9758/A morning burning off of steam.

A morning burning off of steam.
Date of Scene:	25 October 2019
Location:	Danger Room - X-Men Base
Synopsis:	Andrea and Kurt have a talk about God, monsters and guilt.
Cast of Characters:	Rage, Nightcrawler

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Rage has posed:
Working out in the Danger Room this morning is Andrea who is in her war-form. Loud music can be heard pounding through the speakers in a high octane heavy bass. She is currently sprawled out on her back with a large bench press in her paws, pushing them up and down as she lets out a heavy grunt. There has to be roughly eight hunred pounds in total, and there is a robot spotting her. It has one task. Grab the bar if it falls.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Surprised upon stepping into the Danger Room, Kurt blinks at the sight of the werewolf pressing iron. Looking down at himself in full red and black suit, "Have not seen the gym module used too often." looking around with a brow raised, "I suppose it saves on finding someone who can properly spot, ja?"

Rage has posed:
Leaning the weights back to clank into the robot's arms, Andrea pulls herself out from under the bar, then rises up to her eight feet of height to stare down at the fuzzy blue professor. Her ears perk a bit and she growls out in strained English. "No. One. To. Spot. Wanted. To. Test. Self." Wolf vocal chords are not built for the human tongue. She gives a hard shake of her fur outwards. "Hello."

Nightcrawler has posed:
Looking up at Andi head tilting to the side, "I hope you left the emergency safety protocols on though." Blinking several more times. "I've never seen you like this... I've seen Rahne in similar fashion, but I do not recall her being so tall." lips pursed, "Are you ok? Were you trying to work something out? Did you need to talk with someone?" a bit of concern sweeping across his fuzzy blue face.

Rage has posed:
That much is true. Andrea's war-form is not anything like Rahne's. Where Rahne is a family friendly fuzzy type of wolf, she looks like she is straight out of a horror film. What big eyes you have, grandmother. There is a loud cracking of bones as her body jolts and spasms as she shrinks down to her human form, wearing a pair of black and gold spandex uniform. "I did. I left it on. I'm doing fine. I just wanted to work out and see what my limits are in my battle form. The other gym doesn't have enough weight for me. I maxed out the bar down the hall. How're you doing?"

Nightcrawler has posed:
"I'm doing better, lately, thank you for asking." Kurt looks around the gym and raises a brow in consideration, "When it's just you, or maybe you und Doctor McCoy, you should try the increase gravity settings as well, with the safety protocols it would turn off much sooner if I or most of the others were in here for certain." turning a slow circle again, "What else did you test your ahh... Werewolf in Crinos shape?" Yes... He's read a tabletop RPG before.

Rage has posed:
"I could try that." Andrea says as she heads to a towel and wipes her face off with it. "I've been doing a lot of endurance testing in this form. Practicing on shifting in and out of forms faster. Focusing more on ensuring I'm in control and she's not so much. I'm going to counseling to talk about that and find better meditative techniques." Flipping the towel about her shoulders, she offers him a smile. "Mister Guthrie also runs simulations for me in which I have to stay as a wolf but I have to do math problems and problem solving to ensure I can stay focused instead of being controlled by my feral side."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"You shouldn't separate yourself either. Acknowledging part of yourself as separate is actually the first step to segregating your mind, meine dame." Kurt sits down on a bench, elbows on his knees while his tail flicks to and fro.

"You're the same person, unless Charles, Jean or Emma have detected a true second mind within your mind... But I digress there - you need to acknowledge you're one person, not woman und beast."

Rage has posed:
Shifting a bit on her feet uncomfortably, Andrea clears her throat. ".. It's hard to explain. I hear her voice in my head and we argue a lot for power. She wants to attack and attack and be the Alpha, and I am always begging her to peel it back and not be so rash. It got worse when I got shot in the head and I lost control and we swapped places once. The Professor went into my head and shifted things around so that it's not as bad, but it's still there." Her foot stubs at the ground a bit. "Lately I've been waking up in the woods as a wolf and it's become harder and harder to shift out and to take dominance. She's strong. So, it's why I'm in counseling now. Mister Guthrie said he was going to have someone talk to me. Perhaps Miss Braddock or the Professor and see about going back in my head and tweaking."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"See. I don't believe it's a separate being, Andrea. It's you. That's why I think you have trouble, ja? You see yourself as Andrea and The Wolf. Not Andrea The Wolf." Kurt's mouth comes up in a half grin. "Maybe you should focus on that some, ja?" the fuzzy blue elf fighting his tendency to become fidgety by simply rolling and lifting himself up on one hand, legs and tail moving for balance postures while the free hand is tucked behind his back.

