9375/Our Past Isn't All Of Who We Are

Our Past Isn't All Of Who We Are
Date of Scene:	30 September 2019
Location:	Staff Meeting Hall - Xavier's School
Synopsis:	Samuel visits Kitty in the guidance counselor's office, and relates the tale of how he ended up with SHIELD
Cast of Characters:	Samuel Morgan, Shadowcat

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Samuel Morgan has posed:
    It's been a strange few days for Samuel, a strange few weeks even. Adjusting to life in the school was very much a work in progress, and for all the progress there have also been a few setbacks. But nobody said this was going to be easy. For the past two days, Sam (Bean to his friends, Techno to his team mates), has found a new passion in the Honda Shadow classic he was given to restore... he's spent more time in the garage working on that bike than anywhere else over the whole weekend. It undoubtedly did him a world of good.

    Knowing that he can't show up to a scheduled meeting with his guidance counselor dressed like a grease monkey, Bean had spent the last hour preparing. His hair, longer than it has ever been, is just so. Clothes, even with his limited wardrobe choices, are impeccable. It looks like he might even have tried to put a shine on the beat up sneakers he wears. Exactly ten minutes before the scheduled meeting time, he's waiting outside the door, counting down the seconds. Exactly twenty seconds prior to the meeting, he knocks.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty comes over and opens up the door. The guidance counselors have a little room to themselves, which is decorated to be a fairly comfortable space, while avoiding the clichés like posters of cats hanging from branches with "Hang In There" on them.

"Hey Sam, come on in," she says, flashing him the warm and gentle smile that the students are used to getting from Kitty. "Actually I should check, do you prefer Sam? Sammuel?" she asks him, and perhaps not having caught on to the Bean nickname yet.

Kitty motions him to a chair. "I was just about to make myself a cup of tea. Would you like one?" she asks him as she moves back over to her side of the desk. Behind it is a little table that has a coffee maker on it though can also serve up just plain hot water. "How's the bike coming along?" she asks with interest.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    Trying to hide the anxiousness and the way his body wants to come to attention, Sam enters the room. It's likely he's been in many rooms almost exactly like this one quite a few times, but he still glances around to take in the details... furniture, escape routes, potential improvised weapons... it's an automatic thing, and he fights it the moment he becomes aware. Students don't try to assess every area of the school like a potential battlefield.

    "Practically everyone calls me Bean these days. Shannon keeps trying to get people to call me Techno. I like both, but Sam will do if that's what you prefer, Miss Pryde. Tea would be wonderful, thank you."

    The chair... is checked. While trying to make it look like something natural, Bean moves it ever so slightly to make sure it's not bolted to the floor, and then turns it a bit so he can keep an eye on the door. Some habits never die... "I've made some progress, managed to nickel coat most of the nuts and bolts for the covers. I'm taking the gearbox apart next, but the flywheel and clutch pressure plate are both beyond repair. I guess that's why the bike was left out to rust. Shannon... has asked if she could help me, in return for teaching me how to cook. I've accepted that offer. My apologies for doubling the risk of accidental fires." Was that a joke?

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty seems to take it as a joke given how she grins to him. "Bean it is then," she says. Kitty will get her mug as well as one of the extra ones, putting teabags in them and adding the hot water, then setting them aside to steep. "I'm glad that you're making friends. Shannon seems like a nice girl," she says as Kitty swivels her chair back around fully to face Samuel.

"I had a lot of fun restoring Daisy. Sounds like you're finding the same kind of thing with yours," she comments. "So, a lot of faces for you to take in and get to know, I'm sure. I was a student here as well, not too long ago. Started here when I was thirteen. Went off to England for university after," she comments. "So I have some idea what it feels like on the student side. But then a lot of the staff are that way," she adds.

Kitty smiles over to him. "How are you finding things here, Bean?" she asks, the brunette twenty-one year old having an easy-going way to her that is generally fairly disarming.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "Shannon was one of the first people I met, in the school, that just... accepted me." Bean admits, trying to look at Kitty but mostly looking away. This is one of these situations where he's expected to reveal his true feelings. And he's not even sure he has any. "She didn't ask questions, she's gone out of her way to make me feel better. But she doesn't know much about me, and I'm worried that when she finds out, everything will just... fall apart."

