2330/Princess Bride Joke

Princess Bride Joke
Date of Scene:	05 September 2017
Location:	New York City
Synopsis:	Ares and Shulkie help out Alice Gulliver with a large rat problem. Literally.
Cast of Characters:	Ares, She-Hulk, Wu

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Ares has posed:
    Underneath New York City the world is a labyrinth of tunnels that wend their way around the various burroughs and neighborhoods, layered upon the past like a canvas painted upon over time, a stroke here or there, lending more and more depth to the city until the first version in unable to be perceived as something other than the current.
    When one is at times exposed to such it is through a filter, such as the subway stations giving a person at least a glance into the underworkings of their world. But when one travels with the likes of a Ms. Alice Gulliver, they're exposed to it in an entirely different way.
    It had started with a ripple of magical power, similar to Ares' own method of traversal, but different as her power comes from a different realm entire. Yet with the squeaking broadcast of the stone rats she had created interfering with her mind, it had started to slip away. The threads of the spell unwinding even as it transferred them down into the tunnel directly below where they had been sitting, their feet landing with a splash in the water.
    It could have been worse, perhaps, as Ares holds up his hand, his own power perhaps augmenting Alice's as he frowns at the greenish brackish splash of water upon his jeans and shoes, even as he stands on the small walkway bordering the deeper sewage. But there's no defense against the spell for now, as he grimaces at the other two people and their appearance there...
    Then, to Jen, "Now you can't say I never take you anywhere."

She-Hulk has posed:
    Teleporting was expected. Falling through the ground to the sewers underneath then was not. She-Hulk manages to land on her feet but they slip out from under her. She spends a few seconds gripping the wall next to her and scrambling her feet in the nasty water before she manages to catch her footing. Holding the wall to make sure she doesn't fall face first onto the muck, she glares over her shoulder. Slowly, she lets go of the wall and stands, straightening her shirt in a little huff of annoyance.
    "First, for the non teleporters, a little more warning would be nice. Second," she looks straight at John. "Beach. Tahiti. Or private island. This was _not_ what I had in mind at all." She wrinkled her nose. "Wait, a place with a big tub first and lots of soap. Maybe some bleach too."
    She turns to focus on Alice. "Your rats are stone. Couldn't they want to go somewhere dry instead? You need to work on that programming."

Wu has posed:
    Alice is distracted. Alice's magics are twisting and distorting. Alice, however, is annoyingly lucky and nimble. The pairing serves her well as she drops onto a wider patch of the walkway near some maintenance alcove and as she falls into a crouch that prevents her from slipping around. There's almost a smug look on her face as she glances over at the other two--hidden by a rictus of pain and concentration--as she smoothly gets to her feet.
    And smashes her head into the low ceiling.
    Several words in what appears to be three, perhaps four, languages slip out of her mouth. The English one is "mother".
    "OK," she says, after regaining her composure. "They're about 25 metres that way." She points to the blank wall beside her. "Normally I'd have a map by now, but ... I could barely scribe the transportation charm this time around. Mapping wasn't an option."

Ares has posed:
    "Very well," John says as he starts to move towards the lower ceilinged area ahead of them, ducking down to slip into that portion of the tunnel as he begins to walk forwards, his stride purposeful if a little lower to the ground. "Stay to the back and see to your defenses, allow us to handle the matters of the stone vermin."
    With that said he is forced to drop a little lower still as they move, but then the pipes and metal-sheathed wiring lightens up as he gets past the first few walkways, allowing him to rise back to his full height. For a moment a bluish light shines from the tall man's hands, illuminating the tunnel and his silhouette from below, the gleam caused by the summoning of a pair of heavy short blades in his hands, their grips black though the edge has a sheen of white.
    It's to Jen that he presents the extra when she slips past the low ceiling portion of the tunnel, then turns back to continue on his way.

