15510/Let Us Never Speak Of This Again

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Let Us Never Speak Of This Again
Date of Scene: 20 August 2023
Location: Dining Hall, Avengers Mansion
Synopsis: A pair of spiders have a bad mission they are Definitely Not Talking About. Instead, they drown their sorrows with cheese toasties.
Cast of Characters: Spider-Woman (Drew), Spider-Man

Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
The night started out great for the beleaguered Spider-Man. There was a rescue of a cat (which sadly no one witnessed), he saved an old woman's handbag (she hit him with it when he returned it, calling him a monster for trying to kill the Mayor), and it kind of went down hill from there.

Look, just don't ask too many questions, but it involved a goo-spitting monster who might or might not have come from an experimental science lab, an inexplicably timed sugar-truck crash, and New York's pigeons choosing that moment to descend on mass.

Oh, and of course, a lost burger.

The last only happened when Spider-Woman got involved, and while they managed to contain the goo-monster, there was, of course, one terrible, dreadful loss.

NYC Villains: 20, Jess' Burgers: Like 0. Seriously.

There's only one thing to do after such a mission. "Cheese toasties," Spider-Woman tells Spider-Man. "I like, made JARVIS order the best cheese for the job, as confirmed by the ninja bear. And, um... I'm sure those feathers will wash right off."

...she's not really sure about that. But hey, there are drones in the Mansion that do that sort of thing for her. She's not worried, more annoyed about spitting out a feather. "Come on, the mansion isn't far. Also? I vote we never speak of this again." Let's hope there's no pictures. Can one be a 'feathered menace'?
Spider-Man has posed:
As far as nights go, this might have been one of the more successful as of late.

At least when it comes to donning the costume and taking to the streets and rooftops at any rate. Which says a great deal about how his life is going at the moment of course.

It is also remarkable how many bad things seem to happen to both Spider-Man and Spider-Woman when they find themselves in the midst of these impromptu team-ups. It is like they both emit a Spider-field and when they come into close proximity, those fields result in absolute chaos and disaster.

For them. And more tragically, for any hamburgers in the vicinity.

Given that one of his oldest enemies is the Vulture, Spidey can indeed confirm that one can very much be a feathered menace and should there be any photos out there of the pair of them, they probably qualify. He might have a few. But there is ab absolute guarantee that none of them will ever -- ever -- see the light of day.

No matter how much J. Jonah Jameson might pay for them. He has some pride, all evidence to the contrary.

"Your confidence about that fact is comforting, though I'm not sure if it's entirely believable," Pete admits, holding up his arms for a moment where feathers cling to drying goo and streaks of sugar. The pigeon poop running down his back from where he was dive bombed is a particularly lovely touch as well.

"I would gladly accept the absolute worst possible cheese of my toasties right about now," he admits, doing his best not to look down at the mess marking his uniform. "You're sure it's okay that I actually step foot inside like this? I won't be swarmed or put into quarantine or anything like that?" he verifies.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Hmm. You have a point. On the upside, you might actually be able to fly with all those feathers." A beat, as Jessica continues, "Wouldn't recommend trying, though. I lost my burger. That's a bad luck strike out for the night." Hence: Spider-Woman being done and retreating to lick her wounds. Admittedly, it helps when the place one can retreat to is a billionaire's mansion with an in-house sentient AI.

"Woow. Are you dissing my cheese toasties?" Jessica actually gives Spider-Man a look of pure dismay. "Way to cut a girl when she's down." There's a wave of hand, totally reassuring of his concerns as she walks along. "Don't worry. I'll totally vouch for you."

Vouching for him looks a lot like this: "JARVIS, please give Spider-Man visitor privileges on my authorization."

"But Miss Drew, Spider-Man already /has/-"

"And PLEASE stop making me seem less cool like, now. Thanks, buddy."

There's a pause, and then JARVIS' British tones return: "I believe judging by the way you are moving, that you may have once more broken a rib, Miss Drew. Might I suggest a soak and some pain killers. I already have the drones preparing-" a pause, the feeling of judgement "-/emergency/ cheese toasties, as previously specified to your preferences."

Jessica gives a delighted look at the ceiling, even though that isn't where JARVIS actually is. "I love you, JARVIS." Suck it, therapist who says Jessica has trouble expressing her emotions in a healthy way. JARVIS totally counts.

