266/Some Assembly Required

Some Assembly Required
Date of Scene:	04 May 2017
Location:	New York City
Synopsis:	Natasha approaches Deadpool with an assignment.
Cast of Characters:	Deadpool, Black Widow (Romanoff)

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Deadpool has posed:
Deep beneath the city streets, the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool, was fiendishly crafting his latest plan. For tonight, he dines on hell... acious chicken nuggets. He was in the kitchen of Casa del Pulpo, even though he spoke Spanish, he chose to not understand that it's talking about an Octopus, rather than a clever pun in his name. He wore a pink frilly apron with Hello Kitty on it, and was singing, "Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera. Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera."

He pulled out the baking sheet from the oven, interrupting his singing with a blood curdling scream, followed by "hot, hot, hot." But he managed to get them out of the oven and onto the stove without any more fanfare. "Yo soy un hombre sincero, de don de crece la palma. Yo soy un hombre sincero, de don de crece la palma." He lovingly sprinkled salt and pepper on them, and plated them with his hands, which had burned from the earlier contact, but were already healing nicely. Sadly, the man was not wearing his costume, save for the mask. "Antes des morirme quiero, echar mis versos del alma. Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera. Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera."

Once plated, he squeezed some horseradish cream, ketcup, mayonnaise, mustard, and barbecue sauce into several small piles for dipping. "Mi verso es de un verde claro, y de un carmín encendido. Mi verso es de un verde claro, y de un carmín encendido. Mi verso es un querido cielo, que busca en el monte amparo." He brought them to the living room, setting his plate down on the table. He still wore the apron and crossed his legs as he sat, turning on his computer, which was tied into the TV, and put on Nostalgia Critic. They were making fun of Cool World. And he hummed the last part, 'Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera. Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera.'

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha had been sent to find Wade, and it wasn't particularly hard. SHIELD knew of his home here and its obviously where she found him. She didn't waste time knocking or ringing any doorbells, she simply infiltrated the property quietly and peacefully, bypassing any security he may or may not have in-place.

Once inside, Natasha quietly walked about and let her green eyes observe the decorations on display within the underground home that W.W.W. had made for himself. He'd clearly spent a lot of money, it reminded her of something Stark would buy for himself...

Once she found him, watching 'something' she didn't recognize, she simply folded her arms across her stomach and listened to him.

"Hit your head? "She announced herself in her dry and husky voice. "Gone Spanish on me, have you?" She asked further, now walking into the room where Wade was, slow steps... casual and in not particular direction.

Deadpool has posed:

Deadpool's first reaction is the honest one. He says slowly, almost a whisper, "tus ojos son como estrellas," which of course translates to 'your eyes are like the stars', but then he thinks lesser of himself, and adds a far louder, "Si te digo que tienes un cuerpo precioso, me lo restregaras por la cara?" Which means 'if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?'

He wasn't upset that she has broken into his home. It was impressive that she found him there though. Casa del Pulpo was underground, a former home of Doctor Octopus, or at least, that's what the realtor had told him. The three metre statue of Doc Ock kind of gave it away. Changing to English, he said, "welcome to my home Natasha. Can I offer you coffee... tea... or me?" He actually said that in a surprisingly smooth voice. He must have hit his head if he thought he'd have a chance with her.

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha was dressed in a black leather jacket and black slacks on her lowerbody with match black leather shoes that seemed sleek and high-end. Her jacket was slim fit to her form and zipped up to her bustline. "My eyes are green, Wade." She said to him in a disinterested voice as she came to sit down on the arm of one of the chairs, her hands folding together in front of her, between them she was holding a crimson envolope that was slightly larger than your average parcel of mail.

"You're right." She said to him then, those same green eyes upon him. "I'm here for you."

She let those words linger in the air between them for a few moments, to let him have his hopes and dreams. Then she'd raise her right hand up and offer him the red letter. "We have mark for you." She told him. "SHIELD that is. All the information is inside."

Nat's eyes glanced over at the nerdy-thing he was watching on his tv. "The pay is slightly above the usual... which should let you keep living this comfortably 'odd' life you've carved out for yourself here in your mother's basement."

