3153/I am NOT Miss Suzie Homemaker!

I am NOT Miss Suzie Homemaker!
Date of Scene:	15 November 2017
Location:	Unknown
Synopsis:	Skye gets a cooking lesson from Agent May; Clint Barton drops by. The cat is let out of the bag about the pair dating (*gasp!*). The food was edible, and at last count, nobody died of food poisoning. Yay, Skye!
Cast of Characters:	Quake, Melinda May, Hawkeye (Barton)

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Quake has posed:
It had gone better than Skye had hoped.. She's asked Agent May to help her out. Made up some off-hand story about the dinner in the breakroom, and things like her promotion making her realize that she really had no applicable human skills and could the other Agent maybe teach her a simple meal or two. "You know, the kind suitable to invite someone over."

Then she'd grinned and made an off-hand joke about "Shock the shit out of Darcy." And left it like that. Less was more when you were create lies of that sort.. Not to mention, it /would/ shouck the shit out of Darcy.

A date and time had been set. All that remained was May showing up with the particulars and the lesson to begin.

Melinda May has posed:
Simple meal suitable to invite someone over. And, on a time limit, as they don't have an entire day to let a crockpot sit. May agrees, and arrives at the pre-arranged time with a canvas sack of groceries. The most obvious thing in the sack: a loaf of french bread. And from the sound it makes when it's set on the counter, there's at least one jar in there too.

"You ready, Skye?" May leaves the sack on the counter and moves to pull up a chair. She has every intention of only giving instruction. Skye has to do everything herself.

Quake has posed:
Skye's kitchen is like all the other suite's kitchens, with the notable exception she'd only this day discovered she had pots and pans. And that only by virtue of looking in the bottom cupboards, and the bottom drawer on the stove. I'm might be something of an embarrassment, given she /is/ an agent trained in observation and such, that she'd never noticed these things about her kitchen before. That, and it was a vast testimony to the fact that her kettle and several mugs were the most frequently used items in her kitchen whatsoever.

May is invited into Skye's quarters, the girl escorting May into the kitchen, past the very sparse, very bland livingroom. As it had been noted prior, Skye's place, with nothing more than tossing her laptop into a drawer, and wiping up the couple mugs in use, could be used as a floor model for SHIELD quarters. It had nothing to denote a personality lived there.

Skye's nose crinkles at the question, "Do I look ready?" Still, she'd been the one who invited May over to do this. She was on a mission. The kind of mission usually single guys embbarked on when trying to impress a girl. Only, you know, she's the girl.

Melinda May has posed:
"Well, no, but you're the one who asked." May settles into her claimed chair. "Wash your hands and your cookware if you haven't already. Also, preheat your oven to four hundred and put a frying pan on medium-high heat with a dollop of cooking oil the size of a fifty-cent piece." Giving Skye time to complete the frist set of tasks which are simple enough, she continues.

" Get the chicken out of the grocery bag, rinse each piece and pat it dry with a paper towel before putting it in the frying pan." She watches to make sure Skye can keep up, the chicken pieces already boneless as if to have a bit of mercy on the younger woman.

Quake has posed:
"Wash my..?" Clearly she hasn't, but thankfully that task doesn't take too long. They're new, not dirty. It's really just a swipe and a rinse for the things.

Preheating the oven, though, is a whole other ballgame. "What do you mean.. woah, wait. Preheat what?" Necessitating the 'introduce Skye to the mechanics of her stove' lesson. At least the cooking oil part didn't go too badly. Maybe a couple of fifty-cent pieces worth, but not so much oil she'll be deep frying dinner. Just.. more than May might have intended the girl use.

It's really the chicken washing, though that's the piece-de-resistance, the young woman holding the bits away from herself with index finger and thumb, looking vaguely like she might be ill, and most certainly like she's utterly grossed out by the fact she's touching (and patting down!) bits of raw meat. "Oh my god, people do this? Like on purpose? This is why I order in."

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
There is a knock at the door. Then probably to May's surprise whoever it is just opens it and walks inside. Who it turns out to be is Clint Barton, dressed in a motorcycle jacket, t-shirt, jeans and carrying some beer. He pauses when he finds Skye in the kitchen and not alone. "Oh hey," he greets looking between May and Skye. "Come at a bad time?" he asks.

Melinda May has posed:
Appliances 101 thankfully takes very little time, as Skye is nothing if not technologically inclined. May glances toward the door at the knock, and then watches Barton with a raised eyebrow as he just lets himself in, and carrying beer. "Not if you're the taste tester."

