13395/A Beast drops in, therapy session or friendly visit

A Beast drops in, therapy session or friendly visit
Date of Scene:	29 May 2021
Location:	Steve's Room, Avengers Mansion
Synopsis:	Bucky opens up more to Henry, promises are made on both ends.
Cast of Characters:	Beast, Winter Soldier

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Beast has posed:
Heading to the Triskelion is a little like having an appointment at the Pentagon, given the security levels and sheer size of the place. One must assume though, that it's even harder to get into the Avenger's mansion without the AI's announcing you in whatever room you happen to be headed to. Not to mention Stark's staff. Probably a little bit creepier than the military oversights, honestly. Thusly, it's highly UNlikely that by the time there's a knock on Captain America's door, that the occupant(s) are unaware that a Beast has come a'calling. Henry McCoy, in smart-casual attire with a big box of old-fashioned (think WWII style) donuts, which are so very different than the mass produced stuff now available and probably should be up ABOVE Krispy Kreme in the grand scale of things. "Donut Dolly calling," comes from he door, "...only without the cute dress. Bucky?"

Winter Soldier has posed:
    When Bucky answers the door, he's a little more casually dressed than Henry. He's wearing a pair of loose fit lounge pants, gray with little smiley emojis... only the ones with x's for eyes and bullet holes in their forehead. At least he's relatively clean shaven, probably yesterday given the amount of stubble he's sporting. "I'd have paid more for the dress," he deadpans before swinging the door open wide to allow entry. He doesn't look much like he's been sleeping well, but that's nothing new. "...just in the neighborhood, were ya?" he asks, his tone is mild and friendly, yet accusatory all the same. He knows better and he's making that clear up front.

Beast has posed:
"Oh, I like the pants. I have a pair with the cookie monster all over them, only customized for twinkies," The comment though, has the Beast doing a little 'Dolly girl' curtsey, with a hand out to the side a'la charlston and then we're ALL back to normal again as he ferries his gift in, as if it were a burger and a milkshake on a tray. Eyeing the stubble as he goes past, there's a pause as he takes in the room fleetingly, with attention lingering on a few things, then he clears the door and gestures with the box in silent inquiry of where to put it. Here? HEre? There? Shall we float it?
    There is a snort though, soft and no attempt at deception as these gestures are made. "Whilst bringing over these? Don't be daft. Bringing these bad boys requires intent, I had to go hunt for the little mom and pop shop that still makes them in the old-fashioned style. I just popped in to chat and to check up. See how you're doing."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "There's fine," Bucky points to the coffee table. He smiles just a little bit because... donuts. "I'm fine." Fine, it never means what it's supposed to does it? "But I'll take the donuts anyway." He shuffles his way over to the sofa to sit down. Looks like he might have been reading there when Henry knocked. A book is laying on the little side table at the end of the sofa, face down to make his place. It's The Maze Runner; odd choice that?

Beast has posed:
Odd choice? Not really, given the human desire to find relatable experience, even if it is in fiction. "Fine and dandy? Or Fine! Fine. /Fine/." All with different intonations that could be used by the overly bubbly, the high on life, the girlfriend that is anything but fine and you should KNOW WHY SHE ISN'T and lastly, the bound and determined and pissed off. Hank glances at the book, gestures at it. "Movie series, too. I always find I prefer the book though. Movies are always like watching the Cliff-notes version. Enjoying it so far?" He asks, listening keenly for the response and its nuances.

Winter Soldier has posed:
    Bucky takes a donut from the box. He's likely to leave crumbs on the sofa, but that doesn't seem to concern him when he takes a bite sans crumb catcher plate or napkin. He takes a really really long time chewing that one bite. He's both stalling and just enjoying the damned thing probably. Finally he swallows it. A little shrug of one shoulder is followed by, "It's okay," jumping to the latter question after leapfrogging right on past the first. Fine's FINE OKAY?! "Thomas is likable enough." It's a generic answer, void of any real depth and it's on purpose, definitely on purpose.

