4103/Log 4103

Log 4103
Date of Scene:	22 March 2018
Location:	Unknown
Synopsis:	Summary needed
Cast of Characters:	Deadwatch, Scarlet Witch

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Deadwatch has posed:
The small abandoned speak-easy turned office and home is not overly lit. Some hurricane candles.. a few mismatched oil lamp... a string of cheap christmas lights hung over the burnished mirror that in turn hangs behind the bar. A beat up jukebox, decades newer than the speakeasy itself, yet still very last century, blinks as it pumps Radiohead's 'Street Spirit' (https://youtu.be/pBnzeG1BvM8) through the room.

Shadows flicker, shifting, because of the candlelight and lamps. The christmas lights blink, some of then burned out already. A cigarette, mostly burned, rests in an old ashtray, it's smoke coiling lazily upwards towards a rickety ceiling fan. a three/quarters empty bottle of something amber sits beside it.

The door to the storeroom that doubles as Nolan's bedroom opens, steamy vapour into the cooler void of the bar. The cripple with the red mop of hair, currently damp, and mismatched eyes limps into the space. He wears no shirt, only his black slacks and legbrace.. Not even his cane. Each step brings a pained wince to the corners of his eyes. But that pain seems to be deeper than his usual pain, like it is more than just steps paining him..

His exposed torso, still gleaming from dampness, is a canvas of scars.. brands.. and so many tattoos. No single defining style, not a single culture or myth represented. Many seem mystical in nature, if crude, others seem more mundane..they travel down his back.. his front.. His arms. His right arm is /heavilly/ scarred, his hand almost twisted and gnarled. The hand he usually has gloved.

Making it to the table he he leans heavily on it's edge, taking deep breaths.. and grabs the bottle, lifting it to his lips...

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda is..

It's not long after her encounter with Vision. The strange encounter that found her sitting in the man's lap, trying to seduce him, all the while watching it from within herself as some distant spectator who gradually became more and more aware that this was not what she wanted to be doing but completely helpless to make it stop. Worse, Wanda could tell she'd beenn having more of these moments. Smaller glitches, to be true, but they'd been happening. And try as she might, all she could pinpoint about it all was that something was wrong. Something was profoundly wrong, only when she tried to focus on it, her head hurt and things seemed to slip sideways and away.

Whatever it was, it was going to need dealing with, but first she was going to have to figure out not only what it was, but how to keep it from continuing. Not fix it or undo what had happened - at least not in the strictest of senses - but to keep the damage from growing larger.

Only even before that, what she needed was help. Not help to find and fix (not yet, at least), but help to ground and refocus her. Someone who wasn't Vision and a reminder of her mortification.

Her father came to mind, only.. Only how would she tell him? There were bits of this Wanda wasn't ready to share with her Papa. Not yet. Which left the one other person she knew might be of use (help, she corrected herself, struggling to put boundaries back into the being of herself, help), or at least good for a cigar and a stiff drink or three.

It was a measure of her unrest that those errant thoughts tacked onto her choices didn't disturb her, and in fact, may have helped swing her decision for Nolan insted of Magneto.

Which is how Wanda found herself in Nolan's apartment, looking about with eyes that were both wide and appreciatively approving.

Deadwatch has posed:
The moment she materializes behind him, or whatever she does, in his bar Nolan stiffens. The medium's scarred shoulders tense and he lowers the bottle from his mouth, licking his lips and clenching his eyes tight. "Damnit you guys. One night. One /fucking/ night of peace. You promised you would stay outside and keep everyone else out too. For one FUCKING night!" he says and slams the bottle down on the table as he turns on the sturrup of his legbrace to face..

Not Ember. or Gil. Or Naya. Or any of his cotorie.

Wanda.

The psychic blinks at her, his eyes slightly bloodshot, and frowns slightly before wiping a hand over his brow. "Well.. Sorry 'bout that.." he murmurs and wavers a little. He squints at her as if he can't keep her quite in focus, like she is somehow.. blurry.. Fuck it. He picks up the bottle again. "You become a doctor or somethin'? because you sure make house calls a lot.." he grouses, crossing one arm over his chest.. perhaps a bit self conscious. He has the build of someone who spent too much of his life frail and hungry and sick, depsite how he has filled out... Think Trainspotting junkie..."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
She's mostly her. Or almost her. Well, it's her, only.. It's complicated.

"No," she murmurs softly. "I am not the doctor, but we could play that you are."

Wanda has presence of mind enough to wince slightly as she says that, eyes narrowing down to an apologetic squint. "I am sorry. I did not mean to say that." Only the shift and blur of her clarifies for a moment, the edges of her solid and true on the spiritual plane, which might suggest that's less true than she's allowing.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight could easily think it's his own VERY slight drunkeness (and self medication) that is blurring her outlines right now. So lets go with that excuse for now, shall we? He raises a brow, unsure if he /heard/ her right, though, but then shrugs it off and sips straight from the bottle of Cheval Noir Rum, before wiping is lips with the back of his hand.

"Right.. You didn't mean to say that.." he echoes her, though blushes a bit and teh arm not crossed against his chest hangs to his side, still holding the bottle by the throat. Strangely, the rest of the room doesn't seem as blurry as she does, and he tries to concentrate more on her.. but can't quite focus.

"But hell, you don't need to apologize.. I mean, I don't remember quite what happened last time.. but I have a feelin' I should be apologizin' to you..."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"You did say you did not like me that way," Wanda says quietly, supplying what he does not remember - or at least what it was she came to understand of what he'd said that evening before she'd gotten scolded by that ghost with the message from her mother. And even as she remembers that, Wanda has to admit to herself (lest she be scolded by her own inner dialogue, or worse, receive another mess from mom) that that's not *quite* what Nolan had said at all.

Her inner self, and the self that is behaving for the moment, but had been the impetous for sitting in Vision's lap, both share smug aggreement on that admission Wanda makes to herself.

Which leaves the woman to tell herself, "You stop that. Leave me to be to do this alone." Whatever 'this' is.