She turns back to Skye who's being all twee about handling the chicken. "If you drop that, you go without." It's also heavily implied while being unsaid that she thinks Skye is wasting time.

Quake has posed:
Skye is caught with a piece of chicken dangling from her fingers, and a sudden wide-eyed deer caught in headlights look of 'oh god what do I do now' that has nothing at all to do with the chicken and everything to do with Skye is not exactly the poster child for social engagments or the open door policy.

"Uh.."

Of course May utters her 'taste tester' comment, giving the girl at least a half-second to pull herself together. By the time she's managing to answer Clint, it's all piss and vinegar as usual.

"Oh that better not be more of that frou-frou shit. And, because I like you, there's actually something better in the fridge."

That's right. Skye. Went shopping. Voluntarily. Like out in the sunshine and with real people and everything.

She jerks her chin towards the fridge. "Agent May? You want a beer?" Truth be known, there might be *just* a little time wasting with the chicken going on. She doesn't hold it any less gingerly, but she doesn't drop it, and all the pieces are now washed and dried and ready for action.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Clint rolls with the punches pretty quick, giving May a nod. "Taste tester? Sure," he says before giving what Skye's doing a look. "You guys making chicken ramen or something?" he almost manages to keep that smile off of his face. Almost.

When the peer is mentioned he sets down his six pack, and pulls a couple out of the connecting loops. "May," he says offering her a can of some pretty frou-frou hipster type beer. This much he does with a straight face.

Melinda May has posed:
May is about as much a beer person as she is a coffee person. But, she CAN drink the stuff when the occasion warrants. And Barton offering her a ridiculously frou-frou beverage with a straight face? That's noteworty. So, she accepts it. And then she turns her attention to Skye again, instructing her on searing the chicken pieces before sealing them in foil on a baking pan to stick in the oven.

"The next step you can probably handle already. Fill a pot with water to boil for pasta."

Quake has posed:
Clint is shot a look, Skye mincing, "No we're not making chicken ramen. And oh my god, you did too bring that frou-frou shit." Still, she laughingly takes one, shaking her head at him.

She follows May's instructions and manages to not burn the chicken pieces, nor leave them sticking to the pan, transferring them to the foil. And May's right, filling a pot with water and putting it on to boil - that Skye can handle. Though she does have to ask, "So what are we boiling in the water?"

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
After May takes a beer, Clint grabs two more and brings one to Skye, smiling as he sets it down beside her, "You love it," he says, and leans in to brush a brief kiss across Skye's lips before he moves over to lean against the wall, cracking his beer without further comment. "Anything I can help with?" he asks.

Quake has posed:
The kiss, in front of May? Totally unexpected. But he's opened that can of worms now, the young woman smirking at him, "No. I only said I loved it to get into your pants." Butter wouldn't melt in the innocence of that mouth as she says it, reaching calmly for her beer and cracking it open. So there, smarty pants.

Melinda May has posed:
That, of course, gets the maximum Vulcan reaction out of May, though only for a second. If you blinked, you missed it. But, that does decide it. Clint is eating Skye's cooking first.

"No," she tells Clint when he offers to help. "Skye wants to learn, she's going to learn. There's a package of pasta in the bag, under the bread. Get out the jar of sauce first, and a medium saucepan." At least she's not expecting the kid to make marinara sauce from scratch on her first go at cooking.

And is she really going to leave that PDA unremarked? For the moment, it sure looks that way. That, or she's going to wait and see which of the couple cracks first. Then, she'll bust out the shovel talk.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Clint chokes a little on his beer at Skye's reply. Whatever reply he might have said, is choked back by the presence of May, but he still says, "Uh-huh, whatever you say honey," after he's managed to swallow that mouthful of beer.

His eyes cut to May though afterwards, waiting for some sort of low-key snark or something out of her. Instead. Nothing. Just how pissed, amused, or heck, maybe indifferent was she? It was a little maddening.

At May's words about helping he nods, "Sure. All on Skye, I can get behind that."

Quake has posed:
Alas, Skye's back is to May during the briefness of the kiss, so she does miss it, but she's already decided he opened that can of worms, he gets to deal with the mess. He gets a look, and a choked back, "Honey?" Oh, he really is being bold. Great big brass ones on that boy, given they'd discussed the potential landmine of letting May know.

"And before you say it, yes, I'm making real food. I even bought some and put it in the fridge." Though it's debatable if she'll manage to do anything with it. A quick look in the fridge would show it's a random assortment of things that look like she literally just picked whatever struck her fancy off of the shelf. Mostly likely, she grabbed what looked like "enough" stuff, paid for it and fled the store.