She-Hulk has posed:
    For a moment, Shulkie was tempted to just go through the wall and get there expeditiously. Perhaps not the best option though. Instead, she fell into step behind John and followed as he led the way. She even managed to not bang her head on anything, ducking low to keep from doing so. Once standing upright, she hesitates at the offered blade. Looking from it to John and back to it, she carefully takes the weapon. It's pretty obvious she's not familiar with it or how to wield it but can't be much different from a machete. Not that she's used one of those either.
    She has watched zombie and vampire movies that involved the removal of heads with bladed weapons. That should qualify her.
    "If I cut off any of my body parts, you better put them back on for me," she mutters.

Wu has posed:
    "I've got some paste for that somewhere," Alice says, wincing and holding her forehead. "It'll leave a scar, though; it was developed by a caste of monks who valued battle scars."
    It's really hard to tell if she's joking or not.
    "Yes, I think this is the right direction. The effects are getting stronger. A lot faster than I was expecting. This isn't linear; it's almost as if one of them is runnin..."
    For a great dane sized stone rat, this thing moves quietly. Quietly enough that the voices of the three drown out the light stone scrapings as it looms out of the darkness behind Alice, running full-tilt toward her.

Ares has posed:
    "Forgive me if I judge your perceptions compromised," He says as he glances at her sidelong.
    With one seamless movement, as she's finishing her words and his brow is already lifting as if he had imagined just such a thing happening, John turns around smoothly, an arm coming up and the heavy short blade is flipped around to be grasped by the point. It's with an ease of effort that he then snaps his arm forwards, sending it blurringly end over end straight towards the forehead of the creature that is charging the momentarily distracted Alice.

She-Hulk has posed:
    Not being used to bladed weapons, Shulkie's reaction differs quite a bit from John's. She sees where he is focusing and she is moving instead. As his blade is flying, she is slipping past Alice on the walkway and just putting herseif between the woman and the gigantic stone rat that seems determined to eat her. Or hug her as it's mommy. Shulkie is sure either would be bad. She's still holding the blade in her right hand but she's doing what she does best--putting herself in harms way to try and protect someone else.
    If the thing manages to keep moving with a sword in it's noggin', it'll have to go through her. Literally.

Wu has posed:
    Funny thing about stone. It doesn't bleed. It doesn't have a brain. It doesn't really have vital organs as such. Ares' blade flies true, point-first, straight into the forehead of the lunging rat, burying itself half its length deep. The rat lets out a grinding mockery of a squeal as the force of the blade knocks it down from its bounding run and faceplants it into the concrete of the walkway. It gets back to its feet, confused, looking like an obscene miniature unicorn as it shakes its head in a vain attempt to dislodge the blade. That aside, however, it doesn't seem particularly ... impaired.
    Which is in contrast to Alice who falls to her knees after staggering forward and screaming, clutching at her head.

Ares has posed:
    With Jen standing between the rat and the fallen Alice, John steps forwards a little more slowly as he moves to the side, bracketing the creature while Jen keeps its attention. He glances towards the magician, brow furrowing as he murmurs sidelong to the emerald amazon. "It seems the rules of engagement have changed." He advances on the momentarily distracted creature of stone, his gait even.
    One hand slashes out to the side and then when it comes back around he's holding a weighted net of a deep black metallic weave that whirs in the air as he starts to spin it around, a tri-horned trident flashing into existence in his other hand as he murmurs, "Keep its attention if you can..."
    The Olympian splashes through the much as he steps to the side around the critter while the two of them bracket it, then he nods to her. "Now." And should she gain its attention, that's when he'll throw the net.

She-Hulk has posed:
    Hearing the cry from Alice, Shulkie has to let it go for the time being. There is still a beast to be dealt with. "Yeah, cause I'm pretty sure if we bust it into a million pieces, she won't be sending you a Christmas card," she mutters even as she waves her sword and free hand in the air. She whistles softly.
    "Here boy, c'mon. Come and get me. I'll step aside and you can get her while she's down!" Like it might understand her? If it had any intelligence, it wouldn't have gone to the sewers. "Ohhh shiny," she says spinning the sword around in her hand and hoping the motion at least get further than the words are.