She seems singularly unphased by the scarring of his chest, or even that he's half-naked at all. Even if most of what he's known of her in the personal and intimate would suggest she should be blushing or shy about it ll. In fact, it's of so little regard to her that Wanda takes up an uninvited perch on the end of his bed. She's still in the seductive getup that she'd worn while sitting in Vision's lap, complete with the scant attention to fastening of buttons.

Without an iota of accent or cadence, arm held out for his bottle, "Quit hogging the bottle."

She doesn't ask for a cigar, though. That just appears in her other hand, already properly lit and attended to.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight frowns, and looks to be thinking furiously.. like he is trying to remember just what he said.. How he said it.. what the exact circumstances were. Was he drunk at the time (probably). Medicated? (most likely). In pain? (always). He can remember glimmers, slivers, and that partial memory just makes him flush even more. "To be fair, Wanda, I don't remember /everything/ I said last time. So you will have to forgive me, ya know, if I can't agree with you.. or deny it." Yeah, that shold eb safe. of curse, he doesn't remember Ember posessing him that night either, so...

For a moment, as both her 'selves' smug.. that out of synchness in her image makes Nolan's head hurt even more now and he rubs again at his brow. When she speaks to herself, well...?

"Talking to yourself?" he asks, a bit supsicious now, but slowly hands her the bottle she asks for. "Thats my schtick, you know. The schtick to make people think I'm a nutcase. Not that I'm /not/ a nutcase, I just like to reinforce the perception." he says dryly... As she takes the bottle he picks up a crumpled pack of smokes from the table and slips one between his lips. "What what the hell is going on? I didn't see you as the booze-swilling, cigar-smoking, talking-to-yourself type..." he uncovers his chest just long enough to cup his smoke and a black flame appears, which he uses to light it with a few puffs. A glint of silver flashes on his chest, on his left nipple... which he promptly covers with his free hand before removing the smoke form his lips and exhaling.

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda gives a pained expression. "Not so much the talking to myself as trying to keep myselves in check. It's not so easy to explain." Except, perhaps to him? Really, if the girl would stop stressing so much about herself she'd likely not have run into this particular problem to begin with, however, she does worry, and she did.

The bottle is taken and Wanda takes a swig, using the back of her bottle holding hand to wipe her mouth. "You shouldn't hide that. Looks good on you." That being the nipple ring, and the fact of saying it has Wanda sighing and closing her eyes, shaking her head. "I am so sorry." Her cheeks flush a pretty pink. The cigar in her other hand doesn't drop an iota of ash, even though the end pulses red on and off.

"I am having the problems, and it is making it hard to keep myself under control," she explains, her accent flitting in and out. "So the bits are making themselves to be heard. It is easier if I try to not fight it so much, only it will be saying the things like that."

Wanda looks apologetic again, and it's clear 'like that' means things like she said about the nipple ring.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight 's mismatches go a bit wider, then he quickly looks away... mumbling as his pale cheeks become red as beets. Smoke still between his lips both hands, godo and bad, are now tucked under his armpits as he tries to cover himself better.. "Yeah, fine.. yer sorry. maybe I need to put a shirt on or somethin.." he grumbles around the cigarette, though makes no move to get said shirt since it is in his 'bedroom'. Too self concious to uncover himself, too stubborn (and shaky) to get his top. The jukebox whirs as it changes discs.. Halsey's 'Gasoline' (https://youtu.be/1S5NDIc1_3U)

HE finally turns toface her, more or less, after she takes a swig and explains her problem.. or problems... and notes her flush, which makes him flush even MORE.. it's sort of a self perpetuating cycle of embarrasement. "So whut yer saying is you're not eaxtly of one mind a the moment.. or, better yet.. not exactly harmonious in spirit.." he tells her. "Like a guitar out of tune... Well guess what, babe.. That's the human condition." he says with a bit of bitterness and pain. "I remember you deriding me about my taking medication and drinking last time.. Well hoo-hah, toots. Now you know why." It may not be the sme circumstances for her, as him, but he is almost NEVER in tune with himself or others.. That is the nature of his circumstances, every day of his life. " Sometimes you fight it... sometimes you give in to it.. But once in a while you need to do neither and step away from it /all/."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda regards Nolan from the end of his bed - cigar in one hand, bottle of scotch in the other. With her peasant blouse and flirty skirt, and all the rest of her getup and presentation, it's hard to peg her as either the naive innocent she's been with him before, or the powerful sorceress she's displayed she can be. And none of it fits with the subdued and non-affected way she's speaking to him - no barrier of sweet and innocent to hide behind. Only something more real, despite the blurring around her edges.

"A little, perhaps? Only it is more like, I try so hard to not be what I could be.."

His derision and boo-hoo draws her up short and causes her to first blink at him, then deliver a pointed glare his way. "I did not want you to hurt yourself! It is not the same at all." Cheeks carrying that delicate pink back into scarlet. "I did not want you to hurt yourself," she repeats, suddenly dropping her gaze to her lap, hands - still full - resting on her thighs, patiently waiting for her to decide to remember what they carry.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight leans back, sitting his ass on the edge of the old table.. The wood creaks a little and the pain in even that movement, that slight bending of his legs, is evident in his mismatched eyes as he regards this scarlet sorceress a few moment, as if trying the gauge her.. to read her... trying not to make himself too readable..

"Thats the problem with resistance, babe. The more you resist something, the more it tries to resist your resistance." he tells her, then pulls a hand from it's place under his arm and takes the cigarette from his lips and taps the ash off.. and raises a brow as she glares AND blushes... and he then looks away again, unable to face her.