There is beer. And wine. Both, even.

The jar is removed from the bag. It doesn't raise any brows from Skye. It could be sauce in a can for all she cares or can differentiate quality. Though, this does look to be a decent enough brand. Upper end. Very nice of May to provide for what's likely going to be a butchered sort of meal given Skye is doing the cooking.

But the other? Skye can't find it. She finds A bag of rotini spirals, all the pretty colours. The woman leaves it on the counter while she retrieves the medium saucepan, then stares at the bag. "I have no clue what that is."

Melinda May has posed:
Barton is clearly having fun trying to get her to react. And because of that, she very deliberately doesn't. Taking a sip from her beer (... is that... anise?), May leans a bit to look at the bag of rotini.

"That's your pasta. You need to prepare the bread first. Get your other baking sheet, put the bread on it, and cut slices inot it but not all the way through. Then put some of the garlic butter spread from that tub in the bag inot each cut. Put it in the warmer under the oven."

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Clint flinches realizing he's stepped in it a bit here. "Hm?" he asks back, innocently, like he didn't hear a thing. When in doubt, play dumb, it's the Clint Barton way.

Clint detaches from the wall to see the fridge for himself. The array of randomly selected food is almost cute. He smiles, "Nice," he confirms holding back on the usual sass for now, as he gets out of the way of the cooking again to hold up the wall.

The lack of comment from May remains troubling so he keeps an eye on her, actually becoming hungry when she describes what Skye needs do with the bread. As for the beer, yep, that's anise, and there's probably orange peel and a bunch of other stuff in there too. Just be glad, it's not that one beer from Oregon that is literally strained through some dude's beard. No joke.

Quake has posed:
Skye eyeballs the bag of pasta like she's quite certain it's going to jump up and bite her. May says it's her pasta, though, so pasta it is. The sauce is already in its pan, and only needs simmering. That pan is put on the stove, leaving her close enough to Clint to give him a little hipcheck at the fridge.

"Damn straight it's nice, Snookums."

Two could play that game. Without missing a beat, Skye reaches over and gives his ass a squeeze, then returns to food prep without missing a beat.

The bread.. fares about as well as you'd expect. A couple of pieces are cut through. She might know how to use a knife *on* someone these days, but using a knife for utilitarian purposes like making a meal? It's going to take some time.

Melinda May has posed:
Offering Skye suggestions like 'try a serrated knife to make slicing the bread easier', May continues to very pointedly not mention how ... domestic the couple are being. Or heck, maybe she should. Though she's pretty sure that Barton's just waiting for her to speak up. Best to not cater to his expectations.

Somehow, the pasta ends up being cooked just about perfectly, and May directs Skye to start pulling the chicken from the oven.

"Barton, set the table, please." Look, she even said please.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Clint didn't expect the ass squeeze. He jumps a little bit but manages not to yelp. "Hey watch the hands there sweetie-pie," he shoots back before settling in to watch the pasta getting cooked.

He keeps an eye on May, the silence was sort of killing him, but still he drinks his beer in peace. Was he was actually getting a taste for this stuff, when she tells him to set the table, he nods, finishes the beer, and then gets to it.

Growing up in a strict household, before his parents wrapped their car and themselves around a tree, he's got all of that covered, and even knows what side what stuff is supposed to go on. When he's done he grabs the beer to set on the center of the table and pulls himself off a fresh can. "Ready here," he says as he sinks into a seat cracking his beer.

Quake has posed:
The food is.. well, It's cooked. The chicken is a little overdone, but not burnt. The pasta is perfect (minor miracle there, unless the ramen gods had a hand in the matter), and the garlic bread is hit and miss - half the pieces wonderfully done, the other half caught between slightly burnt and slightly underdone. All to do with where she'd put them in the oven.

The dishes are brought to the table, along with a bottle of wine, and their beer. Screw top wine. Nothing fancy. Skye really did just grab ranndomly. Odds were even it was going to be a decent bottle, or plonk. You all get a degree above plonk.

When everyone is sitting, Clint gets an impish look from Skye, "Care to say grace, pumpkin?" Her smile entirely too sweet, a hand held out for a 'prayer circle' to edge the gag along even further.

Melinda May has posed:
May settles at the table, and Skye's comment about saying grace earns her another raised eyebrow. But even so, that's the only indication she gives that she's not completely blaise about the couple's antics so far. She'll go along with this whole joke a little farther, still waiting to see when or if someone is going to finally crack.

