Owner	Pose
Ted Kord	*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* "Hello?" a voice asks after a blue-gloved hand answers a phone on an advanced electronic console. "We are. You /what/? You do? We /do/! You will? We can. We will! You too!" The hand presses another button to end the call, then begins another. "Booster, buddy," the Blue Beetle says excitedly, "we've got a job! Remember 'Blue-n-Gold Repo Depot'? Well, someone finally called the number for it! Apparently there's a car to pick up near Metropolis Stadium. Meet you there?" Even as he speaks, the Beetle races his Bug airship through the sky towards his destination, its azure chassis gleaming in the sun.
Booster Gold	"Ten four, good buddy!" Booster calls into his earpiece. Wind is whipping past him, muting his voice-- he must be flying. "I've got a confab on the freeway but it's clear sailing to the breakridge, ten twenty on the come-back!" Someone recently got Smokey and the Bandit on Netflix, it seems. Booster diverts his course through the sky, a distant, glimmering beacon of gold and hope and awesomeness. A slightly smaller golden beacon easily keeps pace. <<Sir, this is very exciting! No one's called the Repo Depot in eight months, twelve days, eleven hours, six min-->> "Yeah, I know, Skeets! Don't jinx a good thing!" Booster grumbles at his companion. "You're recording this, right?" <<Always, sir!>> Booster rolls over in flight, flying sideways and mugging for his mobile film studio. "Booster Gold here folks, off another exciting mission with my good buddy, the mighty BLUE BEETLE! It's one of our smaller jobs-- a little repo action-- but the great Booster Gold always says, no job to big or too small!" <<What about that temp job working at the lawn care service?>> "...Shuttup, Skeets!"
Ted Kord	"Great, see you there, pal," Ted replies, adjusting the Bug's controls to send the ship veering at an oblique angle through Metropolis' skyline, weaving between buildings and buzzing a number of competitors' headquarters. "Alright," the Beetle says to himself, "the client said it was a green Escalade. That'll be a nice commission, at least. So," the hero continues, looking through his system's scanners, "how many green Escalades are there here?" A parking garage near the stadium seems relatively empty. There's maybe a dozen cars there: a Volkswagen Golf, a rusting brown Yugo, one or two Ford Escorts, a black Prius, and so on. There's a green Escalade, too. It's currently eating one of the Escorts with its massive hood-mouth, giant metal fangs and all. "That looks like it's..." Ted begins calmly, before trailing off. He stares for a long moment at his monitor. "...wait, WHAT?!" "BG!" he shouts into the Bug's transmitter. "Watch out, man! This car's gonna be a bit trickier than we thought!" "Oh, God," Ted says to himself, finger off his transmitter. "I don't suppose there's any way I can complete this job from inside this fortified vehicle, is there?" He thinks. And thinks some more. Still more thinking. "...Crap."
Booster Gold	"Aww c'mon man, it's just a repo gig!" Booster responds, weaving throuhg a pair of low buildings. His HUD tracks the Mighty Blue Bug, seeing the wireframe outline through the intervening buildings. A golden motion trail follows the strapping fellow as he zips around the perimeter. And then he sees the Escalade. "Double crap!" he agrees, yelping in surprise. "What the frak is that thing? Is-- is thart EATING that little car?" he demands, hovering at what he hopes is a safe distance. "That's ... I can't decide if that's disgusting or not." At least half a dozen cars have been 'eaten' and he drops to a hover a few dozen yards from the Escalade, just off the deck. "So, like... what's our insurance on property damage?" he inquires of Ted. "I don't think we're getting that Cadillac back in--!" He's cut off as a Prius lurches from unlife (completely silently-- those damn electric engines!) and slashes up at him. Bumper and grill separate, and Booster's hauled to ground by the ankle with grunt of pain. The little electric car jumps on Booster and starts snapping at him with its 'mouth', making a fearsome *mrreeeer-- myeeeeer* noise. "Cheese and crackers! Vampire cars! Do something, BB!" Booster yelps, grabbing the 'jaws' of the little car and trying to keep it from getting a bite on him. The Vampire-Escalade roars at the sight of the smaller car attacking Booster, and with a much louder, throatier roar of a V8, starts skittering across the pavement on worn, ragged tired towards Booster!
Ted Kord	"On it, friend-of-friends!" Blue Beetle replies, rushing to action! Specifically, he calls up the new client and maneuvers his way slowly through several touch-tone menu options. Finally, he reaches a person. "Yeah, hi, hello. Blue Beetle of Blue-n-Gold Repo Depot here. Look, we found a car that's eating other cars. Yes," he adds after a pause. "That's right. Okay. Yes, absolutely. Okay. Okay. To shreds, you say? I see. And if it's brought back non-functional? To shreds, you say? Okay. Okay!" Ted hangs up the phone and says to Booster, "So, here's the thing. The ad we let out says we'd bring it back in pristine condition. Apparently, its creator forgot to feed it lawnmower engines for a weekend and it broke out of her lab. So we have to coax it back, but we can't 'kill' it. Assuming it's even alive for the sake of argument." He rubs his hand over his ace and groans. "I'll...I'll be outside in a minute." Shortly thereafter, the Beetle swings down on his skyhook, staying high enough not to be in the Escalade's attack range. "Think we can find enough junk heaps to make a trail of candy for it to follow?" he asks. "I definitely don't think we should let it get a taste for human flesh!"
