9164/Yep, still here

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Yep, still here
Date of Scene: 12 September 2019
Location: Second Floor, Avengers Mansion
Synopsis: Avengers are SO MEAN to Deadpool /again/ when he's trying to help them out by being Thor or something.
Cast of Characters: Deadpool, Captain America, Black Widow (Romanoff), Captain Marvel (Danvers)




Deadpool has posed:
There's more Thor in the hallway. There was some earlier, but now there's more.

It's not really Thor, of course, but shhhh, don't tell! It's Wade again, though he's fiddling with his image inducer outside of Natasha's room. It seems to be stuck on Thor now. Maybe that has to do with where Wade's brain is right now, maybe not.

It's Thor without <redacted piece of clothing>, too. So there's also that factor of things, of where Wade's brain is at....

Deadpool has posed:
Yes, Thor's barefoot. What article of clothing could I possibly have meant?

Captain America has posed:
And now there's a Steve in the hallway. By the look of things, he's spent most of the day lingering around the mansion and by the damp state of his hair, he was recently in the shower. Light circles linger under his eyes; these are a toss-up: stress about recent relic troubles come to light or...

...mild hangover?

Coin toss.

Regardless, in a plain blue t-shirt and grey sweatpants, he's also barefoot and turns towards the motion of another occupant in his peripheral. The bedroom door shuts in a suddenly sharp snap, his entire mein boomeranging from half-awake to outwardly stunned.

"Thor," he says, a note of query in his voice even as he begins to walk briskly towards the Asgardian. "Christ, if I'd known you were back, I'd've been out sooner! Where have you been?"

A hand rises and by the looks of it, the usual swift and solid thumping between the shoulderblades of greeting is on its way. Steve means well, of course, friendly and companionable in light of being considered one of Thor's brothers-in-arms.

Deadpool has posed:
"I HAVE SLAIN THE MIGHTY OYSTER-HEADED MERFOLK OF NIGELGAR," 'Thor' booms immediately.

"I HAVE THROTTLED THE RUMPS OF THE OOZYCETAN MUSHROOM MONSTERS OFT ONLY MENTIONED IN LORE."

"I HAVE SQUEEZED THE JUICE OF THE ROCKS AT THE FEET OF THE MAIDEN RONOM, AT THE BOWELS OF THE TUNNELS THAT LEAD INTO THE HEART OF MORDOR. FOR ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR."

Wade's an amazing actor when he turns up the heat to 11. It's like 12 right now.

"PWHAAAH," adds the 'Asgardian' as he's hit on the shoulderblade, flung forward onto the floor.

"I TOOK INJURY, STRIKE NOT WITH MIGHTY BLOWS," says the clearly weakened, human-state Thor from the carpet, starting to do a push-up while rolling the shoulderblade back into place with a little crunch.

Captain America has posed:
Thor is absolutely about as bombastically loud as Steve remembers and it makes him grin in relief even as he brings that friendly palm-thump to bear upon the Asgardian's shoulderblade.

Thor's also now on the ground and it has the Captain's smile twisting into a moue of confused concern. Never once has he been able to even shoulder-check the Thunderer an inch to the side when they've jostled in the hallways. "God, Thor, I - I'm sorry, I had no idea." He winces, stroking his fingers back through his hair to turn it into a shining golden crow's nest of messiness. "I should've asked." He offers his hand now for the Asgardian to take if he would like assistance to his feet. Steve appears to feel as badly as if he'd just accidentally kicked a puppy.

Deadpool has posed:
"FEAR NOT, FOR MY GODLY LUNGS SHALL NOT IMPLODE AND RENDER UPON THE FLOOR THEIR MIGHTY SPATTER OF IMPACT," 'Thor' announces in a muffled way into the carpet, since his face is in said carpet. He finishes drawing his hands under him, and his shoulderblade seems to be fine. So perhaps it is Thor, just off-balance from being so .... tired from that walk into Mordor.

Or whatever.

It doesn't appear that Wade noticed the hand being offered to him. "I SHALL THANK YOU TO KEEP YOUR HANDS FROM MINE SHINING GOLDEN CROW'S NEST OF HAIR," Thor warns, as Steve very obviously reaches out for Thor's beautimus locks. (At least, that's how Wade sees his own personal version of reality. ...Fite me.)