"I am not Kurt Wagner und Nightcrawler. I am Kurt Wagner THE Amazing Nightcrawler, you see, no?" looking at her upside down, gold eyes focused.

Rage has posed:
Taking in a deep breath, Andrea lets it out slowly as she rubs the back of her neck. "My counselor says that I have a condition called dissociative identity disorder. It's kinda like having multiple personalities. It's why I have gaps in my memory. It's why I sometimes lose contorl of who I am when I shift. I know up here." She taps her skull. "That the wolf and I are the same. But there is something broken in there that doesn't let me work through it. So, I just argue with the voice in my head. They're hoping the therapy and talking things out will help, and some meditative techniques. Because if I don't get it treated now, one day I may not come back from it. I may forget who I am."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Well, is that voice closer to the surface when you're in between? Both awake, both present?" Kurt's foot lifts to grab a bar and then he pulls himself up and over, tail sliding up to wrap around so that he can simply hang by it.

"Perhaps it could work best to speak with both sides of your nature at once, than one at a time, eh?" still smiling at her.

Rage has posed:
Andrea says, "When I'm shifted is when she comes out. It's like a snarling voice in the back of my head, constantly contesting me." Andrea says as she heads over to the bars and leaps upwards, grabbing one with her hands, then hikes herself upwards quickly to chest height, then pulls a leg over to straddle it. "As a wolf, she is almost always driving and I have to really tug on her. In my battle form, we kinda share the load.""

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Well then go to where you share the load, ja?" Kurt watches as she works at the bars, shifting his body to roll and then swing up and over, landing with hands and feet gripping to put him at an easy sense of balance. "You may have worked with others und I may make no progress, but we can't know if we don't try ja? And it's not like I can't get away if I upset you." winking.

Rage has posed:
"Like right now?" Andrea asks as she folds her legs about the bar, then drops backwards to swing and hang upside down. Her hair takes a tumble, pointing downwards to the ground. "You want me to shift? You won't be able to understand me though. I kinda speak wolf and I have to really force out bad English."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Well the mid form, speak as best you can ja? Maybe I can set up classes for you to learn American sign, und then we can speak like that as we go if this turns out to be a help." Kurt beams at her now, "We can't grow if we can't learn, after all." loosening his grip to swing about and around to come up to a sitting crouch again.

Rage has posed:
As she whips herself around and lets go of the bar with her legs, Andrea lands on her feet down into a three point crouch. She takes a moment to concentrate and her body once more goes through the herky jerky motions, followed by the loud painful bone splitting and cracking noises as she shoots upwards into the war form. Black thick fur sprouts along her body, followed by sharp teeth and angled claws.

Turning her attention towards the elf, her brown eyes gleam brightly as she gives a lick of her chops. "Hel-lo." She grunts out in English.

Nightcrawler has posed:
"So, do I have both of your attentions, perhaps?" Kurt beams, watching from his crouched position. "Because I would like to speak with both of you at once, as you should be." he waits, patient, tail flicking slowly to adjust and keep his balance.

Rage has posed:
The ears of Rage flicker upwards for a moment as she watches the Elf. Slowly but surely, her demeanor begins to change as she turns more from a friendly pup to a rattled beast. Her jaws part, revealing sharp rows of teeth as her throat rumbles with a low, grating noise.

~Go away, blue meat.~

<<That is my teacher, Mister Wagner. Be polite.>>

~He smells like food. I wonder what he will taste like.~

<< You can't eat him. Stop it. >>

~What does he want? Why did you wake me?~

<<He wants to help us. Me. He wants to help me.>>

The beast lets out a loud snort, followed by a scoff as she starts to pace the Danger Room, dropping down to all fours as she moves in a creepy, horrific manner as her black claws click along the ground.

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Andrea... is that how you want to walk? The both of you?" he is on the ground, walking on all fours, dwarfed by her side but the difference doesn't seem to affect Kurt in the slightest. He even moves within arms reach of Rage, brow lifting. "Can you speak together? Aloud?" he smiles and sits, like a cat almost with his hands between his feet. "Or do if I have to speak one at a time, can I speak to your... instinctual side?"