Beast has posed:
Henry McCoy takes his own donut on a paper napkin and enjoys it at a far swifter rate. He's done half, before that one bite has been thoroughly masticated. The Beast's ear twitches though, subtle movements that pick up on intonation. He watches a few long moments, then shrugs and finishes the donut, seeming to dismiss the reply. "Interesting, but rather far fetched in some respects. Suspension of disbelief has to happen," he muses. "I mean, the premise is more than a little odd, don't you think?" thread the worm on the hook, toss out the line.

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "It's fiction, it's supposed to be odd." Is it really any odder than shit Bucky sees on a daily basis? Probably not. "These are really good," he comments before taking another bite from his donut. Change the subject, stall, chew, chew, chew. There's definitely something about the book, something in it that resonates with him and maybe not in a good way. But he's still reading it obviously? Why... "So, Steve had this library dedication thing or some such last night." Probably why he shaved yesterday. "He signed an autograph for a monkey. It proposed to him."

Beast has posed:
Well, gameplay is a thing. Lob a serve, have it returned, back and forth several times, until one side scores on the other or more 'lands a point'. "The old couple that run the place are german, so they do it in the traditional gigantic ball of fluff with enriched dough approach. Dust with sugar, fill with various jams... there's one or two of those in there. Raspberry, strawberry, lemon curd. Not sure about the lemon curd..." Beast wipes his fingers with his napkin, then the edges of his mouth, peering over. "And you're having a book club with a walking shagpile carpet."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    Bucky shakes his head. "No, I mean an /actual/ monkey. A Capuchin actually, not X-gene related. An actual ANIMAL monkey." There is a difference! "It was funny. There should be lots of monkey jokes." He sets his half-eaten donut down on the lid of the box. He leans back on the sofa. He'll probably finish that later? "It's better here than a home. I know that's the kinda stuff you came here for. But it's... still not good."

Beast has posed:
"You know, Bucky... you are crap at the storylines. CLearly we need to have a crate of beer, for you to tell the yarn from the beginning without skipping right to the end," Hank says with a grin, easing back into one of the chairs, crossing his leg at the ankle. "I'm only fishing to try and get you to talk a bit. I genuinely came by for a wellness check, not to pull your brain apart and examine your corpose collostrum with a probe." Light dances in the Beast's blue eyes. "Hence my poke about the Fine, because I suspect there's a lot that you may want to rant, rave, throw hands up at or even just grouse about. The world we're in is a level of bizarre that Monkey stories quite clearly illustrate. By the by, you do have to explain that in more detail."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "That's the thing though, isn't it? What is there to rant and rave about? I'm here, I'm not in some lab in cryo-stasis..." Bucky's voice drops to barely a whisper when he says THAT word. He hates that word, he hates that technology in its entirety. "Steve's here..." His life isn't bad, so why can't he just be *happy*? "It was a monkey in a purple dress actually. Some guy's pet..." Thank GOODNESS Tina didn't hear THAT. "...knew sign language and was fangirling over Steve worse than you fanboyed." Break the wall a little, build it back up with a change of subject. One step forward, two back. God, he's a pain in the ass!

Beast has posed:
"When things seem bright and gay, they only seem that way, because I'm painting the clouds with sunshine!" Beast hums this, resting his head back against the chair cushion, rolling his head to the side. "The world is a mixed up, screwed up place. Even if you're not in a dark, gloomy cylinder, you're still walking in this world, a man out of time, dealing with the insanity that is being alive. You know what happened to me the other day, that got me really annoyed? I got napalmed by a Hungry Ghost, right out of chinese mythology and let me tell you, having a third degree burn heal on you is extremely painful." He lifts up his left arm and waggles it at the elbow. "I'm afraid I lost my temper a bit on that occasion and tore it in three pieces. I had gone to have lunch with friends and the dumplings went cold whilst fighting /ghosts/. Not proud of that, but really, it's hard to feel morally blackened when the thing you're fighting is already dead. Makes me wonder how I'd handle a vampire."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "Stake to the heart's the only way really, unless they're friendlies." Because yes, Bucky's met 'friendly' vampires. He pushes himself to his feet, perhaps a little too suddenly, and wanders across the room to pretend to be looking through the little collection of books he's brought to Steve's with him. It's so obviously more to put physical, and therefore emotional, distance between himself and Beast. It's the distance that keeps his voice even and void of any real emotion when he says, "The world's always been crazy, it'll always be crazy. It's not the crazy that... It's the darkness. ...and sometimes I think I might be the darkest thing I've ever seen in it."