Captain America has posed:
Looking even more as if he'd punted a small furry animal-neonate like a Hail Mary fieldgoal attempt, Steve retracts his offered hand. "Sorry," he repeats, still wincing down at the Asgardian. "You need me to get you anything from the infirmary downstairs? I mean, I dunno if we have any ale around here still -- and that's not on me," the Captain adds after a beat of back-checking his memory.

The man then crouches down beside Thor, far enough away to give him ample room to breathe and not loom. "What the hell did this to you? We gotta know for future reference, Thor, not much manages to catch you off-guard." With elbows rested on bent knees, his hands hang cross in the empty space before him.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Coming up the stairs is one Black Widow, after her sort of half day at SHIELD. She had intended on it being a full day but got somewhat distracted by a visitor earlier. Which led to her getting to work late. Not that it mattered. But a super spy meant she made her own hours most of the time.

Today's work was not super spy worthy. It was paperwork. Though she did manage a meeting with Fury and getting a few side assignments that might help with a cathartic need she had looking over her.

Hearing the booming voice upstairs, Natasha couldn't help frowning as she heard about the bowels and Mordor in the same sentence. Upon arriving in the hallway, she froze at the tableu before her. "Is everything alright here?" she asks cautiously.

Deadpool has posed:
Two big bombastic thumbs up from the floor from the barefoot 'Thor' are given to Natasha's ankles. To do so, he had to let himself back down out of pushup position, and is once again on his belly on the carpet.

It's not necessarily entirely out of character, but more like someone's insane overblown version of Thor's character.

"THOU HAST /ASGARDIAN ALE/?" 'Thor' asks, distracted, actually interested in that. Surprised, and intensely interested. It's a real reaction, from the Wade-Thor thing, because that stuff actually has some effect briefly, even with the massive healing factor going full bore.

Who did this? Who seems like a good culprit. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Wade thinks of a pile of ways to answer, but gets very wrung up in being unable to pick, and ends up muttering to himself a lot. Hard to know what he said, because he's gone back to the carpet-face.

Captain America has posed:
If it's possible for Steve to look more guilty, then he does when he hears the very familiar voice of the native Widow approaching them. He glances up and rubs at the back of his neck. "I think we're alright, just didn't know Thor'd taken a hit before I went to pat him on the back."

Sure, Captain, that's what you call a pat -- more like a butt-over-tea-kettle whallop to anyone under 300lbs of fit muscle.

He jolts back visibly at the voluminous interest in the ale mentioned earlier. "Um, no, not that I'm aware of. Not around here. I know Stark has some, you could text him or something. We've been trying to contact you for days now. Things've come up." His eyes rise to include Natasha in this delivery of portent. His attention falls back to Thor again at the incessant muttering and he leans in, squinting. "I can't tell what you're saying, Thor."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"Uhm..." Natasha pauses and then shakes her head, not smiling because she's not sure that this is going to be as humorous for Steve as it is for her. As for 'Thor', he actually thinks he's helping. Or is going to help.

"I will leave you both to what you are doing then." She walks past, moving to step /over/ the prone Thor as though he isn't prone. Which may be a little odd considering she would normally be concerned for a fallen, injured teammate. That might be the second clue thrown in Steve's direction.

Upon reaching the door to her room, she opens it then glances back. "Wade, play nice, okay?"

Deadpool has posed:
"Okiedokie Artichokey," Wade answers Nat in a dutiful, bright tone, in his natural voice.

"WOE, WOE UPON ME," Wade-Thor continues abruptly, rolling over onto his back on the floor, tongue out to one side, thrown back into character. "FOR IT WAS... LOKI! MINE BROTHER OF WHOM I CARE AS MY BOSOM DOTH HEAVETH A BREATH, ONE BREATH UPON THE NEXT."

Dramatically, one hand comes up, and falls limply to forehead, beautiful golden mess of --- what was it -- shining golden crow's nest of hair, splayed out angelic-like on the floor.