    "The only real problem I have with the school is that there's no real gym. I like to be active, and aside from the room in the basement, there's really nowhere for me to train. Miss Jubilee has offered to let me in her gymnastics class, so I can teach some of the students some defensive rolls, or at least show them how it's done. But I'll be very honest." And now his almost unnaturally blue eyes do find Kitty's. "I enjoyed beating up those robots with Andrea. I feel that, if I don't find an actual punching bag soon, I'm going to go crazy."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty removes the tea bags, and offers Sam some milk to go with his tea. "Took to liking milk in mine while I was over there. I have some sugar too," she offers. Once the tea is settled then she leans back in her chair, relaxing and crossing a leg over the other in a comfortable position.

"We definitely can handle workouts. I'll see about making sure you get some additional time beyond gym classes," she tells him. "And you're not the only one who craves a good workout, trust me there. You'll be able to find plenty of people who will happily join in. If anything we probably need to rein people in from time to time," Kitty says.

She offers a gentle look. "Kids can be tough on each other. There might be some who will take news of your past poorly, I won't lie to you on that. I personally think Shannon is a pretty accepting person though. It's up to you what you say. No one is going to make you have to. But I want you to know you're always welcome to talk to me about any of it. I'm not going to prod you to talk about it either though. It's an offer if you'd like. Not a requirement," she offers.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    The mug is accepted with visible gratitude, and Bean cradles it in his hands, letting the warmth spread through them, inhaling the scent... "Tea with milk and sugar, also known as the NATO standard tea." That's two jokes in one day, someone check to make sure he's not been replaced by Loki please!

    A sip, closing his eyes, savoring the taste. "I need to talk about it. Not talking about it is harder than I thought. And I've spent a long time not talking about it, that hasn't worked. But I'm still not sure why nobody has asked me the obvious question yet."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty takes a sip of her own tea as she regards Samuel quietly above her cup. "Then we can talk. As much as you'd like," she says. "Which obvious question? There's probably more than one," Kitty adds, her soft grin returning.

"I know you have been through a lot, taught to think they way they wanted you to, Bean. But I believe you want you be here. That you want more from life than what they intended you to be," Kitty says. "And, it doesn't hurt to have telepaths that are able to confirm it," she adds with a soft chuckle. "But really, we've had a number of people that have had pasts to overcome. And some of them are still working on it. There is a lot of understanding of your situation to be found here," she says.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "I've spoken to Laura. We get along." That in itself might be terrifying. "And I know that a lot of students in the school have had problems. They talk to me, I listen."

    Tea is the lubricant of conversation, it seems, and after his next sip, Bean seems to start to open up a bit more. "The first question I was asked by SHIELD, when they were trying to figure out what to do with me, was the one I was expecting. The one question that nobody in the school has asked me. Have I ever killed anyone?"

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty holds her cup as she listens to Samuel. She has a gold necklace, on with a Star of David hanging from it which stands out on the dark sweater that she's wearing today along with her jeans. "A good thing about this school? We tend to focus on who someone wants to be, more than on who they have been. And we try to help them be that paerson," Kitty says.

She takes a sip of her tea. "So. Have you ever killed anyone?" she asks him, her head tilting a bit to the side as she gives him the opportunity to talk about what is on his mind.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    The necklace grabs Sam's attention for a moment, and with it comes a flash of memory that is painful in its accuracy. Things he was taught, the hatred he was supposed to embrace and share... Tea masks the grimace for a moment, and then Bean stares off into space, to an object about a thousand yards away.

    "I have. Once I was asked if I kept count, of if I remembered any of them in particular. But I lost count... No, that's not right. I stopped counting at some point. It was easier. And I don't really feel any regret for it. Except for one, I don't feel anything about it. It's just... void. A fact."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty's face doesn't show any judgment as she listens. She has a compassionate look, understanding but not pity. "You were raised and trained to kill, correct?" Kitty asks Samuel quietly. "It's important to us here, that we live right, that we respect others lives. I'd be more concerned if you had enjoyed it, than that you don't feel much about it," she says quietly.