Beast has posed:
No comment on the distance. You do what you got to do, ne? "See, that's the thing. Friendly. Mind, I dunno if I've ever met one or not, I mean, I could have and never have known, I suppose." Beast strokes his chin hair, twirling the dark fur there; one horn, reverse the curl, two horns. Now he's all viking. He watches Bucky sidelong. "I feel these days, that it's crazier than it was. And that, right there," he gestures open palmed at the winter soldier, twirling the hand a little. "It's all perspective, I wager. Given the vast amounts of cosmically nasty entities that are around."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "If I stood here and counted, I could give you a number because I remember every single one," Bucky's voice is still that detached thing, no emotion whatsoever. "...of the people I've killed." Someone that wasn't familiar with him, someone that didn't know at least a little bit of what's in Bucky's heart, would find his emotionless tone cold and callous. He pulls a book of the shelf and pages through it. He's not really looking at the pages though, not really... no, he's looking inside his own mind, maybe even quietly counting to himself. That's probably not a good thing.

Beast has posed:
Henry McCoy is silent for a few very long seconds, which is an odd thing for him. Odder, when it stretches out to a whole minute, then two. He's just watching it seems, his body posture open, the crossed leg resting ankle to knee.

Winter Soldier has posed:
    He puts the book back and walks over to the picture of him and Steve together. "He still thinks I'm worth saving," Bucky comments as he runs his fingers over the frame. "But he's always been an optimist." He picks up the picture so he can look at it more closely, or maybe just so he can hold it. "I think maybe I've mentioned it before. How sometimes I think about just leaving. He'd never allow it. He'd hunt me down like a damned bloodhound. To the end of the line...." He puts the picture back and turns away from it as if it means nothing, as if he's trying to dismiss what it really does mean... how much it really means. "Sometimes I hate him for that."

Beast has posed:
"Well, the Avengers aren't precisely the play nice and take prisoners types, most of the time. Natasha, Bruce, heck, even Tony. And lets face it, Thor is Thor. You tried talking to Natasha? She would, I would suppose, share the most in common with you, in -that- respect anyway. Steve would never leave any comrade behind. It's what makes him a cut in the cloth good guy." Hank pauses, tilts his head a little, doglike. "Do you feel guilty that he still remembers Bucky Barnes? Because I'm fairly certain he probably feels like you're his brother. The only thing I can compare it to, in my own experience is how I feel about Scott, Jean, Bobby and Warren-- and I actually don't think even that is the same. Simply because... I know I'd do what I had to, to save them from themselves. Sometimes, I worry I'll have to, some day."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "Nat gets it for the most part, but..." Bucky rolls his shoulders a little. "She has her own shit going on though." Back to the books again. Anything but looking directly at Beast. "It's different, all of that is different. The blood on their hands, it was shed for the greater good. I killed people that just got in the way of me... killing people. Innocents were nothing more than something standing between me and my mission." It's easy to tell that he's been in a dark space when he's saying 'I and me and my' instead of... referring to the Winter Soldier as a third party entity. "It's not guilt, not about that. It *scares me* that sometimes it seems like *all* he can see is Bucky Barnes. Even when I tried to kill him, even when he was my mission... all he could see was Bucky. That kinda of blindness can get a man dead."