She casually pulls off her mask like it's no big deal, and looks towards Spider-Man. "There's a spare room you can shower and change in, just down this way," Jessica leads him in and through the mansion, little feathers dropping to the ground behind her. The hum of drones is audible as one comes up and hastily vacuums up feathers in their wake. "I can get you a change of clothes. And a balaclava? I think I ordered one for Clint that said world's worst shot so he's probably never worn it, I can totally steal it from his room." Beat. "I'm totally gonna do that. I'll leave it outside your door. JARVIS will tell you how to get to the kitchen."

It's really easy to get lost in a place like this. It bears all the hallmarks of wealth and priviledge, and literally everything -- from the ornate carpets, to the paintings and wall hangings and decorations -- look exceptionally expensive and opulent.
Spider-Man has posed:
Given his tendancy as of late to fall flat on his back when Jessica is around, he probably won't be giving flying a try.

He does always have his web-shooters to use as back-up of course, but given his luck they have probably become clogged with gunk. "I think I might keep my feet on the ground. Or at least a solid surface, for the time being." Being able to walk on walls does have a few benefits at least.

Trudging along, looking just a little pathetic perhaps Spidey gives a shake of his head. "Hey, I am totally not dissing your cheese toasties," he counters. "If anything I'm pumping them up. I'm demanding cheese toasties no matter the qualifty of the cheese. The fact that you have put an A.I. to work to determine the very best possible kind to use only makes me anticipate them that much more," he counters glibly.

He does not count on just what, if any, effect Ninja-Bear's recommendation might have..

It's not like he's never worked with the Avengers before. He's had quite frequent dealings with Tony Stark actually, given some of their mutual interests. But it is a little different to be invited into the mansion. For the most part he hasn't been a joiner over the years. And on those occasions when he's tried it has never gone typically well or lasted overly long. So he definitely takes a moment to crane his neck around, to take in the mansion hall when they step in, hesitating for just a moment when JARVIS springs to life, though any hesitation he might feel quickly fades away, replaced by a smirk as the artificial intelligence offers up it's commentary.

"I need to get me one of those," Pete comments quietly. Because managing his tiny shoebox of an apartment definitely requires an insanely complex computerized brain to manage all the many and varied facets. Like turning on the tap. Or opening up the nearly empty refriderator to check on the handful of mustard packets laying about there.

It's probably better that he doesn't have an A.I. at his disposal. It might determine that humankind cannot be saved and precipitate the rise of the machines.

Peter can't really afford to take the blame for that one.

All in all, Peter can be a little sensitive about his secret identity. He has some cause for that of course. He doesn't reside in a mansion with fancy security and has enemies on both the good and bad sides of the fence. But there are always exceptions. Fellow Spiders tend to be the most obvious example of that.

When Jessica take off that mask so casually, he frowns beneath his math for just a moment before recognition dawns. "You!" he says, just a flicker of indignation there. But he does reach up and tug off his own as well, revealling that touseled hair. "You accused me of fat shaming you at the zoo. Do you have any idea how many people descended upon me to give me a piece of their minds?" he asks. "I --" he begins, before pausing thoughtfully, "I suppose cheese toasties will make up for that. And the knowledge of just how many burgers you've lost lending me hand," he conceeds.

In war, no one is entirely blameless.

"Thanks. I'd... appreciate that. I appreciate all of it really," Pete allows, finally glancing down at his costume and wincing. So many feathers. So much goo.

Turning, he looks for an indicator from JARVIS that he's heading in the right direction. "So, do I need GPS coordinates to find this room? Will I still be within the confines of the city by the time we get there?" he asks, setting out through the seemingly endless halls, filled with that rich oppulence.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
The hum from Jessica suggests Spider-Man's hasty clarification has mollified the woman at least somewhat on the topic of cheese toasties. "Well, he just made them. Like the first batch just used cheddar, can you believe that? Plain cheddar! That's baby stuff."

"I'm sure you could ask Tony for an AI. We had like a second-rate one for a while, AVINA. She wasn't nearly as awesome as JARVIS though. Uh... probably don't share that with her, JARVIS." A beat, as there's silence from above. "JARVIS? Buddy?"

"Yes Miss Drew?"

Sigh. "Nevermind." You think dealing with people is hard for Jessica? Navigating the occasional idiosyncrasies of an AI intelligence is even tougher stuff.

"Me?" Jessica's totally forgotten that Peter doesn't know who she is. Or like, doesn't really care. Could be both! The indignation though confuses her, at least until /he/ takes off his mask. "YOU!"

Cue Spiders pointing at each other meme.

"I totally did not do that thing," Jessica's chin lifts, "...on purpose. Okay, maybe a little. But I needed a distraction, so I could slip away and... wow, I /totally/ never would have guessed you were Spider-Man. You look so... so...." finish the thought, Jess!