Rage has posed:
There is a deep, feral /snarl/ from the monster as she jerks her head towards Kurt, ears flattening back. As she looks to advance upon him, the body of the creature is jerked back quickly, as if a leash was tugged.

<<Stop it. He's trying to help.>>

~HE IS NOT HELPING. I WILL DEVOUR HIM.~

<<He is just curious. He wants to help us become more aligned. Together. >>

~YOU LIE, WHELP. HE WISHES TO REMOVE ME. I AM ALPHA. I AM /RAGE/. YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME PUP!~

The large war form rises up on to her two feet, stumbling away from the professor as she clutches her head with her claws. She lets out a loud whine of frustration.

<<Please, Rage. We need help. I can't live like this. >>

~THIS IS YOUR LIFE. I AM ALPHA. I AM /RAGE/.~ The mantra repeats in her head, snarling and clearly upset.

<< No, you are not. I am Alph-- >> The large creature freezes in the middle of the room now, then slowly turns it's head towards Kurt, staring with gleaming yellow eyes. "HU-RTS."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"It might, and I'm sorry. But you need to be in control, if you have to be separate, you have to be one at the same time. Two minds, one thought. Otherwise you'll never get anywhere, you'll be at war with yourself, und you won't grow." Kurt's tone is soft but firm, and he refuses to drop eye contact when she looks at him.

His back is arched and he's on the balls of his feet and poised on his fingers, tail still. "If this other mind wants to come at me, I'm afraid I may have to give you a few goose eggs, but only if I have to, und to show who is in charge here. You und I."

Rage has posed:
There is a loud howling laugh from the monster as she rises up to her full height, staring down at the blue fuzzy mutant. It's almost as if the monster is relishing in the challenge.

<< No, we are not going to fight him! >>

~He wants it. I will teach your teacher a lesson in humility. That only the strong survive and I am the strongest!~

<< You know how crazy that makes you sound?>>

~It is the way of who we are. Our kind. We are strength! We are the true warriors and we shall inherit this Earth.~

As the large creature takes a lumbering step towards him, there is another wrestle for control and the creature gives another jerk, followed by a thump as it drops down to it's knees. Gripping her head again, she lets out a pained whine in her throat, then forces herself down through the forms again until she is in her human skin. By God, those snapping of bones sound horrific, especially the face which has to be the hardest to work through. Crack. Snap. Pop!

"Sorry, she's in a real fucking mood." She hisses out in a loud sigh.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Wincing as she shifts again, Kurt remains like a cat curled to pounce. "I can guarantee you she wouldn't have known what happened, meine dame. Three things would have happened, ja? I hit her, she hits the floor, and I go get a beer for me und an icepack for you." no cocky bravado in the grin or good natured voice - self assured of his abilities such as he is... He's faced Sabertooth after all.

Rage has posed:
After rubbing her face again, Andrea peers up to him through her fingers. She pushes herself up to her feet and gives a long stretch of her body. "Maybe. I don't want to test that out. I'm not good at dealing with guilt. Maybe I should just let the Professor deal with it, or Miss Grey, or Miss Braddock."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Maybe... but I'm here if you want. My parents are some of the greatest assassins in existence... I inherited their reflexes if you thought that you'd lose control." Kurt still smiles, giving out that little tidbit of his history, and his 'family'. "Sometimes we need to face our darker parts to know who we are, ja?"

Rage has posed:
Sighing, Andrea stares up at the ceiling for a few moments, then bites her lip. "This got really bad after Mason tried to kill himself. I didn't know he was a mutant at the time and when I wrote that song Backstabber after I thought he was cheating on me, that's when I started to really lose it. I was just a year or so into being a mutant and learning I can shift. Then afterwards, when I heard he made that jump out the window and then the news blew up and all the media went crazy, that's when I could hear her in the back of my head. She was there for me, to keep me strong, to keep me focused. She was like .. " She shifts her jaw. "Like a sister. She cared about me."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"And sometimes we need those voices in our head so that we can cope, but we cannot live separate within ourselves forever." Kurt approaches and offers open arms towards Andi, smiling still as he gives her the chance to get a hug. "Pain will heal, and some leaves scars that we learn from. But we cannot keep picking at things, or they'll never heal, ja?"