Booster Gold	Booster grunts and sticks his arm inside the Prius' grill, and a blast of discharged plasma blows the tiny little generator out the far side of the vehicle to smash against some bricks. The car groans and whines and falls off of him, and he pushes it the rest of the way before he's crushed before shooting skywards, just in time to avoid the Escalade crashing down on his position with a snarl and snap of motorized teeth. "/Pristine/ condition?" he yelps. "No way we agreed to that!" <<Actually sir, it's right here on the bottom of your ad!>> Skeets says, chiming in with an obnoxiously helpful tone. The advertisement is projected in holographic form in front of them, with the 'Pristine Condition' clause popping in bright bold colors. "...crapsack!" Booster mutters, zipping around fifteen feet off the deck. "I don't-- I mean how much does this thing /eat/?" he asks, picking up a muffler and flinging it at the Escalade like a milkman dodging a rabid guard dog. He watches with surprise as it lunges for the junked steel, savagely consuming it. "It's... not quite a plan, but it's getting there. Like... fifteen percent of a plan, Ted," he informs his friend.
Ted Kord	"Next time, don't let Skeets use neural net algorithms to write legally binding offers!" Beetle shouts in return, curling up as best he can on the end of his skyhook line to avoid offering up any limb to the Escalade. As the Escalade finishes its impromptu 'meal', it opens its hood and roars, a long honking sound punctuated by the growl of a powerful engine. "Booster, buddy," Ted calls, "while I'm all ears for your plan, what I really, really, morbidly want to know is...how does it digest these things? And...you know..." He grimaces and shakes his head. "Wait!" Beetle shouts, snapping his gloved fingers somehow. "What if we can /lead/ it back by driving a bait car? I mean, what if /you/ can /lead/ it back by driving a bait car? One that's /sure/ to be delicious?"
Booster Gold	"It's-- you farker, this was YOUR plan!" Booster shouts back at Ted. He yelps and zips away as the machine lunges for him again, hovering out of reach. "You said 'Maybe we can feed it something' and then I said 'That's not much of a plan, that's like, fifteen percent of a plan!'" "Skeets, if I survive, remind me to punch Ted!" <Yessir!>> He rubs the back of his head, considering Beetle's suggestion, and then palms his face. "I don't like ANY PART OF THIS PLAN," he yells at Ted, looking around for something thus far undamaged. "I don't like ANY PLAN where the word 'bait' gets used! Twice!" "Oh, this is dumb dumb dumb," he whispers to himself-- and he zips downwards, landing in an open-topped Miata. "Skeets! Hack this car!" he shouts. <<Remember your seatbelt sir!>> Skeets says, extending a probe into the ignition. <<Your adoring audience needs a good role model for traffic safety.>> "Arghfafrgghle!" Booster groans-- but he pulls on his seatbelt, them examines the car frantically. <<Neutral, Drive, Reverse,>> Skeets mutters helpfully, the HUD overlaying the controls. "Oh man... okay... Reverse... and... floor it WAUUGGHGHGH!" The Miata leaps backwards and he slams onto the brakes, barely missing the wall, and then floors the car into drive and peels out just as the ravaging rampaging Escalad lunges for him, slavering and dripping oil. "TED I REALLY REALLY HATE THIS PLAN!" Booster screams, white-knuckling the wheel and banging around the parking garage's levels as fast as he can steer.
Ted Kord	"Booster," Ted replies, still clutching tightly to his skyhook and dangling about thirty feet above the Escalade, "let's not think too hard about who came up with what terrible plan. What matters is that /you're/ getting all the blame for it!" Just then, the Escalade roars in response to Booster's sudden Skeets-assisted hotwiring of the Miata. The Blue Beetle yelps in surprise and lets go of the skyhook. He falls, seeing his life flash before his eyes--along with a sudden realization that he's going to be devoured by a hungry car. Then, it happens. Kind of. He drops, upside-down, into the passenger seat of the Miata, screaming in horror for a long moment before he realizes where he is. "Wait..." he suddenly says, gasping for breath, "I'm not dead? I'm alive! I'm alive!" Then, it hits him. "You're driving?!" Beetle flounders about, trying to sit upright in the seat. "I'd rather be eaten by the Escalade!" For its part, the Escalade's tires squeal as it tries to catch up to the retreating Miata. Its hood snaps open and shut. NOM NOM NOM!