Nope. "Oh, no, we're here. No wait, we passed it. Here," Jessica hastily backs up, points to a door. "The shower's all weird but cool, you have to... I'm sure you'll figure it out. I'll leave your stuff at the door. Ugh. I really need to wash my hair. I can smell me." She turns, abruptly, and just walks away.

Not exactly the first time she's done that. She does keep her word though, and a fresh set of clothing, alongside a balaclava that says, 'I will shoot apples for cheeseburgers' -- clearly a custom job -- is waiting for Spider-Man outside the guest quarters. JARVIS will happily assist in directing Peter towards the kitchen when he's ready.

For all the fine decorations, the mansion has the feeling of being so big it feels empty. There's probably dozens of drones moving around -- sharp senses can hear them -- and almost certain other people, maybe even Avengers -- in the building -- but it's just so big that it doesn't register.

Very different from a tiny apartment with thin walls.

Her hair coiled into a bright blue towel, Jessica Drew is perched on a stool in front of the kitchen's island counter. She's wearing a baby-blue t-shirt that says, NOPE, NOT TODAY, a pair of pink unicorn print pants, and big fluffy rabbit slippers. Around her, drones whir busily as she sips some horrible looking green gunk juice.

Jess doesn't look like she's enjoying it much, making a face. "Ugh. I thought we agreed to put in spices, JARVIS?"

"I determined that would lower the effectiveness of the mixture by point-oh-one percent, and therefore it was unwarranted."

"I really wish you had tastebuds, JARVIS. This would be so much easier."
Spider-Man has posed:
Given just what Peter has waiting back at his apartment, just plain cheddar sounds perfectly fine to him. As evidenced by the little drool he wipes away from the corner of his mouth. "Yeah, that sounds awful. Good thing you found a solution to all of that," Pete agrees at once.

He really needs to find a better paying job. Maybe one that doesn't involve providing pictures that help to make him look bad. Thus continuing the cycle that makes people suspect him of things like, say, trying to assassinate the city's mayor.

"I'm pretty sure the wiring in my apartment is from the turn of the century," he suggests. "The twentieth century. I imagine that installing an A.I. would probably immediately make every fuse in the place explode in a shower of sparks that would be better then the fireworks display back on the 4th," Peter says confidently.

So probably no A.I. in the near future then. Bummer. He should probably work on himself before worrying about another entity. Living or not.

Oh, if only someone had a camera to capture the moment, the pointing, the indignation, no matter how short lived. J'accuse!

"I believe it wasn't on purpose And I suppose I did mutter somethign impolite," he admits. "Yeah, that's the point. Makes a good secret identity. Way better then being a billionaire tech genius," he notes firmly, though as he glances around the hall, the decorations, that firm resolve might just soften a little.

I mean, it wouldn't hurt to give it a go.

"It does feel a little like they're wandering through a maze in deserpate search of some cheese. Which, in some respects they are, Pete supposes. Cheese toasties are the reward at the end! But first they need to complete the task of not dropping goo over Tony's fancy furniture. He can totally manage that. "I don't want to go barging into anyone's room and end up pasted, but if you're sure..." he says, slowly pushing open the door into the guest room.

No arrow in his face, no giant green fist swinging at him -- it seems good. "Alright, meet you in a few," he says, disappearing inside.

He might linger a little longer then strictly necessary. That probably comes from the fact that the hot water in his building works about fifty percent of the time and usually lasts for about ten seconds or so. But sure enough, in short order Pete reappears, complete with that balaclava. While he might not really need it, he doesn't know all of the Avengers, hasn't worked with them as much, and just trusting anyone that might walk in doesn't feel quite right.

"I like the pants," he comments as he walks in at least, having only gotten lost once or twice along the way. "But I don't like the look of the drink. I don't have to drink one of those do I?" he asks dubiously.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Better than being a billionaire tech genius? Not even Jessica believes that, judging by her candid snort. "I mean I'm not saying he hasn't got problems, but hot bath really does solve like eighty five percent of mine. Topped up to like ninety five with the food. And the five percent is just... a soft bed while I heal."

At his expression of reluctance, Jessica shakes her head, dislodging a few feathers in the process. "Trust me, there's so many rooms in this place even the drones get lost."

"Miss Drew, I would hate to voice disagreement with-"

"-not now, JARVIS. I'm being hyperbolic."

"Of course, Miss Drew."