"It is exactly the same thing, Wanda.." he says hoarsely. "I know lotsa people that say running away is the worst thing they can do.. But sometimes you can't take a side.. Sometimes you can't accept OR fight.. sometimes you need a moment's.. a moments silence, regardless of the cost." he tells her, then stubs out the cigarrette. "Whats the difference if I hurt myself and if being who I /am/ hurts me? I'll tell you the diffeence. It's that at least when I hurt myself it is /my/ choice. It may not be a good choice. It may not be an acceptable choice. But it is /mine/. If I gotta pay the price for it later, so be it. I paid it willingly. Just like I always do."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"It is not the same thing!" Wanda says forcefully, her voice carrying notes of a foot stomp within it. No stomp, but one can picture it perfectly. How she'd stand there, hands rested upon hips, and one foot delcately and obstinately picked up and placed down with a *bap* of foor and *harumph* of sound, along with a protest.

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
In the middle of her foreheaad
And when she was good,
She was very good,
And when she was bad, she was horrid.

Wanda, unleashed, could be a very terrible thing.

But it isn't unleashed that she is here, it's.. perhaps it's best to say she's authentic. That somehow, despite the blurs and shifts, there are notes of authenticity that struggle between it all and leave no question that his words are not just hitting their marks, but quite possibly realigning her. Or, at the very least, are giving her moments within the safety of this space to be more of who she is than her normal reality allows her.

More than she allows herself in her normal reality.

"I'm.. I'm afraid of what I might do. Or could do. And it isn't the same. You hurt and I can't make it better. Not just because it hurt you when I tried, but because it is you. It would be like.. like taking my Papa's powers from him. I could do it, but then he would not be himself."

She sighs, and glances at what she holds in her hands, allowing herself a faint smirk. "I was thinking I would like to visit you for a drink and a smoke. Mostly because there were these thoughts in my head. So I came. For that, and because you would listen and not tell me lies."

She lifts her head to regard him, eyes clear, and the flushing fading, "I did not want to see you hurrt yourself because I like you."

There. She'd said it. For whatever value of truth it encompasses.

Deadwatch has posed:
The more she speaks, the more she /expresses/ the /clearer/ she becomes.. The more her aura, her soul, comes into tune with the rest of her.. He knows so little about her, except what little she has shared both conciously and, in a lot of ways, unconsciously. He knows she hurts.. that she is confused by the world.. That there is a great and terrible, lets call it 'potential' deep in her that could herald such glory.. or horror.

"You think you are unique in that, toots?" he scoffs, pushing to his feet, standing straighter and dropping his hands to his sides, flushed with exhasperation and.. more. "We /all/ are afraid of what we can do.. and can't.. And especially of what we /could/ do. But you have to /accept/ it that not all your choices will help people, that you will hurt people. Sometimes you /have/ to cause pain to help people. It sucks. But that's life. And guess what, little miss witch? You can't change /everything/ even if you think you can. You may think you can, and you may even think you suceededed, but like the old saying goes.. The /more/ things change..." he lets that trail off..

And he looks away one more time, flushing a deep crimson that climbs down his cheeks.. his neck.. spreads across his chest as she tells him why she came.. the reasons.. and he balls his hands into fists.

"Like me?!? What is there to /like/ about me?!?" he says, loudly. "You're a /confused girl/ with unchecked power still questioning her place in the world! I'm a damaged /freak/ who /knows/ his place in the world. You don't know /what/ choices to make. I know what choices I have to make.. A lot of them terrible. You have a chance at a real /future/. I've /seen/ it, In the Dark. You don't need a half dead junkie who talks to the dead influencing you."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
She can see what he's doing, and part of her is very amused by it all, almost smug even - telling her that it's nothing that very dry part of her brain hasn't been saying all along, but noooo, Wanda wouldn't listen. Not that Wanda appreciates either dry part of her brain, or the fact that she knows in many ways she's been silly about a great number of things..

Only she remembers the anger she felt when she'd returned to the city to face down her father. The bright coldness of it, and how it focused her. How powerful she felt. How clear and.. integrated. She had to admit it, she wasn't afraid of what she could do then, she'd merely been intimately aware of what she could do. And the boundaries she would place upon it.

It hadn't been until she'd seen and felt Hope's despair that Wanda had doubted herself. And how every little bit of action she'd taken since of any sort of overt power - beyond locking the artifacts away - had left her questioning herself because, as he said, she couldn't please everyone. There would always be casualties.

She wanted to tell him about her past. Or the things she'd been manipulated into - could still be manipulated into - only, he was right. Hiding in the body of the innocent wasn't helping her control herself. It was only denying herself.

She's not prepared for his outburst, though she lets it wash over her with a calmness that might be a bit terrifying. "I do not know what you have seen. I only know you do not get to decide who I like. And I did not ask to like you. I just do." Her words as calm as the rest of her. Unnmoveable even. "It is okay, though. You, I mean. Only, you are not a freak. Not more than I am. I do not think I get to go find a nice boy and settle down. I can make realities with my mind. Where does a nice boy fit in that?"

Deadwatch has posed:
Well it's a good thing /she/ knows what he is doing because Nolan is just pulling a lot of this out of his ass. Oh, he's being sincere enough. He's not lying to her in any way, even if he i lying to himself somewhat. He isn't a good person. He wants her to know that without saying the terrible things he has done. Still does, sometimes, when The Dark fully takes hold.. But he's honest enough to know it isn't the Dark that makes him DO what he does, it only empowers him.

Choices.

He doesn't know WHAT choices she's made. Hell, he has been willfully ignorant NOT looking into her past. So much so that he has told his ghosts NOT to follow her. Not because he doesn't want to know her, because god knows he does, but because he doesn't want to... doesn't want to... what doesn't he want?

He reaches up and draws his hands down his face, shivering slightly... "No.. No I can't tell you who to like any more then I can.. choose who /I/ like.." he whispers. "And lets not quibble about defintions. I /am/ a freak, Wanda. And damaged. If only you knew how damaged I am.. But I accept that. I accept that I can, have, and will do terrible things.

Scarlet Witch has posed:
There's a slow nod from Wanda as she remains in that calm. It's actually one of the better places for her to be right now, it leaving her the clarity to think past the pain that had her so flustered and losing her grip to begin with. At least for the moment - after all, the wound in reality hadn't gone away. She's just found a way to buffer from its onslaught for a time.

