9566/Not An Ending, But A New Beginning

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Not An Ending, But A New Beginning
Date of Scene: 13 October 2019
Location: Rockman's Apartments - Bushwick - Mutant Town
Synopsis: Rahne has been in a bad place. Kurt visits, prepared to break some difficult news to her. Things may not go quite the way either would have thought.
Cast of Characters: Wolfsbane, Nightcrawler




Wolfsbane has posed:
A quiet Sunday in Mutant Town, relatively speaking. The apartment complex is full of people coming and going, spending time with friends and family, making plans for food, maybe a movie.

One apartment has seen no such activity. The occupant has not even left it all weekend long. In fact, she's barely even left the bedroom. For most of the past week, Wolfsbane has been keeping to herself, communications with Xavier's minimal at best. Her time spent in Mutant Town has been marked by ups and downs. Was it a mistake to move out? Some would say yes.

All that aside, the wolfen mutant has just been trying to sleep, curled up in a nightshirt.

Nightcrawler has posed:
The sound of Kurt's arrival in the living room should be enough to make sure Rahne knows he's there, and the fact that he knocks on the door of the bedroom. Tail drooping, eyes downcast.
"Rahne?" he remains, just at the threshold, waiting for an answer, the shadows gathering around him while he stands.

Wolfsbane has posed:
"Come in, Kurt. I'm decent." Rahne's voice comes from the other side of the door, which is open a crack, but it's fairly clear there's not much emotion behind the words one way or another. This is the sound of someone who's just sort of there. The apartment looks like it's just a place for her to hide in.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Approaching and sitting on the edge of the bed, Kurt blinks and sighs at the sight of her laying there like that. "Hello Rahne." sitting hunched, head down looking at the floor. "I'm sorry I've not been able to help you, darling." tail curled around his lap, twisting it in his hands.

"I don't know what to do to reach you, and I should. But I can't figure it out, I don't think I'm good for you. Every time I've tried, I just drive you deeper in."

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane looks up, lifting her head a bit. She's partly under the covers, partly not, but she has a sad look to her. Not even the brief smile she gives him, an attempt to reassure, has much behind it.

"Oh.." she begins, as if something that's been on her mind has just been confirmed in some way. Eyes divert away from him, then return. "Dinna blame yuirself, Kurt. Ye canna save everyone." All the same, there is regret in her own expression. "I've no' been a verra good..partner. Ye need someone who will make ye happy, an' how can I make ye happy when I canna even be happy wi' muhself?" She pulls at the covers, as if to cocoon herself more within them.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Surprising himself some, Kurt attempts to shift and move beneath the covers, into the cocoon with her. "There were plenty of times that you made me happy, Rahne." not willing to let them be separated, just like that, by cloth, aiming to put his brow against hers. "But... I'm not able to do the same, it seems like I only ever made you sad." nestling in. "I care very much about you Rahne, but I can't let you beat yourself up because I can't figure out what you need."

Wolfsbane has posed:
There is a show of confusion in the wolfen woman's face, first from Kurt seeking to burrow his way in as well, then much of what he says to her. She doesn't shy away from the contact - there's a part of her that leans into it - but she remains somewhat guarded, defensive even.

"Kurt, ye..never made me sad. I've liked being around ye, but it's hard when there's so much bad in th' world. Th' Sentinels," she begins, current news about how the threat may finally be ending notwithstanding, "Th' gangs an' th' drugs, Loki tricking us again, all th' hate tha' still goes on. Th' world is broken, an' I fear I'm broken as well. I should be happy whenever I see ye. Instead I just worry about th' next bad thing yet tae happen."

This is how she's come to hide in her bedroom, unwilling to even leave the apartment. There's evidence of half-eaten plates of food in the kitchen going bad because she hasn't even cleaned up after herself, which is very unlike her.

"I'm no' sure anyone can give me whit I need. I'm no' even sure whit I need, an' I dinna want tae drag ye doon tae th' place I'm in. Ye're far too good a person tae be where I am."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"That's just it Rahne. I should be able to lift you up, but I can't. And then..." Kurt sighs again, "Rahne I've said you're one of the best people I know... I" Kurt's eyes close and he chews at his lower lip. "I am always going to be here for you, if you need me, I'll run, jump, teleport... I'll claw my way through hell and spit in the devil's eye for you Rahne... But you blame yourself so much, and I'm no good for you... as we are. I'm not a good partner. I see only a woman who can only do good, but I can't bring out your joy." sagging down slightly, but still trying to take her hand in both of his. "I'm sorry, Rahne."

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane's eyes carry the sign of glistening wetness that reveals someone trying to hold tears back. "I..I know ye would, but I'm no' sure anyone can help wi' muh problems. I thought I was ready for a..tae see someone like this, but I'm no' sure I am. I'll just leave ye feeling guilty like ye are." See? Proof! It's an answer she's already created the question for.

