9898/Hot Chocolate With A View

Hot Chocolate With A View
Date of Scene:	03 November 2019
Location:	Roof Tower - Xavier's School
Synopsis:	Samuel Bean and Kitty have a hot chocolate talk while Samuel is weighing some things
Cast of Characters:	Shadowcat, Samuel Morgan

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Shadowcat has posed:
After hearing from others, Kitty reaches out Samuel to see if he has some free time. She schedules getting together with him up in the Roof Tower. It has a gorgeous view and she always found it a peaceful place to talk to people, able to go inside the tower if the weather is too cold.

Kitty gets there early, having brought a big thermos of hot chocolate. She waits to pour it into cups until Samuel arrives though to help keep it hot. She brought a bag of marshmallows to make sure it gets that tasty froth on top.

Kitty settles into one of the chairs inside the tower, though is wearing a sweater and brought a jacket in case Samuel prefers to sit outside.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    The roof. Perhaps the most tranquil place in the entire Mansion. Now that the weather is turning, Bean spends a lot less time above the rafters, but when he's in doubt, when there's just too much noise and too much of a crowd, he still escapes to the very top of the school. It might still come as a surprise that he enters the tower from the outside, having walked across the gables to get there.

    He's still in his usual clothing, but they're looking nowhere near as neat as normal. There's mud on the legs of his pants, his boots haven't been polished, and his hair looks like he just got out of bed. Without a word, he takes the seat in the other chair and starts to look out, over the rather magnificent view.

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty doesn't disturb Samuel's reflection after having given him a smile of greeting. She pours the hot chocolate into mugs and adds the marshmallows, finally passing one over to Samuel.

Afterwards Kitty just sits and looks out at the view, sipping her own drink. It'll be quite awhile before she says, "This has always been one of my favorite places. Pretty quiet, and I just love the view. It's usually pretty peaceful, any time of year," she tells him. Not jumping into matters yet, just talking.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    Bean's eyes never move from the view, his head doesn't turn... he simply accepts the mug in his right hand and brings it up for a sip. Aaaaaahhhhhh..... The heat of the mug warming his hands, the smell of the hot chocolate, the taste... tension starts to drain, and his shoulders visibly relax. And it still takes a minute or so before he replies.

    "You can see for miles. Nothing to get in the way, nothing looking back at you." There is, as always, a fleeting thought through the teen's head that this would be an ideal elevated position, but at least his social training has advanced to the point where he doesn't mention this. "I do a lot of thinking here."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty sips her own drink and nods. "Something about being able to see a long ways that is so comforting isn't it? Maybe it's some sort of instinctive safety trait. Be able to see trouble coming, and feeling peaceful then when there's no sign of it? I don't know if that's it, but I know I like it," she says, tone turning warm at the last part.

"Any of thoughts ones you might like to talk about with someone?" she asks him. "Heard you'd been through a rough stretch," she says gently.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "It's the horizon." Bean starts, pointing with his left hand while holding the mug in his right, loosely now rather than rigidly. It allows him to take another sip, and stall for time while he organises his thoughts on the more serious matters. "The further up you are, the further away the horizon seems, and the less clutter between you and it. Up here, everything's clear, you can chart a path, you can... you can see where you're going. Down below, everything's just... complicated. You can't see where you're going next, only where you're going now." Sounds like he's put some thought into this as well.

    A deep breath and another sip before he tackles the recent crisis. "It's better now. Lack of sleep, forgot to take my medication a few times..." He looks out, tightens his grip on the mug and shakes his head. "No, dammit, that's a cop-out. You deserve better from me. Truth is that I got blindsided. Some... byzantine social convention I didn't get, and suddenly I go from trying to teach someone at their request to having hurt their feelings for offering to teach. I don't get it. But I've had some sleep, and a good talk with a counselor. I'm feeling more grounded now."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty crosses one leg over the other, leans back in a chair with a posture that speaks of relaxation and comfort. Perhaps intending to keep that feeling present for Samuel as much as she can. "People often don't get along with each other," Kitty says softly. "Sometimes it can be no more than that. But miscommunications can make even good friends get upset at each other," she agrees.

Kitty takes another sip of her hot chocolate. "I'm glad you were able to work through it. It's still on your mind I can tell though. Do you have any good means of stress release, of helping regain your center after something like that?" Kitty asks.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    Despite clearly being more relaxed than when he came in, Bean's posture doesn't change much. At least he's letting the chair fully support him rather than sit on the very edge so he can spring up into action at a moment's notice. Small victories... "Normally I go to the gym and punch the heavy bag until my knuckles bleed. I've decided that it might not be the healthiest of outlets. That leaves working on my bike, but that's where the incident happened, so I'm staying away from it for a little while, until I can walk into the garage and look at my bike without an anxiety attack."

    "It's still on my mind. A lot of things are still on my mind. I'm not sure how many of those I should talk about." Siiiiip. Hot chocolate. The great leveler...