And it's likely just as well she's not following the slew of thoughts swirling in her mind. One supposes that some day it might occur to her to eavesdrop on someone. It certainly isn't outside the reality of what she could do should she put her mind to it, but it's not quite her nature to pick and pry apart the private of others - not when her own private is so very terrifying to herself.

He's considered with the honesty of his own words as her filter. "I am not so nice a person, Nolan. At lest I have not always been so nice. If I am afraid of what I can do, it is because I have seen glimpses of it, and felt it within me. Sometimes I think it would be so easy to just be that thing. To not always struggle so hard."

He's treated to a wan smile.

"You are not a freak to me. You are only who you are, as I met you. You think I did not see those things and know them that first night when we stood in the dark? Did you not feel what called me to that place? It is okay, though. It does not have to mean anything that I like you. Only we were being honest."

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight wishes /he/ was calm because right now he is so terribly OUT of his element that he feels like he is spinning a bit out of control. Which some would say isn't very far from his usual life but.. screw those people, right?

Oh, and he doesn't 'eavesdrop'. He 'participates in a campaign of otherworldly information trading.'

"And thats just it.. glimpses. Possibilities. Possibilities are not /truth/, Wanda. They are not facts. They are might-bes and might-nots. There is no might-be about what I am, what I do, and what I have done. You keep talking about how easy it would be, but what you don't realize is that it can't be that easy, because if it was you woudl have already done it. So that means that no matter how bad you may think you can be, you are /fundamentally/ good."

"I.. I am not."

He takes a deep breath and looks away from her smile. "Just because you can feel evil, doesn't mean you are. I felt exactly what you felt that night. But the difference is, sometimes I am just as evil as those forces were.. So people like you don't have to be.. That is why Im a freak. because I accept that I can be bad.. evil.. so others can stay good. I stand in the dark so YOU don't have to.."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"I took away someone's powers, once. She fell from the air. I did not even care that she would fall when I did it. I did not even think of that. I just made them go." There is a certain regret to her calm now. "That is how it is. It is so easy. I just think of a thing and make it happen if I wish. When I am not calm, or being the Wanda you thought I was, the other is there. It is as much me as the rest. I hear it sometimes, telling me how easy it would be. Only I am afraid, so I do nothing. Not even when I could help for good. Because I do not know how to not want all the power that I have."

The cigar pops out of existence, but the scotch bottle remains, craddled between two hands now.

"But, can I ask, do you say these things to m e because you do not like me and it is easier this way, or because you are afraid to like me?" Smiling ruefully now. "You can not save me, Nolan. That is not your job. Please do not do that. You are taking away my bottle while I take my pills."

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight can hear that regret in her voice and steps closer to her, his limp heavy, his face unreadable.. but his voice is a bit huskier, sympathetic. "You took someones powers.. you say you didn't care.. but you /did/. You did care. Maybe not at that moment, but you/did/ regret. And you still do.." he tells her. "The You keep trying to sepeate yourself.. Between That wanda and this one.. and all the others.. Well guess what, sweetheart. That's the lie you TELL yourself. There /is/ no seperation between 'them' and you. We are all part of The Whole. A ruby isn't a ruby unless it has facets."

He stops, only scant feet away. "You wouldn't be you if you /weren't/ afraid. Thats why you /are/ you. You just need to be honest about WHY you are afraid, not that you are."

Get then looks down at the bottle in her hands, because it is much easier than looking her in the eye. "You don't need a bottle and pills. You aren't me. You are /better/ than me." he says.. "I know I cannot save you but I have to try. Even if that means.. pushing you away.. pushing /everyone/ away." he quickly amends, then closes his eyes. "And if I need to be honest then yes.. it's because I am afraid.. I don't want to sully anyone.. you.. I am not worthy of being 'liked' and.. I don't need to be. SO long as it means you.. and everyone else.. will be a little less tainted.

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"You don't get to make that decision," Wanda says with a soft hiss of breath, throwing the bottle across the room. Where it hits the wall, it shatters, pieces of glass sticking into the woodwork, the bulk of it hitting the floor, while the amber liquid within spreads along the wall and puddles along the baseboard. "You do not get to save me. Or decide if I think you are worthy. You don't like me, I do not care. But you do not be a coward and say it is becuse you are trying to save me."

Again, she glares at him, fully integrated now, at least by the clarity and strength of her, "You would not care to save anyone if you were the monster you want to believe you are. You can not tell me that I cared, that in the moment I did the thing, but I cared, and it makes the difference. Not when you haven't even done the thing and you worry about this dirtying of me. How? How do you dirty me?"

For a brief moment she considers cleaning the mess she has made - making it go away - but only for a moment. Leaving it there focuses her anger. Makes her have to dwell within herself. "Tell me to go and I will leave. But do not give me lies about why you are doing it. Not when I can say light chases shadows away. Now when it seems you are just as afraid that you will lose some of that dark. Not when the real reason you are afraid is you do not know how to like someone because you do not know how to trust anyone, not even yourself. Ask your ghosts."

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight growls now, eyes clenches.. fists clenched.. quivering in front of her.. he would loom if he had the stature and build for it, but since he isn't, ergo, he doesn't loom... "I am /not/ a coward. being afraid isn't cowardly!" he exclaims, then throws his hands up. "I dirty /everyone/, Wanda. Thats what I do. Do you understand. I use people, beings, the wicked and the damned, to exact wrath. I /kill/! I have killed people. I will kill /more/ people. I am not just the speakeer for the dead. I exact /vengence/ for the dead. I cannot call it justice. I want to. part of me believes it is justice, but I /know/. I know and I STILL do it. So you and others don't have to take that final step. Thats what makes me a monster. because I care and I still DO what others cant. Not because they are unable, but because I don't want them DAMNED! I don't want them, you, to stain yourselves more than you have to. I was born of The Dark, I will bear The Pain. I am used to it, so what is more? I cannot atone for what I have done.. what I will do.. But I /will/ be damned if I let anyone have to atone for more than they.. you.. have to"

He trusts around and leans on the table, breathing hard.. unable to face her at all. "You truly /are/ light, Wanda.. Just like so many others. But light doesn't chase Dark away.. It just /highlights/ the shadows.. I don't want to shadow your light.."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda's features soften some, for all the glimmer of her anger remains behind, though it is a stubborn now. "Darkness does not eat up the light. It is absense of light that creates the dark. You can not shadow me. Not ever."

