean there until he catches the bartender's eye.

"Evening. Could I get three orders of nachos, beef, and a pitcher of Smithwick's red ale?" Apparently, this is all for him alone. Hello, calories. He glances back at the rest of the bar after his order's been taken and espies Kate and Karen both. A lift of his hand is aimed at them both. "Happy Monday." It's just //slightly// sardonic alongside his smile. "You want some nachos? I can order more?"

Karen Page has posed:
Karen wrinkles her nose and looks more and more sympathetically grossed out as Kate relates her day. "Wow. Yeah, you totally win. You had a sh--" She cuts herself off as she recognizes the man who just entered, then picks up again almost but not at all smoothly. "--super crappy day. You want some empanadas?"

Then Steve greets them and offers to share nachos, getting Karen to turn to look at him. "Oh, hey. You know, I'd normally turn down offers of food from strange men, but you're not strange, you're just weird. So, sure. Nachos sound great."

She even hops over one chair to give Steve room to join them at their table, her shoulder bag ending up on her lap as seems to be habit.

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Kate considers both the offer of nachos, and empinadas, "I have fifteen bucks I can put towards the communal pool. Anything after that is because you love me. I have to make it to Friday. I'm *supposed* to get paid." She says that like it's hit or miss given her ad hoc relationship with JJ as an intern-not-an-intern or whatever she was. So far it seemed she babysat wayward couples more than anything else. "I think JJ hates me." Which might also be true.

Steve gets a grin, "I'm surprised you actually aren't afraid to sit with us. What with the last time we all got together. I believe the phrase jungle gym was used?" Oh yeah, Kate just went there, teasing Karen. "And what went wrong with your day?"

Open to either of them, really, because misery loves company.

Captain America has posed:
Steve's chair grinds a little on the floor as he pulls it to a free side of the table. He holds up a finger -- one second -- to grab his pitcher of Smithwick's along with a pint glass and then returns to the table.

"Nachos're on me. No arguments," he says, kindly if firmly. "And besides, neither of you bite that I've noticed. Wouldn't be the first time someone's tried to tackle me 'nd failed." His smile is benign as he pours himself a pint of the red ale, further brushing aside any semblance of ire over the whole 'jungle gym' incident. No reason to linger on it. "'nd my day's been entirely within scope of reason. I'm toasting to a quiet Monday." He lifts his pint glass to this and drinks a huge mouthful of the beer.

Karen Page has posed:
After pulling a plastic container out of her bag and setting it on the table for Kate, Karen lifts her own tumbler of nearly-gone whiskey to join in Steve's toast. "Thank you for the nachos, and you lose. We're here to see who had the /worst/ Monday, not the tolerable one," she explains, gesturing with her free hand between herself and Kate.

She takes a tiny sip of her beverage before continuing. "But, now that you've said something, your Tuesday is gonna suuuuuck. Right, Kate?"

Wait, she can't remember. Did Kate ever get the whole formal introduction thing with Steve? "I know you guys kinda met at Kate's party," she levels a completely harmless glare in retaliation for the jungle gym commend, "but have you been officially introduced?" Because she can actually do that now, no problem.

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Karen's plastic container is eyeballed with suspicion. "I don't want to know, do I?" Only she really, really does want to know. "Okay, I bite, what's with the container?"

Her own drink arrives, and she's more than happy to lift it in return to Kate and Steve, and take a sip. "Probably should have got a beer. They last longer. They just don't seem as serious as this, though. I mean, if your day really sucks, you kinda want to drink like you mean it. Only, it's kinda hard to drink like you mean it on a budget. No clue how drunks do it."

It's mostly a rhetorical complaint. Kate has no actual desire to be a drunk. It's just been a hard Monday after a hard weekend.

"Huh, Tuesday? Oh, yeah, he's toally asking for it. Nothing tempts the Fates better than saying your Monday was half-way decent. It's like telling the waitress she brought you the wrong plate, to return it, and send the manager over while you're at it." Steve gets a long look. "You are a brave, brave man."

Then again, he was sitting with the two K's. It was like the OK corral, only less steer, and more opportunity for misfortune. Or hilarity. One or the other.