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty continues the relaxed posture as she listens. "It's up to you, Samul, on if you want to bring them up. If you'd like to talk about them I'm willing to," Kitty says. She takes another sip of hers, getting a marshmallow fluff moustache which she grins about and wipes with a finger.

"I wonder if you'd enjoy other things if you try them. Piotr teaches painting and sculpting. I've always thought sculpting, working with clay, was a lot like working with engines and computers at least in terms of the feeling of creating," Kitty muses quietly. "And the results can be nice to look at on top of it."

Kitty's head tilts a little bit. "I don't know how things look to you, Samuel. But I think you're making great progress. I can't directly relate to what you're going through. But I've seen Laura come from a similar situation. I don't know if you have much of a perspective to view your own progress through or not. But, I think you've come a long way already."

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "There's one thing I measure myself against, one standard that I always keep in mind." And now Bean leans forwards, holding the mug in both hands and looking intently out over the landscape. "I think of the ideal agent. Duplicitous, detached, willing to betray friends and stab the innocent in the back, no thought except for the mission, and the mission over all. No morality, no doubts, no mercy..." That's some standard.

    "The further away I get from that, the better I know I'm doing. So it always frightens me when I think I slide back towards that ideal." Sip, two handed. A lick to get rid of the residue on his upper lip. "I've been doubting if this is the place for me, if this is the place I would have chosen to come to if I'd been given the choice." He turns his head, finally, to look at Kitty. "A real choice, not one between this and the Scorpion Pit."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty's attention is focused on Samuel as she listens to him, giving little nods, feedback that she's hearing him. "I'm sure that is how Hydra wanted their operatives to act. The school might not be the ideal place," she agrees slowly. "I imagine a more military setting would be more familiar for you. Easier to adjust to. Is that what you were thinking of?" Kitty asks.

"Sometimes easier and more familiar can be limiting too, though. You were forced into situations in your old training that would stretch you in directions they wanted you to grow. But when it's up to you to grow on your own, sometimes it can be tough to want to take on what it takes to grow," Kitty says. "I can't speak for SHIELD. But if there were somewhere you would be happier, I imagine the school would try to help you get there. Ultimately, we want you happy, and safe."

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "A counselor asked me, I think it was last week, what it was I wanted." Non sequitur? Or a run up to some kind of new realisation? Bean is looking at Kitty now, rather than the view, a sure sign that he feels the serious conversation has started. "Then, I told her that what I wanted didn't matter. Now though, now I've had some time to think about it." And time to fish for a marshmallow as well, it seems, eating it neat without any hot chocolate. Barbarian...

    "I always thought, if I ever got out of that cell, I'd join something like the Marine Corps, or even SHIELD itself and turn all my training around on HYDRA. That was the one thing I wanted to do, because that's all I knew how to do. Marines won't have me, I know that, not for a few years and not until I can unscramble my brain. SHIELD won't either, because they fundamentally don't, can't and won't trust me. But I'd like to work more closely with them regardless. As Echo shows, there's things I know that I took for granted, that could be of immense value to them. But as you say, that's limiting myself to what I know."

    A bit of a sigh now. "What do I want to do? To join in with all the music being played, or take some college classes, go for a doctorate, join Mensa, that kind of thing. Normal, every day stuff a teenager with an IQ in the 120 range should be getting into. And still help out some group that's taking an active role in the world. Because sitting still and doing nothing is going to kill me."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty Pryde's face breaks out in a big smile as she hears Samuel elaborate on his new aspirations. "I think those would be wonderful things for you to do, Sam," Kitty tells him. "I think you and I are a lot alike in a number of ways, but the lives we lived up to the age you're at were so very different. I had a lot of time to explore things, from ice skating to dancing to computers to art. I don't have a mutant power dealing with computers, but I'm really good at them. It's just kind of a natural affinity and interest for me," Kitty says.

She takes a sip. "I found out part of it is, I just like learning. I want to gain a bunch of college degrees. Was working on my third when I decided to leave school to come back here, and to work at Stark Industries when they made the offer. I think you are a very smart and talented man. I think you probably would find so many things you might enjoy putting your time into. I really do hope you will break out of that mold they tried to close you in with. Redefine those boundaries."

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "Yes!" Bean practically drops his mug with the force of his exclamation, eyes lighting up. "That's what I mean, that's the thing, exactly the thing." Something got him excited... "I want to learn. New things, anything, everything. I mean, I know computers, obviously, but I want to be better at them. Not just remotely, I mean in theory, in practice, in... argh, any way that lets me invent the next big thing since the universal serial bus."

    Now he stands, walking closer to the edge of the tower, looking out with a smile on his face. An actual, genuine smile. "Study high energy physics, chemistry, biochemistry even, anything. Just... everything. Not this remedial maths and english nonsense. I know it's probably better than what they teach in most schools, but it's just so... so... simple. So boring. I want to get on with it, learn the real skills, the real knowledge, and then study where the knowledge runs out."