Beast has posed:
"It can. But it can also be the one saving grace that made Bucky Barnes show up to the plate," Hank observes. "If he didn't appeal, you may have always been who you became, not who you are all over. You can't get rid of all of it, it'll always be there, unless you go for the etch-a-sketch end of the line mindwipe and forget all of it and trust me, that has some downsides." Yes, lets not go that route blue boy. Get back to the sunny side of the street a bit. "You grew up with him didn't you? In Brooklyn? Street kid, getting roughed up, getting into fights and bailing out your friend?"

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "Yeah, we did. It was always the two of us, to the end of the line." He uses that last bit a lot, it must be important. Bucky shakes his head a little as if to clear it. "I know I can't get rid of it, I can't get rid of... the things I've done." His brow furrows, he blinks a few times... there's actually emotion in his voice when he says, "...but I can't even let it go until..." He shakes his head again, quickly this time, it's a gesture of denial or maybe regret at even having started down that path again.
    He wanders back across the room to pick up his donut. Distraction.

Beast has posed:
"And then you signed up together. Well, you first, then he followed suit and got into the program." This is all history, can be found out from public records from the time, but to Bucky, he lived it. "I have a question for you. Feel free to throw something at me, or shout at me if you like. But." He pauses, then floors it to the room. "Is there perhaps a little bit of you that always wanted to be the hero -for- him? You bailed him out, was the big guy. You took the punch, punched back along with him, but you were bigger, stronger. You signed up to fight in another man's war. That, all of that, /speaks/ of something. And then, he becomes the supersoldier and you handle that, but you're still Bucky Barnes, right? You're still the guy that stood up for him. Are you just a little bit... perhaps... angry at him that he accepts the shit along with the sugar?"

Winter Soldier has posed:
    Bucky shakes his head emphatically. "No, I never wanted to be his hero. I was *happy* when I saw him again... when I knew he wouldn't be kicked around by dumbasses anymore." That's definitely not a nail on the head kinda observation. But something else hits a nerve, hits closer to home. ...and he does raise his voice. He doubles his fist at his sides and yells, "I'm not Bucky Barnes anymore!" ...but of course he is. He's still that guy, that good guy that always did and always will protect his friend. The good guy that signed up to fight another man's war because it was the right thing to do. The good guy that would likely take a bullet even for the blue fuzzy sitting in the room with him now despite the short amount of time he's known the other man.
    ...the thing is... James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier? Maybe he doesn't feel like he deserves to be Bucky Barnes anymore.

Beast has posed:
"EEh-Uhhhh--" the sound of that the big X makes on Family Fortunes when you get the answer wrong or it's not in the 'Survey Says' responses. Beast perhaps ought to be careful, but this Doctor is capable of taking care of himself, if he had to. He remains relaxed, even in the face of the angry. "Do you suppose that when life changes you, you ever cease being who you used to be? I was Hank McCoy when I was three, collecting bugs and hanging from trees by my feet. I was Hank McCoy when I tried to hide myself as a human being. I was still Hank McCoy when I fucked up and turned myself into this," he gestures at himself. "And I'm Hank McCoy now. It's just the portfolio that gets bigger. You never -stop- being yourself. You just add to it."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "I wasn't Bucky before Steve." He stalks off into the bathroom to wash the squished donut from his hand... and to get some space. "I was James," he continues, just loudly enough to be heard over the running water. "...I stopped being myself for over seventy years." ...barely even audible at all even after the water's turned off. He closes the bathroom door and then slides down it to sit on the floor, it's easy to tell what he's doing... he's shirtless, his metal shoulder scrapes the door on the way down. "I'll never be Bucky as long as what they put there's still there," he whispers. Of course Beast does have some good ears! He might even manage to hear the stubborn sniffle of a sound Bucky makes when he's fighting back actual tears.
    He's all jumbled and a mess but damned if all the pieces don't fit together to tell a pretty simple story if a person follows the breadcrumbs out of the forest. Steve is all he's got, his best friend, his brother, his family, the one who dubbed him 'Bucky', his 'person'... and he's never going to feel 'worthy' of being Bucky Barnes to his brother's Steve Rogers again as long as HYDRA is still in his head, even dormant.