"Ye'll be better off wi' someone who can appreciate ye th' way ye should be. Ye need someone who can laugh wi' ye, an' smile, an' enjoy everything. I'm better off by muhself." It's deep, the self-loathing.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Despite it all, Kurt's head moves forward to kiss her brow before resting his against hers. "No. You're not better by yourself. You're better without me Rahne. You'll see that... maybe I'll be good enough for you. But I'm not, and I can't keep hurting you Rahne." bringing her hand up to kiss her fingers. "I mean it Rahne, if you need me, I'll come. Even if it's just to sit by you, or hold you... Or help you sleep if you're having nightmares." a dark trail blazed by a tear down his cheek.

Wolfsbane has posed:
"Ye never hurt me," the Scottish mutant reiterates, glancing downward in spite of their close proximity to each other. Even like this, her hands are hesitant at his sides, as if she's afraid to go further. Something has her stuck in a bad place, though there's a gentle head-bump in return.

"I'm..more broken than ye can help make better, is th' problem. I'm no' fit tae be an X-Man, I canna help th' newer students, an' I canna even get oot o' muh own bed right noo. I just want tae curl up under th' covers an' stay there. An'..it's no' fair tae ye, tae make ye feel guilty for muh problems." The gesture to her fingers is watched, and they flex briefly in response before she uses them to wipe at his own tear. "Please, Kurt, dinna cry for me. I'll turn into a bawling bampot."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"I can't help that Rahne." sniffing, eyes starting to brim over. "You even take the blame for my failings." Kurt shivers and sighs - though it shifts into a sob that he tries to choke off.
"I'll still try to help you Rahne. I may just do it better when you're not worried about being more than that. You mean more than you know to me Rahne. I just wish you would let yourself see that."

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane gives a little swallow. "An' ye're blaming yuirself for muh own problems ye canna solve." They're both pointing the finger at themselves, which would be nice in a selfless sort of way, but it only threatens to spiral them deeper toward dark places, depression. "I'm..afraid whitever fun we do have..it'll no' be enough tae overcome th' way we are."

Maybe the first step toward recovery is at least being able to identify a problem, but how to do that when you don't know how to dig out of the hole? Her hesitant hand finds one of his shoulders to give a little squeeze, and she adds, "Ye tried, an' tha's whit matters. I dinna blame ye for anything." At least she doesn't try to throw herself under the bus again after what he's told her. "I'm just..no' enjoying anything right noo."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Come home Rahne." Kurt says. "Come back soon." Kurt finally says, mouth pulled into a frown. "We'll get you a cabin like Jim's... you'll be nearby, but not there at the same time. That could be a start, couldn't it? Closer when we need each other?" not even using Wolverine's fake real name, going right to Howlet...

Wolfsbane has posed:
There's no verbal response out of the wolfen mutant at the suggestion, the idea. Just confusion, a squinting of the eyes, a questioning look from the close proximity between them. While she may have seen a place or two, the connection - and Logan's name, fake or not - isn't making an immediate connection for her. Finally, "Hmmm?"

Nightcrawler has posed:
"The woods, Rahne, where Jim... Logan, where Logan lives. Apart but home. I think you need to come home." Kurt' hands move to her cheeks, thumbs brushing her cheeks. "Rahne everything has gone wrong for you since you left. We need you, I need you... You need us."

Wolfsbane has posed:
"I.." Wolfsbane starts and stops, unsure of what to say. She takes in the detail about Logan's cabin - it makes sense to her now - and her gaze falters as a visible shiver hits. "Kurt, I..I thought Mutant Town needed some o' us around here, tae help, an' I thought I could make a difference I was no' making a' th' school, but.." She stalls out here. At least she's got a few words out about part of the predicament. Eyes divert again, in spite of the thumbs that offer reassuring, comforting sensations, and she takes in a deeper breath. She is tense.

Nightcrawler has posed:
"But you blame yourself for everything going wrong. You're just laying here in bed. You've no one to talk to Rahne, and when you do you won't talk to us." sighing and resting his brow to hers again, silent, and trying to be comforting now.

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane chews at her bottom lip. "But everything I do goes wrong. I'm responsible for getting tha' poor man killed a' th' club after I go' ye an' Sam an' Dr. McCoy tae go after th' ones who shot Doug. I couldna do anything against th' Sentinels, so I just tried tae avoid them. Then when I found oot th' truth about Loki being Jeremy, I should ha' just turned th' pendant over tae someone a' th' school or destroyed it muhself instead o' giving it tae Shannon."

She's talking to someone now, but not even she's naive enough to think she can put it that way and expect Kurt to accept it as an excuse. "I dinna know whit I'm supposed tae do, Kurt."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Rahne. There's always things we can try to do. You can't just go it alone. Not even Charles can, or Jean. We need eachother." daring to put a small kiss on her lips. "Rahne. You're not alone." he sighs, "We both... with the gang members. Hank. We all made a call, we learn from the error. But we can't if we don't talk, and listen to others."