The rest she has no real answer for, and with a wave of her hand, his wall is as it was before she got here. Bottle, glass, stain of wet. All gone. It's just a wall. Just his room. No longer a testament to her protests.

"You keep saying you do not want to dirty me. Or shadow my light. But you do not say you do not want me."

Her hands fold in her lap and she regards them in silence before whispering, "You can not damn me, Nolan. I will not kill for you. But I would kill for myself."

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight cannot turns, his back to her still.. the ink on his back seemingly darker then before, like it is running but.. not. "You do not get it.. The Light cannot exist without The Dark, but the Dark /can/ exist without the light.." he whispers. "It is the aegis that protects the light from.. Nothing." and the way he says it, Nothing is /more/ than Nothing.

He takes another shaky breath. "I cannot damn you, but you could damn yourself if you followed my path, Wanda. if I influenced you. You may not kill for me, but I would kill for you.. I would kill for anyone with a sliver of innocence. Which is why should push you away.. But I can't. because as much as I want to make that choice for you, I cannot do it.

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"It is you who do not get it, Nolan," Wanda says quietly, thumbs and index fingers steepling upon themselves. "Without the light, dark may exist, but it can never get lighter either. Maybe as much as you wish to save the innocence you can, I wish the same. You would not care so much if there were not that within you. The dark does not cry out and ask what it is, not unless it recognizes the light."

She lifts her head now, and casts her gaze upon his back, watching the darkening ink with a certain curiosity.

"I would kill for others, to protect them. When I say I would not kill for you, I mean only that I have been used that way before by those I have loved. It is also why I say that I am not all you think. It is, every day, a decision to be in the Light. Just as you always decide for the light. You may be of the Dark, and in it, but you decide for the light. You have said it yourself. Anyone with a sliver of innocence. You do not kill the innocence because you abhor it. You kill for the innocence because you recognize it, and even if it can not be you, you wish it to exist."

There's a hesitation to her that comes after his admission that he can't push her away. "And if I do not wish to leave, Nolan? What then? You say you will not push me away, but what if I do not leave?"

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight is very quiet for a moment.. then there is a painful sound.. He ignores the endless debate about dark and light.. because really that is a philosophical debate which, no matter their knowledge, is something they can never truly know or express because despite their power.. they are mortals. And, being morrtals, they both no pair.. which Nolan is epxressing right now.

"I do not abhor innocence because I was /never/ innocent. I never got to /be/ innocent/ I don't know what I never had, but I know what people will become if they lose theirs.. and I cannot. I cannot bear..."

He lets out a muffled sob."I want innocence to exist.. I want /you/ to exist.. I don't /want/ you to leave, but I am afraid.."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda nods with a certain and small amount of understanding.

"You believe I will become less if I am.." her head cants to one side, thoughts drifting off. "See? I do not understand. All you can do is.. If I go, I am still the same person who will be. The mistakes I make will still be the same. I do not understand how you save me by sending me away."

And she doesn't. Endless discussion about the philosophy of light and dark, all she knows is that he is much more than he believes himself to be. The muffled sob of him telling her this more acutely than any words themselves could.

It is with simple ease that she gets up, and wraps her arms about him from behind, laying her head on his shoulder. A gesture of compassion and comfort. "Did you never think that maybe that day it was us for a reason? You are what you are, Nolan, just as I am what I am. The accident of us meeting.. It is not a thing that reality suffered lightly. I would feel it if that were so. I would not look at you and wish to see you again. I would know. I would."

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight tenses, almost flinches, as she wraps her arms around him.. Not a reaction of someone disdaining another but of someone not used to physical contact.. Someone afraid of contact because they have no experience with it.. Do not know, nor remember, what it is to be touched or to feel another's warmth. For all his friends, his coterie, the spirits lives amongs.. they are all cold.

But she isn't cold.. and that scares him so much.. Like her own fear about control, or lack thereof.. He is afraid he doesn't know how to be warm, how to deal with it.. no matter how much he would, or has, denied such a fear.

He trembles against her, his shoulders shuddering.

"I don't know.. how.. I would save you either by sending you away.." he whispers.. "But I have done it so much.. I don't know about fate.. Fate is something that happens at The End. Not During. I..just don't want to.. I don't want you hurt because I did something terrible."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda shushes him softly, much like a mother to a child, though it's less maternal than merely the language of comfort she gives. At this moment, that is what he needs, and it is easy enough for her to offer it.

"Maybe for you it happens at The End. Unless you mean what happens to the brightness of us when we die. And I do not mean that. I mean..I feel reality, Nolan. It feels me. I can't explain it except to see I do not feel the fear when I am with you. You make me feel strong and whole. Like it is safe to be strong and whole in stead of hiding in shadows."

Somewhat ironic given the argument they've just been having.

She is a wall or warmth and strength behind him, merely allowing herself to be the solidity he trembles against. Like a willow in a windstorm, bending under the onslaught; tough to tear down. Merely allowing things to occur around her. Or, as it is now, them.

"I am not leaving. At least not now. Not when you need me. The rest? The rest we worry about a different time."

The head on his shoulder leaning into his neck.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan almost falls back into her embrace.. still shivering like he is so cold.. like he is so cold and his boy NEEDS warmth. Or maybe it's his soul, with that Dark void within it that needs it. He takes a shaky breath, biting his lower lip... So much confusion.. so many certainties not so certain.. So much he doesn't understand and so much he is afraid of..