Wu has posed:
    It's a rat. Sure it's the size of a great Dane. Sure it's made of stone. But it is, in the end, a rat. Which means it's curious. It's smart -- for an animal. But it's still an animal. It's almost trivial to snare it, although it does have surprisingly good reflexes. Still. An animal.
    A.
    Pack.
    Animal.
    And while it's in the net, snarling and struggling to break free with the strength you'd expect from a great dane sized animal, its seven compatriots are closing in now if the rasping sound of stone on concrete scuttling down the tunnels around the trio are anything to go by.
    "There's more coming!" gasps Alice, little Miss Obvious. "Hold them off. I need to paint something on them."

Ares has posed:
    Once the creature is bound and woven in the net, Ares takes the instant to heft the trident and brings it down /hard/ with a resonant _WHUMP!_ as the trident's tines lock around the creature's neck and binds it to the wall. One immobilized, and now the others are showing themselves. He rises up and turns to face the other animals as they close in on the trio
    "Make your mark on the monster, we will hold them off and render them vulnerable for you to remove the magicks." That said he twists his neck to the side, causing it to crackle faintly as he steps forwards, his hands clenching into fists, making ready to grapple with the critters.

She-Hulk has posed:
    Things just keep getting better. Giant stone rats. Sewers. Non-dying since they are non-living. And she can't hit them. Which is her favorite thing to do when frustrated. She looks at the sword in her hand then carefully sets it on the ground behind her as she puts herself to one side of Alice and knowing John has the other well covered.
    When the first rat closes, she goes in for a grab at the nape of it's neck, trying to heft it off the ground and hold it out of the way. If she can't hit them, the only choice she has is to immobilize them. The only way she can do that is with her hands and arms. So she'll try it. Which means she might get two of them. Then she gets to play dodge-'em with the others while trying not to hurt them yet trying not to let them hurt Alice either.

Wu has posed:
    Alice forces herself to her feet and staggers over to the pinned rat. Her hands fumble in her pockets between phases of clutching at her head. She pauses a moment to vomit (politely enough over in a corner away from the action) at some sensation that runs through her body in a shudder.
    "There's two new ones," she mutters to nobody in particular.
    Sheafs of rice paper squares, amulets, and other knick-knacks fall from nerveless fingers to the ground beneath her as she tries desperately to find something. Finally she pulls out what looks like an unmarked toothpaste tube. Her face goes triumphant for a moment.
    "OK, I've got this," she says. "Just don't hit any of them on the head or anything like that please?"

Ares has posed:
    As the monsters start to close they do seem to exhibit elements of the creatures they mimic, their behaviour, their mentality. It's all clear in the ways they move and that pack mentality as they encounter John Aaron standing there in the narrowing of the tunnel. He crouches lower, spreading his arms out as if ready to accept any of the creatures that would test him, and then with a primal /ROAR/ he issues challenge to the beasts.
    Perhaps it's enough to cause them to take a moment of respite before leaping to the attack, or perhaps it's enough to set them momentarily off kilter. Whatever they do, however, it is after that that Ares moves in quickly. Muddy grimy water splashes as he stomps through the tunnel towards them, sweeping two up in a headlock and restraining them as he flips them over with one motion, crushing them against the wall to hold them there.
    "Jen, take this one!" He says as he restrains it, and then passes it off to her so they can set up a makeshift... assembly line of magic and mayhem. With him restraining them and taking point, Jen to hold them tight for Alice to work her mojo.

She-Hulk has posed:
    Already holding up one rat by the scruff, Shulkie accepts the second squirming rodent into her other hand. It's a bit of a wrestling match to get control of both but she manages to get them secured. Then she shoves the second rat into the crook of her first elbow so she'll have her arm free if John passes over another one. Or if one gets too close and she needs to be able to shove it out of the way.
    "While you're pulling out the toothpaste, got any Febreeze in one of those pockets?" she quips over toward Alice. The fact there are two new rats out there is not helpful. It's helpful to know, not helpful to have happen.