Beast has posed:
Old news. We need to move beyond this. Been over this hurdle, but two hurdles on, one hurdle back. Or is it One hurdle on, two back? Augh, the conundrum!

Through the door: "Well, to be fair, I was Henry when I was three. My mother wasn't particular big on giving me nicknames, although I was 'Sport' to my dad. Someone else gave -me- the name Hank, too. We don't chose our nicknames, my friend. We just live up to them, or... live with them."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "Last night," Bucky begins... still on the other side of the door. "I dreamed about the people I've killed. ...only they all had Steve's face. Some nights it's Nat's face, some nights it's Tony's or Bruce's." He snorts a strained laugh before, "Even Thor's... mostly Steve's though." He has the emotion under control again, no more sniffles and not a hint of it in his voice. That... might not be a good thing either. "I can't remember, did I tell you that I killed Tony's parents?" Just a beat... "For some reason, they always have their own faces."
    He falls silent, but it's a heavy sort of silence accompanied with him banging the back of his head against the bathroom door, lightly... not like he's trying to brain himself. It's a silence that begs for ... more silence so he can figure out what to say next. Or how to say it. "But the scariest nights, the ones when I wake up with my heart beating the hardest and the fastest?" Bucky sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. "...are the nights when they all have my face."

Beast has posed:
From the other side: "That's probably significant. Likely, this is a good thing that you're actually talking about that. I'd hate to kill myself over and over. I'd get this horrible complex, like I couldn't get the job done right after the first time and all that -- I mean, you get to make one mistake or two, but how hard can it be, when you figure out this or that doesn't work, just go for the overkill." -- All in a droll tone. Then there's silence for a bit.
    "Do you want to kill your friends? Genuine curiosity here. Like, those moments when they're doing something profoundly stupid and you just want to smack their heads against a concrete block, kind of killing... or you know, the sniper shot from at range when they're telling you where to go and what to do kind of thing. If you do, what prompts it?"

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "No... never..." Bucky replies quickly and vehemently. Smack'm maybe, but never actually KILL them. Never, ever. He finally pushes himself to his feet and opens the bathroom door. "I would never hurt any of them. But... *he* would." Okay, coming back out of the darkness a little, sort of acknowledging that *he* isn't *me*. "I need... I don't care about the risks, I don't care how it happens... but I need it gone. I *need* it gone, Hank. Even if it takes a damned lobotomy and I'm drooling in my jello for the rest of my life. I need it gone. Because if they ever get me again. If they ever turn me into *him* again. Bucky'll be dead forever, there won't be any coming back from it."

Beast has posed:
"Ok," from the chair he's still occupying, Beast nods to James. He takes off his spectacles, cleans them on his T-shirt and puts them back on his nose. "Usually, I'd say I have a kick-ass telepath on hand, but I think she's having her own crisis of identity at the moment and is enjoying BBQs and laundry in her own home. But let me see who I can talk to, what I can arrange. Are you willing to undergo deep hypnosis and such, to try and excise this? I'll have to wrangle. But you also have to commit. Genuinely commit, to the therapy wherever it goes. You can't evade and avoid. I know it's tough, but I suppose when it's a proceedure, it's a little easier?"

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "You'll be there?" Because well, the big blue meanie has rather been thrust into the role of Bucky's... security blanket? TEDDY BEAR! He won't answer about committing until... he gets an answer.

Beast has posed:
"Frankly, you have geniuses on your payroll here at Avengers R' Us, but I don't think a one of them is an actual medical doctor. If I left you in THIER tender hands, I would never forgive myself. But I might need your help poking Bruce in the eye and the silent approval going face to face with Tony. You know, the other genius in the room can sometimes get territorial. I hope he doesn't." Beast grins. "Or if he does, that it's fun to watch."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "Steve'll handle any of them that need handling." Bucky has more than the utmost confidence in that fact. He knows it better than he knows himself. If it's what is Best for Bucky, then Steve will make sure it happens. "SHIELD might be more trouble when it comes to poking at my brain than the others... but Steve'll deal with that too." He chews on the inside of his cheek a moment, but stops before drawing blood. His brow furrows. "One more thing..." A beat, gathering courage maybe? "Promise me... you'll still be here after you find out my secrets." Because there's still so much Hank doesn't know.