"As much as I try.. even I cannot explain everything so.. why shouldn't you be the same.." he whispers.. "I don't know how I make you, or anyone, stronger.. All I know is.. I.. I don't want you to go... but.."

"I don't know how.. to ask you to stay.."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
There's a trill of something that can only be called laughter from the woman, her arms forming a tighter band about him as she does so to let him know no harm was meant.

"I think you just did," she says softly of asking her to stay, though it's not like she has any idea what he does or does not mean by staying. It does occur to her that he is cold. Not that he is sucking the warmth from her, but those shivers...

"I do not mean this to be the come on, but should you need blankets? You shiver."

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan's flush has spread to his back and despite his coldness.. he feels warmth as well.. Probably just the embarrasement, right? "Y-yeah.. I guess I just did.." he admits, voice still raspy, maybe tinted with a bit of self depreciating humor. "Thats a first..."

He then shivers again and looks over his shoulder at her, then the doorway to the storeroom. "I'm shovering because I am.. shirtless.. standing in a mostly unheated basement.." he reminds her.. "My blanket.. is in the back room.. Can you.. uh..." he closes his eyes. "Can you help me get there? No.. come on, intended." he whispers.

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"Well, you can not do a thing a second time if you do not do it the first."

Ever so sensible now that she's not falling apart and it seems the bulk of their argument has hit, if not a mutual agreement, at least a detente.

"Come. We will get you in the bed, and all the blankets. How many do you think we will need?"

She's not the one who is cold - he is. And as far as blankets go, in this, she's willing enough to cheat. To provide what is needed. Though she does not wait for his answer to start helping him to the bed. She won't try healing him again - she'd learned from her last time - but there were so many other thigns she could do, including leaving him the bulk of his dignity, even if that, too, could be dispensed with and she carry him even as she had Thor when he challeneged her.

She's content to be a crutch of support, though, tougher than she seems when it comes down to it.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight has to chuckle, even if it is only a little, as she leads him back to the door..into the old storeroom that he converted into is sleeping chamber. It is.. cozy.. barely large enough to fit the queen sized mattress and the night table. "Well that stands to reason.. Two comes after one, right?"

The bed is covered in many blankets, probably because the underground place isn't well heated.. Each one is old but clean, mismatched in designs. At it's edge he allows her to help him sit.. Dignity be damned.. not like he ever had any before, right? He winces, of course, as he had to bend his bad leg but once he is on the sheets he relaxes, at least a little.

"I don't know how many.. It depends on how cold it gets tonight...." he stops and suddenly looks up at her, eyes a bit wider.. "W-Wait.. What do you mean 'we' will need?"

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda is patient with her helping him to the bed, waiting until he's seated before considering the blanket situation. Though his question throws her into a sudden look of confusion. "What do you mean what do I mean 'we'? You did ask me to stay, yes? And you did seem like you needed me to stay. So I stay, no? Yes?"

Though it dawns on her the secondary and tertiary implications of their conversation, and how things might have been not only glossed over, but perhaps ignored or avoided.

"We did not talk about other things. I did not.. that it, it was enough to not assume and let things be what they were." She gives him an apologetic smile, and sits on the edge of the bed next to him. "What are things?" Her words soft and hesitant, prepared for another discussion that neither of them want or can win.

Deadwatch has posed:
Wow, it is amazing how deep a shade of red that Nolan can turn.. it probably helps that he is so pale that any contrast is easily noticeable. "I.. I mean.. yes.. yes you can stay.. I just.. I wasn't trying to a-assume.. you know.." he looks at the bed, that empty space beside him. "Damn.. I wish I had cleaned up a bit.." he says, looking more embarrassed than he ever has now, and for the first time, for a reason he never thought he would have.

He ois and draws his hands down his face as she asks him what 'things' are.. and shakes his head. "Things are.. things.. I mean.. Fuck.. I dunno what things are.. I dunno ow this works. I mean... I understand how THINGS work but not.. things leading up to.. things.. about things..." he rambles.

Scarlet Witch has posed:
There's a tinkle of laughter from Wanda. "If it is cleaned up you want, it is easy. But I am not so worried, no? Only if you want it so."

It seems a time to take a perch upon the edge of his bed, the conversation a seriousness that demands something more solid and less flighty than a hover about him suggests. Watching him as he flusters his way through trying to figure out what he means let alone what they do next.

"I am not so good at this either," she admits. "My sister says you should be with someone you care about or like. That it is a better thing. I do not think she is so worried about how to make things be okay." She sighs, and folds her hands neatly in her lap, at odds with her outfit. "She would know what to do next."

Deadwatch has posed:
It has to be amusing that Nolan, a heavily tattooed and scarred psychic and mage, born and raised on the streets of one of the most dangerous cities in America, and consorts with (or battles) powers beyond the ken of mortals is /completely/ out of his element here. As she sits down he coots back a bit, giving her room (thats what you do, right?), until his bare back is pressed against the brick wall.He takes a deep breat and rests his hands on his lap, working the fingers around themselves with a nervous air.

"Wait, you have a /sister/?" he asks, quickly, eyes going wide. "I mean, I know your dad is still around.. You've elluded to that..And to the fact that he is, like.. powerful.. Is she powerful too? you're not, like.. a family of warlocks or something are you? Not that there is anything WRONG with that..." he quickly adds.. also.. DEFLECTING!

Scarlet Witch has posed:
It's equally amusing in turn that Wanda, no slouch in the realms of power in her own right, is equally flustered by how one proceeds in this situation. Though when he scoots back she can't help a softly voice, and amused, "I do not bite, Nolan." But she understands. It's not something she's terribly sure of herself, and were he being forward she might be the one scooting to the end of the bed. She really doesn't know..

Then again, Thor did kiss her and that wasn't so bad, even if she'd imagined more kisses with someone else.. Nolan as it happened, though she hadn't told that to either her father or her sister when the topic had come up. No, she'd been carefully coy about the matter on that day.