Rage has posed:
"I know, it's why I'm getting help with counseling and hopefully talking to the Professor later to work through it. I don't want to live like this, always in conflict. It's why I don't really go out of my way to use my powers unless I have to. Like what happened against the I guess adamantium monster that attacked the school last week. I went toe to toe with it and nearly tore it's head off. I could feel it's neck break and it's jaws being split open as I grabbed it by the mouth." Andrea motions with her hands, giving a few yanking motions. "That thing tore into my guts, but I gave 'her' the wheel and I let her drive. It's how I stayed alive. I went full monster. I did whatever it took to keep the others safe. All I saw was red and I could hear her howling in joy in my head. She was born for this." She steps into the arms, giving him a hug as she plants her chin on to his shoulder.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Giving a squeeze to Andi, tail patting her back gently with the flat of the spaded tip. "Andi, she is you - you were born to defend others. Don't keep splitting yourself. I'm sure Charles will say the same - even if he can go into your head and make the connections." Giving one more squeeze before backing off.

"I'm not a psychologist... but I have ears and I listen. I'll give council when you want. I'll be a shoulder to cry on if you need, und I shall be your friend regardless of who you think you are." golden eyes focusing hers, "All of you - even if you think you can take me." a cocky swing of his grin, and a wink.

Rage has posed:
"I can take you. That's the scary part. I can go toe to toe with most of you if I was to give up full control over her. I make human error, she doesn't. I've done some things, Kurt, that I'll never get out of my head." Andrea says as she rubs her shoulder. "There was a day last year when the Friends of Humanity attacked Laura, Mason and I in the city. We got cornered in a wide open alley and we couldn't get the car out."

Growing quiet, she rocks back and forth on her feet a bit, then gives a few emotional blinks of her eyes. "It was us or them and I .. Laura and I .. " She swallows tightly. "We killed them all. I may have ate one of them. All I could think of was keeping Mason safe, and James, my driver. They came at us with machine guns and cybernetics. I just.. I tore them apart. I wasn't driving my body but I could feel it, I could taste it. I felt the heat and emotions in my heart as I gutted them over and over again." She gives a loud sniff. "Laura is built for this. I get that. But I'm not. Now I'm going to hell." She says softly, wiping at her eyes. "I don't even know if I believe in God anymore. Why would God make me into a monster if he was real?" She says softly in a moment of vulnerability. "Why would he let me /like/ it?"

Nightcrawler has posed:
Kurt Wagner's eyes grow sad at the self loathing coming from the girl, "Nein, nein, Gott would not cast you to hell after giving you the chance to be a champion for good, Andi. We're mortal, we're flawed, und that is why we ask of him to clean us of our sins and show how we may live in better light. We are not pawns or puppets, we're willful beings and even the best of us can stray from the light for a time, but we're not damned if we seek to return to it." one three fingered hand on her cheek, patting gently.

"Andi... You're not a bad person, if you feel guilt for harming others. You did what you did to protect others. That is a noble cause, and he loves you for your devotion to others und I know he forgives you for your trespasses if you are truly penitent. "

Rage has posed:
"But they probably had families!" Andrea blurts out as a sob wracks her throat. "These people were just.. I don't know.. angry.. mean people.. but they probably did what they did because they were scared of mutants. Of /monsters/ like me. And maybe they were right to be scared after what I did to them. Someone put it in their heads that we were the bad guys and then I proved it by EATING THEM." She nearly screams out as she clenches her fists up tightly.

"And the way Mason looked at me afterwards. He was terrified." She whispers out between her lips. "He wouldn't touch me. He wouldn't go near me for awhile. He'd flinch every time I'd get a bit excited or raise my voice. No wonder he dumped me." She says as she brushes the moisture away from her cheek. "I just didn't want him to get hurt. He's my packmate. He was my mate. I couldn't let them take him away from me, or take Laura from me. I still have trouble sleeping at night and I try and put on this brave face and walk around like I'm titanium but deep down I'm just all fucked up. It's why I work so hard and I try and stay laser focused on giving back. I /need/ to give back. I need to give away everything. I ... I just need.."