Good thing she got the right room. There's even some spare clothes in the closet, though most are way too big for him so probably good Jess leaves the clothing-present for him.

Which, worth it. The delighted smile Jessica gives Peter as he comes in wearing the balaclava might well be worth the prize of admission. "Oh, priceless." She wiggles her leg, extending it out. "Oh, yeah, I got them at Walmart. They're awesome. I tried to make Clint wear a pair but he was adamant our arrangement was for t-shirts only. Don't worry, I'll work on him."

And then she looks at the green gunk in her glass. "Oh, no. This is something JARVIS swears helps my rapid metabolism heal faster, he says. I kind of think he's lowkey punishing me, but he refused to agree to the emergency cheese toasty protocol until I agreed to drink these if I'm hurt, and it keeps me out of medical mostly, so... you know. Compromise!" she does a jazz hands display. "And I get to tell my therapist I'm making strides. Even if he says an AI doesn't count."

"I do believe I count, Miss Drew."

"So do I, buddy," Jessica gives a thumbs up to the ceiling. "Pull up a seat," she points to a stool. "I'm Jess, by the way. Jessica Drew. Toasties!" The first plate is delivered by a drone, and she pulls it towards her... and hesitates. With a sigh, she pushes it towards Peter. "Visitors first. Did you want something to drink? Droneytron does a mean malt shake," she reaches out to pat one of the passing drones.
Spider-Man has posed:
It is a little overwhelming, in many respects.

His job occasionally takes him to some of the most prestigious events in the city, and sometimes beyond. He has dealt with Tony Stark on numerous occasions. But Avengers mansion is pretty amazing, even considering all of that. The oppulence, the wealth and extravagance that seems to be everywhere is certainly a part of that, there is no denying. But so to is the casual integration of some of the most advanced technology on the planet into the daily life of the inhabitants.

He's seen Tony's lab. But in some ways it is more impressive to watch the drones, to see how JARVIS functions in a living environemtn.

Theory is nice. Sometimes practical application is even more amazing.

"Do not give up. I am of the firm belief that unicorn pants could only help his image. I would be at least ten teimes more intimidated by someone shooting arrows at me if they happened to be doing so while wearing unicorn pants," Peter asserts with a firm nod.

Poor Clint. It's probably good that he is not actually here and that Peter is not a regular visitor. He doesn't need to be ganged-up on by Spiders.

"The only thing that would be more impressive is if you could find him an actual unicorn to ride around on while he's shooting arrows. That. That would be epic," he asserts.

So, So luck he isn't here.

"Interesting," Spidey admits as he finds a seat, sinking down and almost letting out a sight at the sheer comfort of it all. Like floating on a cloud. Mind you, he's never actually floated on a cloud, but he's pretty sure that this is what it would feel like.

"He might be right. There are probably ways to put something together like that. Could be useful. I know most of us heal pretty fast as is, but anything that helps it along would be pretty valuable," he says thoughtfully before shrugging. "I'm a bit of a biochem expert," he offers. "Though if it tastes as bad as it looks..."

Somethings aren't worth it.

"Oh, yeah. I'm Peter. Pete," he offers up as well. When she actually makes the ultimate sacrifice and gives him first dibs on the toastie, his grin is evident even beneath the balaclava. "You are a lady and an excellent host. I agree with JARVIS. Your therapist is wrong and you can tell them Spider-Man says so," he insists helpfully. "And a malt shake would be *amazing*."

One could get used to this.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"Right? It's so nice to be validated. You're the best!" Jessica gushes with excitement at Peter's thoughts on Hawkeye and unicorn pants. "He SO would be intimidating in them. It's just one reason why he's been demoted to second-best-Hawkeye."

"Uh... an actual unicorn?" Jessica considers. "You know, it's not impossible. There are Valkyries in Asgard, and they fly unicorns. And Thor's like... I think we went on a date once? Maybe? No, I'm not a hundred percent sure, because I had my memories locked away so I could infiltrate a Hydra base, and Wanda's having trouble untangling them because we think someone messed around in there. Well, I know several someones messed around in there, but I mean /recently/-"

She finally takes a breath. "..anyway. Just saying it's not IMpossible. I'll work on it and keep you updated."

Everyone should have life goals. Why not an actual unicorn?

"I mean," Jessica gives Peter a sidelong, dubious look. "You can try it?" the look on her face says /don't/, even as she nudges the glass towards him. It definitely looks goop-y. And wholly unappealing.