"BUT FEAR NOT, BROTHER AVENGER OF MINE, FOR NO ENEMY SHALL SEE-ETH WEAKNESS IN OUR LINE, FOR THOR IS HERE AND NOT AT ALL MISSING. IT IS MOST IMPORTANT FOR APPEARANCES AND LO, I HATH APPEARED IN OUR HOUR OF NEED---"

Captain America has posed:
It is odd for the Widow to bypass a comrade splayed upon the floor. With his brows having knitted, the Captain looks from her and to Thor before he rises to his feet. A step is taken back because if there's one thing Natasha rarely does, it's joke around in any form. Who in the hell is th --

Steve's eyes go wide. His shoulders wing up around his shoulder. Slowly, his mouth falls open and then wrenches to one side. It begins to morph into a silent grit-toothed snarl as his fists ball up at his hips. Then, in the midst of the truly lofty and heroic monologue about showing up like a lost car key, Steve interrupts. Loudly.

"WADE WILSON?!" It's //almost// leonine. What comes out of his mouth next would do his blessed mother, Sarah Rogers, justice -- if it were in English. Wade gets a very thorough yelling at, complete with pointed finger...and the scariest part is that, at one point, the blur of Gaelic goes very, very quiet. This is the point where the hairs on Bucky's neck usually rise and he wishes the other person good luck.

"And y'know WHAT?!" he adds back in English, pinked through his face and his ears. "Just -- JUST -- " His face disappears behind his hands as he groans loudly into them.

"...I'm not drunk enough for this."

Deadpool has posed:
Blink blinkie.

'Thor'--- okay, Wade, clearly Wade, nobody's confused-- gets up from the floor, watching the tirade. And then as soon as Steve buries his face in his hands -- and thereby IS NOT LOOKING to be able to dodge, Wade comes over to attempt to envelope him in the bestest best bear hug, and set his cheek on Steve's shoulder.

"There there," Wade says kindly.

Captain America has posed:
"Wade -- MOTHER OF GOD, IF YOU DON'T -- "

Steve's face appears from behind his hands and he's just shy of apoplectic now. There's a half-second of the Captain vibrating like a live-wire in the grip of the bear hug before the man breaks into motion. It's a clear attempt at a headlock and he's spluttering now in Gaelic again, literally spitting like a mad cat. It goes on for about twenty seconds, the secondary round of the tirade, before he takes in a breath.

Then the shouting picks up, still in Gaelic. "** And I swear to god, I hope your nads get stolen in the night because if you keep at this, I will -- **"

Deadpool has posed:
Wade was going for gentle comfort, so twisting this into a headlock is really extremely easy. Or it would be, if Wade's head were ANYWHERE NEAR where Thor's appears to be. This is going to wiff wildy, just out of the image inducer messing with aim. Wade is half a foot shorter than the image was showing. While Wade doesn't fight it at first, turning into a limp noodle, he ends up kind of dumped on the floor. It's the dumping on the floor that's insulting.

There's two ways that could go. Continuing to noodle, or....

Yeah it's door #2.
The gun gets drawn and pulled up and in under the headlock.

As everyone knows, Thor loooooves his guns!

"LET ME HELPETH YOUUUUU."

Captain America has posed:
Perhaps worth laud, the efficiency and efficacy of the image inducer, for Steve whiffs the attempted headlock. The stuttered motion brings him down for his fist to follow through and around, rolling his shoulder towards Wade-Thor. The gun, however, is not part and parcel of the image inducer and as such, the Captain's first instinct (sans shield and suit) is to twist away.

In a move both frenetic and balletic, half parkour and half scalded cat, he throws himself a good number of feet down along the hall and has his palms out towards the not-Thor.

"Hey, hey, whoa -- WHOA -- we do NOT need guns involved in this right now, put it away -- Wade, put the gun away," Steve asks very firmly, still red in the cheeks. He's still incredibly irritated and, frankly, in some pain with his pulse pounding in his temples to remind him of being mildly hungover. In a t-shirt and sweatpants, bare-footed, his shower-dampened hair is still that veritable golden crow's nest of yore.

Captain Marvel (Danvers) has posed:
Carol doesn't so much live at the Mansion, but there are enough rooms that sleeping here is an option from time to time. Tonight's reason for staying has been a combination of 'it was closer than her apartment' and 'my super keeps trying to get a selfie with me to sell on eBay because he doesn't understand the internet.' To this end, she's had her face buried in a pillow and snoring loudly while a pair of headphones blast the whole of the 'Look What The Cat Dragged In?' album by Poison into superhuman ears. She's managed to snooze through the majority of the commotion outside right as Bret Michaels crescendos into 'Talk Dirty To Me.'