    After a few turns up and down, he sits again, sips from his mug and finds to his surprise that it's empty. "I mean... I know what I am now. I know what I can do. That will always be me. But I want to be more, so much more at the same time..."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty Pryde smiles as Samuel confirms what she thought she might have sensed about him. That combination of inquisitiveness, drive, and - though Kitty grimaces at the ego suggested in putting it this way - intelligence that intellectual omnivores often have.

"This is a good place to start. I studied at Oxford, and having a degree from Xavier's School went a long way to getting me in," she tells him. "We do have college classes here of course. If you can show you've mastered the other subjects that will help you be well-rounded, advanced classes are always a possibility. I graduated here early," she says, again feeling that twinge that she doesn't want to seem like she's bragging.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    The residual heat of the mug is seeping into Bean's hands as he cradles it, leaning forwards again and looking at the horizon with what looks like... hope? Anticipation? "I want to get started as soon as possible. Just... as fast as I can. Get someone to teach me how to play the guitar, maybe you can teach me more about computers." And there is one more thing. One thing that suddenly occurs to him, causing his smile to dip just slightly.

    "There's something else. Something I should have asked about earlier, but... it just never wanted to stick in my memory. But I remember now, and I need to ask while I have the opportunity, before some kind of mnemonic trigger makes me forget again. It's not going to be simple though."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty gets the thermos and pours another mugful of the liquid into Samuel's cup unless he waves her off. She slides the bag of mini-marshmallows over to him to let him add them as he likes. Kitty smiles and says, "I'd be happy to teach you computers. Doug's a better programmer, between the two of us. Though I've got him beat when it comes to designing your own," she says, her tone making it something like they probably have had good-natured arguments about, even if what she said is probably a fair rendition of the truth on the matter.

Kitty fills her own glass up, which was getting low as well. "What is it?" Kitty asks as Samuel remembers something else.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    Mini marshmallows to taste... three make it to the mug, one serves its purpose without ever being immersed. Bean lets them dissolve slightly before taking another sip. He's clearly trying to hang on to a single thought, and it's equally clear that the thought wants to escape, wants to be forgotten.

    "I know I'm not the first person ever to escape from HYDRA... defect, escape, get rescued.... get away. I'm not the first person ever that got away from HYDRA." Just saying that looked like it physically hurt. The wince is hidden behind the mug, and the hot chocolate helps in the war against some kind of pre-programmed response. "I want to meet the others that got away. Because HYDRA messes with your head, make it almost impossible to even think about running. It's honestly my greatest challenge, the nagging feeling that I'm a traitor, that I should run away from here, to the nearest safehouse and call a handler so they can come pick me up, take me back home. It's not true, I know it's not, but that's what my brain wants me to believe. That can't be unique to me. I want to know how the others fought it, how they're fighting it, how they're getting around all the latent mental commands. I want to meet the Winter Soldier."

Shadowcat has posed:
Kitty hrms quietly as she listens. "I can imagine I'd want to do the same in your place, Sam," she replies quietly. "I've never met him before, but I imagine someone at SHIELD would be able to help with that if it's feasible. Lara Croft might be a good person to reach out to, to facilitate it. She's a friend of the school, has actually taught here before," Kitty suggests.

"Sometimes it helps people to get together and talk to others who are going through similar things. So, I think that would be very good for you. There might even be a support group that SHIELD might know of, be able to help get you in touch with," she suggests.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    A deep breath, and the smile is back. "I would like that. Because I'm sure they've figured something out that I haven't, and I'll have figured something out that they haven't. That's how HYDRA operates, keep everyone dependent, make it impossible to contemplate disobedience without a team effort, and then make everyone distrust one another." That, right there, might be an important insight Bean has stumbled on. He pauses for a few moments to think about what he said, and then washes it down with the deliciously hot drink.

    "Seriously, SHIELD needs to start some sort of support program for rescued HYDRA operatives. I don't think they realise how much we're programmed to self destruct." Rescued. A significant choice of verb. "I'll be honest with you. Without this place, if I'd managed to escape or they'd just let me out without sending me here... I'd have been back with HYDRA by now. Sorry, that must make no sense whatsoever..."

Shadowcat has posed:
"I think it makes sense," Kitty counters to Samuel. "It's tough to overcome something like that. What was done to you was at the extreme end, but even people who haven't gone through that seek out the familiar and the comfortable. It's a natural reaction, before they even start twisting it to the degree I imagine it was with you," Kitty says.

She considers and says, "I imagine they probably have such people do therapy. I don't know if they have a specific program for it or just, people who are experienced in it." The school itself? It does have some people with actual training in psychiatry, like the Professor. But not many. The guidance counselors have less training in it than a normal school would. Definitely not like what SHIELD would send someone to.

Samuel Morgan has posed:
    "Worth talking to them about." Bean nods and glances out towards the vista beyond. That enticing horizon. It's looking just a bit brighter than it did this morning.