"Hi, Pete," she says, utterly casually, as she pulls the towel off her head. "It's been a long time since I've been accused of being a lady. Yeah like, literal years. I think it was one of the Hydra brainwashing techniques, actually. Not sure though. Hey, tron? Malt shake! Get to it!" she leans over to pet the drone helpfully, wincing a bit and pressing her ribs as she straightens.

Then there's more cheese toasties arriving! It's a serious deal and JARVIS is apparently well-used to feeding her Spider-enhanced metabolism. She immediately stuffs a too-big mouthful of it in, chewing and making delighted noises. "It's gruyere," she informs through a mouthful. "It does the stringy thing, like, mwah." She makes a chef's kiss gesture. She swallows, considers. "I think I might skip telling my therapist I know you. He works for SHIELD, you know, and then there might be questions and not the kind of questions I like. So safer to just not mention. But you can be Pete-my-totally-not-made-up-toastie-best-friend, for sure. Less weight, I get it, but sacrifices, you know?"
Spider-Man has posed:
After this it might be a good idea if he makes himself scarce around the Mansion for the foreseeable future.

At least unless he is very, very sure that Hawkeye is nowhere in residence. Possibly not even in the city. Or the country. Just, you know, to be on the safe side. While it's not like he is personally procuring either the unicorn pants or the actual unicorn, he is probably at the very least the enabling accessory to the crime, no matter how generous one happens to be feeling. And second-best Hawkeye isn't always known for his forgiving nature.

Look, he is not unaware of the fact that there are a lot of things out there that he can only guess at or partially conceive of. There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, and all of that. But he doesn't come into contact with them quite as much as the Avengers probably do.

"Wow. You went on a date with a god. Yeah, I suppose maybe you can arrange a unicorn," Pete agrees. I mean there has to be some benefit for putting up with all those thees and thous and a lot of talk about hammers.

At least that's how Spidey chooses to imagine that a date with Thor would go. Maybe there's mead -- whatever that is -- and roasting boars. Possibly the slaying of great beasts. Ritualistic combat? Dancing elves? Dwarves recitng poetry?

It's possible that he is giving a little too much thought to what exactly dating Thor would entail.

When that literal health drink is offered, Pete eyes it for a moment, every bit as dubious. It just looks... unappetizing. To put it mildly. And he is not at all sure that it is a good idea to give it a try. But finally a sigh escapes him and he nods. "For SCIENCE," he agrees. And takes a sip.

SCIENCE can be a harsh and cruel mistress, that exacts quite a toll for any that labor in her service. Peter doesn't quite go as green as that drink is, but he does look a little queasy as he shoves it back towards her. "Maybe it's better if I don't know what the formulation actually is," he admits. "Some things are too terrible to unleash on the world, no matter the benefits," he confesses.

He does manage to restrain himself from digging into that cheese toastie until just a moment before JEssica's arrive. It just seems polite afterall, not to ooh and ahhh and start swooning when she's still forced to wait.

He might not be a lady, but he has a few manners.

That doesn't keep him from immediately digging in when it does arrive though, taking a heft bite and almost immediately closing his eyes, letting them roll back. The sound that he makes isn't quite indecent, but it's probably close. "So much better then cheddar," he agrees immediately, dangling stringy cheese helping to make that point.

"Yeah, probably better not to mention me afterall. I don't need them to decide that I'm a potential bad influence and start coming after me too. On one hand, given what you deal with that shouldn't be a thing. But given my luck I'm pretty sure it could be, so." he agrees with her assessment.

He doesn't want to have to ghost Nick Fury. But he probably would.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"I /think/ I went on a date with a god," Jessica corrects. "But I imagine it went like, me being me, probably fucking it up, and him doing a 'rarr, puny mortal!' thing, except he's totally a sweetheart, really, and probably would be like, 'Doth thou know lady you are quite off your rocker?' and I'd have to agree and we'd go our separate ways."

Sometimes, Jessica's brain is a real trap. But at least she doesn't envisage dancing elves and dwarves.

SCIENCE really is a harsh mistress. Maybe his liver will thank him later, but his tastebuds sure won't happy right NOW, and, "That's exactly the look I had," Jessica says when she watches him ingest it, making a sympathetic noise as she takes it back. "The trick is to wash it down with cheese toasties, and make sure you leave enough of the stuff to have it last, or you're stuck with this taste for the rest of the day."

Voice of experience here.

"If JARVIS actually had tastebuds though we'd all be in trouble. There would have to be a six star rating for chefs so they could properly articulate his skill-"

"You are far too kind, Miss Drew," JARVIS says.

"-anytime, buddy. I believe in you."