She glanced back at him and smirked in that lopsided way that was all her own.

Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool reacted to the parcel with an "Oh, goody, mail!" and gleefully rubbed his hands together like a child. "For some reason, the mailman never comes to my door. I think it's because I answered it buck naked... and I live underground... but if those green guys can get pizza delivered to them, why can't I get Amazon to ship to me?"

He was glad that she was here for him. THere was something about her, almost as if in another life, they might have been married or something. He readily accepted the letter, and for a moment, his hand touched hers as he accepted it. "A mark? Oh, so it's one of those days." Leaning back into the couch as he opened up the letter, he pulled out whatever was inside.

"Mother's basement? I'll have you know, Miss Romanova, and it is Miss, isn't it? Anyway, that this basement costs twenty-two thousand, U.S., per month. It's got a mechanical coat rack, not that I have many coats, a private study, a laboratory where I get to play mad scientist, in fact, I think there's a life model decoy still in there, four hidden exits around the city, a torture chamber, or a sex chamber, I'm not sure what that is. A voice activated zero-tolerance, laser-net security system. Too bad I never remember to turn it on. And the best part, heated cushy toilet seats! They feel ever so good against my bottom. They'd feel nice on your bottom too, I'll bet."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
"Lots of things feel nice on my bottom." Natasha replied to him, after having listened to that rant from the man. "None of which I'll describe to you." She said with a continued dry tone of voice, her gaze leveled on him.

"Twenty two... thousand... dollars, a month." She repeated then. "Why on earth would you bother spending that much money on a place that you clearly use less than half of?"

After asking this, she stood up to her full height of an impressive 5'3" and started to look around more, letting her eyes roam around whatever he had decorated the place with.

"This is legitimately the biggest, most expensive, man cave I have ever seen, Wade." She idly commented while shoving her hands into the side pockets of her leather jacket.

Deadpool has posed:
"Not even if I take the job? Oh come on, you could describe one of them, pretty please, with a cherry on top?" Sometimes he could be so childish. His voice was so full of energy, just like the rest of him. Clearly, she thought he was wasting his money. "Oh, I don't know... it's nice having my own fully functional gymnasium. I hardly ever fall of the beams anymore. Like, only one in five."

He might have been taller than her, but he wouldn't underestimate her. She was the Black Widow. She was as badass as hers happened to be good. There was a mixture of both legitimate art, and stuff that made him laugh. Was that a print of the Mona Lisa, or did he actually steal it and have it replaced with a forgery. There were also dogs playing poker. "Yeah, you're right. It could use a woman's touch."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha went toward that Mona Lisa just to look at it and see if it was the real one. But it didn't take her long to remind herself that she had no idea how to spot counterfeit art or not. It did look pretty damn real though... which made her dark red brows furrow a little in thought.

But at Wade's words she turned around to look at him again, hands still inside her pockets. "I'm sure you have a few of them locked away in here somewhere." She said to him with a dry-wit teasing fashion. "Might ask them to help you pick out some softer-color tones and furniture with less... leather."

Natasha walked back toward the living area and looked to the television that the nerdy guy was shouting on the screen of about some nerdy stuff. "What motivates you, Wade Wilson?" She asked him then, while staring at the television. "What makes you get out of bed in the mornings?" She asked then, her eyes now going over to him again.

Deadpool has posed:
That remark actually makes Deadpool laugh. He cackles even. He rolls in his seat laughing, "oh, right, yeah, me, with a woman, here. You're the first woman who's been here since I bought it from the realtor. And the last time I had a date... is personal. You haven't been reading my diary, I mean journal, have you?" With a face like his, Deadpool doesn't date... like, at all. It takes a special kind of woman to put up with that, especially given how zany he can be.

He's kind of given up on that, instead stalking some Irish lass outside her window, and occasionally flirting with people he comes into contact with, but sadly, that's about as far as it goes for the Wadester. His mask made a funny face, almost like one eyebrow was raised. It was neat how his mask was emotive. "Good question. I don't know. Waffles and pancakes usually. But... I suppose, there's hope that life will get better. That one day, I won't be alone, won't be covered in scabs, which eventually, somebody will come up with a cure to cancer besides a regenetive healing factor."