Oh, and that wine? She's not going anywhere near that stuff.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
The food looks, well, not entirely terrible but he grins despite that as he looks it over, remarking, "Looks good." Yep, he's definitely into her, or either that he's blind as well as deaf now.

The grace remark is met with a snort and a smirk. He'd been put in a Catholic group home before his escape to the circus, so, he had this covered too. "Sure, honey-bun," he says before putting his hands together. "Father, son and holy ghost, who ever eats fastest gets the most. Amen," he recites with childlike solemnity before breaking into a grin again and declaring. "Let's eat!"

Quake has posed:
Oh, that does it, Skye throws her hands up in the air and declares herself the first out of this particular contest. "That's it! I'm done. You win."

She turns to May, "We're dating. In fact, we're sleeping together."

She turns to Clint, "And you? Saying grace? Way to commit to the gag, asshole. But whatever happened to lets not tell my SO, huh?" She's not precisely angry, just mostly uncertain if she /should/ be angry, and a little annoyed that she broke first.

Picking up her fork, she digs it into some of the pasta, "I hope we're all happy now."

The fork doesn't even make it to her mouth before she laughs. "That beer. You don't ever get to poke fun at my ramen again until you stop picking up that frou-frou beer for us." Under the table, her foot finds Clint's leg, toes brushing along it, while over the table she holds out her hand across the tabletop again. "You're horrible. Completely horrible."

Melinda May has posed:
May simply looks from Skye to Clint and back, then picks up her fork. For a moment she looks like she's going to let Skye's outburst go, but then she points the fork at Clint. "You hurt her, I'll kill you." And then she promptly aims her fork at Skye. "You hurt him, I'll kill you."

And with that said, she takes a bite of the chicken. Hm. Completely edible.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Well there it was, cat out of the bag. Really out of the bag. Clint's brows raise when Skye mentions their sleeping together, but any protest he's going to make about that dies quickly, he didn't exactly have a leg to stand on there. Then he just sort of sits there watching as Skye goes from annoyed, to back to teasing in 2.8 seconds. So, while Clint may have held out the longest but Skye was dominating the post game psyops.

He takes the offered hand, smiling as he feels that foot against his leg, "I am not even sure what to say to any of that," he says. "So, sorry? And also, the beer's not that bad."

May's response? Makes Clint feel like a dumb kid, the way she just deals with it and then is all, mmm food. You know, like an adult. Still, he says, "Noted. Definitely noted," before he looks at Skye giving her hand a squeeze while he waits to see how she takes all of that.

Quake has posed:
Ennh, she's finding she can't stay angry at him all that long. Or, if she can, she's saving it for a rainy day or something. She's certainly held grudges longer. Like, you know, over her past. Clint might just be lucky.

Skye shrugs at him, "Not supposed to say anything, really. Got it off my chest. And the beer is.." Now she just shakes her head and relents. "Fine. It's not that horrible. But really, couldn't you have picked something else to be our thing?" Her laugh is soft; almost a sigh.

May's commeentary is so not what she expected, though, Skye giving her SO a mostly-confused look, and then a nod. "Yes, ma'am. Understood." Still totally confused as to why no scolding. No lecture about confidentiality. No 'we don't fraternize'. Nothing. Just, "hurt him, and you die". And knowing May, it's liable to not be an idle threat, either.

Clint gets another grin. "So, try the food. Totally my attempt at not-ramen. Surprise?"

Melinda May has posed:
May has always left the fraternization discussions to other agents. She's not really suited to that kind of chat. She also doesn't comment on Skye's first cooking attempt. She'll leave that to Clint. Oh, but there is one other thing she needs to say, here.

"I bought the groceries and Skye cooked, Barton. So you're doing the dishes." He'd better be glad that there was a minimum of kitchen-mess created.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Watching Skye, Clint smiles, his shoulders shaking with a quiet laugh as she rips into the beer being their thing, "Well, it was that or ramen, and it looks like you've done away with that one," he remarks glancing at the food. Which reminds him how hungry he is, he gives Skye's hand another squeeze before letting it go to fill up his plate with food, pasta, some of the less burnt bread, and so on. He digs, in. Not haute cuisine by any stretch, but as much shit as Clint gives Skye about the ramen thing, he basically lives on cold pizza and protein shakes, a hot home cooked meal hits the spot, imperfections and all. "Mm, not bad," he says, after his first bite, then dips a bit of burnt bread in pasta sauce and swallows that down as well. He looks up from his plate grinning,"Definitely a surprise." Now did he mean the food itself was surprising, or did he mean that he was surprised it wasn't bad?