It's possible Jessica doesn't even notice that Peter's being polite in waiting. Like, who would /wait/ to eat cheese toasties? It's just an improbability. She makes a mmmhmm noise, because her own mouth is full, but the big grin and thumbs up she gives Peter totally agrees with his sentiment. Once she's swallowed down a mouthful, "The ninja bear has excellent tastebuds. I made it try like twenty-six different cheeses, which is wild, because I thought they only liked fish."

Even as they're still eating, the second round of cheese toasties is brought out, along with a malt milkshake, delivered ceremoniously by Dronetron.

"Yeah, that Mayor stuff is wild. I mean, obviously it wasn't you. I tried to get SHIELD interested but they said it wasn't actually a photostatic veil. The guy's just... well, a Chameleon." She half-squints, one eye closing. "What did you do to him, anyway? Punch him in the face?" that's usually what earns her the long-term wrath of enemies, anyway.
Spider-Man has posed:
To put it simply, that first cheese toastie just vanishes.

Look, he doesn't actually inhale the thing like some illbred lout. But it's not that far off a way to describe it either. No matter how you slice it, it at best lasts a few bites until it is just gone.

Look, fighting goo-spitters and pigeons works up a pretty bit appetite. It also leads to the possibility of imminent depression about the state of one's costumed life. And the best way to combat that? Well, it might be hamburgers but cheese toasties are a pretty damn close second.

"These are amazing. I concur. You should consider going into business for yourself, maybe open up a string of restaurants. Get some good publicity for A.I. Show people what they're missing out on by not surrendering to your superior culinary skills," Pete agrees, though perhaps not entirely helpfully. "I wouldn't market that drink though. No matter how healthy it is. It is an assault on everything that is good. Don't make us scorch the sky to shut you down. Then you'll have to make us into living batteries and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a pod full of goo."

That draws a shudder from him. It's still too soon.

It also might not bode well that he is already starting to make himself at home with poor JARVIS. Clint might not be the only one he has to avoid in the future and the A.I. that runs the place might be a little more difficult to sneak around.

"I'm not exactly sure that it was exactly a bear. I'm... not sure what it was," he admits. "But if he helped pick out this particular blend it definitely had taste, no matter what else you can say about it," he admits.

Then the second toastie is there, along with the shake and Peter prepares to reenter heaven, taking a big bite. "Thanks for that," Pete says. "I mean, I have punched him in the face before. Several times actually. Pretty hard too," he admits. "That could have something to do with it. Ghost Spider kinda suggested that maybe the whole point was to make it look like me, but I don't know. But yeah, pretty inconvenient either way," he conceeds. "Not just for me either it seems. Sorry about that," he offers up sincerely.

The Parker Luck. Not just for Peter anymore. Some things he probably shouldn't share.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Jessica is totally not judging here. There's a reason why the emergency protocol has the drones spinning out the cheese toasties in rapid-fire succession, timed almost perfectly to when they finish the last. It keeps them hot, and it feeds fast-acting Spider metabolism.

"These are good, but bless his electronic heart, he cannot do a hamburger to save his life." Hence why Jessica is always on a burger-mission, even when she's not. "But cheese toasties? Got 'em down pat." And then Pete is suggesting a series of restaurants just as she's taking an inopportune gulp of that green drink, and she nearly chokes. After she catches her breath, Jessica's clearly laughing as she said, "I totally would, but Tony, for real, would kill me. Or not, literally. Maybe just deprive me of access, and that'd be the worst fate. I'd have to make my own food. You think this stuff is bad," she holds up the goo-juice -- it IS bad -- "Seriously, don't ever ask me to cook. Wasn't on the Hydra training regime."

Jessica is handing over the empty plate to the drone with a thankful pat, and pulling the fresh plate towards her, when Peter drops the bomb about the bear. "What?" She stares at him like he's the one who is not quite all there. "No, it's totally a bear. Like, legit, almost exactly a bear from a commercial I remember-"

The penny drops. It's /exactly/ like the bear she remembers.

"Oh." Jessica looks genuinely dismayed. "But... it's..." she sighs. "It didn't look like a bear to you? What did it look like? JARVIS? You were recording, right?"

"I'm afraid I cannot identify the individual you fed twenty-six varieties of cheese to some weeks ago, Miss Drew."