Beast has posed:
Henry McCoy gets up from his seat and walks up toward Bucky. He pauses infront of him, looking the man from toe to hairline and then square in the eye. He puts his hands on his hips a moment, then reaches up one hand and makes a 'flicking' hand shape, only to then let loose with the end of his middle finger to strike at Bucky's forehead, right in the third eye. Whether it lands or not is up to Bucky. "Do me a favour would you? Tell me what -you- know about -me-."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "I know enough to know that... some day, I wanna know more," Bucky replies even after being flicked in the forehead. He doesn't even flinch. "You know, not everyone gets to call me Bucky. Only my friends." He looks down. He's doing that thing with his right hand, touching each fingertip to his thumb. It's rhythmic and repeated over and over a few times before he looks back up. He cracks a little crooked smile and adds, "...I know you can put away a donut." ... A beat, two. "...but mostly I know that it doesn't matter. You're a good man, no matter what you might be hiding."

Beast has posed:
"So, not really a whole lot then." Beast chuckles, but what was known was enough for a cursory judgement. He smiles up at the taller man. "I tend to be obnoxious about people's names. There's a lovely southern Belle that tells everyone else off, for using her actual name, but takes it when I do it." He beams, teeth showing pointy. "I can put away an entire party platter, if you let me. One donut is -nothing-. I could do it in my sleep!" He lifts chin, looks away, strikes that pose of exaggerated pride with his chest stuck out. Then he deflates, resumes normal operations on Beastmode. "You asked for my help, in a kind of round-about way, but you did. I don't abandon what I start. I never have. I've been at this for less time than you, I suppose-- only twenty years or so, but I don't quit. I /believe/ you can never judge a book by the cover. Your book looks a lot like an impenetrable steel-bound tome. You can also know this: If I have to, I will stop you. I hope I never have to, because I want to know Bucky for years to come. But... I will. If I have to."

Winter Soldier has posed:
    "You won't need to if it comes to it. Nat will," Bucky replies and he's as confident in that fact as he is in the fact that Steve will make whatever needs to happen... happen. "I don't want that on your conscience, so let her do it." They have a pact afterall. "Just don't let Steve get the chance to stop her." He sucks in a breath and takes one small step back. "I'm tired, it's late, Steve won't be home tonight. If you don't feel like driving home, take the bed. I'm used to the sofa." Really, he's offering because it IS late, but... maybe just a little bit because he'd rather not be alone? Just a little. It's not enough that Hank should feel bad if he doesn't stay. "You don't have to..." he even adds, and he means it.

Beast has posed:
"I can stay if you like. It /is/ late. But don't be ridiculous. I will take the couch, I'm accustomed to it. MD. The amount of times you get the best night's rest on the doctor's lounge couch is insaaaaaane," Beast backhand waves the notion of taking the bed in this arrangement. "And I repeat: I will do what I have to do. If I'm any good, which I do so -hope- I am, it won't come to that." He nods, moving to do just that and occupy the couch. "Sleep well, James Buchanan Barnes." Wink. ANd now, he'll tip the imaginary hat over his face and put his spectacles on the coffee table.

Winter Soldier has posed:
    Bucky doesn't argue. Maybe he already knows enough about Beast to know that he'd lose the argument? He's already dressed for bed, so he climbs into it... bed that is, on top of the blankets. For a long, long time he just lays there staring at the ceiling. When he finally drifts off, his sleep isn't entirely peaceful, nor does he wake up screaming or in the middle of some sort of flashback in which Beast is is 'mission'. It's been known to happen! But tonight is dreams are relatively tame with only some muttering and softly whispered protests to whatever it is he's reliving. All in all, a good night for him.