Biting her lip, she lets out a low rumble in her throat in frustration as she feels the hair on her arms spike up, goosebumping. "I'm sorry. I just.. " She sniffs wetly. "I don't wanna be a drama queen about this. I just need to suck it up and be strong."

Nightcrawler has posed:
Hand still on her cheek, growl and all, "Meine dame, you have every right to voice such things. This is too much pain to hold to one's chest." his hands are on her shoulders now, to keep his eyes on her own. There is a flash in those golden eyes, glowing, pupiless, "You... you are not. A. Monster." Kurt's face is a roadmap of sorrow for the young woman, heart breaking for her.

"Andi they're scare of mutants, but they hate them as well. They kill us when they get the chance... the utilize -sentinels-... they had a Mold. A sentinel that makes more sentinels. They could have had families, they may not have them. We cannot dwell on it. They tried to cause harm and you defended yourself. You protected others." giving her shoulders a squeeze.

Rage has posed:
Giving another sniff Andrea brushes her hand against her cheek to wipe the moisture away. "And I can't really blame them. Some of our kind has done some terrible things and they feel defenseless. We can set people on fire and throw cars and rip holes in space. People do terrible thing to each other but we can do supernatural terrible things to people. I believe in Xavier's dream, but I don't know how it can be achieved."

She leans into him a bit, letting out a heavy sigh. "Thanks for letting me vent. I have a lot on my mind lately. Just .. external stress that is bottling up in me. Work. School. Not a lot of me time."

Nightcrawler has posed:
Giving another hug, Kurt nods - brows knitting. "They may be afraid of what others have done, and some of that is terrible. But remember - you didn't do that. That guilt is not yours to take. Others may look to us for fear for it and it is our job to show them that we are not all bad, but if they seek to cause harm we have the right to life that they have and we have the right to protect us." giving another squeeze, letting that soak in.

"I may not condone killing, will never... I understand and know others who feel the rage and the more primal parts of nature. I don't condemn you for it, and I already told you why."

Rage has posed:
Nodding her head, Andrea brushes her thumbs against her cheeks to wipe the moisture away, then straightens up a bit more. "I'm glad that you don't think badly of me. I wish that day could have ended a lot differently."

"So, are you going to work out too?" She asks as she gives a glance about the Danger Room. "I figured you came down here for a reason, not just to watch me pump weights as a furry."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"Well I was coming down to run a few scenarios, possibly my personal workout routine - not suggested for people who're not acrobatically inclined, ja?" Kurt chuckles and looks back around the virtual gym an then back to Andrea.

"A lot of narrow places to run, uneven bars, hoops, trapeze."

Rage has posed:
Nodding her head, Andrea says, "I'll let you get to it then. I don't have anything else to work out so I think I'm going to just hit the woods and go for a run and blast some music into my skull. I have a show coming up at Sam's club to prepare for so I want to get into the zone."

Nightcrawler has posed:
"As you need, Andrea - but make sure to take care of yourself first, alright?" Kurt watches her, offering a warm smile for her, "All the time that you spend avoiding doing so will only catch up to you later. You're just as important as anyone else, Andi."

Rage has posed:
"It's an important show for me to prepare for. Sam and Jay's family are flying out from Kentucky to see it and have a vacation." Andrea says with a smile as she rocks on her feet to keep herself limber. "I'll plan a meeting with the Professor later so that we can talk and see what he'd like to do." She leans over and hugs her teacher tightly.

Nightcrawler has posed:
Returning the hug, Kurt smiles, "It may be an important show, but it's no reason to not care after yourself, Andi." patting her back with the flat spade of his tail. "I know that performance is important to you, but you should be important to you too."

Rage has posed:
"When it comes to work I always take care of myself. I have a whole team around me to help out. Work is the one thing that I'm a pro at. I just suck at being seventeen. Maybe I need to study up on some Fleetwood Mac lyrics and see what Stevie was talking about." Andrea gives him another squeeze, then lets go as she snags her towel and heads for the door, walking with a bit more strut and confidence now as she flips it about her shoulders. "See ya later Mister Wagner."

Nightcrawler has posed:
Kurt Wagner waves as Andi moves off, smiling to himself and waiting for her to be in the entry before he declares, "Kurt-Seven-Seven Bee-Ae" leaping up as the room begins arranging itself into a shifting maelstrom of platforms, spikes, and other obstacles.