"Huh." Jessica, if nothing else, is impressed the bear even denies the intelligent AI specific identification. "Yeah, you know," she mumbles around food, "I mean, it can't just be bad luck, right? Like, that thing with Chameleon, sure, but then those spider-bots? Someone's totally framing you, and hiring all these guys to do it. You should start a murder wall!" she says, spine straightening as she sits up, excited. "Well, not a /murder/ wall, but like, an enemies board. With photos, and strings and post-it's going MOTIVE?? and such. JARVIS could do a virtual one, but really, it's not as satisfying."

"Miss Drew, might I remind your murder wall did NOT solve-"

"-eh, um, ahem. Thanks, buddy," Jessica totally interrupts JARVIS before he once again makes her look not cool. She can do that well enough on her own.
Spider-Man has posed:
That then, would explain the toasties in place of a good burger.

Perhaps that is how Tony has insured that JARVIS can never rise up and rule all of humankind. By keeping him from making good burgers he has insured that there will always be a valient human resistance ready to stand in opposition to their burgar-less robotic masters. It's pretty smart really.

Which is why Tony fights crime in a pretty sweet suit of advanced armor and Pete fights it in a suit covered in goo and pigeon feathers. Both geniuses, one might be a little smarter then the other though.

He does hate to dispel any of her illusions. Especially after she has invited him over for toasties and shakes. Not to mention the best shower he has probably had in months. It feels a little ungrateful. But sometimes the truth is hard. "I'm not really sure... what I saw," Peter admits. "But it wasn't a bear, I'm reasonably sure about that," he admits. Though he does blink in surprise when JARVIS admits that it couldn't identify the creature either. Even after it had lingered, lining it's stomach with... wow. Twenty-six varieties of cheese.

That's a whole lot of cheese. Peter's not sure if he's ever seen twenty-six varieties of cheese in his life. Queens is a simplier place, adn a simplier existence, clearly.

"I'm surprised HYDRA and SHIELD don't produce more great cooks," Pete notes semi-seriously. "I mean, you'd think that the opportunity to lure people in for a fine dinning experience right before you drugged them or poisoned them would be right up their allies," he muses.

It's possible that he shouldn't be giving either of those two powers any ideas.

"I mean it could be a coincidence," Pete says slowly. But it's starting to feel unlikely. "I mean, they just keep showing up. And working together, which isn't exactly unknown for them, but I usually get to fight them one at a time, you know," he admits. "A board, huh? I suppose I could. I've made a lot of enemies though. Like a lot. I think I'm a pretty likable guy -- my tendancy to get all hamburger joints nearby destroyed not withstanding -- but there's a whole lot of people who dislike me. I'm a little afraid if I set one of those up in my apartment it will start looking like one of those giant web things that crazy people have with articles and notes on every wall and string absolutely everywhere. Then someone will walk in and be yep, Peter's clearly crazy. Put out an APB for him," he admits. "And they already have to for Spider-Man. I can't really afford to be hunted in both my identities."

He might be spiraling. He wouldn't know, because he doesn't have a therapist. But it's possible.
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
Sentient robots without the ability to apply the basic hamburger skills required to quell humanity would be a very Tony Stark thing to do. Then again it could be he just hasn't figure out how to make them parse taste yet. Or hasn't bothered, more than likely.

"Not a bear." Jessica's still frowning. "I guess I could... just ask it, next time?" What a novel idea. Or possibly a terrible idea. Thus clearly the best choice for Jess to solve the riddle of the ninja bear.

"Oh, I didn't really need cooking to lure people in. Hydra triggered off one of the spider genomes in me that makes men, well... attracted to me. As lures go it's pretty effective. But super awkward when it kicks in around team mates. Like REAL awkward. Thank god I don't remember that anymore, just the awkwardness of it. And also awkward since it tends to make women very annoyed at me. Don't worry, though," she waves her toastie, "Bruce created a chemical perfume which nullifies it. Just have to use it frequently. I haven't had an incident in, ah... maybe let's not talk about that."

Even Jessica, who has no filter, has limits. That her pheromones take away a slice of free will and it's something she can't control is, as her therapist reminds her, one of her touchstone issues that she'll probably never be right with.

"Oh, it's totally a crazy person board. But you have to just lean into it sometimes, you know? It's what I do." And Jessica is such a bastion of mental health. It's total normal and fine to use her as a basis for normality. Right?

"Uhm." Jessica knows spiralling. Like she could write a book on it, if she had the focus to sit down and do it, which she doesn't. "Bring up another malt milkshake, Dronetron. And like, hey, here. Maybe you can keep your super secret crazy wall board here. Like, no one gets in here who JARVIS doesn't allow. And he's great at keeping secrets. You can tell people you've got some kind of scholarship thing with Tony."
Spider-Man has posed:
It is truly amazing what you can learn by just asking people sometimes, admittedly.