Captain America has posed:
"If Tuesday does end up being a case of doom 'nd gloom, then so be it. I'll weather it like I always do." Steve leans back comfortably in his chair and idly glances over towards the kitchens behind the counter. He can see two of the three platings of nachos waiting in the window. His stomach makes a quiet grumbling of anticipation. At least two of those plates will disappear of his own volition. He sips deeply of his ale again.

A glance over at Kate is followed by a nod from the Captain. "Yes, we met at the party. You're Kate," and he points towards the other woman. "And you're Karen. I'm Steve...and those are my nachos." Setting aside the pint-glass, he goes to retrieve the three plates and defers assistance. Balancing the third on one arm, he then delivers them all to the table. "Dig in," he says, gesturing at the collection of nacho platters. "Dibs on the sour cream."

Karen Page has posed:
Karen taps the container's lid. "That's my third of the empanadas. I already ate a couple for lunch so there's only ten of them left, but they're yours if you want them." She then turns and tilts her head at Steve. "Wow, you really are a 'glass half full' kinda person." She points kind of vaguely in his direction with her tumbler still in hand. "But I also think you're a snarky little punk when you want to be. The angelic looking ones always are."

Exhibit A: Matt.

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Well, now, that just brightened Kate's day. "Oh, I should have guessed. You asked. I said yes. Oh wow I'm stupid today."

She nods at Steve. "Yeah. That party got.. uh well, I'm not usually a party animal. I'm not really a party person at all, actually." Even if she did play hostess at any number of her father's fund raisers and gala events. "I don't know. They just weren't my thing. Too much.. party, I guess."

She had enjoyed her birthday, though, even if it really was a departure from her normal.

"Bet he's a glass half full kinda guy because he's also holding the other glass." GRinning at Karen as she says it.

Captain America has posed:
Steve's got a metal container of sour cream in one hand and he's scooping up nachos through it as if he were to daub paint on a canvas -- but these pieces of art disappear into his mouth as if he'd forgotten to eat lunch. This is entirely possible. He snorts at Karen's comment and wipes at his mouth with a napkin before replying, "Not so little anymore. Buck used to call me that, before the war. Old music to my ears."

More of his red ale disappears and he lifts his glass to Kate's thoughts on things. "Not bothered by the party. Sometimes, things get outta hand, but not so much at that one. I've seen worse. As far as the other glass goes...sometimes," he allows mildly.

Karen Page has posed:
"Yeah, enjoy them, they're honestly really good. And if it helps, Kate, that was one of the tamest booze included parties I've ever been to." But don't ask her for details, she won't elaborate on that. She claims a nacho off the plate closest to her and crunches on it happily.

"Mm. Speaking of," she says after swallowing the nacho, "Where IS Mr. James Nobody today? Still recharging his 'have to be around people' batteries?" Her words are lightly teasing, but her eyes have a glint of genuine concern to them. She's honestly asking if he's doing all right.

Captain America has posed:
"Recharging his batteries is a good way to put it. He's recovering more 'nd more every day. I'll be bringing over the leftovers to him, if there's any," Steve explains even as he scoops up more melted cheese, beef, and sour cream. "Or I'll order another plate to go, I guess."

He shrugs and works quietly at killing the contents of the nacho platter in swift, well-mannered bites.

Karen Page has posed:
Karen puts her nearly empty tumbler down and snags a second nacho, this one laden with green jalapeno rings. "Cool. Tell him I said hi. I'd send you with some empanadas too," she gestures to the container, "but Kate called dibs. Yeah, another plate would be a good idea. Oh, and the burgers here are decent. Just don't ask for both mayo and mustard, because then it becomes this giant, slippery mass and trying to take a bite will shoot the burger patty out of the bread like a torpedo." She gestures to illustrate, pantomiming a burger the size of a football, and the patty shooting out of it abruptly.

"This is gonna sound like blasphemy, but if you want the whole ball of wax burger with the fried egg on it and everything, it's actually better to eat it with a knife and fork like some kind of obnoxious hipster."

Captain America has posed:
The imagery brought to mind of anyone attempting to eat a burger with a fried egg on it sans cutlery is enough to make Steve laugh behind the cover of his pint glass. He shakes his head and licks grease from his lips before taking another deep swig of his ale.