More shouting outside. Something about Asgardian ale. Something about help. Guns. Gun?

The mention of a gun cuts through eighties hair metal like a hot knife through butter. The headphones are flung across the room, shattering noisily against the wall as Carol forgets her own strength. She's already out of the bed, the door flinging open with a clatter as the sleeping t-shirt she wears shimmers and transforms into more suitable Captain Marvel attire. Her hair is still a sleep-nest, though.

She blinks for a moment at the sight of Thor and his gun. Then to Steve. Then back to Thor.

"Hello?"

Deadpool has posed:
Insulted, or perhaps some other wonky emotion -- Wade lifts the gun, ejects the clip, and chucks the clip at Steve. It's full of upset emotion. "MEHHHHHHHHH," Wade-Thor says loudly, like a bratty teenager.

Then Carol comes in with such a clatter and door-hurling.

Time to overreact! 'Thor' literally 'EEPS' and leaps towards Steve's arms, expecting to be caught.

Thor may or may not actually be caught. Odds are good, though, seeing as Steve is a hero, and catches people for his job and stuff like that.

Captain America has posed:
Steve does manage to catch the clip hucked at him, at least. He stares at it wide-eyed for a second -- does this count as being shot at? -- before he looks back to Wade-Thor and his insulted cat sound.

"Thank you, W -- " And he too jitters back a half-step when a bedroom door swings open. "Oh, Carol, thank g -- "

Both bullet clip and Merc In Disguise are bumbled for a second as if he were suddenly struck with an acute case of butter-fingers. Bouncing off the wall, the Captain's balance then slides out from underneath him as he steps on the dropped clip. Back he goes, still trying to figure out which end of Wade is which --

-- and there are limbs, what the hell?! --

-- and then he's falling to his back, like as not still trying to simultaneously extricate himself from Wade-Thor's attempt to climb him while retaining the air in his lungs.

A far more wheezy series of insults in Gaelic leave him, these truly bad. The real Thor would frown!

Captain Marvel (Danvers) has posed:
"Hey, woah!" Carol throws up her hands as Not-Thor leaps into Is-Cap's arms, and the toppling inelegant ballet that follows. Unsure what to do, she moves with super-human swiftness to try and get behind Steve and keep him from toppling. Sure, he's not exactly frail but this is what they do all those trust falls at Avengers Camp for, right?

Oh yes, there's an Avengers Camp.

She cranes her neck, peering at the twitterpated Thor, "Why do you have a gun?" And then to the more rational mind of Steve, "Why does Thor have a gun?"

Curious, unquenchably so, she reaches out a finger to prod Not-Thor in the forehead experimentally, "He's a lot more jumpy than I remember. Usually he'd be breaking dinnerware and laughing by now."

Deadpool has posed:
Thor is on top of the pile, sort of held (?!), so that means he's free to do other things, and not worry about it--- so, he puts the gun back in the holster at his leg. The image inducer does NOT know what to do with this, and it ends up looking like Thor stabbed a gun into his thigh and his thigh ate it into it's meaty, sexy tight-pants mass. Yow.

"Hey, MIND THE HAIR, putting your hand through my godly upper contenance--" Thor is saying, in a voice that's not really a great match for Thor. And the part where Carol's hand passes through the forehead of Thor because Deadpool is technically shorter than Thor also is probably really weird looking.

Then Wade orients on Steve. Who is having troubles. And such wheezes. Clearly Steve cannot breathe. "He is choking! Here, I will administer mighty Asgardian mouth to mouth!" ....

Yep, this is happening.

Captain America has posed:
Coughing more from his impact against the sudden presence of Carol behind him than the floor, the Captain is still attempting to extricate himself from Wade-Thor. He's aware of the gun being put away, though at his angle he doesn't get to appreciate the utter weirdness of it disappearing in a manner more suited to some undead lich-walker. Granted, Steve is still working for a clean lungful of air by the time he managed to at least find some footing, so he doesn't get to explain to Carol how Thor managed to have a gun or why no one's smashing crockery and calling for additional drinks.