"I do have a sister," she admits. "And a brother. A twin. Pietro." Wanda gives an apologetic little smile. "We are all very powerful, but none are like me. They do different things. Papa is mostly with the metal. And he does convince people to do things. Only that is because he is good with words. People want to make him happy."

And because Nolan is scooted back, she draws her legs up onto the bed and sits crosslegged facing him, hands returned to that innocent fold in her lap.

Deadwatch has posed:
Nolan Voight nods, not looking directly at her, more at his hands.. both heavily tattooed, especially the knuckles with their prison numbers and symbols.. and the left hand where the fingers are slightly twisted.. The hands of a criminal /and/ a cripple.. He quickly pushes them down, between his knees, so she can't look at them, hidden by his pants.

"I didn't think you /would/ bite.." he tells her though.. part of him? The idea gets more consideration then he thought it would. Damn his brain.. damn his TRAITOR BRAIN. if the others were watching right now they would be LAUGHING at him.. Nolan Voight, bad ass who can't even TALK with a woman.. like, TALK talk.. Who hasn't KISSED a women since.. Well, it's a number of years but if he divides it into presidential terms it sounds shorter.. Three terms, beginning the fourth..

Ahem

He has heard every word she has said, even though he is inside his mind panicing. Every single word. "So pretty much.. your whole family, huh.." he says, absentmindedly, not putting the peices together at ALL Who her family is. Oh, Nolan.. You need to watch more TV.. or surf the internet..

"They sound..Like a family, I guess. I mean, not that I know enough to make comparisons..."

Still deflecting. Oh how his main guardian ghost would be facepalming right now..

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Wanda gives a small shrug and sighs, almost dismissively. "I do not know what they are. They are who I know, though. My brother, for a long time, he was all I had. We were.. how do you say, outcasts? I learned that I was a mutant, but when I was little, all I knew was I was wrong. And that I scared people. We were very angry for a long time. It was easy to hurt people because of it."

The admissions are soft, but true. You don't need to be a mind reader to hear the veracity in her voice.

"You?"

Deadwatch has posed:
No, you don't need to be a mindreader, thankfully.. Since Nolan is not one.. Well, not /really/. Sometimes he can get whispers but he isn't THAT kind of psychic. He deals with souls, not minds.. though a lot of the time the two are intertwined somewhat. So right now, at this moment, he can testify to her sincerity..

It's not as easy to answer her question, though.

He looks down at his legs, hands still stuffed between them shoulder hunched.. Starring at the brace on his left leg.., metal and leather straps contrasted by his dark slacks. How to answer that question... He doesn't want to pile on the sob story.. Sure, sometimes that could help him, but.. he doesn't want her pity.. AT the same time, well.. he doesn't want to lie to her either.

"I have no family." he says, still looking down.. the candles making shadows shift around them. "My mom.. she was a hooker.. A junkie. Got knocked up by who knows who.. She had me at the clinic a few blocks over.. Walked out almost right after.. So I never knew her. never found her. Not that i tried to hard. I spent most of my energy trying to survive doctors paid by welfare and the orphanages and foster homes.." He doesn't elaborate, that, but it is clear that there was probably some.. abuse involved. "I ran away from the last home when I was eleven.."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
There's a sad little smile from Wanda. "I was about the same age when Pietro and I ran. We destroyed a village. I remember only not wanting to die. And hurting people. It is hard to remember and know it was me."

She sighs, and looks over at him. "My mother, I do not remember her. It is to say we were raised by others until it was clear that we were wrong. And then nobody wanted us. You think the mutants here had it bad, only where I was from, it was even more bad. We were like the susperstitions. they thought perhaps if they burnt it out of us they would be saved from our bad luck. When my papa found us, he did not ever say who my mother was. I am still not so certain, though I have.. she says she is my mother, only I do not know how."

It's as much of the truth as she can put in a linear fashion without getting into complicated.

"You know it was not your fault, right? You did not do wrong. And there are worse things than selling your body. If we had stayed in the towns and villages of my people, that might have been my fate. You do what you have to to live, Nolan. Your mother was what she was because sometimes life is cruel. But there is no shame to being who you are because of it."

Deadwatch has posed:
His flushed quickly vaporizes, his skin going white. For a moment he think she knows what /he/ did to survive more than once.. to get a place to sleep.. or a fix.. but then realizes she means his mother... and he relaxes somewhat, hoping she didn't notice. "No. there isn't wrong with selling your body. A lot of my best friends growing up and, even now, were prostitutes.. As well as drug dealers.. Not that I utilize either's services.." he tells her, again quickly..

He then sighs and leans back further, the back of his head against the wall as he looks up at the faded glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling. He has no clue HOW they got there.. they were there when he acquired the place."So.. anyways.. were both more then a lil screwed up, aren't we.." he finally says, and closes his eyes...

Scarlet Witch has posed:
She might not have been thinking of him when she said you do what you need to to survive, but that blanching of his skin is all too telling, and it melts her heart. She hestitates, clealry looking like she wants to move closer, but has no clue how to cover the distance between them.

"It is okay, Nolan. I do not mind. Your past, I mean." Even if she can tell it bothers him. And that she doesn't know how to help him through. She knows he doesn't understand how she can like him, and she doesn't know what it is either, only that she has felt, more than once, that she needs to be near him. A tug and a pull between them. And that when she looks at him, she does not see him the way he sees himself.

"Only a little bit screwed up," Wanda smiles, holding up a hand to make the gesture of a smidgeon.

Deadwatch has posed:
Well, he's not moving FURTHER away from her so.. thats good, right? Not like he has anywhere further he could go.. There is a wall behind him. But it doesn't look like he is trying to push himself THROUGH it so.. Good sign!

He finally lowers his head, actually looking directly at her for the first time in a a few minutes.. He bites his lower lip as he regards her.. not with some intense scrutiny but with.. some sort of thoughtfulness. "You really mean that, don't you?" he asks. "Not the screwed up thng.. well that too but..." he takes a deep breath... "You really don't mind..."