"Plus, I don't have to do a lot of work, get to set my own hours, I have this bachelor pad... thins could be worse. I could be alone and poor. That'd suck balls!"

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha sat down on the arm of the chair again as Wade prattled on and she just stared at him with her chin tilted up ever-so-slightly so that her eyes were looking just a little 'down' at him while he talked on and on.

"I see." She said then, sounding unimpressed. His humor didn't bounce off of her head, Natasha jus tdidn't laugh at jokes. She hadn't honestly laughed in... who knows how long. She had fake-laughed plenty of times, especially when on a job where she was having to be 'charming'.

"Let me ask you this then." She started. "If you could have your dashing good looks returned to you... at the cost of that regeneration ability which is allowing you to haul in the kind of cash it takes to pay for this Grandma Boy's basement mancave... would you take that deal?"

Natasha's chin then lowered and her gaze leveled upon him. "Would you take the life of a man with a time limit, over the life of this man you are now that seemingly has none? Just to look 'pretty' again?"

Deadpool has posed:
Deadpool got serious for a moment. It wasn't too often that someone challenged him like this. His jokes were part of him now. His childlike glee had become as much a part of his life as the guns and katanas. But she was trying to cut through his crap, and it kind of unnerved him. He thought about her question, and his silence spoke volumes. Deadpool was known as the merc with a mouth for a reason. The fact that he kept his lips shut, even for a moment, meant that he was truly considering something. "I'd do anything to have a woman like you in my life."

He was lonely, genuinely lonely. Before the cancer, he had a great life. He made piles of cash, got to see the world, had fun, adventures, he was good at it, so he managed to never get shot... or at least, nowhere that he couldn't heal from. He probably got grazed or a flesh wound. Wait, weren't all wounds of the flesh?

Before his powers, he took precautions. He wore body armour. He took his time. But having a healing factor changes ones outlook on life. Just ask Wolverine how he feels about living on while everyone around him grows old and dies. "But, that'd never happen. Besides, healing factor or no, I'm immortal. No afterlife would take me. Funny story, I'm not joking."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasah didn't care for his jokes, not because she didn't find them funny.. he was a very funny guy... but she knew they were a defensive mechanism used to hide what was really going on inside his mind.

She smirked though at what his response was. "You don't even know what kind of woman I am." She said to him dismissively. "You're basing that desire off of 'lust' alone, because my physical appearance makes blood rush to your Littlepool."

Natasha's head shook side to side. "I was lonely once too, you know... I may not be immortal, but I am older than my physical form would make you believe. You're still... young, right?" She asked him. "You're basically still a little puppy. That loneliness will go away in time, Wade. You'll become colder inside. I'm sure of it. It sounds bad, but it isn't all so awful."

She glanced toward his tv, then back to him. "What is bad, however, is meeting someone that you do love, and then out living them or watching them die in front of you."

Deadpool has posed:
"You'd be surprised what I know, Natasha." He said in all seriousness. "And yeah, the lust is there. Littlepool, can we call him Bigpool, so, Bigpool does get a blood rush whenever you're around. But it's not like that." He leaned his head back into his chair. His chicken nuggets had been forgotten. "One sec..." he said, getting up.

Of course, the man was wearing an apron, a mask, and nothing else. She had shown some remarkable comfort not to address it. But when he got up and walked back towards his bedroom, he left the door open by the way, he began changing into beige shorts, red and white flip flops with a stylised Canadian flag, a white t-shirt, and an open yellow and blue Hawaiian shirt over it. He still wore the mask. But so much of that bare skin was exposed. His hands, his shins, and he decided to take off his mask, exposing his face. He was having a good day. He didn't look that bad. But he had bad days where it was much worse. All depends on how his healing factor was doing, and how much stress he was under.