Wu has posed:
    Alice smears whatever is in the tube on her index and middle fingers. Both of which seemingly disappear. She forces herself to concentrate and hesitantly runs those fingers over the surface of the pinned rat and draws some complex Chinese character (in the ancient Seal Script if anybody present might be familiar: it says "stop"). The effect is instantaneous. The rat freezes against the wall and stops moving, appearing so still as to be just a very ornate sculpture of a rat.
    With a sword sticking out of its head.
    "That did it!" Alice crows briefly before falling to one knee as one of the rats gets knocked against the wall. "Oh, I'm going to feel this for a while."
    She crawls her way toward She-Hulk and smears more of the profoundly black ink paste on her fingers. It takes a couple of tries, but that one goes solid and unmoving as well.
    "Better..." she says.

Ares has posed:
    One of the creatures /leaps/ and attaches onto the side of John's neck, its fangs digging in deeply as he scowls, the flesh tearing and a spatter of blood joining the muck and grime on the walls. Yet it seems to not concern him too terribly as it dangles there, worrying at his flesh with its stony fangs. He holds onto the other rat, flipping it around upside down so its legs wriggle rather unhappily at its posture even as it's thumped into the wall as well, holding it there.
    "Faster would be better." He snarls as he holds the creature there for Jen to get a hold of as she releases the ones that are rendered inert.
    A growl of pain is torn from the deity as another of the creatures leaps and bites into the meat of his thigh as it leaps across the distance, claws skittering and tearing at his jeans even as he struggles with the others.

She-Hulk has posed:
The 'dead' rat is set down carefully. Why? Because if any pieces chip off, she doesn't want them to turn into more rats. So she is being dainty with it. As much as she hates it and wants to just start slamming the things into walls to see them shatter. Then it would be a hydra thing. Just more of them.
    See, she knows mythology too!
    As the second one in her arm is dealt with, she is grabbing that third one from John's grasp so he has his hands free to deal with the others. She tucks it into her left arm then makes a mid air grab of another one that was going in for the attack again John. Scruffed, it is added to the trio she now offers Alice.
    "Much faster. If he gets too chewed up, I don't think he'll look good in a speedo."

Wu has posed:
    "Scarring looks good on him," Alice says weakly, trying to keep up good humour in the face of ...
    She doubles over as one of the rats takes a hit in what amounts to its stomach.
    "Faster it is," she groans.
    With greater alacrity and certainty she starts to draw the characters on each rat Jen pins, moving to the other arm as the first is set down and another rat replaces it. She pauses only to heave up again.
    "Another two..." she mutters, trying to speed up even more, five frozen rats now surrounding the trio in the sewers.

Ares has posed:
    "In ages past," John says as he scowls and /rips/ the one from the side of his neck and locks a hand around its neck and just under the jaw, turning its skull to the side to inhibit its reach and grasp even as its legs quiver in the air. He presses it hard against the wall a knee as he reaches down to grab the other that is still snarling as it tries to dismember him leg-first. "I would have just smashed all the creatures and if you did not survive then it would have been because you were weak."
    Another rodent is thudded into the wall, restraining its wiggling form as he kicks a third away from him so that it doesn't get to make its leap at him. "I am perhaps feeling a bit... nostalgic now." He scowls.

She-Hulk has posed:
    "Of course scars are sexy, but open gaping wounds and salt water do not mix."
    Shulkie is determined she's getting a beach trip out of this if it kills John. Which it might at this rate. Once the ones in her grasp are done, she sets them back behind her and quickly grabs the next two that John has pinned against the wall.
    "You wanna trade spots? I'll be the chew toy for a while and you can hold them for arts and crafts time?" she suggests, wondering if the things would be strong enough to break through her skin. They are breaking his so maybe they would. Throw in they are magical so the regular rules might not apply.