It has been so long since he felt the 'tug' towards anyone.. It feels like more than a lifetime ago.. maybe two. No, he doesn't understand how she can like him. He can see why he likes /her/ but.. she is so out of his league.

But.. as much as this scares him.. as much as SHE scares him.. He pulls his hands free from their place behind his knees.. and he offers her his bad hand..

Scarlet Witch has posed:
There's a furrow of confusion that mars her brow when he says she really doesn't mind. "I do not know what I should mind? Even if you did it because you liked it, it did not hurt me, so it is not my decision to be upset with?"

She's not entirely certain how he goes about killing people, but even that she feelins intuitively is not a thing of pleasure. Not in the way of psychopaths. Not in the way, even, that she's seen her Papa enjoy manipulating people. When she tries to put that thought upon Nolan, it keeps slipping away, saying NO. It will not be a garment he wears in her eyes, even if it's sackcloth he thinks he deserves.

"No," she repeats. "I really do not mind. You are still the Nolan that I met. It is part of you, so how would you be any other with me?"

Which seems simple to her. Just as when he offers his hand it's a simple thing so scoot up the bed close enough to take his hand - his bad hand - and hold it within her own soft one.

Deadwatch has posed:
Yeah, he hasn't explained how he kills people.. He doesn't COME off as a Punisher style psychopath, after all, but.. some people can cover that up better than others. Still, there doesn't seem to be an actual psychopathic vibe coming off of him. He doesn't truly ENJOY killing people, for the most part.. Oh, he takes satisfaction when he has to do it, but thats it. Of course when one consorts with the spirits f the dead, maybe their view on death itself and it's causes are somewhat.. different.

His fingers are surprisingly strong, being as damaged as they are.. She can feel the muscles in them, taut and not formed quite right. His hand is not grotesque, but it is not 'normal'..

He carefully, with a wince,intertwines his fingers in hers.. locking them together as best as he can.

"You are... I don't know how to describe what I see when I look at you.. what I hear when I listen to you.. : he whispers. "You say all these things and they make me fel.. scared.. and confused.. heavier.. But at the same time lighter..."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
Satisfaction she understands. There are things you do that need doing that make you feel a rightness, even if they are uncomfortable. It's a thing she is learning - and a thing she fears. In some ways, he understands something she doesn't know how to accept about herself yet. A thing he is right in saying she needs to learn. She'll never be whole unless she does.

her fingers have a strength to them but that isn't the thing about them that he might notice. He might, instead, notice how easily her fingers thread through his and hold his roughness within the softness of her own; how her other hand cups neatly over the both of theirs and hold them there.

Within her hands, his own feels.. like it belongs.

"You make me feel all deep and powerful. And afraid of that. And sometimes not afraid. Like I could stand at your side and face down anything. Like together.."

There's a hint of a laugh, almost self-derisve. "You are so many things, even if you say you do not like you. I want to be like you. Like the you I see." The smile deepens. "Not the dark you keep trying to chase me away with. But the other things. Your soul. How you care about mine. Me. How it is you are so steadfast and so like a wall against the sea. 'I will not fall so that you might be safe'" she intones, her wors deep like a storm at sea. "And inside you are so afraid. But you do it. And it was there I was with another man and he did kiss me and I thought of you. I did not wonder how it would be to kiss him again, I wondered how it would be to kiss you."

Her thumb brushes over their fingers. "My sister said it is better to be with someone you like. That everything else is just things you do. That the liking it what makes it special."

Deadwatch has posed:
Another deep breath, this one to steady his nerves.. nerves that are frazzled beyond belief, not even counting the damaged ones that are always firing, feeding him varying levels of pain. But right now, right at this very moment, Nolan's pain doesn't intensify. It doesn't /stop/ but.. it is more bearable than usual. Maybe it's psychosomatic, or maybe it's the endorphins flooding his brain but...

His cheeks burn again as she.. compliments him..as she seems to almost praise him.. and bares his truth to the world.. that he is afraid. And that she thought of him..

He shivers a little as her thumb brushes his knuckles and he nods, shakily.. and scoots a bit closer. "Your sister.. sounds like a wise girl..." he whispers. "I.. would like to kiss you.."

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"I think a kiss would be good," Wanda says with quiet confidence, thumb doing that gentle little dance along his fingers again. She lets him sit with the rest of what she said without further ado as she knows it's a lot to take in. It was hard to hear him speak of her in a similar fashion. Things she isn't quite sure /are/ her, but she has no argument for.

"My sister is a very silly girl sometimes. But I think this time she is right. Maybe everything is better when it is with someone you like."

The gentle sunshine of her smile is turned upon Nolan. "I do like you."

It's as much an invitation as a statement of fact.

Deadwatch has posed:
Sunshine...

Be it literally or metaphorically, Sunshine is not really a part of his life. He hates the sunlight. It is bright.. it's too warm. It blinds hims. But for every one of those reasons, the sunlight of her smile is something special.. something create. It takes his breathe away to see her smiling at him.. for him. Because of him... That kernel of warmth, threatening to maybe one day become something even brighter.. warmer.. burning..

"I like you too.." he says softly and leans in towards her, not as confident as her.. scared.. but unable to stop..

Scarlet Witch has posed:
"Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind...." **

Peerhaps not that. But kisses are unusual things. They're beginnings. They're endings. They're words when there aren't any. And, like now, they're bridges that build.

Wanda isn't any more confident than Nolan is, even if she'd imagined this very thing. Well.. perhaps not this /very/ thing.. time and location may have been different when she pictured it in the past, but all that really mattered were the participants.

When he leans in towards her, she leans in likewise, closing the gap, until if neither of them stops, the inevitable happens and lips meet lips in a gentle bump of surprised connection. It's a thing that takes her a moment to recognize has happened, and a moment longer to do anything about it other than allow her lips to touch his. She remembers, though, remembers to move her own gently against his before drawing breathlessly away.

**William Goldman, The Princess Bride