May's comments get another totally grown up nod from Clint. "Fair," he agrees before taking another bite of the food. As he chews he considers things, and when he's swallowed it down, he asks May, "So, you're really okay with all of this?" Better to clear the air now than live in fear of drama later on.

Quake has posed:
Skye watches the others eat before trying any herself, despite the fact that she's dug her fork in already. She, too, is pleasantly surprised it's edible. For a first attempt, she's surprised the stuff actually has decent flavour, and isn't all shades of over and undercooked. Of course, she had a supervisor. That helped.

Clint earns a shake of head, her trademark grin solidly in place, "Surprised I didnt poison us all, you mean? You know, that apology doesn't get you out of jail free indefinitely." Her words tease. But it seems things are well, and even she has to admit, "I suppose if it's between ramen and frou-frou beer, I'd rather have the beer. Though Housekeeping was not impressed, I'll have you know."

She listens intently when he asks May the very thing he and she had discussed back when they'd decided they were dating. With May as her SO it especially mattered to the young woman. She didn't want to hear about it later that things weren't alright.

Melinda May has posed:
"Whether or not I'm okay with this," May gestures between the couple vaguely with her fork. "isn't what you should worry about." She leaves the non-answer at that for the moment, claiming another piece of bread. If these two haven't bothered to check SHIELD's policies on fraternization, that's on them, not her.

She can't but idly wonder, though, when Clint's going to remember about the marvel that is the Triskelion grapevine. And the fact that, not too terribly long ago, said grapevine seemed quite taken with comments equating Barton to a bicycle.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
Clint meets that grin with one of his own, "Night's still young, talk to me in the morning on the whole poison thing," he says, before adding. "And I was surprised you cooked. I mean, went to the trouble." The implication there being went to the trouble for him.

The beer and housekeeping comments keep that grin on his face."So, you're saying mopping it up would have been the better option?" he asks, with a slight chuckle before looking to May when Skye does. She wasn't his SO, but he respected her, and didn't want to make waves if he could help it.

Clint finds the non-answer non-helpful. "So, you mean policy, or the rumors? I know what people say about me, as for policy, Skye doesn't report to me, we should be good, despite the level 2, level 7 thing. Or do you mean, we need to take this up the chain to Fury?"

Quake has posed:
Skye's nose crinkles. "I don't even want to hear what Fury's version of fuck up and I kill you is. Though he's likely to be more annoyed we took valuable cigar time away from him." Clint gets a nod of chin, "If you have to see him about this, take cigars. Good ones." She names off a store where some of the more expensive ones can be obtained. "And why wouldn't I cook. Other than the fact that I can't and don't."

She knows full well the implied 'for him' of his comment.

"Technically," she points out, "for one mission, you report to me." Both of them. Sort of. .Kind of. It was that technicality thing of 'this is yours, and everything you need at your disposal'. Technicalities were beautiful things.

Melinda May has posed:
"I was thinking the rumor mill. I could give a rat's ass about policy, and you know as well as I do what Fury would say if you took this to him simply to let him know." She shakes her head, then finishes the modest serving of pasta and chicken she'd claimed.

"Just don't let things get out of control. You know who Fury will send in to do clean up if you do."

That almost sounds like a threat.

Hawkeye (Barton) has posed:
"Well, I think you answered your own question there, honey-bunny," Clint replies to Skye, looking up from his food and smiling softly.

From there he turns to May. "Date one agent, marry another, suddenly I am the agency slut," he shakes his head. "Not worried about the rumors, May, but thanks for your read on it. And yeah, won't bring that to Fury either, even with gifts of cigars." That last bit, that earns a look, "I know. Don't plan on fucking this up." He glances over at Skye.

Quake has posed:
"Honey-bunny? Oh we have to work on the pet names, hotshot." Skye just shakes her head, finishing a last mouthful of dinner and reaching for her wine, the stuff earning a grimace. "Okay, this is just.. not that great. Not after that."

There's a nod, though, as she listens to the other. "I was about to ask what the rumour was and should I be worried, but I guess that answers that." Her gaze returning to Clint as he looks over, right on cue with the 'don't plan on fucking this up'. All of which gets a considered pause and a brow lift from the young woman, who seems to be weighing pros and cons or something like. When she's had her moment, she nods at him, smirking. It's been a familiar interchange between them - one they've had several times before, that something thrown out there and the other thinking about it, without commentary, only to let it be what it is - not that May would know.