Kitty's head tilts to the side just a little bit as she looks thoughtful. "Are you worried how others will react if they hear that part in particular?" she asks him.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
Samuel shakes his head, slowly at first and then faster, until the denial is almost violent. "No... no I wasn't, I wasn't supposed to... it..." Breathing deep, he takes another sip of his tea and it seems to bring him back to the present, ordering his thoughts so he can finally express what he wanted to. "I wasn't supposed to be a weapon. Not... not this kind anyway. My job, was going to be to pretend to be someone's son, infiltrate their business and family, and then work behind the scenes until HYDRA could take over all the assets and control the business, with me as a puppet figurehead. That was the plan. But I was a mutant."

    Fingers grip the mug more tightly, and he looks over to Kitty with what he hopes -- hopes -- is a fairly neutral look. "I don't regret being a mutant. My father never thought any less of me. HYDRA... wasn't as tolerant, as you might imagine. They wanted to break my father for ruining their project, but he was too clever about it. So they broke me, knowing it would break him. They turned me into a weapon, conditioned me, put me in every possible situation for me to fail. I've seen people I nearly counted as family get killed on missions that we weren't meant to survive, I was put in teams that didn't give a crap about me, and they ordered me to ... " He finally breaks off, blinking furiously. "... they messed with my head. They could turn me from being just a kid into some kind of psychopath, just like that. And I remember everything."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty sets down her cup on the desk, leaning forward a little bit in her chair. It's just a small movement, but enough to convey the sense of her being there with him. For him. "You couldn't help what was done to you. But from here, you can leave the kind of life that you choose," Kitty says softly. "Losing people... it changes you," Kitty says in a knowing tone. Her thoughts flit for a moment to the pain her own loved ones felt because of her coma, but she pushes the thought from her mind.

"Are you worried someone could do that to you again?" Kitty asks him quietly. She eyes the state of his tea, getting another mug and putting a tea bag in it to begin preparing a second cup for him while they talk.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "I know they could..." Bean begins, putting down the mug, eyes closed now. And yet despite not having his eyes open, he managed to put the mug down gently, with precision. "There's things in my head... protocols, instinctive reactions... Andrea called them out, said it looked like I moved on automatic, and she wasn't wrong. I don't know if there's any triggers left. They tried to get them out of my head, but... I don't know. How can I know?"

    "Did anyone ever tell you how I got to be in a SHIELD prison in the first place?"

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty watches the fifteen year old close his eyes as he describes what was done to him. "Bean, we have some of the best telepaths in the world here. And I'm probably understating it when I say that. We can definitely have them work with you to see if there is anything left. To help you break them if there are," she says.

Kitty adds milk and sugar to the new cup of tea, passing it over to Samuel. "No, would you like to tell me about it?" she asks. The information is no doubt there in his file, the one that only a few of the staff would be allowed to access, and Kitty is probably one of them. "I'd like to hear it from your perspective," she says.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "Doctor Eisen... the man who pretended to be my father for the first eight years of my life... he couldn't take it that they were trying to get to him through me." Bean begins, picking up the new cup almost automatically. This time his finger don't just curl around the mug, they squeeze. "So he decided to run, to the only place where we'd be safe. To SHIELD." The tea nearly sloshes until the teenager almost absently takes a sip. So far, all of this is in the file. The rest, however, is a blank... Sam's file goes straight from there to his incarceration.

    "The Commander found out. Must have been told by the same people that..." Again he looks first at the wall and then back at Kitty. "We were going to run on the last day of June. They'd decided it was the best time to do it, I didn't get a say in it. I was getting ready, trying not to look suspicious, and then... there was a message on the console in my room. It just said that SHIELD was sending a kill team, not an extraction team. They were going to kill everyone in the base. So I , I..." His puts the mug down again, and then mimes grabbing something off the desk, eyes focused in the far distance once more. "I had a pistol under my pillow. Stole it from the armory, so easy too. And then, then I... I was going to run to Papa, to get him out, get us both out. I was still wearing my uniform, we'd just come off a mission, had the body armor... had it on. And when I get to the lab, where Papa's quarters are, I see another group coming around the other corner. They had guns, they had them out, they were coming for us. The Commander must have sent them to kill us before we could run."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty stays quiet as she listens. The room is silent but for the sounds of Samuel's voice, and the faint whirring of the furnace blowing warm air now that the coolness of Autumn has come to upstate New York.