Those true-blue eyes go very, very wide at the help rendered. Such help! Much wow!

"MMMRRRFFFLFLL-- pffffffWADE!? I CAN BREATHE, I AM FINE!"

Turns out that Steve can, in fact, go another shade redder than previously observed.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
It is that moment the door to Natasha's room opens. She has changed out of her uniform and into a pair of yoga pants with a baggy t-shirt that happens to be from a tour by Queen in the 1970s. It's worn and faded, obviously loved.

What she steps out into has her pausing. There is Carol on one side, Thor/Wade on the other and Cap in the middle of the sandwich. Kissing is happening along with hands all over the place.

"Wade. No tongue." She turns to walk toward the stairs, leaving the trio to whatever it is they are doing.

Captain Marvel (Danvers) has posed:
Carol freezes as the door to Natasha's room opens. She just kind of pauses, eyes wide, looking like she's been caught in the act of ... something. Only her eyes move as she watches the other woman walk-and-jibe with Olympic grace.

But then Steve is gasping, and she realizes what it is that's going on. She steps out from behind him, reaching out to grab between Not-Thor's shoulders only for her hand to pass through again. Okay, a little lower. There it is. She clutches Not-Thor by the scruff of the neck, wielding a fraction of her strength to extricate him from Steve's arm like some errant kitten.

"You can't just kiss Captain America," she tells him, brow furrowed, "That's treasonous. Or incredibly patriotic. One of those."

She lets him go, shaking her head as the name 'Wade' finally clicks: "Ohhh. Well, that makes more sense." For a second it felt like she'd been drinking again, except without the fun part of getting drunk.

Deadpool has posed:
"Yes ma'am!" Wade chimes at Nat.

But wait. "Who uses tongue to administer CPR? Honestly? I've only put tongue in someone's ear to see if they were faking choking after I hit them in the throat with the side of an ice-skate. As it turns out, /they were not faking/, and terrorist ears aren't pleasant tasting," Wade chatters. "The moooore yoooou knooooow," singsongs the mercenary, spreading both hands up and across his body as if he were forming a wonderful rainbow.

"I feel kinda like you guys are resentful of my help. Which seems ironic for a superhero group, in some way, to me. I can fill in for Thor, confuuuuse the villains that stole him, and also perform CPR when necessary, with or without tongue, depending on preference." The mercenary's mouth is on overdrive. Probably because it was held in check for so long during the Thor-capades, all the verbal diarrhea had to come out sometime.

"I think you can kiss Captain America either to be treasonous or patriotic so long as you have his permission first," opines Deadpool, with his bizarrely decent wisdom that comes to him, from time to time. "And Nat's permission about tongue, or I get in trouble."

Captain America has posed:
"It is neither patriotic or treasonous and IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!" This is Steve finally piping up after he's managed to crab-slide away from the pile of superheroes. "Also -- ROMANOV!" Her name follows her down the hallway in his characteristic parade-ground pitch, still accented with heavy Irish lilt. "You know what, I -- I WILL DEMOTE YOU!"

Like the Captain would actually do this to the foremost assassin-spy of their core team, but it seems an appreciable threat in his semi-hungover state.

Getting to his feet, he pulls his rumpled shirt down where it had been rumpled up nearly to his armpits with a sharp yank that definitely pops seams in the shoulders. No more abs, alas.

"Wade, you -- we'll talk. We will TALK," he points at the Merc again, true-blue eyes blazing. "And you will listen!"

Now Steve gives Carol a grimace. "Thank you. Do not tell Janet he did this, he won't survive it."

Captain Marvel (Danvers) has posed:
"My lips are sealed," Carol tells Steve, before her mouth girls into a half-smile and she adds, "Like yours probably oughta be around Wade."

His words to Wade raise her eyebrows and she nudges the Merc with the toe of her boot, speaking out of the corner of her mouth: "You're in trouble now."

She sighs, dusting her hands on her thighs and shaking her head. Avengers Mansion is weird.

"Well, come on," she once again bends to pick Wade up by the scruff, with authentic groan of effort despite being the sort of person who flings cars around for Avengers-sanctioned fun, "Time to get your 'America is disappointed in you, son' talk."