Booster Gold	"Ted I hate to break it to you BUT I DON'T HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE!" Booster screams at his friend, overcompensating wildly with massive corrections on the wheel. All the while Skeets' calm, enthusiastic support is speaking directly into Booster's left ear, offering helpful hints. <<Ten and two, sir!>> <<Obey all posted speed limits, sir!>> <<Turn right, sir!>> "Wow I'm glad you talked me into that Grand Theft Auto marathon," he yells over the roar of the Miata. "ooooooh crap HANG ON!" is all the warning Beetle gets-- the Miata launches off the entrance ramp with a *whirr* of tires. The Miata lands with a heavy *CRUNCH*, doing massive damage to the shock absorbers, but Booster whips the wheel around. Tailfishing like crazy, the little sports car putters along with an underwhelming amount of torque-- fortunately, the roaring vapire-Cadillac is fast but clumsy, and the damaged tires give it little purchase. "Ideas, Ted! This is a very good idea-time-thing!"
Ted Kord	"Ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas..." Ted repeats, staring behind him with wide eyes at the ever-present Escalade. "What if--no," he says. "Wait, what--no. Wait! Nahh. But maybe? No. Wait! I've got--no," he continues. "Wait! Yes! It's /not/ an /immediate/ no, Booster!" Beetle shouts, slapping his companion on the shoulder. Then, he begins fishing in his belt for a device of some kind. "Alright, buddy, I'm going to have the Bug 'eat' us. It'll catch us in its pincers and then lead the target along to the client's place. It's not too far away." Beetle's already got the Bug flying overhead, facing backwards and lowering slowly toward the car, its giant pincers moving slowly open and shut. "Just keep this speed and maybe we won't die. I believe in you.../that/ much, at least," Ted adds. They hit a pothole and he accidentally adjusts the device. The pincers on the floating Bug begin mashing open-shut-open-shut in an incredibly fast and powerful manner. "Woops," Ted says under his breath, and readjusts the speed back to a much less lethal setting.
Booster Gold	Booster emits a stream of profanties, and Skeets zips to hover in front of him with a bright red light around his viewcamera. <<SIR! Please mind your language!>> Booster suggests that Skeets perform an anatomically improbable act, and if the little drone could frown, it would do so. <<I'll add a profanity warning to this video, sir,>> he says, sounding... almost injured. "Crap crap crap crap--!" Booster starts to tap on the brakes, lurching and screeching on the ground as he endeavours to slow down enough that the Bug doesn't just shred the car into pieces. He tries swerving, but to no avail-- and then there's a mighty roar of unmuffled American muscle, and the big Escalade lunges past a smaller SUV and takes the rear fender off the Miata! Booster grabs Ted by the front of his armor. "FIVE PERCENT OF A PLAN IS NOT A PLAN!" he screams, trying to drive and not take his eyes off the road and watch the rearview mirrors AND not hit the bug-- and throttle Ted a little. Helpfully! To shake ideas loose.
Ted Kord	"You're right!" Beetle cries in response. "It was a terrible plan! But /this/ plan.../this/ plan will do us right!" The Bug swoops down behind the Escalade, hovering just a few feet above the asphalt. Ted squints his eyes in concentration and very, very carefully snags the Escalade in the Bug's jaws. Then, just as carefully, he causes the Bug to ascend back into the air. The Escalade in its pincers roars, honks, and chomps its chassis jaws menacingly but futilely. "Alright, pal, let's turn this thing in for our /big reward/!" Ted shouts, laughing. "We did it! Payday!"
Booster Gold	Booster watches the Bug take the Escalade off, and he cheers and whoops along with Ted. He punches on the brakes a few times-- the Miata's beat to hell with dings, dents, missing paint, shocks ruined, brake drum leaking, and two tires no longer aligned. It rattles to a halt, wheezes, coughs, and dies. Booster jumps back out of the driver's position and sits on the headrest, then triumphantly claps Ted on the shoulder. "We did it, good buddy! Great thinking back there!" He turns to look at Skeets and flashes a big grin, popping a thumbs up and throwing his chest out. "Well, it got a little hairy back there-- not gonna lie, ol' Booster Gold thought he was headed for the scrap yard--" Skeets inserts a laugh track-- "but like ol' Booster says, it's all in the reflexes!"
Ted Kord	As Booster claps Beetle on the shoulder, Ted's caught by surprise. He drops his device and quickly dives for it... ...and manages to catch it before it hits the ground. "Look at that! Close call," Ted says, chuckling. "I almost hit /this/ button." In his zeal, he hits the button. The pincers snap shut, nice and tight. They pierce the Escalade, whose pieces begin to shear apart and fall like jagged, deadly rain over the intersection where the Bug's currently floating. "Uh...Booster?" Beetle asks. "Can you have Skeets double-check what we promised clients if we couldn't guarantee the 'pristine condition' return?"
Booster Gold	The camera, still running, records Booster's reaction as the Escalade is shredded and chunks of grey steel and green-painted fascia rain down around the two men in a calamitous finality for the life of their contract vehicle. He remains frozen, eyes stunned and a plastic smile on his face. He doesn't respond to Ted right away. <<Uh... sir? The... camera? The-- SIR!>> Skeets yelps, just as Booster wheels on Ted Kord with a shout of rage. The camera pans to the side, aiming at a broken Cadillac badge and half an exhaust manifold. <<SIR! Mister Beetle can't fold that way without doing damage to his spine!>> Skeets yelps-- and then the camera goes black!