Wu has posed:
    "You're just a nicer person now, Mr. Aaron," Alice says weakly as her fingers make short work of the pattern on two more rats. "Also, I'm not sure what would happen to me. I don't think I'd die. I might just go mad and lose control. This has never happened before."
    That HAD to be deliberate!
    "Five ... four to go!" she says triumphantly. "I can see the light at the end of the ..."
    That careless moment of levity costs. Her left hand, the one holding the tube of the black goop, gets within lunging reach of the jaws of one of the rats She-Hulk has pinned. Its fangs sink deeply into her wrist, causing her to cry out in pain. And, more importantly, to drop the tube. Into the foul liquid of the sewer. Something unpleasant flashes in Alice's eyes and with the goop remaining on her fingers she sketches out a different character, one that makes both the rat and her scream in agony.
    Only afterwards Alice is still standing, albeit panting with tears flooding out of her eyes. The rat has vaporized.
    "Motherfucker!" she shouts.

Ares has posed:
    "Ah, you survived." John says as she manages to destroy utterly one of the critters. But that still leaves the trio menacing him, though two of them are trapped in his hands and the other is still reeling from being kicked in the chest. He clearly has had enough for in that moment he brings around the one he holds by the neck and swings it around like some stone rat-shaped club that he /smashes/ hard and down into the one that is edging closer to leap at him again.
    It's a momentous impact, filled with vin and vigour and heavy enough to cause a small shockwave that is felt in the lower floors of the office buildings above, shattering them into tiny tiny pieces... leaving just the one in his off hand. That one in his hand is then lifted and brought down on his knee, letting it join its compatriot in oblivion.
    Of course... this probably doesn't go over well with Alice.

She-Hulk has posed:
Shulkie is aware of what her job is now. It's to play Johnny Bench.
    She turns quickly in place and prepares to catch Alice if she drops from the 'feedback' of the destruction. She's love to have a moment to cheer first, over the sheer level of power that was just displayed. Then there is the urge to lament not having any she can now smash knowing Alice won't die from it.
    If it does send Alice crashing to the floor, Shulkie's arms will be there to soften her landing.

Wu has posed:
    Alice's body seems out of her control as she practically leaps into the air to smash against a wall in unison with the ... ratlaleigh? As the rats shatter she lets out a primal scream of anguish and falls over, writhing, into She-Hulk's arms, her body twitching in a violent, painful seizure. With the snapping of the final one, her body spasms once, bent backward, before collapsing like someone cut all of her strings. The astral ones. You know, the ones that connect the soul to the body.
    Beat.
    Alices eyes open unseeing, staring at the ceiling. Her mouth opens as in a scream, but no sound comes from it.
    Well, no sound audible on the material plane. Ares, on the other hand, can "hear" that sound. The sound that's cutting into the ceiling above the trio, weakening bonds, slipping stone and concrete and aggregate and soil into slightly-parallel planes, weakening it all.
    Time to sinkhole: 3 seconds and counting...

Ares has posed:
    Even as the first cascades of dust and stone fall from the ceiling, Ares walks back towards the two of them. A glance down towards Alice is given as he watches her writhe in that agony, and he gives a single solid nod as if thus were some just action of the universe. But it does not stop him from reaching out for the other two heroes, resting his hands on their shoulders. Luckily he is not under further duress from combat, only the time crunch of those few seconds and the fall of rocks upon his shoulders as he murmurs. "Hang on."
    And as he focuses in that instant the world flares around them with a blue light, the edges twisting and swirling as the first touches of the teleportation touch them... and it's only after they're gone that the rooftop collapses on where they just were.
    And then they reappear some distance away now standing messy and smelly upon the waiting area for one of the city's elevated trains. "There, congatulations Alice Gulliver. You have corrected your error."