Though it is pretty much a given that the answers are not always going to be something that one wants to hear. If you're a spider you pretty much have to figure that the chances of the answers being goods ones is pretty much approaching zero.

Of course Peter might just be getting cynical. It's not like everything is doom and gloom.

Though being wanted by the authorities is a pretty big drag.

"I mean, it's worth a try. It seems to hang out near the park so that's at least a place to start. And it doesn't seem to mean anyone any harm," Pete agrees slowly. He's not really sure if it's good advice or not. But then he's fairly confident that she will plunge on ahead no matter what he says.

He respects that.

"And I mean, it tried twenty-six kinds of cheese. That has to say something about it's personality right?" Though just what that might he is not entirely sure, admittedly.

It's interesting. How the Spider powers manifest differently in different people. Some of the unique little shifts that show up. The bio-electrical venom blasts. The fact that Miles can just seemingly blend so seamlessly that it's practically invisibility. And now pheremones. "Uuhhh, I can see how that could be a bit of a problem yeah. Probably not ideal mid-mission," Pete conceeds. Though maybe he can see why it would appeal to Hydra. "At least they were able to find some means to help you cope I guess," he allows.

Then, unprompted Pete shares, "I grew four extra arms once." See? The fight is real. But she's not alone. They're in it together!

The notion of putting something together, anything, does have a certain appeal. But he is pressed for space. Like, really, really pressed. And having someone walk into his apartment filled with images of Spider-Man's enemies might raise a few uncomfortable questions. "I mean, I guess you have a lot of empty space free," he says slowly. "So the chances of just anyone stumbling across it would be low," he muses. "And if they did, well, it's Tony's place right? Rich people aren't crazy. They're eccentric, which is completely different and far more acceptable," he adds. When in doubt, blaming Tony Stark does not seem like a bad strategy when it comes to life. "If you don't think anyone would mind, I'd appreciate that," he says, offering a beaming smile around a mouthful of cheese toastie.

"Thanks bestie."
Spider-Woman (Drew) has posed:
"It hangs out at the park," Jessica muses, "But so does your lizard buddy. And I'm pretty sure I got rabies from taking a dip in that pond the other week."

"I assure you, you can't get rabies from-"

"Yes, got it, JARVIS. Hyperbolic, remember?" Jessica sighs. "So hard to quip around here." Truly, she's living a tough live being completely spoiled by this billionaire's mansion.

The woman however perks up at Peter's reminder about the cheeses. "Twenty-six," she agrees. "That for sure means something." Exactly what isn't clear, but the resolve in Jessica /is/. She's going to find that bear! Thing. Whatever. Nevermind one doesn't just find ninja's -- that's the one point of them. Jessica is nothing if not stubbornly determined.

"Ah, well. That could be to do with how I got my powers. I wasn't bitten. My DNA was genetically altered while I was in utero. And then there were all these injection, after-" her brow furrows. "I don't remember the specifics. Just that they were painful. But... Miles, you mean Spider-Bo-" oops. She promised she wouldn't call him that, "Kid Arachnid? He scared the shit out of me. I thought he got squished by a concrete slab. Turns out he just popped invisible. Heart. Attack."

Her nose wrinkles up as she downs the last of that goop-juice. The bottom truly must be the worst, since she stuffs a cheese toastie into her mouth right after. Only once she's eaten half it it does she say, "Yeah. It's why I like having second-best Hawkeye around. He usually keeps a dose or two on a ready arrow. Sometimes I think he just really wants to shoot me, but I can't prove it." She looks pretty uncomfortable for a moment. "Yeah, Bruce was... good. I think he was motivated. I don't remember what happened but I get the feeling the pheromones affected Hulk too. Which is, you know..." awkward with capitals.

As distractions go, four extra limbs? Certainly is right up there. "Wait, like a proper spider? For real? That's badass," Jessica decides, twisting on the stool so she can size up Peter and imagine him with the extra limbs. "Did they... drop off? Get chopped off? I suppose it would make clothing really awkward."

"I don't mind," Jessica assures. "JARVIS, can we find an empty office room? We can lock it to Spider-Man and me. And, well, Tony just by default has access to everything. But if he saw it he'd just think it was me, because I might've murder-walled over the mansion before." A beat. "...once or twice. It helps me think."

She bites into her cheese toastie, at the same time, mumbling, "Welcome, bestie," as she offers out a fist for the standard, expected, fistbump.