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane is quiet for a few long moments after the pressing of lips to hers. It may confuse, given the earlier talk of not being right for each other. What does it mean? She wears that questioning look again, but she says nothing. The lack of much in the way of a reaction is less the distance she's exhibited, more of her lack of certainty - not that it might be obvious. She does touch her lips afterward with a couple fingertips.

"Ye're no' just saying ye need me back there just tae say it?" she asks, the doubts still lingering. "I do miss th' forests there," she allows herself to reveal. "But I'm no' sure o' muh place. I thought by noo I'd ha' figured oot a path, but I'm as far from knowing as ever. I'm no' sure whit side o' me is th' stronger one." Wolf? Human? The need for companionship and a pack vs. the tendency to withdraw at the first sign of difficulty? How to balance it? How to avoid being consumed by one or the other?

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Rahne I'd never just say that... I wouldn't have done that if I didn't care about you. There's no two sides of you. There's just Rahne." rubbing his nose against hers. "Rahne, I came to you because of you. Not half of you." Attempting now to put arms around her, to pull her in against him. Trying to feel someone, let her feel something.

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane's nose rubs back, a brief but sincere gesture before she finds herself curling up more against him. It's a vulnerable reaction, almost a childlike one. "But there are different sides o' me. I can feel them, an' I'm usually comfortable wi' tha', but lately..I'm no' so sure. Ye make me feel things I dinna usually feel, but there's still a part o' me tha' thinks it's wrong." One guess who probably got her thinking that way. Even now, /he/ is in her head, the one who is the source of so many of her nightmares and hangups.

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Rahne... look me in the eye" his golden, glowing, orbs near hers now, so she can see where the light thickens, where his pupils are. "Different parts of you are still you... you're not some thing, you're not a monster. You're Rahne, you're Wolfsbane. You deserve to feel love and affection. You deserve to have people love and care about you." hands thumbs across her cheeks again, Kurt's brows knitting. "You're a beautiful soul who hurts for others so deeply that you take their pain and claim it..." another small kiss is given, a gesture of affection, to try and make his point

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane finds she has no good response to this, and while she does meet Kurt's glowing yellow eyes with her own green and yellow ones, minus the glowing in her case, she reveals in herself more of that youthful inexperience and uncertainty. He is a few years her elder. He probably knows what he's talking about when it comes to some of these things, not just in relationships but life itself.

"I..appreciate tha', Kurt." She's felt to dip her head into the thumbing, exhaling slowly. Still difficult for her to express what's really inside, so much of it bottled up and hidden away. He's seen it at times, for brief glimpses, knows what she is capable of if she'd take off her own mental bindings. "Tha' was all I knew for years, everything being muh fault," she whispers.

Nightcrawler has posed:
"And it wasn't. You were hurt... we've been hurt, and it doesn't just go away like the rest of them want it too." keeping his eyes on hers, Kurt takes a longer moment to just be there before his arms move to draw her into a embrace, "I can stay here if you want me to as well." squeezing, "I'll stay until you tell me to go, but I hope you'll let me just... be here. If you need me. To talk, or hold, or just listen to you. I'll do everything I can, to help lessen the pain as much as I can." so maybe he was wrong as he entered... but there is always time to make things right, right?

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane moves to cling to him, a sniffle in the back of her nose. "I'm tired o' hurting, Kurt. I just want tae be happy. I thought I could be happier helping others oot here," and she has helped some, "but I'm still.." He may know more now, may understand some of what she's kept hidden away. In ways, it may reflect some of the things he has to deal with as well.

"I dinna want ye tae go away right noo," she adds, voice muffled as she buries her head in against the side of his shoulder and neck, clinging. "I dinna want tae push ye away or make ye think I dinna like ye if I dinna act like ye're hoping. I need..I need time tae get better somehow."

Nightcrawler has posed:
When she clings he wraps himself gently around her. Tail around her waist and around one leg where his tangle with hers. Letting her know she has him there, with her. "I'll stay, I'm right here Rahne. I'm with you. If you need time, or space, I'll be close by. You just need to call my name... I'll come running for you." nuzzling a fuzzy cheek against hers.

He lingers there, with her, close held but not squeezing, she can move if she wants, or needs. "If there's anything you think I can do to help, make you feel better, happier, tell me."

Wolfsbane has posed:
Wolfsbane murmurs, "We'll figure it oot..soon enough." But for now, there is something there in her that was missing for a bit of time, and that's just knowing or being reminded that someone else is there, is willing to /be/ there. She's had some empty nights, nights where she got into her own head and wallowed in the places no one should go, let alone reside in.

"Just stay here a while, please," she repeats. They can talk about cabins on the grounds or relationship hangups or putting things on hold or focusing on other things they may both need to deal with in due time. For now, it isn't long before she's dozing off, nestled in close to him, showing just how weary and mentally tired she's been if a few minutes of this she's falling asleep. Normally that would be...insulting and a bad sign in a relationship. In this case, it may be just what they both need a little of.