9693/What's in your head, Bean

What's in your head, Bean
Date of Scene:	21 October 2019
Location:	Wellness Office - Xavier's School
Synopsis:	Bean receives his new mission...
Cast of Characters:	Jubilee, Samuel Morgan

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Jubilee has posed:
Tapping the end of a sucker on the table, Jubilee is going over the paperwork on a mister 'Bean' in front of her. Brainwashed child soldier. Hydra. Lethal weapon. Highly skilled combatant. Hum-Dee-Hum. She pops the red candy back into her mouth, sucking on it before giving a glance to the clock on the wall. She's waiting for the student to pop into her office for a 'mental wellness check'. In front of her is a large bowl of suckers, and behind her is a poster of Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony with a wide grin and the words: SMILE SMILE SMILE beneath it. Unlike Kitty, her office is more colorful and built like a circus.

It keeps her sane, rather than the idea of being in a hospital. She likes colors. Five minutes to go. She waits.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    It is that time of day when Bean comes into the wellness office to pick up his medication. In the past three weeks, this has become almost a casual affair, just another bit of routine to punctuate the day, allowing a quick chat with whoever happens to be on duty at the time before he goes back to the rest of his daily routine. After what happened yesterday, however, that sense of casual routine has been shattered.

    After having given the staffer meant to keep an eye on him the slip, there are no chances being taken. Today, and he expects for the next few days, Bean is under close guard by no less than two staffers, who have been given a salutary reminder yesterday that they're not just looking after a possibly difficult student, they're the safeguards on what is basically a weapon on two legs.

    The routine is further broken when, rather than just being dispensed his medication, Bean is required to go see a counselor for a mental wellness check. How fun... His face is set impassive, without a trace of emotion, as he walks into Jubilee's office exactly ten seconds before the due time and comes crashing to perfect attention in front of the desk. Even Pinkie Pie would frown at that kind of display, surely? "Reporting as ordered."

Jubilee has posed:
Having crunched her way to the bubblegummy middle of her sucker, Jubilee blows out a large pink bubble from between her lips, cracking it with a pop. As the young man heads into her office, she gives a point to the seat in front of her desk to him. "Park it, Beans." Leaning forward, she nudges the candy bowl over to him. "What's up with this ordered stuff? You aren't in the military, you're in school. Rule number one of kicking it with Jubes, the /best/ counselor by the way, just don't tell Kitty, she gets jealous -- is that here? You can be yourself. You don't gotta put up walls or pretend to be super tough."

She plucks out another sucker from the bowl for heself, unwrapping it. "OOoh, mystery blue flavor. I wonder what you aaaaare. If you're watermelon I'll set you on fire!" She says, giving it a lick, then wrinkles her nose. "Well, it's not watermelon. Anyways, Beany Beans. Last night was interesting. Obviously you got some stuff to work out. I'm not gonna deep dive that because that's more of a Jean thing. I just wanna know. How are you doing? Do you feel like you're making improvements here? Fitting in?"

She pauses, then sticks the tip of her tongue out the corner of her lips. "I heard you're making friends."

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    Bean sits. That is to say, he side steps to the chair, folds his knees and is now mostly supported by the chair itself. That must count as sitting, although his posture doesn't relax. His back is still ramrod straight, and his hands are resting on his knees. With eyes that are too blue to be entirely natural, he gazes impassively at Jubilee, watching her hands, her eyes, her demeanor. The bowl of candy is utterly ignored.

    "This is me being myself, ma'am." Bean begins, looking at a point two inches above and one inch to the right of Jubilee's right shoulder. "I have learned many useful things here, and have met people with which I've established a friendship, that is correct. Yesterday taught me that I should never let my guard down, or expect that my life will be free of consequence from my past actions. These are useful lessons."

Jubilee has posed:
Raising her brow upwards, Jubilee unwraps another sucker and stares at the green color ruefully. "That's full of shit and you know it." She says rather bluntly. She's a superb role model. "You think I don't got my eyes on you? You don't act like this all the time. You've been getting a lot better. You've been opening up to students and to staff. Don't let yesterday be a set back for you."

Straightening up, she points at the candy bowl. "Take a chance and pick up a sucker. Do something spontaneous. Relax. /Breathe/. You aren't in trouble at all. You can't help the way you were hard wired for years. Know what I mean? You're a kid, Sam. You aren't a soldier. You're not a weapon. You aren't an experiment. That is in the past. That life you gotta do your best to chuck to the side and trust a little. Open up. Enjoy the new chance on life you got because it's a great one. Will you always have set backs? Sure. I swore off Fruity Pebbles two years ago and last night I had a total breakdown and bought a box. I haven't opened it up yet, but I still had a set back."

"Whoever did these things to you are level ten jackasses, and you may not always escape your past. But while you're here in Xavier's, utilize this time to really discover who you /want/ to be, not what you were created to be. It's hard. Trust me, I know. I've had to do this with Laura a few times and it's all snikitty snikt with her. Trust the process we have here. We love you and we're here for you. You get what I'm saying? You believe that?"