"I'm 34. But I haven't aged a day since I got the healing factor, and I've been told by Death," did he just swoon? His heart skipped a beat at the mention of her, "told me that I was immortal. No afterlife, and apparently there are afterlives. That's a fact. I just... can't prove it. But anyway, there are many afterlives. It seems all religions are real, except scientology. That one's just made up. Where was I, oh yeah, I can't die. No one will take me. And here, no woman will have me. Even if I dated a blind girl, she'd still ask why my skin was all bump and stuff... I'm hot, you're cold, together, we could be lukewarm."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha didn't care if his naked scarred ass was hanging out of his Apron-Outfit as he walked over to his room. She'd seen more disturbing things, at least Wade was a fit man, if scarred and burned-up skin... it could be worse, he could weigh 700 lbs and be all flab and fat...

The redhead sighed when he returned and said these things. "You're just a kid, Wade." She told him. "Thirty four is barely old enough to know how to even do your own taxes." She would smirk at him then. "Besides, you and I would have the longevity of a Peanut Buttercup at a Fat Camp."

Natasha would stand up then and she'd put her hands back into her jacket pockets. "I don't dislike you, Wade. I find the struggle that you face to be endeering. I understand that you want to be with someone who's important to you, but this price you've paid for immortality is making that difficult. I do think, however, someone is out there waiting for you. But you probably won't find them if all you do is sit in your mancave eating chicken nuggets and wallowing in self loathing."

Deadpool has posed:
"So... you're saying we'd have a chance?" He raised both eyebrows, and looked genuinely surprised. She'd consider being with him? Was she okay? He began looking carefully at her hairline, wondering if there might be blood running down. Did she hit her head? Something here didn't compute.

"If you wanna see a Peanut Buttercup have longevity at a Fat Camp, you duct tape it to the top of the flag pole. And that could be us. We could be duct taped." Okay, he was trying, in his own way. And she said his struggle is endearing? That was good, right? "All right, first things first. What does S.H.I.E.L.D. want me to do? Because whatever it is, I'll do it. No conditions. I won't even ask for money."

He tried to look as serious as he could muster. "All I want, and it is entirely up to you, is to go out on a date with you. Give me a shot. You know, if you wouldn't mind. But you can say no. Either way, I'll do it. You don't want me to kill John Bishop, do you? Because that guy's hilarious. The world would be much worse without him."

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha had given up dating years ago. She'd had plenty of men ask her out on them though, many of whom she worked with (naturally) but she'd always turned them down or simply ignored them.

Wade made her smirk and she tilted her head to the side. "I'm ninety six years old, Wade." She told him a dry voice. "I'm the living embodiement of a senior citizen."

Her head would nod toward that red letter she'd brought him. "South American drug lord. Sitting in the middle of his own personal army. Deliver the letter, lay it on his dead body. You know the drill for these. Nick Fury's dream for a better tomorrow."

Natasha turned to leave then, started to walk away. "Once you finish the job, start thinking of where you plan to wine and dine me." She told him, as she moved toward the hallway to whatever served as the front door to this crazy hole he lived in.

Deadpool has posed:
Wade didn't hear her say no. And she didn't ignore him. So that would represent progress in his book. "Ninety-six? And you don't look a day over ninety-five! Besides, that just means you'll get a discount on food, beverages, and movies." He didn't care one iota how old she was.

He looked at the letter, thinking about the job for a moment. Then he saw her start to leave. He liked seeing her walk away, but already missed her. And then he's pretty sure he had something stuck in his ear, as she said yes? "That was a yes?" He asked aloud, trying to confirm it. And then realised, "wait a minute, you didn't tell me which South American drug lord. Do you have any idea how big South America really is? There has to be at least,' he counted on his fingers, "five of them out there. What am I supposed to do, kill them all?" And then he looked at the other side of the letter. It was addressed. Okay, so that solved things somewhat, but then he asked, "how do I contact you when it's done? You never gave me your number?"

Black Widow (Romanoff) has posed:
Natasha was about halfway down the hallway when she heard his questions start, she figured he'd find out that the information was all on the card itself as Fury was pretty thorough with laying out precisely what Wade needed to do.

"I work at the Triskelion in Manhattan, dumbass! Its not hard to find!" She shouted back at him before going for the front door. She paused at the door, stared at his security system and then flipped it on before leaving, glancing back over her shoulder and wondering if that would set him for an interesting night if he tripped it himself...