Kitty's hands move to her knee, lacing her fingers over it as she listens to Samuel tell the tale of his leaving HYDRA. She doesn't offer an comments or ask any questions for now. She just listens and lets him share, and perhaps unburden himself of some of what he's carrying inside.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    In Sam's mindscape, the whole scene is replaying again, with the unnatural clarity of a memory that has been viewed again and again for years. His hand moves up, fingers curling to grip a pistol that isn't there. "They saw me. I wasn't hiding the pistol, they saw me. Millar... we'd just been on a mission, he was watching the right, I was watching his back... he sees me, brings his pistol up, doesn't hesitate. I'm half a second slow. He gets the first shot off, gets me right in center mass. It hurts... don't know if the vest held, I can't breathe, everyone else is starting to aim, I shoot back. Get Millar just above the edge of his vest, in the collar bone and he's down. There's more shots now, I dive left, to the wall and fire two shots back. Papa came out the other corridor before Millar fired. I only see him now. I panic..." and the index finger of Sam's right hand curls ever so slightly, towards his palm, miming pulling a trigger... the only time he's done that in this narrative. "I shoot him. Mozambique drill. He's dead. I killed him."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty listens, keeping her expression gentle as she listens to Sam describe how he had to gun down people that he knew. The young woman has a great sense of empathy, which makes her feel for him.

But then he gets to the detail that has etched that moment so deeply into his memories and Kitty can't help but give a soft sound. "Bean, I'm so sorry," she tells him quietly. If he allows her, she reaches over to take his hand and gives it a small squeeze. Something to remind him that he's alone. That he's not in that moment still even as it plays out for him with clarity. Kitty swallows. What do you say to someone in a moment like that.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    For a few seconds, the hand on his doesn't even register. Considering he's been known to spot Kaydin entering a room and prepare to knock him over the head with an IV stand, it's an indication of just how deep Bean is reliving the moment. He blinks furiously again, eyes still dry but dull, no tears where there should have been some. He looks directly at Kitty now, unable to stop narrating, to stop the scene replaying in his head. "They keep shooting. Me, Papa, they don't care. So I shoot back. And somehow... somehow I kill them all. All of them. I don't even know how many times I got shot myself, I didn't... didn't feel anything after that first one. I try to drag Papa away but my arm isn't working right, and my leg's not.. it doesn't want to... and I crawl. I crawl away. There's more shooting, I see others just... fighting each other. Team against team. The alarms go off, I grab another pistol from someone and just... wait. It just gets colder and darker. And when I... when I see someone come in, wrong uniform, I try to shoot them but the pistol is so heavy I can't lift it. They look at me and they leave me there, stop, they come back. More of them, flashlights, a needle in my neck and... dark. Just dark."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty looks back at Samuel, her brown eyes expressing her empathy for the student as he continues to feel the memory play out. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Samuel," she tells him quietly. Kitty falls silent then, just letting him have a few moments before she says more.

"He wanted to get you away, you said. I didn't know him. But I expect he'd probably be happy with what you're doing with your life. With how far you've come," she says in a soft voice. She gives his hand an additional, soft squeeze before letting it go.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    The moment passes, reality comes back. It's a rush of light and sensation that seems to crash from the outside in, and Bean takes a sudden deep breath as if surfacing from deep underwater. He only just processes what Kitty says, gives a ghost of a smile and then carefully but firmly extracts his hand. His other hand runs through his hair, squeeze the back of his head. Swiftly, almost quick enough to send the chair toppling over, Sam stands and paces about for a few moments. "I ... I need to ... I would like to go back to my room now please."