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "Who I want to be has no bearing on who I am." The bowl of candy might as well be a writhing collection of serpents, considering the look it gets from Bean. Either he's an ascetic, or is punishing himself for falling short of his own expectations. There's no change in his posture, not even the slightest crack. "And who I am is dangerous. Age is, again, irrelevant. I'm just as dangerous now as I was four years ago." Which would have made him eleven... eeeh.

    "It's true that, in the past few weeks, I've begun to be less strict about my personal behavior and discipline. That was a mistake. The evidence of that mistake is quite plain. Without this discipline, I will be a danger to everyone around me." And now, his eyes do find Jubilee's, his expression still cold but no longer devoid of emotion. Now there's something there... something akin to suppressed anger. "With all due respect, ma'am, buying a box of candy does not compare to nearly inflicting lethal injury on someone who is more of a victim than I am. Rather than employ your time by discussing my 'feelings'..." And that word is practically spat out as if it's dirty "... you should speak with her. She has a chance to have a normal life. She deserves that much. I have already been shown more courtesy than someone like me deserves."

Jubilee has posed:
"We are /all/ dangerous, Sam. Myself included. I can ignite the sub-atomic particles of matter and make them explode. I can literally blow the underwear off your balls." Jubilee says as she wiggles her fingers, causing them to flicker and pop with plasmoids in the air. "But so what? You are only as dangerous as you allow yourself to be. Your problem is that you don't trust yourself, the world, that bowl of candy." She says as she points to it. "I know you aren't diabetic, but you're afraid to take a risk. Why? You won't like the flavor?"

"Not every decision in life has to be one that will end up in misery or sadness. Life or death. You have /too/ much control, whereas others here don't have enough of it. You're so wound up tight and you're terrified and I get that. I /really/ do. Look kiddo, when I go out with the big dogs on a mission, I know what the stakes are. One of us may not come back. I may not come back. A civilian may be hurt. People may look at us as big scary evil mutants and send even more robots back to us. But when I come home? I park that drama at the front door and I don't let it into the living room. I can't."

"And you can't either. You got people who care about you. Shannon is your biggest fan, obviously. You have Hayseed Guthrie. You got Andrea. You have others if you will give them a shot. I want to give you a mission, if you choose to accept it."

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "I keep myself under tight discipline because I have no control."

    It's an odd admission from Bean, who looks like he might consciously decide just how often his heart gets to beat a minute, even if it asks nicely. But he's back to staring at the wall, eyes focusing on something beyond it. "You know that when you go on a mission someone might get hurt. I was sent on missions specifically to hurt others. To kill others. Including people like Vi, quite specifically people like Vi. She grew up in what was our live fire training ground, among other things."

    "My friends know the person I became, not the person I am. They have never seen the monster." It's not the first time that Bean has referred to himself as 'the monster', using the third person as if it's not him. "Yesterday they got a glimpse, a mere glance, at what lives inside. Discipline kept it from breaking free completely, discipline prevented me from committing an act from which there was no turning back. I have lost at least one friend with that mere glance, but that is the least possible consequence. If anything, I need more discipline, not less."

    "I do not have control over the monster inside. I only keep the door to the cage firmly shut."

Jubilee has posed:
"Geez, Sam. You're like .. super fun at parties." Jubilee says with an amused grin on her face. "If Logan and Laura can work through their bullshit and become normal, then so can you. I /gurantee/ you that both of them have a lot higher kill count on their resume than you my dude. The difference is, they opened up to changing, to allowing emotions in and brainwashing out. It is not something that can happen over night, but it /can/ happen if you learn to trust not only yourself, but those around you who want to see you succeed."

"So, my mission for you is pretty easy and I'm sure you're capable of doing it." Reaching under her desk, she pulls out a journal with some type of colorful anime cover on it. Let's say it's Sailor Moon. "Every week I want you to write down three things you hate about yourself and one thing you love about yourself. Then, you and I will take a look at the things you hate and we'll try and figure out why and how to fix it. Then, we'll celebrate the thing you love about yourself with ice cream and maybe a Danger Room session where you can kick the shit out of a monster or something. Do you think that's doable? Give me a chance?"

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    Kill count? It's probably the first time Bean has heard any counselor openly refer to the fact that he has murdered people. Somehow he'd been expecting that to come up sooner, but now that it has, it's almost rather liberating. He no longer has to pretend. "Possibly. It may be closer than you think."

    But, he has been given a mission. And that's not something he can ignore. It is, in fact, pretty much an order, and orders are sacred. So he reaches out and places a hand on the cover of the journal, passing seemingly no judgment on its decoration aside from a swift glance, and then nods. "As you wish."

    It seems like Jubilee has just gained herself a long term project...