"I can see Buck trying it without a fork to make a point. Figure Lili'd appreciate the spilled egg yolk when he did. Might bring him one of those instead just to see if he'll try 'nd tackle it without a fork."

Karen Page has posed:
At that, Karen grins a positively wicked, Calvin-esque, Dennis the Menace grin, breaking down into an evil little cackle when Steve mentions Lili. "Dude, if you'll film him trying to eat the thing, I'll buy it. Because that I have to see, but I don't want to be anywhere near the splash radius."

She snags another nacho and after a moment of apparent contemplative chewing, she perks up and looks at Steve with wide, excited eyes. She swallows, then says, "And onion rings. Get the onion rings."

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Kate, meanwhile, returns from the little girl's room - or, as it's better known at Josie's 'the Sass Parlour' and apologizes for how long it took. "Who'd have thought twice in one day I'd run into the same TP problem. If it weren't for someone coming in finally, I'd have had to.. "

That's about when she realizes she's about to say things best left unsaid in front of Steve.

"Anyway, what did I miss?"

Captain America has posed:
"I'll order the onion rings as well and try to have my phone up and going in case he does end up spattering Lili as well." The image of the shepherd attempting to mitigate droplets of yolk on her refined head makes him smile, if only for the sheer absurdity of the idea.

Steve glances up at Kate's return and nods towards the nachos. "Nothing much. Grab a nacho while you can, the second plate will soon be under attack." By himself, given he's scraping up the remnants of plate one with a piece of chip.

Karen Page has posed:
Karen is WAY too excited about this. "YES!" She promptly starts rummaging in the bag on her lap, then produces a rumpled $20 and slaps it on the table. "You have my phone number, right? I really don't think we want this to end up on Twitter or Instagram."

She looks up at Kate. "I'm being evil, Kate, and you missed it. I'm paying Steve to get the Burnin' Love burger off the menu with onion rings for Mr. Nobody and film him trying to eat it without the patty flying out."

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Kate doesn't need a second invitation to dig into the remaining nachos.. or their crumbs.. Thank-goodness there's another plate coming. "Huh, what?"

Nacho halfway to her mouth, cheese falling to the table, Kate just looks more than a little confused, other than it sounds like Karen just issued Steve there to.. "Wait. You mean the 'you better have brought a bib-burger'? Nobody can eat that without making a mess."

Karen Page has posed:
Karen grins at Kate and nods. "Exactly! And Steve's gonna film him making a mess."

Captain America has posed:
"Film Mr. Nobody making a mess," Steve further clarifies for the table as a whole. He takes up the second nacho plate and sets it upon the empty first before also taking the sour cream container from it for himself. He scoops up a mountainous chip's-worth of nacho topping and shrugs.

"We'll see if he does it. He knows a camera when he sees one. Might not bite. I mean, 'm sneaky, but only so sneaky. Also, 'm taking some of his onion rings for myself as payment. Keep the twenty," he asides as to the bill, perhaps mistaking it for the prank-fund or for the nachos.

Karen Page has posed:
"If it doesn't work, it doesn't. Maybe you can be on a video phone call, or pretend to be? Hell, call me and we can talk until he digs into the burger." She pushes the $20 a little more toward Steve. "I said I'd buy the burger, I mean it." She can go without filling her car until next week if she uses the MTA as much as possible.

"And don't argue with me, or I'll stuff into one of your pockets for you. And I can't pickpocket worth a d, uh, a kill of beans."

Hawkeye (Bishop) has posed:
Kate just shakes her head. "I'll take the 20 if you're all going to argue over it.." And she does. Too bad, so sad for them. "and what, he doesn't like his picture being taken?" Kate, of course, knows names for Bucky, but she's not sure why we're calling him Mr. Nobody, or if this is some secret, or exactly what is going on. "Uh.. you're not all going to be mean about the burger thing, are you? I mean, like post it to U-Tube? I.. uh, not sure that's a very nice."

Translation: not a good idea. After all, she's seen at least some of his files. There are reasons he might not want to be publically outed on the interwebs. "You know who I'd really like to see eat one of those? John. OOo, Or Matt and his girlfriend. Like an eat off. Or! Danny and Matt.."

The list, it seems, could be endless.

Thankfully, everyone is saved by more nachos. More beer. And somehow Kate is up twenty bucks.